黑色星期一

Black Monday S01E09

Part 1 March 17, 2020, 12:45 p.m.

黑色星期一
第一季第九集
《黑色星期一》前情提要...
Previously on Black Monday...
我们以为你会取消婚礼
We thought you might call the wedding off
自从你的订婚闹剧之后
after your whole engagement party fiasco.
什么
What?
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
说的跟真的是的小婊砸
As if, slut!
我在乔治纳夫妇家里找到了这些
I found these at the Georginas' apartment.
肯定是他们自己绑♥架♥了蒂芙
They must have kidnapped Tiff themselves.
我们要的是毛里斯·蒙罗
We want Maurice Monroe,
你得把他的老底交代了
and you are gonna give him to us.
我要离婚
I want a divorce.
布莱尔爱上我了我觉得
Blair is in love with me, and I think
我也爱上他了
I'm falling for him, too.
离黑色星期一还有63天
离黑色星期一还有2天
日落大道比弗利大道
*多好的一对啊*
*他们这样说道*
*当我们在一起时*
*蒂芙妮和布莱尔*
*他们不明白于是他们*
*They don't understand and so they*
*一直在问这件事是不是个错误*
*Keep asking if this whole thing's a gaffe*
*这么个好姑娘怎么就和法夫将就了*
*How'd such a catch end up with a Pfaff?*
*我对罗斯福说不要罗斯福*
*I said no-sevelt to a Roosevelt*
*赫斯特最坏了*
*That Hearst was the worst*
*差点就和罗斯柴尔德家的人生了孩子*
*Almost had a child with a Rothschild*
*还有安德森·库珀*
*And Anderson Cooper*
我还是不敢相信你居然为了布莱尔离开斯宾塞
I still can't believe you left Spencer for Blair.
同性恋运动员
你比比利·简·金还喜欢贱♥人♥
You love bitches more than Billie Jean King.
你是在家里想出这些梗的吗
Do you work on these at home?
-不是 -不是吗
- No. - No?
-管它呢 -那就是了
- Whatever. - Yeah.
-有时是在蹲坑的时候 -好吧
- Sometimes on the toilet. - Okay.
我是说如果你喜欢这种类型的男人
What I'm saying is, if this guy's your type,
你到底看上我什么了
what'd you ever see in me?
你是最贱的贱♥人♥了
You are the biggest bitch of all.
你害怕爱
You're afraid of love.
*我对德文埃文和凯文都说了不*
*I said no to a Devin, an Evan, and a Kevin*
*更别让我提起叫大卫的人了*
*And don't even get me started on the Davids*
*别担心他们都不是犹太人*
*Don't worry, none of them were Jews*
你们知不知道取代这首歌♥
Did you know the song that knocked this song
荣登榜首的歌♥也是肖代尔乐队发的吗
out of the number one spot was also a Shondells cover,
《莫尼莫尼》 80年代真操蛋啊
"Mony Mony." The '80s suck.
好吧你们知不知道我花了大把大把的钞票
Yeah, well, did you know that I paid good "Mony mony"
给了一个叫香黛尔的女孩
to a girl named Shondell
就是为了把我的老二塞到她的小妹妹里
to put my number one in her spot?
你敢说句实话吗
I dare you to tell the truth one time.
红酒还是白葡萄酒
Red or white?
或混着来我觉得你可能喜欢桃红葡萄酒
Or I could mix 'em. You...strike me as a pink guy.
你♥他♥妈♥在说什么
What the fuck are you talking--
你不用着急决定
You know what? Take your time.
我们哪也不去
We're not going anywhere.
我能点些东西吗
Uh, can I order something?
餐饮服务者太坏了
Caterers are terrible.
*布莱尔现在不再孤单了*
*Blair's not alone now*
*别人说他想要我的钱*
*They say he wants my money*
*但他连毛都捞不着*
*But he won't get shit*
亲爱的这也太
Babe, this is really...
-棒了 -是吗
- good. - Right?
这么说吧蒂芙妮最好小心点
I'll tell you what: Tiffany better look out,
因为来了个新的蒂芙妮
'cause there's a new Tiffany in town
能更狠碾压别人的歌♥曲
who can butcher other people's songs even better.
这对我来说很有意义
That means a lot.
-你知道商场对我来说有多重要 -是啊
- You know how important malls are to me. - Yeah.
事实上我能找你要个签名吗
In fact, can I get your autograph?
