崩溃人生（2017）

Crashing S02E01

Part 4 July 15, 2020, 11:41 a.m.

看上去不像是该来这里的人
don't look like they belong here?
谢谢谢了
Thank you. Thanks.
噫
Yikes!
他找到我们了
He found us, man!
这太疯狂了这里就像虚拟世界
This is crazy, this is like the second "Matrix"!
《黑客帝国》梗
好吧还真是
Oh, all right, exactly.
存在于真实世界中
In Zion?
你该为自己喝彩你又变逗了
You should scream your act, you're funnier.
我点的是水
I ordered-- I ordered a water.
这些是吧台的先生送的
Oh, these are from the gentleman at the bar,
他应该是你们的粉丝
I think he's a fan of you guys.
真的吗皮特你能帮我们解决吗
Oh, really? Pete, can you help us out?
当然我很想喝一杯
Yeah! I-- I could use a drink, yeah!
-我们请客 -干杯
- On the house. - Cheers!
好吧
Okay, all right...
老兄这酒要小口品
Oh, dude, that's a sipper.
全喝完了
Oh, all gone!
给我让个座
Lemme in!
我的天他现在还坐下了
Oh, my God, he's sitting down now?
天啊
Oh, boy.
这是谁的酒
Ahh-- Who's is this?
-不 -你喝吧
- Oh, no! - That was, uh, yours!
你把所有主流宗教...
You take every major religion...
开始了
Ah, here we go...
都混为一谈
and you mix 'em together,
-好吧 -它们说的都是一样的道理
- Right... - they all say the same thing.
怂炮在给我上课
I'm being lectured by a pile of cookie dough over here.
你觉得自己死时会发生什么
What do you think happens when you die?
你总会死的
You're gonna die.
我不确定我试着不思考这问题
I don't know man. I just try not to think about it.
"万物是什么" 是个更好的问题
"What-- What is everything?" is-- is a better question.
有更伟大的东西吗
I mean, there's-- you know, bigger things?
拜托停下这堆废话
Please stop with this shit.
我们先看这女人怎样用她的阴♥道♥蹭鼻子
Let's just watch this woman scratch her nose with her clit,
因为... 这很不可思议
because... that's wondrous.
你已婚吗
Are you married?
不不不
No, no, no!
我只是在怀念过去
I-- I-- I'm clinging to the past.
你是对的这太他妈奇怪了
No, you're right! It's fuckin' weird!
去他妈的
Fuck that thing!
这是今晚要聊的话题
This is the part of the night, you know,
阿迪
I mean, Artie...
-什么 -我们坐在这里
- Yeah? - This is where it happens.
-我们开始找妹子了 -对
- We start lookin' for chicks. - Yeah.
我明天早上必须很早起床去宾州车站门口
I have to get up very early tomorrow to sell umbrellas
卖♥♥雨伞
in front of Penn Station,
但是...
but... uh...
其实如果你们待会有空
Actually, if you guys are free later,
我凌晨四点要在拉法叶百货的健身房♥教形体课
I teach a 4:00 a.m. spin class at the Crunch on Lafayette.
很棒大家给我兄弟阿迪·兰格鼓鼓掌
That's cool. Give it up for my buddy, Artie Lange, everybody.
你们开心吗
Yeah. Did you have a good time? Yeah.
阿迪我知道你不能久留
Artie, I know you can't stay.
你还有一集《仓库淘宝大战》要拍
You have an episode of "Storage Wars" to shoot,
但...
but, uh...
-但我喜欢你这打扮 -是啊
- I love the look, though. - Yeah, well...
你就像八十年代见不到的那种乐队票贩子
You look like a scalper for every band I didn't see in the '80s.
老兄如果你不上台
Dude, if you're not on the line-up,
-你就不能站在这 -拜托
- you can't be down here. - Come on.
我没挡别人的路我就是在...
I'm not in anybody's way, I'm just--
规矩不是我定的我只负责执行
Listen, I don't make the rules, man, I just enforce 'em.
等一下那是皮特吗
Wait, hold on a second. Hey, is that Pete?
