呆逼还愿人（2014）

See? You were right.That Pacalioglu guy
看见没?你说对了 那个叫派克刘咕噜的家伙
was there the day before your séance.
确实在你的降神会前一天出现了
I knew it! But there's more.
我就知道! 我还发现了其他的
Right when they entered the gallery,
正当他们进入美术馆时
the camera stops recording.
监控就不好使了
That must have been when they tampered the lights bulbs.
他们肯定就是那个时候弄坏了电灯泡
What else do we know about this guy?
我们还掌握了这个人的其他信息吗?
It seems he's fashioned himself a little ghost hut
貌似他把一个废弃的报刊亭打造成
out of an abandoned newsstand.
一个小小的幽灵屋
What are you scheming?
这家伙在策划什么?
What's going on inside that chubby brain of yours?
那颗肥硕丰满的大脑袋里都塞了些啥东西?
Yes! Three hours without moving!
屌♥爆啦!三小时一动不动!
A new record! P.R. it all over the place.
新纪录 耶耶!这记录完爆整条大街啊
To the victor go the spoils.
让胜利的喜悦沸腾起来吧
Oh, what...?
哦 搞毛啊...?
Aah! Oh, God! Aah!
啊啊!啊 妈妈呀! 啊啊啊!
Hey, buddy.
嘿 伙计
What are you supposed to be?
你是个什么鬼?
You're like a little blob creature?
你像是 "一坨"生物?
Chips.
给点薯片吧
No. No, no.
不 不 不行
This is living people food.
这可是活人的食物
It won't take.
你不可以吃 求求你嘛?
Please?
求求你嘛?
Oh, cute. Okay, fine. Fine. Here.
嗷 被你萌化啦 好吧 行 行 给你吃
Yay!
耶!
Whoa! How are you eating that?
我去!你特么还可以吃这东西?
Bye.
债见
Oh! Hey, no!
哦!嘿 别走啊!
Get back here, you little scamp!
给我回来 你这个小怪物!
Come on...
妈蛋 妈蛋 !我的零食呀
I was eating those.
我的零食呀
I don't believe that guy.
真是撞鬼了
Oh, God!
哦 妈蛋!
Excuse me. Hi, there.
不好意思 嗨 泥壕
Oh, hi, there. Oh.
哦 嗨 你好 妈呀
I thought these were classics.
我特么以为这是原味的
But they're flaming hot.
但这是辣味哒
Oh, God. Oh.
哦 天哪 妈呀
Okay, I'm sorry. Okay.
好了 真尴尬 好啦好啦
Here we go.
有什么事儿吗 嗯
Under control. How can I help you?
我好多了 能为你效劳咩?
Well, it says here that you deal with ghosts.
嗯 听说你是灵媒大♥师♥
Is that real or is that like a joke?
是真的吗 还是说就是个玩笑话?
No, that's real.
不 我可是专业的
Why, is it funny?
怎么了 很搞笑?
No, no. And I know funny.
不 不 擅长幽默的是我
I'm Darcy Baldo. I own the Big Apple Comedy Shack.
我是达西 巴尔多 我是大苹果喜剧社的社长
Oh, my God. That is my favorite comedy club in New York.
哦 额滴娘亲啊 那可是我在纽约最喜欢的喜剧社
All right! I've never seen the stand-up
真的吗!我从没看过单口相声
but the chili cheeseburgers are fantastic.
但是辣椒芝士汉堡包是非常的赞
Well, we have the same chef as the Laugh Factory.
嗯 我们和大笑工厂有同样好的厨师
I know.
我知道
Here's the deal. I think my club is haunted.
是这样的 我觉得我的剧场在闹鬼
Oh. The weirdness only happens
哦 怪事发生通常只在
really late at night after I close down.
每晚很晚打烊以后
So I was wondering if you could come by and maybe
所以希望你能来看看
check it out? Yeah. I could swing that.
查一查是怎么回事? 好 我来帮你解决
Oh, fantastic! Great. You don't, by any chance,
哦 太棒了!很好 你不会 一有机会
charge extra for late-night gigs, do you?
就要收深夜出工的工钱之类的吧?
I hadn't actually ever thought of that.
人家都还没考虑到那个问题呐
Uh, good idea. Can I? Ah.
呃 你提醒我了 我要收小费哦? 呃
No. Just forget I mentioned that.
别 当我没说过吧
Bad idea. Yeah.
坏主意 哈哈
Forgotten. Great.
全都忘掉啦 真棒
So I'll see you later tonight.
那么今晚再见
For what?
见啥?
No, no, $50 to see.
不 不 一口价50元
I'm giving you 45. Fifty.
45干不干 50不讲价
It's 45. Take it.
就45了 爱要不要
Isn't that...?
那不是...?
