崩溃人生（2017）

Are you seriously gonna eat the cheese?
-当然不是 -我还真以为你要吃
- No! - I really thought you were!
我可不想吃帕布鲁·弗朗西斯科留下的芝士
I do not want to eat Pablo Francisco's cheese.
美国喜剧演员
欢笑小屋
7月5号♥和6号♥
杰森·韦伯
你知道这家商场二楼
You know they got a go-kart track
有条卡丁车赛道吗 皮特
on the second floor of this mall, Pete?
也许我们会去
Maybe we'll go.
-有什么可以效劳 -你好 伙计
- Can I help you? - What's up, man?
-请问有什么事 -我是这次的主角
- Can I help you? - Yeah, sure. I'm the headliner.
我就是那家伙
I, uh, I'm the guy.
好吧 你叫什么
Okay, what's your name?
你认真的 杰森·韦伯 我在招牌上呢
Serious? My-- Jason Webber, I'm on the marquee.
外面的大海报上印着我呢
I got a big fucking poster out front.
杰森·韦伯在前台
I have Jason Webber at the front entrance.
你没看到海报吗
Have you seen the poster?
我给他摆个海报的造型
Let me do the poster for him.
海报上他就是这幅脸
That's the face he does on his poster.
-就在那张海报上 -再做一次
- I do it right there on the poster. - Do it again.
-看好了 -看着
- Watch this. - Look at this.
就这样 看到了吗
That's-- See?
抱歉 老兄 我对喜剧兴趣不大
Sorry, man, I'm not a comedy fan.
跟我来吧
Follow me.
好吧
Okay.
更多的欢乐
到了
Here you go.
不错 不错
Okay, okay.
真不错
Nice.
一股皮革味
It smells like leather.
你们好
Hi. Hello.
我是盖文 俱乐部的经理
I'm Gavin. I'm the club manager.
你们见过史蒂夫了 黛博拉会照顾你们
Now, you met Steve. Deborah's gonna be taking care of you.
里奇去哪了
What happened to Richie?
还记得里奇吗 他是个不错的人
Remember Richie? Richie was a great guy.
抱歉 我不认识里奇 我不知道
I'm sorry, I don't know Richie. I don't have any idea
这家俱乐部被收♥购♥之前发生了什么
what occurred here before the club was acquired.
那家伙又疯又闹 但他是个好人
The guy was a blast, a lunatic, but a great guy.
他总在我们结账的时候把枪放在桌上
He used to keep his gun on the desk when we settled up.
-这是个段子 -等一下
- It was a bit. - Yeah, hold on.
不 是的 但...
No. Yeah, but...
是的 那是无骨鸡翅
Right, it's a boneless wing.
是的 但不 它是鸡翅
Right. But no, it's a wing.
所以如果你按字母顺序查
Right, so if you're looking for it alphabetically,
它会在W的目录里
it'll be under W.
我拿到了表演的顺序
Okay, I've got the running order here.
爱丽 你来主持 10分钟
Ali, you're hosting. It's ten.
我们需要你很活泼 充满活力
We need, you know, big energy, bright.
好啊 我只是做深夜秀的 所以没关系
Okay. Yeah. I'm just running a late-night set, so that's fine.
这是介绍 请全部念出来
And here are the announcements. Please read all of them.
上面有很多信息
A lot of info on there:
社交网络 特色饮品 接下来的活动
social media, drink specials, upcoming events.
上面还有几个笑话
Even a couple jokes on there.
你们写好了笑话让我念
Oh, you wrote... You guys wrote jokes for me to say?
是的 为了让你轻松点
Yeah, just to make it easy on you.
的确很有帮助 多谢了
Oh, that's really helpful. Thank you.
请逐字朗读 很有效的
Please read those verbatim. They do work.
好的
Cool.
-皮特 -在呢
- All right, Pete. - Yes.
-你负责中间串场 25分钟 -好的
- You're our middle. You'll do 25. - Right on.
然后你表演45分钟 请遵守时间
And you do 45. Please keep to time.
你脚下就有一个倒计时的钟
There's a red countdown clock right at your feet.
你肯定看得见
You can't miss it.
没问题 45分钟 紧锣密鼓 哄堂大笑
Not a problem. 45, tight as a drum, wall-to-wall laughs.
我准备的可不是没人看的深夜秀
I'm not prepping some late-night set that nobody's gonna see.
-好的 -好的
- Okay. - Okay.
这小子管理挺严啊
Kid runs a tight ship.
-老兄 刚刚什么情况 -怎么了
- Dude, what the fuck was that? - What?