天哪当然了
Oh, my God. Of course!
说正事我来给你拿
Ah, no, seriously, though, just while I got you...
这是什么
What's this now?
就是你知道的
...it's just, you know,
就是一般的婚礼文件
normal wedding paperwork. Uh,
有结婚证授权书
we got a marriage license, we got a power of attorney...
授权书
Power of attorney?
我是说难道你不希望
Well, I mean, wouldn't you rather
让我来操心这些无聊的财务文件
I take care of all that boring financial junk
这样你就可以把心思花在
so you can focus on all your...
重要的事情上了
...important, you know, stuff
就是你白天干的事
you do during the daytime?
-我是很忙 -我知道
- I mean, I am so busy... - Yeah, I know.
但是我不能签字对不起
But I can't sign that. I'm sorry.
我给你准备了
While I got you,
需要你签名的东西
there is something I kind of need you to sign.
这是什么
Well, what's this now?
棒极了
Yeah!
谢谢蒂芙妮
Thank you, Tiffany,
谢谢你道恩
and thank you, Dawn,
感谢你主持这次的婚宴彩排
for hosting this rehearsal dinner.
我告诉你吧
Let me tell you something.
我才不怕爱道恩
I am not afraid of love, Dawn.
我不怕
I'm not.
其实我本来打算和你一起做这些事
In fact, I was gonna do this whole fucking thing with you.
什么什么
W-what? What?
你这什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
我本打算向你求婚好吗
I was gonna propose, okay?
扯淡
Bullshit.
我把戒指和其他的东西都准备好了道恩
I--I had the goddamn ring and everything, Dawn.
-是吗 -当然
- Oh, yeah? Okay, yeah? - Okay, yeah.
-我打算来全套的 -好吧什么时候
- I was gonna do all of it. - All right, when?
我们去州北部骑马的那天晚上
That night we went horseback riding upstate.
我们没去过州北部骑马
We never went horseback riding upstate.
正是这样
Exactly.
你这是什么意思
What's that supposed to mean?
感谢毛里斯的出席
Oh, thanks to Maurice for coming up
并在最后一刻帮我们定下明天的婚礼场地
with this last-second wedding venue for tomorrow
因为蒂芙和布莱尔发小孩子脾气
after we lost our spot at the Plaza
让我们丢了大酒店的预定
during Tiff's and Blair's brief rumspringa.
这是这是
Is this-- Is this...
你想让我签一份婚前协议吗
You want me to sign a prenup?
别激动
Okay, calm down.
不签这个我父亲是不会让我嫁给你
My daddy will not let me marry you without it.
他对自己的财产防范心很重
He's very protective over his money.
好像谁在乎他那点钱
I mean, who cares, really?
除非我们全部
Unless our entire...
十一年的感情不过是一个圈套
11-year relationship was just a big ruse
好让你可以染指乔治纳牛仔财产
for you to get your hands on Georgina Jeans.
那真是疯了
It's insane.
敬真爱
To true love.
真爱
True love.
*Children behave*
*That's what they say when we're together*
*And watch how you play*
*They don't understand, and so*
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
你想走吗如果你想的话
Do you want to? I mean, if you want to go,
-我们可以走的 -好吧
- we can go. - Okay.
-好吗 -好的
- Yeah? - Yeah.
别忘了抽身道恩
Don't forget to pull out, Dawn.
别担心宝贝他只不过生气
Don't worry, babe. He's just mad
我泡到了妹子
that I got the girl.
你知道有句话说道
You know what they say:
"初恋总是走不到最后"
"They don't always leave with the ones they came in with."
你知道还有句话说道
You know what else they say.
"一个人得有多傻♥逼♥
"You'd have to be one dumb hick fuck
才会在结婚那天
to be messing around with your girlfriend
还在跟情人鬼混
when you're about to marry someone else