That's my new client, Anal Bead.
那是我的新客户 菊珠
He loves dope.
他爱死毒品了
How you doin', Pac? Good.
最近咋样呢 派克? 挺好
How's business?
生意忙吗?
Everything's great. Can't complain.
一切都挺有序的 没啥好抱怨的
I have a gig tonight at a comedy club.
我今天有一单生意 要去一个喜剧社
It's an all-night thing. I was wondering if you have uppers.
这是个通宵夜战的活儿 所以上你这儿来讨点"精神良药"
Oh. So I'm assuming I'll put this on your tab?
哦 所以我猜我要把我的货放到你的腰包里?
Yeah, or you could put it on my hand.
嗯 或者你可以直接把它放到我手里
Yo, just be careful with that stuff, man.
哟 这东西用的时候小心点啊 兄弟
You know how you get.
你是知道药效的
Okay. All right, might as well get comfortable, huh?
好的 接下来 来来来让自己放轻松 哼?
Sometimes these ghosts can take their sweet-ass time showing up.
有时候这些鬼们兴致来了还会献上一场演出呢
Know what I mean, know what I mean, know what I mean?
懂吗 懂吗 懂吗?
So why don't we rap, huh? What's your name?
为什么不来段说唱 嗯?你叫什么?
We covered that. It's Darcy, isn't it?
我们说到过吧 你叫达西 对咩?
Is it Darcy, is it D'arcy?
是达西 还是达尔西?
No, it's just Darcy. Just Darcy, all right.
不 就是达西 就是达西 好哒好哒
What's your zodiac sign? Any pets? What're their signs?
你的星座是什么?养宠物吗?宠物是什么星座?
How many men have you slept with?
你和多少男人上过床?
Just lock up when you leave. Can do. Can do.
你走后要记得锁门啊 好哒 好哒
Okay. All right. Eee!
好的 就这样啊 咦!
Wow.
哦哦
Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome to the stage,
女士们先生们 掌声有请舞台之星
Buddy Silvers.
巴迪 希尔维斯
Ha-ha-ha! Hi.
哈哈哈!嗨
Thank you. Thank you.
谢谢 谢谢
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much.
谢谢 女士们先生们 非常感谢您的光临
And thank you especially.
还要特别鸣谢你
My wife was the romantic one in our relationship.
在我和我老婆的感情里 我老婆是浪漫主义的那一个
I have to say she said, "Buddy, listen to me".
我有个不得不说的故事 有一次她说"巴迪 听我讲"
I have to say she said, "Buddy, listen to me".
"如果我们死了 我希望我们的鬼魂游荡在
"When we die, I want us to come back us ghosts
"如果我们死了 我希望我们的鬼魂游荡在
and haunt the place where we had our first date."
我们第一次约会的地方"
I said, "honey, I sold that car years ago."
我说 "亲爱的 那辆车我都卖♥♥了好多年啦"
We'll just do our date, let me tell you.
我们还是继续约会吧 让我来告诉你
I finally figured out the secret to a happy marriage.
我终于知道了幸福婚姻的秘诀
One of you has to die, huh?
那就是其中一人必须死掉 不是吗?
My wife wasn't much of a cook, you know what I mean?
我妻子不是个厨艺太好的人 懂我意思不?
But she did have a tuna casserole that was to die for.
但她确实有一个可以为之献出一切的金枪鱼砂锅
I found out the hard way.
我终于找到了变幸福的方法
How do you think I got here?
不然你们觉得我是怎么来这儿的?
Thank you very much. Thank you, everybody.
谢谢 非常感谢 谢谢大家
I'm Buddy Silvers. I will be here all week.
我是巴迪 希尔维斯 这周都是由我驻演
And the next week and the week after that.
下周和下下周 是我 是我 还是我
I'll be here for eternity.
我永远会在这儿为你们演出
Good night, everybody. Thank you.
大家晚安 谢谢你们
Oh!
哦!
It's funny because it's true.
故事因真实而精彩
Oh-ho. Hey, thanks, Jim. Oh, yeah.
哦-哦 嘿 谢谢 吉姆 哦 是的
Hi, uh, Buddy?
嗨 呃 巴迪你好?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you
很抱歉 我不是想要打扰你
but I wanted to come over and tell you that that was really,
但我只想说 你的表演真的
really something. You kidding? The crowd was dead.
特牛逼 特精彩 你特么在逗我?观众都是死人
Thank you very much.
谢谢你的节奏
That guy never takes a break, huh?
那个帅哥都不休息的吗 嗯?
So listen, do you mind if I sit down?
那么 介意我坐你旁边不?
Suit yourself. Thanks.
随意 谢谢
My name is Kevin Pacalioglu and I'm actually a medium.
我叫凯文 派克刘咕噜 我是一个灵媒