保佑哈特

An eye for an eye just makes everyone blind.
你没有光脚
You didn't, like, go into the bathroom
去厕所吧
while you were barefoot, did you?
-你说什么 -没什么 当我没说
- Sorry, what? - Oh, nothing. Never mind.
老天 那里面的地板
Good gravy, the floor in there.
也许我是变得太随意了点
Maybe I have gotten a little too casual.
事实上 我要打理自己
You know, in fact, I'm gonna clean myself up.
我要经常穿裙装 多看书
I'm gonna wear more skirt suits and, and read more
看纪录片
and watch documentaries, you know?
我不是垃圾
I'm not trash.
我妈也不会进行垃圾报复 就这样
And Mother is not doing some trashy revenge. The end.
什么情况
What's happening?
我在看一部关于爵士乐的纪录片
Oh, I'm just watching a documentary about jazz,
一石二鸟
i.E., killing two classy birds with one classy stone.
你真的在喝热茶吗
And are you really drinking hot tea?
是的 很好喝 热乎乎的 没有加糖的茶
Yes. It's... wonderful. It's hot, unsweetened tea.
富有泥土气息
Earthy.
现在我要写一首英国诗歌♥
Now I'm going to write a British poem.
说个主题
Say a theme.
-疯狂 -疯狂
- Craziness? - Craziness.
英式荒唐
British insanity.
什么词跟"荒唐"押韵
What rhymes with "Insanity"?
"家园港" 知道吗
In-fam-ility. You know what?
我还是把我的纪录片看完吧 就要结束了
I think I'm just gonna focus on my documentary. I'm almost done.
天啊 还有36部
Oh, goody, it has 36 more parts.
好了 妈 我欣赏你在做的事
Okay, Mom. I like what you are attempting to do here.
有点让人不安 但至少你没有光脚
It's a little unsettling, but at least you're not yelling
在每家玛超♥市♥大吼
in the Mega Lo Mart whilst barefoot.
"同时" 这词很适合我的英国诗歌♥
"Whilst." Oh, that's an excellent word for my British poem.
看我说对了吧
Read 'em and weep.
我早说了
Told. You. Y'all.
大吼"垃圾双胞胎"的嘴巴
The mouth that yelled "Trash twins."
淡定 我要保持优雅
Not gonna lose it. Huh-- I'm just gonna stay classy
写完我的优美诗歌♥
and finish my elegant poem.
同时 同时
Whilst... whilst...
同时我要在那个卷发圣滚者身上多撕开一个洞
whilst I tear that holy-rolling frizz noggin a new pyew hole!
克丽丝托琳 你个双面婊♥子♥ 我气死了
Crystalynn, you two-faced Judas. Oh, that just burns me up.
她觉得她比我们高级
She thinks she is so much better than us.
哟哟哟 看看谁刚刚进了
Well, well, well. Look who just checked in
黄金水槽自助餐
at the Golden Trough Buffet.
你最好快点吃完你的烤土豆条 克丽丝托琳
You better hit that baked potato bar hard and fast, Crystalynn,
因为你马上就要失去胃口了
'cause you're about to lose your appetite.
这才像样
There she is.
妈 我们别太低俗
Now, Mother, let's not climb directly into the mud here.
如果我们要做 就做得高雅点
If we're gonna do this, I think we should do it classy.
对吧 我们用善意杀死她
Right? Let's kill her with kindness.
行 就按你的方法来
Fine, we'll do it your way.
-垃圾水 -我不知道
- Garbage water! - I don't know
为什么有人会喝不加糖的茶
why in the hell people drink unsweetened tea.
艾斯牧师 我想休息你
Reverend Ace, I want to thank you
花时间跟我
so much for taking the time to talk to me
还有我汤米叔叔谈话
and my Uncle Tommy.
那小子是你叔叔
That kid's your uncle?
-是的 -这太扯了
- Yep. - That's crazy.
他多大 7岁 8岁
How old is he? Seven, eight?
10岁了
Yeah, he's ten.
但他的犯罪心理相当于20岁
But he's got the criminal mind of a 20-year-old.
我觉得他需要指引
I think he needs guidance, you know,
一个他能融入的地方
a, a place where he fits in.
你把这年轻人带到了正确的健身房♥教堂
You brought this young man to the right gym church.
他很适合我们的小举重手项目
He's a perfect fit for our Little Lifters program.
赞美他
Praise him!
瞧瞧他们
Look at 'em go!
你不会相信他们现在的样子
You wouldn't believe it to look at 'em now,
这些肌肉小子以前
but them sweet muscular little boys used to be
都是一群不圣洁的家伙 别担心 韦恩
a gang of unholy butts. Don't worry, Wayne.
