崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S03E03

Part 1 July 15, 2020, 11:59 a.m.

你们在泳池里撒过尿吗
You guys pee in the pool?
如果你在泳池里撒过尿就鼓鼓掌别害怕
Clap your hands if you pee in the pool. Don't be afraid.
你没准备好
You're not ready.
我不敢相信埃斯蒂没有让你通过
I can't believe Estee didn't pass you.
你的表演很出色
That was like a solid set.
我这有个演出机会我觉得你是完美人选
I'm doing a gig that I think you'd be perfect for.
好啊
Yes.
《浮生若寄》
前情提要
你那什么情况
What's going on over there?
-是我今天刚认识的 -不错啊
- Somebody I met today. - Nice.
-我们在更衣室里做♥爱♥了 -什么
- We had sex in a dressing room. - What?
然后在洗手间里又做了一次
And then again in a bathroom.
-两次 -一天之内打了两炮
- Two times? - In one day. A double schtup.
我看到很多椅子空着
I see a lot of empty seats.
你们都在给以利亚[希伯来先知]留位吗还是
Are-- Are you all saving a seat for Elijah? Or is that...
我和拉比说起了你
I spoke to the rabbi.
他说他愿意和你谈谈
He said he would love to sit down with you.
好啊
Absolutely.
皮特人呢
So, where is Pete?
不感觉怪怪的
No. It feels weird.
-什么帽子吗 -是的
- What, the hat? - Yeah.
不你就是那种戴帽子很好看的
No, you're just one of those people. You look good in hats.
-相信我嗯 -真的吗
- Trust me. Yeah. - Really?
嗯
Yeah.
很好看很帅气
You look good. You look sexy.
好吧
Okay.
浮生若寄
第三季第三集
你好
Hello.
谢谢
Thank you.
对不起
Sorry.
我有个问题
So I have a question.
发展方向是什么
Where is all this headed?
你是问我们
You mean us?
不这点没问题
No, I feel pretty good about that.
我是说你的事业
I mean your career.
我想好好做单口相声
I want to get really good at stand-up.
好吧但是
Okay, but...
但是什么
But what?
不就是这样
No, that's-- that's the end.
可是你希望被崇拜
Yeah, but you want to be adored.
-不 -你希望这个餐厅里的所有人
- No, no, that's-- - You want everyone in this restaurant
都知道你有多特别
to know how special you are.
大家在街上看见你认不出你
You want to be unable to walk down the street
不知道你有多搞笑
without everybody seeing you and recognizing you
你就懒得上街了
and knowing how funny you are.
不我不是大卫·哈塞尔霍夫我是喜剧演员
No, I'm not David Hasselhoff. I'm... I'm a comedian.
《霹雳游侠》《海岸救生队》主演风靡一时的男演员
不得了
No. Come on. Okay.
你就承认吧这里没人知道你就是下一个
Admit that it is driving you fucking crazy right now
凯文·哈特你就受不了了
that no one in here knows that you are the next Kevin Hart.
《拜见岳父大人》主演
我不是下一个凯文·哈特
I'm not-- I'm not the next Kevin Hart.
凯文·哈特就是凯文·哈特
Kevin Hart is Kevin Hart.
我们已经有一个凯文·哈特了他做得很好了
We have a Kevin Hart. He's perfect for the part.
我就是在俱乐部表演的
I'm just a... I'm a club guy.
我努力我演出
I grind it out. I do spots.
我越来越好这就是我
I get better. That's my--
-麦迪逊广场花♥园♥和电影 -好吧
- You know, Madison Square Garden and the movies, that's-- - Okay.
那是另一回事
I'm not-- that's a different thing.
我人生中最大的荣耀就是能演出
The greatest honor in my life would be to be in the scene.
-我只是 -想出名不是件坏事
- I just-- - Wanting to be famous is not a bad thing,
也没什么好难为情的
and it's not embarrassing.
我确实挺想拍电视剧的
I do-- I have a TV idea.
跟我说说
Tell me.
有个人
It's about a guy...
已为人父但是公立学校太差了
...who has kids, but the public schools stink.
他不让孩子们上学开始在车♥库♥里自己教
So he pulls them out, and he starts teaching them in his garage,
而且他教得特别好
but he's really good at it, right?
