保佑哈特

-莫娜 -闭嘴
- Mona? - Shut up.
今晚所有疯子都出来了
Oh, y'all. All the crazies have come out tonight.
计划是什么 亲爱的
What's the plan, baby?
我们要绕开电子产品区
We're gonna bypass electronics
因为这儿会有很多人
'cause there's gonna be a big log jam right here
争夺平板电视
with the flat-screen melees.
所以我们要往北
So, we're gonna take the northern route
走到电器区 然后之字形通过母婴产品区
towards appliances by zig-zagging through maternity,
因为那些女人很慢
'cause those ladies are slow;
然后我们去内衣区
then, we're heading to intimates
沿着公园中心去厨房♥用具区
to kitchenwares via the garden center. Boom!
非常聪明 珍妮 不愧是我带大的
Very clever, Jenny. I taught you well.
然后就可以直接去女鞋区
And then it's just a straight shot over to women's footwear.
我要买♥♥一双永不过时的粉色阿格阿格靴
Where I'm gonna pick me up a timeless pair of pink UGG-ugs.
妈 它们就叫阿格靴
Mother, they're just called UGGs.
阿格决定保留各自意见
UGG-ug-ree to disagree.
不过无所谓 我们没问题的
But it doesn't matter. We got this.
击掌 维奥莱
Up high, Violet.
宝贝的第一次火鸡昏睡
Aw... baby's first turkey coma.
不敢相信 我的宝宝们
I can't believe it, my babies!
我竟然是第一位
I'm very first in line.
我在这排了四天了
I've been here for four days.
救命 我被压住了 我瞬间就被压住了
Help! I'm pinned! I was immediately pinned.
看着点
Hey. Watch it.
看着点 蠢货 我可是带着小孩
Watch it, dumbass! Lady with a baby!
该死 体育用品
Son of a... sporting goods?
那里应该是美容和个护区的
That should be beauty and personal care.
他们重新布置了整个商店
They rearranged the whole store.
企业混♥蛋♥
Oh, corporate butts.
别争了
Don't fight it.
随波逐流就行
Just swim with the tide, y'all.
祝你能买♥♥到阿格靴
Good luck with your UGGs!
是阿格阿格靴
It's UGG-ugs!
注意了 这是资本主义最黑暗的时刻
Behold! Capitalism at its worst!
也或者是资本主义最光明的时刻
Or is it capitalism at its best?
来妈妈怀里
Come to Mama.
克丽丝托琳
Crystalynn!
见到你真高兴
So nice to see you.
不过看样子你错误抓住了
But it looks like you're mistakenly clutching something
属于我的东西
that belongs to me.
贝蒂 我们的主和救世主真的有赐予你
Betty, our Lord and Savior really did bless you
十足的幽默感
with a wonderful sense of humor.
放开我的阿格阿格靴
Now let go of my UGG-ugs.
住手 克丽丝托琳
Cut it, Crystalynn.
我没空跟你虚情假意
I don't have time for these fake niceties.
我没空不和我的阿格阿格靴待在一起
And I don't have time not to be with my UGG-ugs.
把你肮脏乌黑的狗爪子从我的阿格阿格靴上拿开
Now please get your dirty, sooty racoon paws off my UGG-ugs.
-是我的阿格阿格靴 你个贱♥货♥ -真俗气 别扯
- They're my UGG-ugs, you ho-bag! - So tacky. Stop pulling
-我的阿格阿格靴 -住手 是你在
- on my UGG-ugs. - No, you stop! You're the one
-拉扯 -我要穿这鞋
- stretching them to begeebus. - I need these to wear
去教堂
to church!
干得漂亮 克丽丝托琳
Well, way to go, Crystalynn.
你毁掉了最后一双
You beheaded the last pair.
我就该用这鞋底打你屁♥股♥
I should whip your boo-heiny with this here sole.
别逼逼了
Stop flapping your commode lips.
多亏你的野兽行为 我们都买♥♥不成阿格阿格靴了
Thanks to your animal behavior, neither of us have UGG-ugs.
绝对不行
Oh, Hades, no.
抱歉
Oh, sorry.
珍妮
Oh, hey, Jenny.
你见过我特别朋友丹尼尔吗
Have you met my special friend Daniel?
嗯 我妈在他家车行买♥♥的本♥田♥CRX
Oh, yeah. Mother bought her CRX from his family's car dealership.
你好 丹尼尔
Hi, Daniel.
丹尼尔 够了
Daniel... stop.
丹尼尔想要我去睡衣区
Daniel wants me to buy some intimates
买♥♥点内衣
from the sleepwear sections.
他总觉得不过瘾
He just can't get enough of me.
