呆逼还愿人（2014）

第一季第八集
呆比还愿人
Can you say "newspaper"?
你会说新闻报纸吗
No, that sounds like "newsraper."
不对,这听起来像新闻爆菊
Say "news." News.
跟我念"新闻" 新闻
"Paper." Raper.
"报纸" 爆菊
Nah, it still sounds like "raper."
不对啦, 还是像爆菊
Ah, you know what? I got an idea.
啊 你造吗 我有个主意
Let's try something else. Look at this.
咱来试点别的吧 瞧这个
Can you say "peach"? Peach.
你能说"桃子"吗 桃~子
Peach. You said it. Do you want it?
桃子 你说出来了 你想吃吗?
Do you want to eat the peach?
你想吃个桃子吗?
All right, here we go.
好嘞 走你
Oh, my gosh.
噢 我的老天爷
You devoured that thing.
你可真是狼吞虎咽
Oh, I wish I had more peaches. That was my lunch.
我要是能再有几个桃子就好啦 这可是我的中饭
Customer. Bye.
来生意啦 白
Hi.
你好
You're the guy who gets rid of ghosts?
你就是那个驱鬼的人?
Um, I deal with ghosts, yeah.
我是做鬼买♥♥卖♥♥的 对
Okay, look, I have a gig for you.
听着 我这儿有个活
My father just died, and I found out
我爹刚死 我发现
that he was keeping a secret apartment in midtown.
他在城里有个秘密公♥寓♥
And I would like to hold onto it.
我想接手
The secret? No, the apartment.
秘密? 不 那个公♥寓♥
Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in great location,
噢 好 行啊好啊干呐 那公♥寓♥位置绝佳
it's rent controlled. The only problem is
租金公道 唯一的问题就是
I went in there and there was this, like,
我去那儿的时候觉得那儿 有阵
evil cackling coming from inside the walls.
邪乎的笑声咯咯咯得从墙里头传出来
Yeah, okay. Had you told any jokes?
这样啊 你讲了个段子?
Uh, no.
呃 才没
Maybe it was a nervous laughter.
或许那是因为紧张发出的笑声吧
Right. Look, it doesn't matter.
行吧 你看 这不重要
If you could just look into it, that would be top-notch.
你要是能过去调查一下自然是极好的
You got it. Yeah. Here's the address.
请好吧您嘞 这是地址
The manager will let you in. Tell him I sent you.
管♥理♥员♥会放你进去的 就说是我让你去的
Let me know when you find something and we can talk money.
你要是发现了什么就告诉我 我们再来谈谈酬劳
Oh, yeah, before you take off,
好 趁你还没走
do you want a candy bar or something? I got...
想不想来包糖啥的 我这有...
No, no. This looks terrible.
不 不了 这看起来真闹心
Okay, well, to each theirs own.
他们其实棒棒哒好伐啦
Well, thank you for letting me in, Mr. Mosalata.
毛邋遢先生 谢谢你让我进来
Please. Taro.
叫我大罗
So Jeremy said his dad rented this place.
杰瑞米说他爹租了这儿
Did you know him? Nah, never met him.
你认识他么 不认识 从来没见过
He'd been here for 40 years or something.
他在这儿住了40年左右
Well before I started.
我来这之前他就住这儿
What about paying rent?
那他怎么付的房♥租
Every month a rent check would slip through the vent
每个月会有张支票从通风口滑下来
and land on my table.
落在我桌上
Until about three months ago when the rent checks stopped.
直到三个月前 支票没再出现
So I came up to check on the guy,
所以我上来看看这家伙怎么样
make sure he wasn't dead. Sure, yeah, yeah.
确认下他是不是翘辫子了 是啊 必须啊
He didn't answer, so I let myself in.
他没应门 所以我就自己开门进去了
But it was just...
但这房♥子吧...
like this.
就像这样
Like no one had been here in decades.
好像几十年都没人住过似得
Well, I can see why Jeremy liked the place so much.
好吧 我知道为啥杰瑞米说他老稀罕这房♥子了
Well, I'll leave you to it. Yeah, thanks, Terry.
我就不打扰你了 好 谢啦 大瑞砸
Taro. Uh, yeah.
大罗 呃 恩
Well, that's stuck.
艾玛 卡住了
Gotta be a he-man or something.
希曼啥的才有劲打开
"Herro"?
哈罗啊
What about this guy?