我会很快让你的汤米叔叔改邪归正
I'll have your Uncle Tommy spiritually ripped in no time.
不行 汤米 不行
No, whoa-whoa, Tommy, no, no, whoa!
这不是电♥话♥簿 这是《圣经》
That's not a phone book, brother. That's a Bible.
只能用眼睛"撕裂"
We only tear through those with our eyes.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
亲爱的教堂会众
beloved members of our congregation,
掌声有请艾斯牧师到圣坛来
please welcome to the altar Reverend Ace!
听好了 各位 我以前是个坏小子
Listen up, folks! I used to be a bad seed,
沉迷吸毒
a hard-core drugger.
还因为将警♥察♥夹头被抓过
Even got arrested for putting a cop in a headlock.
幸运的是 有个人我无法夹头
Lucky for me, there was one dude I couldn't put in a headlock,
因为他多刺的王冠
'cause of his thorny crown.
我说的就是耶稣
Damn. I'm talking about Jesus.
现在我不钻法律空子
Now, instead of bending the law,
而是屈从于他的话语的力量
I bend to the power of his word!
通过耶稣的力量和低脂高蛋白的饮食
Through the power of Christ and a low-fat, protein-rich diet,
我闯过罪恶
I rip through sin!
诱惑
Temptation!
还有C词
And the "C" Word.
碳水化合物
以圣父 圣子和壮灵的名义
So in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Swolly Ghost!
阿门
Amen!
克丽丝托琳
Oh, hey, Crystalynn.
看看你 真是美极了
Look at you, all done up and pretty.
你的脸看着就像在老头拳头上涂了口红一样
Ugh, your face looks like lipstick on an old man fist.
贝蒂 珍妮
Betty and Jenny.
天 你们一如既往的可爱
Oh, my word, you look so cute as always.
你们的笑容让房♥间熠熠生辉
Your smile just lights up a room.
买♥♥点美白牙贴吧
Uh, invest in some Whitestrips.
还有镜子 玉米牙
And also a mirror, corn teeth.
我喜欢你的妆饰项链
Ooh, I like your statement necklace.
你在外面嗅其他狗屁♥股♥的时候
Do you wear that Lucifer dog collar
戴着这个路西法狗项圈吗
when you're out sniffing other dogs' butts?
黄金水槽自助餐太棒了
Don't you just love this Golden Trough buffet?
你们两个垃圾箱负鼠根本就吃不起
You two dumpster possums can't afford to eat out.
你们做了什么 卖♥♥了头发还是什么
What'd you do? Sell your hair or something?
我们那天在每家玛超♥市♥看到你后
The weirdest thing happened after we saw you
发生了一件超怪异的事
at Mega Lo Mart the other day.
我们出来的时候 某个讨厌鬼开车经过朝我们大吼
When we exited, some so-and-so drove by and catcalled us.
是的 我也要参与
That's right, I'm in this, too,
我们知道你做了什么 贵宾犬贱婢
and we know what you did, poodle-headed snizz face.
我要回去继续做上帝工作了
Well, I got to get back to doing the Lord's work.
你们慢用午餐
Y'all enjoy your lunch.
我尽快赶来了
I came as fast as I could.
-什么情况 -抱歉 韦恩
- What's going on? - I'm sorry, Wayne.
我尽力了 汤米叔叔得走人
I did my best, but Uncle Tommy has got to go.
天 你不是说你能挽救他的吗 艾斯牧师
Geez. I thought you could fix him, Reverend Ace.
他一开始以上帝之名
He started out destroying
毁掉所有对的东西
all the right stuff in the name of the Lord,
然后他又去了员工厨房♥
but then he just moved on over to the employee kitchenette,
开始砸里面的东西
started busting up things in there!
不 汤米叔叔
No, Uncle Tommy!
那辆固定脚踏车得固定在原位
That stationary bike is supposed to stay stationary.
天 感觉好棒
Oh! Man, that felt so good.
那个双面婊♥子♥
That two-faced hussy got the taste
被怼得无言以对
knocked out of both her mouths.
你们不用付钱
Oh, you two don't need to pay.
克丽丝托琳已经帮你们给了
Crystalynn bought both your dinners.
她说你们经济不太宽裕
She said y'all are usually struggling with money stuff,
她想帮助有需要的人 她是不是很好
and she wanted to help the needy. Isn't she sweet?
最好了
The sweetest.
好吧 我准备来狠的了
Okay. I'm ready to mud-wrestle.
我的烫发
My perm!
别忘了吃我自己烘焙的
Don't forget to get a big old scoop
麦香酱芝士披萨
of my baked mac and cheese.