出了名其它邻居家的孩子
So word gets out, and other neighborhood kids
开始去他的车♥库♥上学
start coming to his school in his garage.
试播集差不多就是这样
And that's like-- that's the pilot, I guess.
我已经写了一个大纲
I've written, like, an outline.
《福尔摩斯学堂》
"Holmes Schooled."
-对家庭学校 -不皮特
- Yeah, Homeschooled. - No, no, no, Pete--
《福尔摩斯学堂》
"Holmes Schooled."
-不我 -就像你的姓
- No, no I-- - Like your last name.
但写的不是我
But it's not for me.
就是《家庭学校》就是个名字
It's just Homeschooled. It's for like a name.
为什么不是你这对你来说是非常好的手段
Why isn't it for you? This is the perfect vehicle for you.
我觉得不适合我
I don't see it for me.
我可以写只是
It's like something I would write, but, you know...
伊克·巴里霍尔兹或者马克-保罗·戈塞拉来演
Ike Barinholtz or maybe Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
我看见公交车侧面有你的脸
I can see your face on the side of a bus.
你穿着开襟羊毛衫站在黑板前面
You're wearing a cardigan and you're standing
双臂交叉抱在胸前
with your arms crossed in front of a chalkboard,
黑板上写着"每周二九点"
and it says on the chalkboard, "Tuesdays at 9."
跟《生活大爆♥炸♥》抢档期我们会很惨的
Against Big Bang Theory ? We're gonna get smoked!
你真的不跟我一起去跳舞吗
Sure you don't want to come dance with me?
我想去的
I do want to.
到了我们要告别了
This is it. This is where I leave you.
-三小时之后见 -好的
- I'll see you in three hours. - Okay.
-三小时 -是的
- Three hours? - Yeah.
跟《泰坦尼克号♥》一样长
That's the entire movie the Titanic.
是啊
I know.
-忍♥忍♥就好了 -放心吧
- You'll survive. - I'll be fine.
-好再见 -再见
- Okay bye. - Bye.
凯蒂
Kitty?
皮特
Peter!
-你好 -你好
- What's up? - Hello!
什么情况
What's goin' on?
没事我一直给你发信息
Oh, nothing. I just, I've been texting you a bunch
也没个回音所以我就过来了
and I haven't heard back, so I figured I'd just come over.
欢迎
Yeah, well, welcome.
谢谢你弄得不错皮特
Thank you. You've done a great job, Peter!
看看这些东西裸砖
Look at these elements, exposed
石头配纺织地毯
just stone into woven carpet,
纸箱木头太棒了
and cardboard and wood. Great.
-我其实 -好的
- I'm actually... - Oh, okay.
-我要 -没问题
- I have to... - Sure.
这有点出乎意料我没那么多时间
This is unexpected, so I don't have a lot of time.
我明白
Oh, I understand. Yeah.
能坐一会儿真是太好了
Ah, it's just so nice to sit for a moment.
我给你带了一个乔迁的小礼物
I brought you a little housewarming gift.
我不想再要你录的家庭录像或者电视录像了
Please, I don't want any VHS's of PBS specials you've taped.
这次不是
Not this time.
谢谢
Thank you.
玛卡根
Maca root.
-玛卡根太好了 -是的
- Oh, maca root. Great. - Yeah.
印巴人原来在大战来临前用它们
Incans used to take it right before they went into heavy battle.
而我们用它来帮助我们的...
We use it for a little help with old...
我的鸡鸡
My dick.
对你的鸡鸡
Yeah, your dick.
谢谢
Thank you.
你今晚要做什么
What are you doing tonight?
-怎么了 -我原来的室友是餐厅副厨师长
- Why? - My old roommate is a sous chef
他准备开家新餐厅
and he's opening a new restaurant.
今晚试营业他给了我两张票
Tonight's the soft opening. He gave me two tickets.
除了我们会参加还有一大堆名人
It's gonna be you and me and a bunch of celebrities.
-真的吗 -他们是这么说的
- Really? - That's what they said.
有个叫克莉丝汀·诺维夫的她算吗
Kristen Chenowith is a person. Is that one?
美国女演员
对那是个名人