崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S03E02

Part 2 July 15, 2020, 11:59 a.m.

-你要上《深夜秀》 -没什么大不了啦
- You're doing Late Night? - It's not that big of a deal.
-很了不起 -并没有
- It's a big deal. - No, it's not.
这是大好事你应得的
It's huge, and you deserve it.
你这身夹克是怎么回事谁给你的
What's with that jacket? Who gave that to you?
大兵乔伊·法托吗[美国著名喜剧演员]
G.I. Joey Fatone?
-话题转回来了 -说你的夹克呢
- We back...? - On the jacket.
-话题回到夹克上了 -对对对
- We're back on the jacket, yeah. - Yep, yep, yep.
好好新话题热门话题
Good, good. Fresh topic. Hot topic.
打扰一下小姐
Excuse me, uh, miss?
你好我想退了这件夹克
Hi. I'd like to return this jacket.
我去找经理
I'll get the manager.
难怪大家都在网上买♥♥东西
That's why people shop online.
你为什么要退这件衣服
Why are you returning that?
主要因为被嘲笑了
Uh, mockery, mostly.
我每次穿它都有人取笑我
Every time I wear it, people make fun of me.
有个朋友说我看上去像
A friend of mine told me I look like
汉森兄弟乐队的经纪人
I manage the band Hanson.
我喜欢汉森兄弟
I love Hanson.
我也喜欢汉森兄弟
I also love Hanson.
我觉得不是大家都喜欢汉森兄弟
I don't think that's-- Everybody loves Hanson.
-只是有些人不承认罢了 -对
- Some people just don't admit it. - Yeah.
谁会看完汉森兄弟的演出然后说
Show me someone who watched Hanson and was like,
"瞧那群自大狂"
"What a bunch of tools."
穿上我看看
Let me see that on you.
-现在吗 -嗯
- Right now? - Yeah.
好吧
All right.
好了大伙再唱一遍《MMMBop》
All right, guys, "MMMBop" from the top.
汉森兄弟经典曲目
这件夹克不错
That's a good jacket.
-真的吗 -你穿着很好看很适合你
- Really? - It looks good on you. Yeah, it like, suits you.
你应该留着
You should keep it.
-真的吗 -真的我觉得可以
- Seriously? - Yeah, I think so.
留着吧嗯
Just keep it. Yeah.
别我想尝试一下
Don't, uh-- I want to try something.
别告诉我你的名字
Don't tell me your name.
-没打算告诉你 -很好
- I wasn't planning on it. - Yeah, well, good.
-好 -保持住
- Okay. Okay. - Stay with that.
说起来奇怪我有点通灵的能力
This is weird. I'm a little bit psychic.
-真的吗 -真的
- No kidding. Okay. - Yeah, I am.
自从我买♥♥了这件夹克后
Ever since I bought the jacket,
就有了这种能力
powers have been coming to me.
-是吗 -你叫别告诉我
- Right. - Your, your name-- don't tell me...
-好 -你叫琳达吗
- Okay. - is Linda?
-不对抱歉 -别...
- No. Oh, I'm sorry. - Don't--
-听我说完 -行
- Not till I'm done. - Okay.
你叫琳达
Your name is Linda,
你妈妈叫比琳达
your mother's name is Belinda,
你有两个姐妹
and you have two sisters,
芙兰和达伦
Flan and Darren.
-你说对了 -是吗
- You... nailed it. Yeah. - Did I?
这是天赋也是诅咒是天赋
It's a gift, it's a curse-- It's a gift.
你说你叫什么来着
What did you say your name was?
丹丹克吗
Dan...? Dank?
-你在猜我的名字吗 -对是丹克吗
- You're guessing my name now? - Yeah. Is it Dank?
你的发音居然都正确
And you're pronouncing it correctly, too.
-很高兴认识你 -你好丹克
- Nice to meet you, - Hi, Dank.
-琳达 -琳达
- Linda. - Linda.
一起喝杯咖啡不
Do you want to get a coffee with me?
假日家园
我平常不喝咖啡的
I don't. I don't normally drink coffee.
-是吗 -嗯
- Oh yeah? - Nope.
焦虑是我的动力
I run on anxiety.
我是说单口喜剧的希望不会吓到你
I hope this isn't a shock, but I'm a-- I do stand-up.
-我是喜剧演员 -可不嘛
- I'm a comedian. - Of course!