我就不打扰你们...
Well, I'll leave you to your...
那些企业混♥蛋♥把你藏在哪了
Now, where did those corporate butts hide you?
因为我会找到你的
'Cause I'm gonna find you,
乐师♥傅♥牌双触摸屏的千瓦微波炉
thousand W twin-touch microwave by LeChef.
救命 我被这个胡萝卜鼻子的匹诺曹压住了
Help! I'm pinned by this carrot-nosed Pinocchio.
所以你在黑色星期五
So you lost me in a Super Mega-Lo-Mart
在每家玛超♥市♥弄丢了我
on Black Friday?
我没有弄丢你 你自己跑掉的
Okay, I did not lose you. You ran away.
我折寿多年
And it took years off my life.
我整个人失控
I was beside myself,
在商店里大叫着
frantically running around that store screaming.
帮忙啊 帮忙啊
Somebody help. Somebody help!
帮帮我 那女人把所有阿格阿格靴都拿走了
Help me. That woman's hoarding all the UGG-ugs!
女士 今天是黑色星期五
Ma'am, it's Black Friday.
我们都只想活命
We're all just trying to stay alive in here.
让开 禽兽们 我在休息
Get away, you animals. I'm on break!
克丽丝托琳 我完全不关心你
Crystalynn, I don't care for you at all.
但我想在这事上我们得团结起来
But I think we need to team up on this one.
极端情况需要极端手段
Extreme situations call for extreme measures.
所以是恶魔交易
So it's a devil's bargain, then.
我们走
Let's roll.
先生 我在找乐师♥傅♥微波炉
Sir, I'm looking for a LeChef microwave.
你有藏在仓库吗
Are you hiding some in the back?
这里是每家玛超♥市♥ 整个商店就是仓库
This is Mega-Lo-Mart. The whole store is the back.
家居用品和电子产品区的边界处
I think there's a floor model on the border
应该有一个陈列品
of housewares and electronics.
-谢谢你 -但我得警告你
- Thank you. - But I have to warn you.
那里是清♥仓♥产品区 没有法律管束
It's the clearance section. It's basically lawless.
管理部15分钟前把撤走了那里所有的员工
Management pulled all employees out of there 15 minutes ago.
一些很好的人 他们没能逃出来
Some real good guys, they didn't make it out.
给 拿上我的枪
Here, take my gun.
好的 如果你觉得我需要的话
Oh, uh, okay, if you think I need it.
价格枪 以防万一我需要...
A price gun? Oh, in case I need to...
-转移注意力 -转移注意力 是的
- Cause a distraction. - Cause a distraction. Yes.
谢谢你 你叫什么
Wow. Thank you. What's your name?
我也希望它重要
I wish it mattered.
留意那个吸尘器 雷纳德
Keep your eyes peeled for that Shop-Vac, Leonard.
明白 该死 但我觉得
On it, doggone it. But I do think
我们该在开始购买♥♥装备前
we should figure out what our new joint-venture business is gonna be
先搞清我们的新合资公♥司♥要涉及什么
before we start buying gear for it.
要么是法医犯罪现场清理行业
It's either gonna be a forensic crime scene cleanup business
要么是机动车清洗
or a mobile car wash.
无论如何 我们都需要一台吸尘器
Either way, we're gonna need a Shop-Vac.
那是什么
Oh, what's that?
看样子这个小姑娘和妈妈走丢了
Looks like this little girl wandered away from her mama.
你好 小姑娘
Hi there, little lady.
我是韦恩
I'm Wayne.
你是...
And you are...
聪明 别和陌生人说话
Smart. Don't talk to strangers.
韦恩 别喜欢上她
Wayne, do not get attached.
我们没能力养这个小孩
We are not equipped to raise this baby.
配方明确要求三个男人和一个宝宝
The formula specifically calls for three men and a baby.
而我们显然少一个斯蒂夫·古根伯格
And we are clearly short one Steve Guttenberg.
我不能把她留在这儿
I can't just leave her.
她家人肯定担心死了
I bet her family's worried sick.
她当然要去买♥♥椒盐脆饼了
Oh, of course she's heading over to the soft pretzels.
她可能会用爆米花桶来装思乐冰
She's probably gonna use a popcorn bucket for her Slurpee.
我这样说也许很不符合基♥督♥教
This is not very Christian of me,
但是看看那肥臀
but look at that fat ass.
我们现在就去撵走她
I say we bum-rush her right now.
布兰登
Brandon!
达斯汀
Dustin!
我挑选墨西哥辣椒酱的时候帮我看着推车
Come watch my cart while I get some jalapeño dip for my pretzel.
撵人计划泡汤
No go on the bum-rush.