呆逼还愿人（2014）

if no one gets hurt,
如果没人受到伤害
and the motive is noble enough, sometimes,
又是出于足够高尚的动机 有时
it just ain't worth the paperwork.
不值得立案 都不值得写那么多文书
What are you doing here? I think I found the loophole.
你到这来干嘛? 我觉得我发现了空子可以钻
Are those Funyuns?
那个是上好佳么?
Get out of here.
滚粗
Give me one. No.
给我来一个 休想
All right, listen, listen, listen.
好了 听我说 听着 听着
In the criminal justice system,
在刑事司法体系中
there are felonies and there are misdemeanors.
有重罪和轻罪之分
In Jewish, there has to be some sins
在犹太文化里 肯定也有一些罪过
that are worse than others, right? In Jewish.
比其他的要严重 对吗? 在犹太文化中
According to Yohakmet,
据Yohakmet所言
this analogy you came up with,
就你想到的这个类比关系
eating pork breaks the laws of kosher.
吃猪肉违反了犹太教教规
That's a felony. Okay, all right.
那可是项重罪 哦 好吧
But sometimes, if nobody gets hurt
但是 有时候 如果没人受到伤害
and the motive is noble enough,
又是出于足够高尚的动机
it just ain't worth the paperwork.
都不值得写那么多文书
What are you talking about?
你说啥呢?
I'm talking about eating pork is a victimless sin.
我是说吃猪肉是一项无害的小罪过而已
The only person you're worried about offending is God.
你唯一担心触怒的只是上帝他老人家
By eating these hot dogs,
吃了这些热狗
you will be directly helping
你就能直接帮助
a tortured ghost finally find his peace.
一个饱受折磨的亡灵最终得到安息
The ghost of the man who saved your life,
正是你救命恩人的亡灵
I mean, come on, God's gotta understand that, right?
我是说 答应吧 上帝也会理解的 不是吗?
All right?
行吗?
For me?
给我吃?
Oh, man.
哦 天呐
If you can eat this,
如果你能吃下这个
you'll have no problem eating a hot dog.
那么吃热狗就完全不是问题
Well, then, why don't we just start with a hot dog?
呃 那我们为啥不直接吃热狗呢?
Okay.
行啊
Hotdog.
热狗
I wanna do this, I really do.
我想这么做 真心想
But this could be a slippery slope.
但可能就从此走上斜坡 一下不复返了
How so?
怎么说?
I've kept Kosher my entire life
我一辈子都谨遵教规
and cultivated a sense of discipline and self-control.
养成了自律自控的习惯
If I break this one rule, albeit for a noble cause,
如果我违反了这一条 尽管是出于高尚的缘由
who's to say I won't spiral out of control?
谁知道我以后会不会脱轨失去控制?
It won't happen,I'm telling you.
不会的 听我说
I'm here with you every step of the way, okay?
这个过程中我会一直陪着你的 好吗?
Just think of me as a moral compass of sorts.
就把我想象成某种精神向导吧
Here it comes.
开始咯
There's the rush.
一发不可收拾了吧
Yeah, okay.
棒极了 好的
Fair enough, yeah, I deserve that.
好吧 恩 我活该
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Meshugenah
犹太人也疯狂
Coming, buddy? What?
一起来吗 哥们? 啥?
Hey, what are you doing here?
嘿 你在这干嘛呢?
I know you've got some drugs.
我知道你手头有货
Come on.
交出来吧
Stop, stop.
住手 住手
What are we doing? Look at us.
我们这是在干嘛? 看看啊
We're about to beat a man because he didn't have heroin to give us.
我们正要出手打人 就因为这哥们不能给我们海♥洛♥因♥
What happened?
发生了啥?
This is that slippery slope I was telling you about.
这就是我之前跟你说的一下不复返的斜坡
You were supposed to be my moral compass.
你本来应该是我的精神向导的
You're a moron compass.
你就是个神经病向导
Let's get out of here. Out of here.
咱们先走吧 走吧
You know what I always want about hot dogs?
你知道我一直期望热狗是什么样吗?
It's the texture, it's like meat has already been chewed for you.
重要的是口感 吃起来就像是已经嚼过的肉
You don't have to do any of the work.
不用再废任何力气
Hey, where the hell's our guy? Relax.