你就这么没有安全感吗
Are you that insecure you have to
非得在经理面前贬低我
tear me down in front of the manager?
贬低你
Tear you...
对不起 赛斯·梅耶斯女士
Oh, sorry, Ms. Seth Myers.
我不是针对你
You know, listen, I wasn't talking about your set specifically.
我是说在座的
I'm talking about all of it.
都是垃圾
It's all bullshit.
如果你做深夜秀 你就不会觉得是垃圾了
If you were doing late-night, you wouldn't think it was bullshit.
告诉你 深夜秀终结于大卫·莱特曼
Let me tell you something. Late-night died with Letterman.
美国著名脱口秀主持人
现在的深夜秀就像带着跳不了的
Late-night sets are now just YouTube videos
现代汽车广♥告♥的油管视频
with the Hyundai commercials you can't fucking skip.
就是这样 没人再看这种垃圾了
That's what it is. Nobody watches this shit anymore.
频道多得是 没人看这玩意
There's a billion fucking channels. Nobody sees it.
行吧 随你怎么说
Okay, all right. Whatever.
"随我怎么说"
"Whatever".
欢笑小屋
All right, Chuckle Shack.
大家准备好欣赏精彩演出了吗
Are we ready for a great show tonight?
今晚的主持人是一位幽默又有才的女喜剧演员
Your host tonight is a very funny and talented comedienne.
请掌声欢迎 可爱又才华横溢的
Please give it up for the lovely and talented
爱丽·瑞森
Ali Reissen!
你们好吗
Hello. How are you guys?
不错 好吧
Yeah? Okay.
为你们自己鼓鼓掌
Clap it up for yourselves...
还有这些漂亮的天花板
and these wonderful high ceilings.
很高兴来到这里 我的天哪
It's so great to be here. Oh, my God!
我得说 我在墨西哥餐厅和百货中间的
I have to say, of all the clubs I've done in New Jersey
演出过的新泽西俱乐部
between a Chipotle and a Target,
只有今天这个地方
this is the one I'm doing right now.
我被要求念一下这些介绍
I was told I have to do some of these announcements,
所以 来吧
so, um, here we go.
你们可以在社交网络上关注欢笑小屋
You can find the Chuckle Shack on social media.
你们有社交网络吧
You guys have social media? Yeah!
可以在推特 脸书 图享 阅后即焚
They are @TheChuckleShackComedy
关注@欢笑小屋喜剧
on Twitter, on Facebook, on Instagram, on Snapchat.
没想到他们还有阅后即焚
Okay, it's shocking they have a Snapchat.
本月每周日下午一点
Every Sunday this month at one p.m.
有一档叫《至少两杯奶》的秀
There's something called Two-Milk Minimum.
是一档合家欢的喜剧秀
It's family friendly comedy.
这场秀会让你笑到把奶...
The show is so funny, you'll laugh till you squirt...
喷出鼻孔
milk out of your nose.
是真的 这上面就是让我这么说的
It's actually real. That's actually written here for me to say.
各位 很荣幸来到这里
All right, guys. Well, it's so cool to be here.
我其实有个好消息
I actually have some exciting news.
下周我要上电视在赛斯·梅耶斯秀表演单口
I am doing stand-up on television next week on Seth Myers. Yeah.
我可以为你们先演演那一段吗
Would it be okay if I ran my set for you guys?
好极了 我就直接开始了
Okay, awesome. I'm just gonna get into it.
来了 我要先...
Okay, here we go. I'm gonna do the whole...
大家好 很高兴来到这里
Hey, guys. Great to be here.
天啊 我叫爱丽
Oh, my God. My name is Ali,
是爱丽森的缩写
which is short for Allison.
爱丽森这名字听起来洋气多了
Allison sounds way more sophisticated, right?
爱丽森能获得普利策奖
Like, Allison could win a Pulitzer Prize.
爱丽可能会因为在苹果蜂餐厅露奶
Ali could win a free Blooming Onion
而赢得一盘免费炸洋葱球
for taking a tit out at Applebee's.
你们懂我意思吗 这是不同的...
You know what I mean? It's a different...
不同的感觉
It's a different vibe.
别这样
Oh, stop.
她演的不错
She's doing good.
-除非你喜欢这种 -我喜欢
- If you're into that, I guess. - I am.
你们好 我叫黛博拉
Hey, guys. I'm Deborah.
今晚由我为你们服务
I'm gonna be your server tonight.
你们需要点什么吗
Can I get you anything right now?
请给我来一份塞德里克辣肉馅玉米卷
Oh, yeah. Can I please have the Cedric the Enchilada?
好的 你呢