保佑哈特

"cookies and Kool-Aid" type of deal?
我要自己带啤酒吗
Should I bring my own beers?
不 到时会有免费酒水
No, there's an open bar.
会是一次阔绰的噩梦
It's gonna be a richie-rich nightmare.
天气特别通告
看看大家是怎么在为暴风雪做准备的
To see how people are preparing for the storm,
我们连线在哈里斯蒂特商场的梅凯
let's join MayKay at Harris Teeter.
阿大 人们为了囤必需品
Big, shelves have been picked bare,
货架都被一扫而空
as people stock up on essentials.
牛奶全没了
The milk is completely gone,
就连奶粉和炼乳都没了
even powdered and condensed.
在面包通道里
And in the bread aisle,
只剩下糖尿病面包
all that's left is the diabetes bread.
我医生叫我吃这个很多年了
My doctor's been telling me to eat that for years,
但我宁愿饿死
but I would rather starve to death
在10英尺的冰下 梅凯
under ten feet of ice, MayKay.
再次感谢你们来这个破派对
Thanks again for coming to this stupid party.
希望不要太逊
Let's just hope it isn't too lame.
天呐 我打赌从太空也能看到这里
What?! I bet you can see this from space.
我去 就差极地快车了
Dang, all that's missing is the Polar Express.
不 这个他们也有
Nope. They got that, too.
那个列车长不会真是汤姆·汉克斯吧
That conductor's not actually Tom Hanks, right?
汤姆
Tom!
他朝这边看了
He looked over.
把车停在门口就好 我们不会久留
Just leave the car up front. We won't be staying long.
上级要我把所有
I was told to park all vehicles
挂了卡车蛋蛋的车辆都停到后面
with truck nuts around back.
有道理
That's fair.
无礼
Rude.
他又来了 汤姆
Here he comes again-- Tom!
他在工作
Ah, he's working.
这才是我们应有的圣诞节
Now, this is the Christmas we deserve!
-妈 -我的天
- Mother! - Oh, my God.
这是我见过的最大最小的镇
It's the biggest littlest town I've ever seen!
我见过更大的 以及更小的
I've seen bigger... and littler.
或许是有点可爱
I mean, I guess it's cute
不过很恶心 炫耀
in a gross, show-offy kind of way.
我和我的头号♥精灵丹尼尔
Welcome to the East Pole, y'all,
欢迎你们来到东极
from me and my head elf Daniel.
丹尼尔 过来打招呼
Daniel, come say hi.
丹尼尔 你的精灵帽呢
Daniel, y'all, where is your elf hat?
我给他买♥♥了顶精灵帽 他特别喜欢
He has this elf hat I bought him that he just loves.
亲爱的 看 他们有袖珍汉堡
Baby, look, they have teeny, tiny hamburgers.
为了圣诞节做成了精灵大小
They made 'em elf-sized for Christmas.
我给你拿了一个
I got you one already.
我吃了腌黄瓜 因为我知道你不喜欢
I ate the pickles 'cause I know you hate 'em.
你真贴心
Oh, you're so sweet.
但是记住 我们家里有乳酪球
But, remember, we got that cheeseball at home.
丹尼尔 给我拿点薯片
Daniel, bring me some chips.
我喜欢的那种
You know the kind I like.
他要去拿我喜欢的那种
He's going to get the kind I like.
猜猜还有什么
And guess what else.
今晚会有一个特别的名人嘉宾
We have a very special celebrity guest coming tonight.
伊恩·大卫·科尔
Ian David Cole.
我想我们待不了那么久...
Oh, I don't think we're gonna be able to stay for...
绿点社区剧院的伊恩·大卫·科尔吗
Greenpoint Community Theater's own Ian David Cole?
他的蓝草音乐版《象人》改变了我的生活
His bluegrass production of The Elephant Man changed my life.
准备跟他握手吧 韦恩
Get ready to shake his hand, Wayne.
在他吟诵完他一年一度的
After he does his annual recitation
《圣诞前夜》之后
of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."
-露易丝看到我了 我们走 -可是有伊恩·大卫·科尔
- Okay, Louise saw me. Let's get out of here. - But Ian David Cole.
还有一个比我们客厅还大的迷你镇
A mini-town bigger than our living room.
-免费小虾 -以及伊恩·大卫·科尔
- Free shrimp. - And Ian David Cole.
不行 那个美味的乳酪球
No. That delicious cheeseball
可不会自己蘸饼干椒盐
isn't gonna dip Triscuits into itself.
我们走
Now let's go.
-下雪了 -我们需要面包牛奶
- Snow! - We need bread and milk!