我真的是
No, yeah, I do.
-很棒啊 -是吗
- That's cool! - Is it?
是的这是很棒的工作
Yeah, that's a really cool job.
我还不算知名仍在努力
I'm not, like, established. I'm sort of... still grinding it out.
刚完成一次大学巡演
I just did a college tour--
其实我今晚就有一场演出
I do have a show tonight, actually.
要在一个犹太教堂表演
I'm performing at a synagogue, so...
-酷 -并不是
- Cool! - No.
-不酷吗 -我说的是犹太教堂不是...
- Not cool? - I said synagogue, not--
只要是和犹太教堂像的词就没有酷的
there's no word that even sounds like synagogue that's cool.
什么犹太教堂你要在哪个教堂演出
What synagogue? What temple are you doing?
你是犹太人吗
Are you Jewish?
不是不过我有许多犹太朋友
No, but I have a lot of Jewish friends.
犹太人超喜欢我
The Jews love me.
那你算白鱼[万人迷白人]吗
What are you, whitefish?
我在努力写这些犹太人素材
See, I'm trying to write all this Jewish material,
但感觉都像种族歧视
but it just feels racist.
-刚刚那个很棒 -好吧
- That one was good. - Okay.
我不...我不知道
I don't, um, I don't know...
不知道和我一起喝咖啡的是谁
I don't know who I'm having coffee with.
很有趣不过我...
It's fun, but I don't--
没错我们不知道彼此的名字
Yeah, we don't know each other's names.
-我们不知道彼此的真名 -是的
- We don't know each other's real names. - Yeah.
-还挺有趣但... -我们会不安
- It is kind of fun, but-- - We're living in the tension.
来点更刺♥激♥的吗
Should we ante up?
要一起说出名字吗
Should we say our names at the same time?
-好的 -三二一
- Yeah, okay. - Three, two, one...
-皮特 -凯特
- Pete. - Kat.
皮特
Pete.
-很像啊 -是的
- Similar. - Yeah.
-都有"特"字 -都是单音节
- Hard T sound in the middle. - Monosyllabic.
等等我想看你的表演
Wait, I want to see you perform some--
你姓什么
What's your last name?
福尔摩斯怎么了
Holmes, why?
油管上有你的表演视频吗
Do you have stuff on YouTube?
-有可是... -我想看你的演出
- Well, yeah, but-- - I want to see you perform.
能不看吗
Can we not?
-说真的最好不要... -别难为情
- Seriously, it's better if-- - Don't be embarrassed.
-你想不想去看我... -别难为情
- If you want to come see me-- - Don't be embarrassed.
-让我... 我随便选一个 -好吧
- Just let me-- Okay, I'm just gonna choose one. - Okay.
我在看了
I'm watching one.
我在听
I'm listening.
好吧
Okay, great.
别这样真实点
No, no. Be real.
-这是干吗 -找一条裙子
- What are we doing? - We're looking for a dress
我今晚去单身派对穿
for me to wear to a bachelorette party tonight.
-没错 -有趣
- Yeah. - Fun.
再跟我说点别的
Okay, tell me something else.
说我吗
About me?
我刚见了我前女友的新男朋友
I just met my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend,
-他很棒 -不是吧
- and he's amazing. - Oh, no!
-是的 -你们当时是认真的吗
- Yeah. - Was that a serious relationship?
这个嘛
I mean,
那是我离婚后第一段恋爱
it was the first relationship I had after my divorce,
是我的... 没错
so it's like my-- yeah.
我第二段恋爱所以算是吧
My second relationship ever, so kind of.
你之前结婚多久
How long were you married?
-七年 -谁出轨了
- Seven years. - Who cheated?
她出轨你怎么知道是出轨了
She, uh, she did actually. How did you know that?
我是保险精算师这是统计问题是我的工作
Well, I'm an actuary. That's a statistic, and, like, that's my job.
你就是统计数据
You're a statistic.
-无意冒犯 -不我喜欢被叫统计数据
- No offense. - No, I like being called a statistic.
这是什么意思
What do you mean?
第一段婚姻持续了七年
It's just-- Okay, so seven years into a first marriage?
-是的 -那就是不忠
- Yes. - That's infidelity.
尤其是正值繁殖全盛期
Especially if it lines up with the prime reproductive years,
女人就是25到29岁
which for women is 25 to 29.