保佑哈特

我知道 我是开玩笑的
I know. I was just kidding about anger-pooping.
我不是禽兽 珍妮
I'm not an animal, Jenny.
不 外星人
"Oh, no. Aliens."
我是你的微领袖霜霜
"I'm your tiny leader Frosty."
在他杀死我们之前杀了他
"Kill it before it kills us first."
天 他在朝我射冷冻射线
"Oh, God, it's shooting me with a freeze ray.
我的四肢要脱落了
"Oh! Oh, all my limbs are coming off!
好痛
"Oh, it burns.
我爱我的四肢 别射我的四肢啊
I love my limbs. Not my limbs."
坏消息 各位
Sad news, y'all.
因为大雪 恐怕伊恩·大卫·科尔
I'm afraid Ian David Cole was not able to make it
来不了了
'cause of the snow.
该死 不要啊
Damn it! No!
确定吗
Or was I?
我今晚一直都在
I've been here all night.
我去
Holy what?
生活就是舞台 舞台就是我的生活
Life is a stage, and the stage is my life.
你们是我的合演者
And you are my costars.
给你们自己鼓鼓掌
Give yourselves a round of applause.
剧院的伊恩·大卫·科尔
Friggin' theater's Ian David Cole.
好好想想 贝蒂
Think, Betty, think.
专注
Focus.
花瓶 水晶
Vase, crystal,
银餐具 一箱葡萄酒 金主 吊灯
silverware, case of wine, sugar daddy, chandelier.
找到你的买♥♥卖♥♥ 在哪
Find your hustle. Where is it?
雪茄烟雾
Cigar smoke.
找到了[宾果]
Bingo.
我们没有玩宾果
No, we aren't playing bingo.
我们在帮丹尼尔躲他老婆
We're helping Daniel hide from his ball and chain.
-你不是珍妮·哈特的妈妈吗 -正是
- Hey, aren't you Jenny Hart's mama? - Sure am.
你有个漂亮女儿 哈特夫人
You got a good-looking daughter, Ms. Hart.
你看着也很棒 对于一个老人来说
You look good, too, for an old.
你嘴真甜
Oh, that's so sweet of you to say.
我能玩吗 我有现金
Can I play? I got cash.
科尔士现金
Kohl hard cash.
天呐 她真逗
Oh, my Lord, she is priceless.
我能说性感吗
Dare I even say hot?
就让这位古典美人加入吧
I say we let this ancient cutie sit in.
好的 尖铲
Okay, now what's the difference
和凹凸不平的铲子有什么区别
between the pointy shovels and the bumpy shovels?
看看这些本可以是我们奖金的垃圾
Look at all this dumb crap that could've been our bonuses.
水晶鸟 这是干什么的
A crystal bird? What's that even for?
-这贱♥人♥ -里面空无一物的红木盒子
- This bitch. - A mahogany box with nothing in it.
这贱♥人♥
This bitch.
这贱♥人♥
This bitch.
这贱♥人♥
This biatch.
这贱♥人♥
This bish.
这贱♥人♥
This bitch!
我看过你的所有节目 伊恩·大卫·科尔
I've seen every production you've ever done, Ian David Cole.
我超喜欢你的《天生冤家》音乐剧版本
I loved your musical version of The Odd Couple
你同时饰演两个主角
where you played both characters.
真好
Delightful.
你怎么没来试试 韦德
Why haven't you tried out for anything, Wade?
我叫韦恩 有个N
Oh, yeah, it's Wayne, with an "N."
不是 你叫韦德
No, it isn't. It's Wade.
韦德·洛克
Wade Rock.
这将是你跟我一起上台后要使用的艺名
That will be your stage name when you join me onstage.
你真的很有天赋 我能感觉到
You have a real presence. I can feel it.
不 我喜欢观看戏剧 但我表演不来
Oh, no. I-I love watching theater, but I can't do it.
我唯一尝试的那次 我在床上拉了屎
The one time I tried it, I really dookied the bed.
韦德
Oh-ho-ho-ho, Wade.
别这么说我朋友韦德
Don't talk about my friend Wade like that.
你肯定表演得很好
I'm sure you were wonderful.
不 我是真的在床上拉屎了
No. I mean I really dookied the bed.
斯米 多么流氓 粗鲁的...
