崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S02E03

Part 5 July 15, 2020, 11:41 a.m.

It's digital herpes.
你完了
You... you are fucked.
职业生涯肯定毁了
It's a career ender.
我吗
For me?
可能吧他肯定完了
Maybe. For him, definitely.
-是吗 -对啊女人
- You think so? - Yeah. Women?
女人们肯定不高兴
Definitely will upset women.
你知道有多少女人会买♥♥票吗
Do you have any idea how many women there are that buy tickets?
百万好吗
Millions. All right?
你为什么要上传呢
Whatever made you think of putting it up?
他一直让我跟他住一起
I-- he's been letting me stay with him.
你和比尔·伯尔住一起
You've been staying with Bill Burr?
-我知道这 -你在他家住
- Yeah. I know... - You've been at his house?
他那个段子算是我和他一起编的
I-- he-- and he did a joke, and I kinda riffed with him,
我想录下来毕竟我很骄傲自己帮上忙了
and then I wanted to film it 'cause I was proud that I helped.
世界上这么多人
Of all the people in the world that you could've pissed off,
你最不该惹的就是比尔·伯尔
Bill Burr is the worst.
他混综合格斗的
All right, he's out there, he's-- he's... MMA!
他跟综合格斗有关系
He's involved with the MMA community!
他是乔·罗根的朋友
He's friends with Joe Rogan.
他会揍你的
He'll Krav-Maga ya.
给你的肾来一拳
He's gonna punch you in the kidney
你一周后就挂了
and you'll die a week later.
别帮倒忙了
This isn't helping me.
你别太去在意这事了
Okay, well, you need to take some heat off of this,
说实话你也不想最后看到的
honestly, 'cause the last thing that you want
是一个橘色胡子的人
is for the last thing you see just to be, like, an orange beard,
拿把碎冰锥然后怼你吧
and an ice pick, and him just going.
你完了
'Cause you're fucked!
-皮特 -天啊
- Hey, Pete! - Oh, jeez!
你去哪
Where do you think you're goin'?
我吧我
I, uh-- you know... I, um...
我
I w-- uh...
来
Come here.
跟我做件事
Something I wanna do with you.
出事了吗
Is something wrong or--?
没有怎么了
No. Why?
你觉得像出事了吗
Does somethin' look like it's wrong?
我真不知道
I honestly can't tell.
来吧
Just come.
快点
Come on.
好
Okay.
哥们我超爱这些的
Dude... fuckin' love these things.
超棒
You know? It's the best.
你得有点自己的空间来静静
You know, everybody, you got-- you got to have your escape.
是啊
Yeah.
真是太棒了
That was-- that was awesome.
我从没让别人下来过
You know, I never have anybody down here.
我还挺喜欢的
Yeah, I was really looking forward to this.
-挺好 -是啊歇一会
- It's nice. - Yeah. A little hang time.
享受当下
Savoring the moment!
是啊
Yeah.
我以为你
I thought maybe you were, uh--
我以为你挺不开心的呢
I thought maybe you were mad... in a bad mood, maybe.
为什么
Why?
我以为你看到那篇文章了
I just thought maybe you saw the-- the article?
网上那破玩意
What ar-- that shit on the Internet?
是啊
Yeah.
你知道我最生气什么吗
You know what pissed me off?
有人盗录我表演
Is that somebody filmed my set.
谁会这么做啊
What kinda person does that?
我那是新段子
I was doing a new bit!
那人只拍了前半段
And they only showed the first half,
我的笑点还没到呢
before I got to the point.
-比尔 -我真想见见那混♥蛋♥
- Bill... - I would love to meet the asshole.
懂我意思吗肯定是爱听DJ
Know what I mean? Listens to DJ music,
跟他妈住一起
lives at home with his mother.
-非常抱歉 -总是摆出
- I-- I'm sorry... - Always doing
剪刀手蠢了吧唧的
the-- the-- the peace sign with the stupid--
是我录的
You know, um... I f-- I filmed your set.
