保佑哈特

我发誓
I swear to God
我没想到他们还能往披萨上加东西
I didn't think they could get more things going on a pizza.
但他们做到了
But they did.
这块披萨上有吉事果皮
This pizza has a churro crust,
但是外边缘上是塞满了乳酪的椒盐卷饼
but the outer edge is a pretzel filled with cheese.
这块披萨上的配料之一是一块更小的披萨
One of the toppings on this pizza is just tinier pizzas.
别忘了大碗里用奇多做的
And don't forget about the seven-layer dipping sauce
七层蘸酱
in a giant bowl made of Cheetos.
这还不是全部
But that's not all, y'all.
看看 双面披萨
Check it out, double-sided pizza.
我们只用8块钱就买♥♥了4块
And we got four of these for eight dollars.
等等 我闻到了烧焦的味道
Wait, something smells burnt.
这披萨是有一层是烧焦了吗
Is there a burnt layer to this pizza?
天呐 有东西着火了
Oh, my God, something's on fire.
别烧了我的白仙粉黛葡萄酒
No, not my white zin, y'all.
那是季节性的
It's seasonal!
问题出在这儿
Well, here's the problem.
你们没有清理绒毛捕集器吗
Have y'all not been cleaning the lint trap?
我的天 你必须清理绒毛捕集器
Oh, my Lord, you got to clean the lint trap.
我不需要 韦恩 那是虚构
No, I don't, Wayne. That is a myth.
-不是虚构 -绝对是虚构
- It is not a myth. - It is definitely a myth.
这是那些企业为了让我们成为
A myth started by corporate butts to turn us all into...
珍妮 你必须清理绒毛捕集器
Jenny, you got to clean the lint trap.
-绒毛捕集器上面有写 -绒毛捕集器"羊民"而捏造的
- It says so on the lint trap. - ...lint-trap cleaning sheeples.
韦恩 我从没见过任何人
Wayne, I have never met a single person in my life
清理他们的绒毛捕集器
who cleans out their lint trap.
人人都清理绒毛捕集器 珍妮
Everyone cleans their lint trap, Jenny.
那他们为什么不说
Then why aren't they saying so?
如果人人都清理了他们的绒毛捕集器
If everyone cleaned out their lint trap,
他们就会一刻不停地谈论绒毛捕集器
people would be talking about lint traps all the time.
那些清理绒毛捕集器的蠢货
Yeah, all those idiots that clean their lint traps
多半不好意思谈论
are probably too embarrassed to talk about it.
如果要我猜是什么引起火灾的
If I would've guessed what was gonna catch on fire,
我会打赌是那堆插头
I would've put my money on that plug ball from hell.
保佑哈特
第一季 第十集
好消息是损坏的大部分是表面
Well, good news is the damage is mostly cosmetic.
坏消息是清理要至少一周
Bad news is cleanup's gonna take at least a week.
珍妮 我知道你不喜欢住我家
Jenny, I know you feel weird about staying over at my place...
我才没有 胡说什么
No. I don't. I mean, what?
冷静 韦恩
Calm down, Wayne, right?
妈 他说得没错
Mom, he's right.
每次我们得去韦恩家住的时候
Whenever we've had to stay at Wayne's,
你就会变成一个十足的怪胎
you've turned into a total freak.
记得那次那些讨厌鬼
Remember when those skunks
在我们的爬行空间里成立了一个搏击俱乐部
started a fight club in our crawlspace
房♥子通风期间我们不得不去韦恩家
and we had to go to Wayne's while the house aired out?
你就坚持了十分钟
You lasted, like, ten minutes.
就在那十分钟内 你们就有过十次不同的无意义争吵
And in that time, started, like, ten different pointless fights.
珍妮
Jenny.
怎么 就是把梳子而已
What? It's just a hairbrush.
珍妮 我跟你说过这张纳斯卡车赛薄毯是珍藏品
Jenny, I told you that NASCAR throw is a collector's item.
拜托 我就是化个妆而已 粉末会掉出来的
Oh, come on. It's just a little makeup, it'll come out.
该死
Oh, damn it.
珍妮 我叫你至少留一条路出来的
Jenny, I asked you to at least leave a path.
抱歉 我正准备打扫
Sorry, I was about to clean it up.
我不会故意挑起事端 只是韦恩太拘谨了
I don't purposely start fights. Wayne's just too uptight.
所以我们才分开住
That's why we live apart.
珍妮 这是紧急情况
Jenny, this is an emergency scenario.
只是暂时的
It's-it's just temporary.
我知道 我们会在你家住上几天
Yeah, I know. We'll crash at your place for a few days.
就几天而已 没什么大不了
Just a quick crash, you know. Not a big deal.
酷酷酷
Cool, cool, cool.
好 我们就登上"酷酷酷列车"
All right, well, let's all hop on the "Cool Cool Cool Express"
去火车事故镇吧
to Train-Wreck Town.
欢迎来到韦恩之家
Okay, you guys, welcome to Casa de Wayne.
不要拘束
Make yourself comfortable.
