呆逼还愿人（2014）

You fix whatever ghost stuff is happening here.
不管是什么鬼 你给我搞定
Yes. Fix it!
遵命 搞定它!
Okay.
好的
Stripper! Stripper!
脱衣舞男!脱衣舞男!脱衣舞男!
All right, ladies, you don't have to go into the light,
好了 女士们 你们不必进到光束里
but you can't stay here!
但你们也不能呆在这里了!
Ain't that right, officer Billy Club?
怎么样 比利 克拉布警官?
Get this music on for you.
给你来点音乐 切克闹
All right!
好了!
Whoo-hoo!
喔哦!
Yeah, he's got a gun, look out!
他有手♥枪♥哦 伦家好怕怕!
Check out his gun, ladies!
看看他的手♥枪♥ 女士们!
Nice, right?
很赞吧?
Whoa! Ha-ha!
喔! 哈哈!
Show that junk! Show that junk!
秀出你的货!秀出你的货!
Oh, they, uh, want you to show them
哦 他们想要你秀一下
your, uh, member.
你的 呃 小伙伴
They? I mean me. I call me "they."
他们? 我是说我 我管自己叫"他们"
Oh, come on, buddy, this isn't my first time
得了吧 伙计 这不是姐姐第一次
dancing for a bachelorette fetishist.
给崇拜单身女的基佬跳舞了
No, I'm telling you there's a bachelorette party
不 我是说你身后
going on right behind you. Right behind you.
正在举办一个单身女士派对 就在你的正后方
Whoa! You're a little weirdo, huh?
哇哦! 你是个怪胎吧?
I know. Yeah.
是啊 正是伦家
There's girls right there. How come I can't see them?
有妹子在那边呢 那我怎么看不见她们?
Because they're all dead. They're all dead.
因为她们已经挂了 她们是鬼魂
You sick prick!
你个死变♥态♥!
Oh! Whoa, don't shoot! Don't shoot!
哦! 哇 表开枪!表开枪!
Wait. Is that a prop gun? Uh...
等等 那是个道具枪吧? 呃...
It's just... it's just girls! Officer Billy Club, come on!
别怕...只是几个妹子而已!比利 克拉布警官 回来吧!
Hey, where did the man-flesh go?
嘿 性感小鲜肉到哪儿去了?
What kind of bachelorette party is this?
这算哪门子的单身派对?
I don't know. Can't we just drink some cosmopolitans
我也不知道 我们就不能喝点普通饮料
and play a game of pin the dick on the donkey?
玩一玩把老二钉在驴身上咩?
No! We got on that bus, and we had a vision.
不能! 当时我们上了车 想的可美了
And that vision was of a big, throbbing phallus.
我们想要的是一个又大又刺♥激♥的阳菊
And we are not going anywhere until we see some male dick!
除非我们看见男根 不然我们哪儿都不去!
Okay, fine. You guys want to see a dick and you'll leave?
好吧 你们想看老二 看完之后就会离开?
Yeah! Please.
是的!拜托了
I said, you guys wanna see some dick and you'll leave?
我再问一遍 你们看了老二之后就会离开?
All right, I'm gonna go find the first guy I see,
好吧 我会把我找到的第一个汉纸
bring him in here and make you show his dick.
带到这里来 然后把他的老二给你们看
Whoa.
哇哦
Oh, it's so effing bright.
哦 怎么这么亮
Oh, Sujita, do you think they have brunch there?
哦 苏吉塔 你猜那儿有没有早午饭?
Do you think we need to make reservations?
我们需不需要预定啊?
Let's order two things so we can have more variety.
我们两种都订 这样选择多一些
Ah!
哈!
You really wanna make this place look nice?
你真的把这个地方打造得更好吗?
Throw on some pants. Oh, no!
丢些裤子在这儿吧 哦 不是吧
Are you kidding me? What are you doing here?
你是在跟我开玩笑吗? 你特么在这儿做什么?
What happened to Dangerfield's?
你不是在危险之地吗?
Nah, Kinison went long.
不在了 金尼逊离开了
I got bumped. The jerk.
我被甩了 那个混账
Oh.
哦
Come on, I'm begging you.
别这样 伦家求你了
Buddy, you gotta... just go into your light.
巴迪 你得...你得去追寻你的光束
It's not my fault that your wife sucked so hard.
你老婆糟透了不是我的错啊
Hey, listen! My wife was a lot of things.
听着! 我老婆做过很多让人不高兴的事
But she did not suck.
但她绝不糟
Sadly not even on my birthday. But that's none your business.