对是皮特
Yeah, it's Pete!
-他在那里 -皮特上台来
- There he is! - Pete, come up here, man.
上来伙计
Get up here, buddy, yeah.
-抱歉 -皮特·福尔摩斯
- I'm sorry. - Pete Holmes!
欢迎皮特
Give it up for Pete.
刚从小♥穴♥俱乐部回来
Fresh from the Hole!
棒极了
Great!
真棒
Nice!
-慢点 -没事没事
- Oh, easy. - Fine, fine!
皮特你在纽约的喜剧表演事业进展如何
So Pete, how's the comedy scene treatin' you here in New York?
我为演出发传♥单♥
Well, you know, I hand out fliers for stage time,
我不知道你们有没有看见外面的传♥单♥
I don't know if you guys saw any of those out there,
-其中有我的功劳 -干得不错
- that's one of me, I do that. - There you go.
你分发传♥单♥
You're handing out fliers.
我发传♥单♥
I hand out fliers.
你听说过互联网吗任何事...
Have you heard of the Internet? Anything, uh...
你是不是要及时寄出关于你首演的电报
Are you gonna send out a telegraph about your first hour, or no?
我喜欢喝醉的皮特我喜欢他
I like-- I like this drunk Pete. I like him.
-你挺逗啊 -嗯
- It's a lot-- you're fun. - Yeah.
阿迪你没戴测步仪
Artie, if you're not wearing your Fitbit,
你咋知道今天有没有走够步数
how do you know if you get your step today?
早上起来会很难过的
That'll hurt in the morning.
-怎么走够步数 -这个赞
- How do I get my step? - This is great.
我也不想损人
I don't like being mean!
没事损吧
No, be mean!
-没事 -损人还挺好玩
- That's all right. - I like being mean.
-损吧 -随便损
- Be mean. - By any means necessary.
你怎么来的给了交通管理局50块吗
How did you get here? Did you slip a 50 to the TSA?
皮特行了
Pete, easy. Easy, buddy.
等等把麦克风给我看一下
Hold on a second. Let me see your mike.
我得调成"搞笑"模式继续吧
Okay, I just had to turn it to "Funny." Go ahead.
刚才说得不错啊
That was great.
谢谢
Hey, thank you.
爱丽
Ali.
看门的
Door guy.
你也要在这拉客吗
Do you bark here, too, or...
不是我刚才上台表演了
Uh, no, I was just onstage.
看到了我没机会上去
Saw you up there. I didn't get to go on,
你们在上面瞎扯淡了20分钟吧没时间了
'cause you guys were dicking around for like 20 minutes.
嗯
So...
抱歉
Sorry.
没事
It's all right.
你真的很搞笑
You're really funny.
谢谢
Thank you.
真的我不是随便说说的
Really-- like, I'm not just saying that.
我看你的表演之后就在想
Like, when I saw your set, I was like,
什么情况
"What-- what happened?
你咋了
What happened to you?"
没道理啊你这么漂亮
It doesn't make any sense, 'cause you're really beautiful
还很搞笑这
and you're really funny. And that doesn't-- those--
不是说你长得搞笑是真的好看
you're, like, not comedy hot, you're regular-- you're lady hot.
你跟高档百货店一样美丽
You're like a Barney's department store hot.
谢谢
Thank you.
然后还这么搞笑
And then you're funny?
我♥操♥了
Fuck you, man. What?
你真的醉了
You're so shitfaced.
有点吧
A little bit.
嗯
Yeah.
-有点 -你醉得不轻
- A little bit. - You're really gone.
嗯
Yeah.
你把我带回家吧
I think y-- I think you should take me home.
-啥 -你把我带回家呗
- What? - I think you should take me home with you.
为啥
Why would I do that?
因为
Because!
你真的要问
I mean-- You really want a reason?
这就是命啊我俩之前见过
I mean, this is-- this is fate, I saw you,
现在又见到了
and I'm seeing you again.
我们活着的几率有多大
I mean, what are the chances that we're all alive?
能看日落有宝宝