不过别太放松
Oh, but not too comfortable.
因为我们只是来借住几天
You know, since we're just crashing.
贝蒂 你会喜欢这个的
Betty, you'll love this,
我一直在偷我邻居夏卡巴蒂大夫的有线电视
I've been leeching cable off my neighbor, Dr. Chakrabarti,
她有全套套餐
and she gets the full package.
她一定跟克洛伊索斯一样有钱 看看这些频道
She must be rich as Croesus. Look at these channles.
Ion Telemundo Tumor网
Ion, Telemundo, Tumor Network.
我去 那人有牙齿和头发
Oh, dang, that one's got teeth and hair.
开始了
Uh-oh. Oh, here we go.
基♥督♥教罪案频道上的《未解之谜》
Unsolved Mysteries marathon on the Christian Crime Network.
妈 你不是全部都看了20遍了吗
Mother, haven't you seen all of them already, like, 20 times?
他们会发掘出一些
They unearthed some Unsolved Mysteries episodes
神秘消失的《未解之谜》内容
that had mysteriously gone missing.
这事本身就是个未解之谜
That in itself was an Unsolved Mystery.
你怎么用叉子吃酸奶
So, yeah, hey, are you eating yogurt with a fork?
你有意见吗 韦恩
Is this bothering you, Wayne,
我吃酸奶的方式
the way I am choosing to eat my yogurt?
好吧 她只是想激怒我 韦恩
Okay, she's just trying to get a rise out of you, Wayne.
别做出反应
Don't react.
别让你的脸不由自主地抽动
Don't even let your face make an involuntary twitch.
该死 她会察觉出我的弱点
Damn it, she smells blood.
糟糕 我把酸奶撒在了你的彼得比尔特地毯上
Oops. Oh, I spilled on your Peterbilt rug.
谁会在厨房♥放地毯啊
Who has carpet in their kitchen?
又来了 第一次吵架
Oh, here we go, fight number one.
珍妮 你到底怎么回事[交易]
Ugh. Jenny, what is your deal?
我没有交易 有没有交易 我没有交易
I don't have a deal. Deal or no deal? I'm no deal.
看看银行的人怎么说吧 铃铃铃
Let's see what the banker says. Ring, ring, ring.
他说我做不了交易
Oh, he says I don't have a deal.
你在装怪 我出去透气
You're being weird. I'm gonna go get some air.
嘿 夏卡巴蒂大夫
Oh, hey, Dr. Chakrabarti.
韦恩
Wayne!
珍妮 你最近听到那么多婚礼钟声
Jenny, you must have a headache
一定让你头痛吧
from all those wedding bells you're hearing.
我听说你和韦恩终于同居了
I heard you and Wayne finally moved in together.
珍妮 总算是时候了
Oh, Jenny, it's about time.
露易丝 我和韦恩不会结婚
Louise, Wayne and I are not getting married.
只是因为烘干机火灾我们在他家借宿
We are only crashing at his place because of the dryer fire.
我忘了
Oh, I forgot.
你对婚姻有成见
You've got your silly, little "issues" with marriage.
什么 我才没有
What? No, I don't.
你错过了很多 珍妮
You're missing out, Jenny.
我和丹尼尔的婚礼是我人生中最美妙的时刻
My wedding to Daniel was the best moment of my life.
那你得多做点事
Well, you need to do more stuff then.
-他会求婚的 -不 他不会...
- Oh, he is gonna propose. - No. That's not what he's...
珍妮 你该在最后的晚餐这里举办婚宴
Jenny, you should have your reception here at the Last Supper.
一个美丽的周一早晨婚宴
Oh, a beautiful Monday morning reception,
因为周六周日是我们最忙的时候
'cause Saturdays are our busiest days, and Sundays,
所以只能错开
so we'll have to work around that.
我们不会结婚 露易丝
Not getting married, Louise.
也许会的
Probably are, though.
或许我会做你的"首席女老板"
Maybe I'll get to be your "boss of honor."
我们住在韦恩拖车里 他就像个疯子一样
So Wayne's just acting like a maniac with us living in his trailer,
我们就想尽量熬过去
and we're just trying to power through.
别误会 我爱他 但他已经失控
I mean, don't get me wrong. I love him, but he is out of control.
同居生活关键在于妥协
Living together is all about compromise.
幸运的是 我不用妥协 因为我没有和韦恩同居
Which, luckily, I don't have to do 'cause I don't live with Wayne.
珍妮 我不是心理医生
Jenny, I'm no therapist,
但所有心理医生都是我造出来的
but I did make all the therapists,
我觉得你之所以惊慌失措是因为
and I think you're freaking out because living together
同居感觉离婚姻又近了一步
feels like a step towards marriage.
狗屁
Horse crap.
这让你想起了很多关于维奥莱父亲的事
And it's bringing up a lot of stuff about Violet's dad
以及当时人人都催你跟他结婚
and how you felt pressured by everyone to marry him.
你刚咳嗽说了狗屁吗
Did you just cough and say "horse crap"?