你说什么
What the fuck you talking about?
比尔我没发到"耶洗别"上
Bill... I didn't put it on Jezebel, I-- I--
什么意思等等是你录的
What do you mean-- Wait... Wait. You filmed it?
我当时在看然后发到图享网上了
I was there. I-- I just put it on my Instagram.
我只有23个粉丝
I have, like, 23 followers. I was--
皮特你搞什么啊
Pete, what the fuck, dude?
我很骄傲嘛
I was p-- I was proud--
哥们你录我
Dude, you filmed me,
然后现在才告诉我你个混♥蛋♥
you're just telling me that now, you asshole?
我已经删了但太迟了
I deleted the post. It was too late,
有人分享了然后被他们发现了
somebody shared it, and they found it,
-然后他们发 -皮特你传网上了
- and they put it-- - Pete, you put it on the fucking Internet.
天啊你以为会发生什么
Jesus Christ, what'd you think was gonna happen?
我没什么粉丝的
I don't have a lot of followers,
我很抱歉我当时就是想炫耀一下
I w-- I w-- I w-- I'm sorry, I was bragging.
我很骄傲我帮你编了个段子
I was proud that I had helped you with a joke,
这对我来说很重要
that was a big deal to me.
天啊这就像跟报童发火似的
Oh, Jesus Christ, it's like getting mad at a fucking paper boy.
-我很抱歉 -好了放松
- D-- Ah-- I-- I'm sorry... All right, all right, relax.
我断了你的财路我我我
I fucked with your money, I-- I-- I-- I-- I--
皮特没事的
Pete, it's not that big a deal.
不是什么大事
It's not that big a deal.
-我愿意去做好吗抱歉 -皮特
- I'll do it, okay? I'm sorry. - Pete?
皮特这不是什么大事
Pete, it's not that big a deal.
好吗我无所谓
Okay? I don't give a shit.
你不在意吗
You don't care?
我无所谓的
Nah, I don't give a shit.
过个三天就没事了
Dude, it's all gonna blow over in three days.
卡戴珊姐妹肯定会出幺蛾子
You know, the Kardashians will do somethin'.
蕾哈娜会在F1赛场给人口♥交♥
Rihanna will start fuckin' blowing some guy in Formula One.
肯定会有别的新闻的对吧
You know, they'll-- something will happen, right?
我以为你会很生我的气
I-- I thought you were mad at me.
没有啦相信我我要是生气你会知道的
Oh, no, believe me, if I was mad at you, you'd know.
好吗我不像你什么都不说
Okay? I don't hold shit in the way you do.
你会憋在心里
You keep it bottled up, man.
我收拾了我的东西都准备走了
I-- I packed up my stuff, I was ready to go.
很好快走吧
Good. Get the fuck outta here.
你得回到你自己的生活去
You got to go back to your life.
你是个很好的白人
You're a perfectly good white guy.
但你我不能回去找阿迪
But you-- I... I can't go back to Artie.
我不能回去找我室友
I-- I can't go-- go back to my roommate.
你知道你要干嘛吗
You know what you need to do.
干嘛
What?
你得回去
You need to go down there,
然后跟那个偷♥情♥的奸夫说清楚
and you need to tell that fucking cheatin'
他到底是个什么垃圾
hippie piece of shit what the fuck he is.
拽着他的马尾
You need to pull him down
把他拖下楼梯
the flight of stairs by his fucking ponytail,
把他狠狠地揍一顿
you need to beat the shit out of him.
为什么这有什么用
Why? What does it accomplish?
这样你心里爽啊
'Cause it would make you feel better.
你现在很难受
It's literally-- it's-- it's-- it's-- it's-- it's hurting you.
我能看出来
I can see it.
我可以
I could...
你应该这么做
You should.
我可以
I could, you know...
狠狠地揍他
Beat his fucking ass.
没错揍死他
Yeah, I could beat his ass.
他操了你老婆啊
He fucked your wife.
他操了我老婆
He f-- he fucked my wife!
回去敲门