咱们的选手在哪呢? 放轻松啦
He didn't wanna get recognized,
他不想被人认出来
so I lent him some clothes to change into.
所以我借给他几件衣服让他换上
An orthodox Jew in your dingy clothes?
一个传统的犹太人 穿你那些破烂衣服?
He's gonna look like
他会和布鲁克林的
every other hipster in Brooklyn.
那些嬉皮士一样一样的
All right. I'm gonna go see what
好了 我要去看看那个
that dick-licker Johnny Praline is up to.
舔屌♥娘炮约翰尼·普瑞里在搞什么鬼
Hey.
嘿
Unrecognizable. You look very fetching.
完全认不出 你看起来十分迷人嘛
I think so too. Yeah.
我也这么觉得呢 是啊
So, hey, listen, I signed you up under a pseudonym,
那么 嘿 听着 我用假名给你报了名
just to be safe. Yeah. Very smart.
谨慎起见 恩 很机智
Then, what'd you use? Excuse me.
那 你用的啥名字? 打扰一下
You the one they call Anal Bead?
你是他们说的那个菊珠吗?
You're a putz. Shoot, no.
你个二货 麻蛋 不是啊
It was supposed to say Animal Beard.
我写的是兽须
My penmanship's a little tight.
我的字迹是有点紧凑啦
I'm Johnny Praline, defending champion.
我是约翰尼·普瑞里 卫冕冠军
All right.
好吧
Anyway, I just wanted to pop by and introduce myself.
总之 我就是来打个招呼 自我介绍一下
Wish you good luck. It's anyone's game.
祝你好运 重在参与嘛
I'll catch you on the flip-flop. Good enough.
赛场见咯 好的
All right, see you later.
好 回见
What a nice guy. A mensch.
多好的小伙子啊 令人尊敬
I didn't expect that in competition.
我都没想到比赛氛围会这么友善
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
难以置信 难以置信
Anyway, are you ready for this? Yeah.
不管啦 你准备好了? 准备好了
I had a lot of knishes on the way here.
我来的路上吃了好多馅饼
This shouldn't have been.
本来不应该吃的
That's all in the past now.
那一页都已经掀过去了
Not really, but...
其实并没有 不过...
Listen, you don't have to worry about it.
听我说 你不用担心
You're stomach is gonna do all the work.
全交给你的胃就妥妥的了
And I will be on the sidelines
我会一直站在赛场边
rooting for you the whole time.
给你加油鼓劲的
All right? Let's go. I feel like Mr. Miyagi.
好吗? 走吧 我感觉自己就像宫城先生
宫城先生 电影《功夫小子》中角色 空手道大♥师♥
Well, the contestants are taking their spots on the stage
现在 选手正在台上准备就位
as the 32nd annual Oinky's Hot Dog Invitational
第32届奥基年度热狗邀请赛
is about to get underway.
马上就要拉开帷幕
Of course, defending his title is Johnny Praline.
当然 我们的卫冕冠军是约翰尼·普瑞里
And with the recent passing of Hiro Tamagachi,
再加上玉胜宏选手最近不幸去世
I would say Praline is the frontrunner.
我敢说普瑞里会一路领先的
Three, two, one, go!
3 2 1 开始!
And they're off.
他们开始了
Praline's got his game face on.
普瑞里已经切换成参赛模式了
He has come out of the gate strong.
他本次出战信心十足
Praline is using his two-dogs-on-a-leash
普瑞里正在使用去年助他夺冠的
technique that won him gold last year.
一大口二热狗技巧
But it looks like newcomer Anal Bead
但是貌似新选手菊珠
is giving Praline a run for his money.
要和普瑞里拼一拼
It almost looks like Anal Bead
看上去菊珠好像是
is using the same stomach-squeezing technique
在使用与伟大的已故玉徒寻相同的
as the late, great Hiro Tamagachi.
挤胃技巧
And now, this competition... Wait a second.
现在 本场比赛.. 等一下
A man in the sidelines is inhaling some hotdogs.
赛场边有个男的在猛吃热狗呢
He's pulling ahead of everyone.
他比其他人吃的都多
It seems like this competitor is adopting
看来这位选手采用的是
the fat-slob-shoveling-food down-his-gullet technique.