为什么我们还没买♥♥面包牛奶
Why didn't we get bread and milk yet?
-小心薄冰 -驶入滑道
- Look out for black ice. - Steer into the skid!
开快点 我们得赶在暴风雪之前到达
Drive faster. We got to beat the storm.
不 你驶离滑道
No, you steer away from the skid.
我学的可不是这样
That's not what I was taught.
道恩 你开得太快了
Dawn, you're going too fast.
他们几年前改了
They changed it a few years ago.
-不可能 -对天发誓
- No way. - Hand to God.
我的脚踩在刹车上
My foot's on the brake!
这天气你们哪也去不了
You're not going anywhere in this.
我的天 汤姆·汉克斯 不
Oh, my Lord. Tom Hanks, no!
天气预报
雪天末日
看样子白色圣诞节的梦想
Well, it looks like the dream of a white Christmas
变成了噩梦
has turned into a nightmare.
这是爱姆伍德大道上此时的状况 梅凯
This is the scene right now on Elmwood Avenue. MayKay?
谢谢 阿大 站在我身边的是
Thanks, Big. Well, we are standing here
我们的市长韦伯
with the Mayor Webb,
他来视察事故现场
who came down here to survey the accident.
你对着这上面说话
You just speak right into the top of this.
我不是来视察的 我就在事故里
Oh, I didn't come here to survey it. I was in it.
我经历了车祸
I was fully in the accident.
-我在流血 -你没事
- I'm bleeding. - You're fine.
市长 我听说肯塔基那边
Now, Mayor, I'm told there is a salt truck
会派来一辆撒盐车
coming down from Kentucky?
你对着这头说话
You just speak into the business end right here.
我试图联♥系♥一辆撒盐车
I tried to call a salt truck.
听到了一条西班牙语语♥音♥
There was just a Hispanic outgoing message,
然后直接进入语♥音♥信箱
and it went straight to voice mail.
你有尝试联♥系♥别的撒盐车公♥司♥吗
Did you try a different salt truck company?
你对着这里说话 这个会收到声音
You just talk right there. This-this picks up the sound.
没有 梅凯 我不认识其他的撒盐车公♥司♥
No, MayKay, I don't know other salt truck companies.
你以为当你成了市长
You think when you become mayor,
他们就会给你一份
they just give you a magical list of
世界上所有撒盐车公♥司♥的名单吗
all the salt truck companies in the world?
我要做雪魔 宝贝们
I'm making snow devils, babies.
-我被压住了 -阿大
- I'm pinned! - Big?
好极了 我们被雪困在里面了
Oh, this is perfect. We're snowed in.
真完美 我们被雪困在屋内
It's so perfect, we're snowed in.
别惊慌 我们有面包和牛奶
Now, before you panic, we do have both bread and milk.
是不是很浪漫
Isn't this romantic, y'all?
各位 找到你们的伴侣 享受圣诞节的舒适
Everyone, just grab your partner and get Christmas cozy.
我反正要这么做 丹尼尔
I know I'm about to. Daniel?
我会找到他的
Okay, I'll find him.
一部分的我有点同情她
Part of me feels sorry for her,
但大部分的我只想大喝特喝她的酒
but most of me just wants to drink her out of house and home.
好在人体有两个肝
Good thing the human body's got two livers,
而我们只需要一个
and we only need one.
布兰达 我跟你说了那是肾
Brenda, I told you that's kidneys.
你口气就像我在护士学校的教授
You sound like my professors at nursing school.
等等 你皮包里
Hold on, do you have a loose meatball
是不是有个肉丸在滚动
rolling around in your pocketbook?
我皮包里有13个肉丸子
Oh, I got a baker's dozen loose meatballs in my pocketbook.
有肉 还有生的蔬菜
You got your meats, then you got your crudités,
装虾的冰袋
iced pocket for shrimps,
最下面是各种酱汁
and the bottom is just a lake of various sauces and dips.
无论如何我要拿到我的奖金
I'm getting my bonus one way or another.
如果我们要被困在这派对上
Well, look, if we're gonna be stuck at this party,
不如好好利用 对吗
we might as well make the best of it. Right?
吃点食物 喝很多酒 然后愤怒窥探
Pound some food, drink a ton, and go anger-snooping.
要是我们能找到露易丝的黑料 我们会好受很多
If we find some Louise dirt, we'll feel so much better.
你说愤怒大便的时候我就决定加入你了
You had me at anger-pooping.
圣诞快乐 露易丝
"Merry Christmas, Louise.
你的烘干机里有坨屎
There's a doody in your dryer."
不 我说的是愤怒窥探
No, I said anger-snooping.