Oh, Smee, what a rogue and peasant...
不
Oh, no.
我的天
Oh, my God.
嗯 我真的在床上拉屎了
So, yeah, I literally dookied the bed.
在台上 当着所有人的面
Onstage, in front of everyone.
那可不好
Ha-ha! That's not delightful.
为了记住所有台词 我变得很紧张
I got so nervous trying to remember all those lines.
韦德 你得回到舞台上
Wade, you've got to get back on that stage.
不然 屎就赢了
Otherwise, the dookie wins.
我可以教你
I could teach you.
我说不好
Oh, I don't know.
你记得你最爱歌♥曲的歌♥词 对吗
You remember the lyrics to your favorite songs, don't you?
*电梯里的恋情*
* Love in an elevator. *
当然
Hell yeah.
真好
Delightful!
你刚才表演了
You just acted!
真好
Delightful!
我不知道我是怎么赢这么多的
I have no idea how I'm winning all these--
这些叫什么 筹码吗
what are they called, chips?
大小盲注 翻牌吧
Okay, you're big blind, little blind. Let's see the flop.
看看这床
Oh, would you look at this bed.
估计枕头价值都有一万
There's probably $10,000 worth of pillows.
-奖金 -贱♥人♥ -奖金 -贱♥人♥ -奖金 -贱♥人♥
- Bonus! - Bitch! - Bonus! - Bitch! - Bonus! - Bitch!
抽屉里什么都没有
No luck in her drawers.
我等不及要看看
Ooh, I can't wait to see
她有价值多少亿的包包了
how many trillions of dollars of purses she's got.
里面有什么好东西吗
Anything good in there?
没有 假警报
No, no. Uh, false alarm.
但我好像在小孩的
Uh, but I think I did see some Adderall
杰克与吉尔卫生间里看到了阿得拉
in the kids' Jack N Jill bathroom.
中头奖了 我可以过护士考试了
Jackpot! Someone's gonna pass her nursing test.
露易丝
Hey, Louise...
这次派对就是场灾难
This party is a disaster.
什么
Sorry, what?
这次派对
This party.
就像是贴在严重的秘密伤口上的
It's just a big ol' sparkly ol' Band-Aid
闪亮创可贴
on a nasty secret wound.
是吗
Is it?
和表象完全相反
All appearances to the contrary,
我和丹尼尔之间的关系并不和谐
things are not great between me and Daniel.
什么
What...?
至少 我以为如果我挂上很多槲寄生
At the very least, I thought if I put up a ton of mistletoe,
也许丹尼尔会给我一个吻
maybe Daniel would give me a kiss,
但他躲槲寄生就像汤姆·克鲁斯在《碟中谍》里
but he's dodging mistletoe like Tom Cruise dodged those lasers
躲激光一样
in Mission Impossible.
露易丝 丹尼尔有你是他的福气
Louise, Daniel is lucky as hell to have you.
这派对很棒
And this party is amazing.
如果能让你好受点
And if it makes you feel any better,
我很嫉妒
I'm super jealous.
珍妮 我是好受点了 谢谢
Oh, Jenny, it does. Thank you.
珍妮 你有个爱你的家庭
Jenny, you have a beautiful family that loves you,
你很幸运拥有韦恩
and you're so lucky to have Wayne.
他给你拿小汉堡 他知道你不喜欢吃腌黄瓜
He brings you sliders, and he knows your pickle preferences.
谢谢 露易丝
Thanks, Louise.
韦恩真的很体贴
Wayne is a sweetheart.
我今晚想要你和布兰达来
I wanted you and Brenda to come here tonight,
因为宾客名单几乎都是丹尼尔的亲友
'cause the guest list is mostly Daniel's friends and family.
我想有一些熟脸
I just wanted some friendly faces here.
你需要拥抱吗
You need a little hug?
是的
I think I do.
你能像我爷爷以前那样抚摸我的头吗
Now, can you pet my head like my grambie used to?
像这样吗
Uh, like-like this?
慢点 更平稳地轻抚 像猫一样
Slower. Smoother strokes. Like a cat.
露易丝 我觉得你该张开嘴
Okay, Louise, I think you need to just open up your mouth
告诉丹尼尔你值得尊重
and tell Daniel that you deserve respect
你值得被爱
and you deserve love.