这家伙是个啥
Oh, it's hinged to the...
哦 这连着...
Oh.
哦
Awesome.
屌♥爆了
Oh, cool.
噢 帅尿
That's awesome.
屌♥炸天啊
Whoa.
哇哦
Herro.
哈罗啊
Hey. That's my line.
嘿 这是我的台词
What is this place, huh?
这是啥地儿啊 啊?
It's my office.
我的办公室
Uh, who are you?
呃 你哪位?
Master inventor, Rube Goldberg,
大发明家 鲁布·戈德堡
perfected the art of creating complicated machines
完善了用复杂机械完成
built only to complete a simple task.
一个简单任务的艺术
His intention was to point out man's capacity
他意图激发人们用最最复杂的功夫
for exerting maximum effort to accomplish minimum results.
完成最最简单任务的能力
Rube Goldberg.
鲁布·戈德堡
Now do you know who I am? Yes. Yeah.
现在你知道我是谁了吧? 对 知道了
Obviously you are the guy who invented
很显然你就是那个发明了
all those Rube Goldberg machines.
鲁布戈德堡机器的人
Close enough.
很接近了
Whoa-ho-ho. Well done, sir.
哟嗬嗬 干得漂亮 先生
Hi. Uh, sorry, my name is Kevin Pacalioglu.
嗨 呃 不好意思 我是凯文·派克刘咕噜
I've been waiting for someone like you, Kevin.
我一直在等着你呐 凯文
I've been waiting for the past 40 years.
我已经等了40年
I need your help. With what?
我需要你的帮助 帮啥子?
Finishing one final machine.
完成我的最终大作
The greatest Rube Goldberg machine of all time.
史上最牛逼闪闪鲁布戈德堡机器
My grandfather?
我爷爷?
Yeah. Yeah, apparently this was Rube's secret office.
对头 很明显这房♥子是鲁布的秘密办公室
He put it under your dad's name so no one would bother him.
他把公♥寓♥归于你爹名下 所以就没人去烦他了
Your dad didn't even know.
你爹都不知道这事
Wait, Rube Goldberg died in the 1970s.
等下 鲁布·戈德堡上世纪70年代就死了
How does a ghost pay rent for 40 years?
一个鬼怎么能交房♥租交40年
That's the coolest part. Rodrigo here
这说起来就屌♥爆了 这位罗追钩
was holding down the fort the whole time.
在这儿坚守阵地
How is that even possible?
这怎么可能啊
Oh, Jeremy, let me drop a little avian knowledge on you.
哦 杰瑞米 让哥来丰富你一下鸟类知识
Parrots can live to be 80 years old in captivity.
圈养的鹦鹉可以活到80岁
They often outlive their owners.
特别是鹦鹉学会怎么怎么喂自己以后
Especially when they've been taught to feed themselves.
经常比他们的主子活的都长
This is how he did it.
给你看看他怎么弄得
He pooped in this little tray right here.
他把屎拉在这个小翻斗里
You see that? At the end of every month,
看到了吧 每个月底
when this got heavy enough and full of enough bird poo,
屎拉满了 翻斗够重了
it would tip and it would flip little switch on right here,
就会倾斜 刚好就能打开这个开关
causing this contraption to whir to life.
让这部分装置呼呼呼动起来
This little arm would write a check,
这个小胳膊就会写张支票
and this fan would blow it into the vent right here,
这个风扇直接把支票吹进通风道
which is directly above the building manager's office.
正好就在大楼管♥理♥员♥办公室的上方
That went on for like 40 years.
如此运转了40年
Until about three months ago,
直到3个月前
when your gampy removed this one domino right here,
你野爷把这块多米诺移走
stopping the payments.
付款停止了
Why?
为啥?
I think because he wanted you
我寻思他想让你
to find the place and then hire me.
找到并雇佣我
He wants me to help him build his final machine.
他想让我帮他打造他最后的大作
You know what? Forget it.
你知道么 忘了吧
Uh, forget what?
呃 忘了啥
The job. Just cancel the job.
委托 这份委托取消了
I don't want you helping that man.
我不想帮这人
What? No. Why?
啥? 不 为啥?
Rube Goldberg destroyed this family.
鲁布·戈德堡 毁了这个家
I don't want you helping him move on
我不想你帮他超度
or find peace or any of that.
安息或是什么的
He can rot away as a ghost for all I care.
我才不在乎他会变成孤魂野鬼烂掉呢