很可惜 甚至都没在我生日上做过口♥活♥ 但这关你屁事
I ought to knock your block off.
我应该揍晕你来的
What are you talking about?
你说什么呢?
Your whole act is about how horrible your wife was.
你所有的表演都是在控诉你的妻子是怎样的一个碧池
The act, it's jokes.
表演 那只是玩笑罢了
I wrote most of those things before I even met her.
我的大部分表演都是在遇到她之前创作的
The truth is my wife was nothing like that.
实际上我的妻子完全不是表演里说的那样
My wife was...
我的妻子...
she was, uh...
她 呃...
I can't remember. Wow!
我居然完全忘了 哇!
I guess I've been doing the "my wife" bit so long
可能是我演出"我的妻子"太多次了
I forgot what she was really like.
多到我都忘了她真实的样纸
I think I really loved her.
我想我是真的爱她
If you really loved your wife,
如果你真的爱你的妻子
why can't you figure out a way to do
那你怎么不想个法子
some nice material about her? Hold on.
实实在在的做点对她好的事? 等等
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. When I started dating my wife,
多谢捧场 女士们先生们 当我开始和我的妻子约会时
I was so poor...
我很穷...
Come on, help a specter out.
拜托 别坐在那儿傻愣着
How poor were you? Thank you.
你当时有多穷? 谢谢你的提问
I was so poor that I couldn't even afford to buy her flowers.
我当时穷到都木有钱给她买♥♥花
So I stopped on the way to her house one day,
于是某天 我在去她家的路上
at the empty lot, and I picked up a bunch of dandelions.
停在一块空地 给她摘了一束蒲公英
Oh, she's no dummy.
哦 她可不傻
She knew they were weeds
她知道这都是花种子
but she put 'em on a vase full of water, just the same.
但她还是把它们放进了装满水的花瓶里 跟其他花儿一样
Just like they were a dozen roses.
就好像我给她的是一把玫瑰
She didn't want to hurt my feelings.
她不想伤害到我的感情
The point is I knew right at that moment
重点是 在那一刻 我明白了
she was the one.
她就是我命中的女人
Well, what do you know. There's my light.
好吧 谁能想到呢 我的光来了
Thanks, Kevin.
谢谢 凯文
Good luck.
祝你好运
Wasn't very funny.
也没那么搞笑
All right, try it now.
好了 现在试试
Testes. Testes. One, two, three.
测试 测试 一 二 三
Yes, good? Yeah, we're good.
怎么样 行吗? 妥妥的 没问题
I'm just not sure why you're still doing this.
我只是不明白 为什么你还这么做
I mean, you met him. Doesn't he seem harmless
我是说 你遇见了他 他不是看起来
and a little sweet, in a simple kind of way?
挺无害和善的吗?
He's not harmless, Sue.
他才不无害咧 苏
He's probably the greatest con artist of all time.
他可能是史上最厉害的骗术师
I tried to reason with him medium to medium
我试过平等的跟他理论
and he basically threatened me,
他竟然威胁我
saying he intended to become the next Camomile White.
还说他想成为下一个白菊花
Well, not on my watch.
哼 休想
So you're just taking out
于是你就决定采取
a little insurance policy?
一点保险措施?
All I need to do is get him to say the magic words.
我要做的就是让他说出那些词
You look really pretty tonight.
你今晚看起来真美
Of course.
那必须滴
Hi!
嗨!
Thank you.
谢谢
Oh, I got these for you.
哦 伦家给你带了这些
I picked them, actually. They're beautiful dandelions.
实际上是我摘的 这蒲公英真漂亮
I know they're not actually flowers
我知道它们不能算花
but a friend of mine told me... Thank you. They're lovely.
但我一个朋友告诉我... 谢谢 它们很漂亮
They mean more than... I'll put them in some water.
它们有着不同的... 我会把它们放在水里的
Thank you. Okay, great. Yeah.
谢谢 好的 棒极了
Wowee!
哇哦咦!
So many nice things. Uh...
你家真漂亮 呃...
so I was thinking that tonight,
我在想 也许今晚
maybe we could just go to the Big Apple Comedy Club.
我们可以去大苹果喜剧社看看
Two drink minimum but I happen to know the owner, so...
在那儿最少得喝两杯 但伦家认识老板嘛 所以...
You know, I was thinking that we could just stay in.
我想今晚我们做点室内运动
I mean, you're clearly into me,
我是说 你明显迷恋我
and I'm clearly into you.
而我也对你挺有感觉的
Phew.
呼
So let's stop dancing around our feelings
我们就不要再绕来绕去
and let's just (Bleep) Oh!
直接(哔)吧! 哦!