黑色星期一

Black Monday S01E07

Part 4 March 17, 2020, 12:44 p.m.

Lots of people. Uh...
对了 OJ·辛普森和他刚娶来的金发女孩
Yeah, O.J. Simpson and that blonde girl he just married.
-还有呢 -罗伯特·瓦格纳和娜塔莉·伍德
- Yeah. - Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood--
他们结了两次婚也很幸福直到...
I mean, they married each other twice and were so happy until...
浪花带走了他们的爱真的
they drifted apart... literally.
娜塔莉·伍德据说是在坐游艇时被罗伯特·瓦格纳推入水中溺亡
我们的订婚派对就是场灾难
And the engagement party was such a disaster.
更别说他可能整晚
Not to mention he was out all night
都在外面和妓♥女♥鬼混
with some prostitute probably.
不也许...不是吧
No, no, probably...not.
我想和我的牧师谈话来着
I tried to talk to my minister,
知名邪教山达基教对信徒的分级方式
但我只是希坦五级
but I'm only an Operating Thetan IV,
他不肯跟我谈这个除非我上了深渊之桥
and he won't discuss it until I go up the Bridge,
但那得再花十万块
but that's, like, another 100 grand.
相信我蒂芙你们没被诅咒
Trust me, Tiff. You are not cursed.
是吗真的
Yeah? Really?
那为什么没人参加我的单身派对道恩
Then how come no one showed up to my bachelorette party, Dawn?
也许她们在公园里被人绑♥架♥谋杀了
Maybe they got caught in the park and killed.
你很贴心
You're sweet.
但我想这是最后的征兆了
But I think this is the final sign.
买♥♥单
Check, please.
你那些虚伪的朋友没来也许是好事
Maybe it's a good thing your fake-ass friends didn't show.
-为什么 -因为你已经不再需要她们了
- Why? - Well, you've outgrown them.
明白吗你有像我这样见过世面的新朋友
Okay? You have new, sophisticated friends like me.
是不谁需要那些讨厌鬼啊
Right? Now, who needs those skanks?
我们有酒就够了
All we need are drinks.
你有失过恋吗道恩
Haven't you ever fallen out of love, Dawn?
你一直在坚持
You know, you keep holding on,
希望能重燃恋情但是
hoping to get that feeling back, but...
但是你抓得越紧感情流失得越远
the tighter you grip it, the further away it gets.
直到有天你醒来
And then one day you wake up,
枕边人已经形同陌路
and you're two totally different people
然后你会疑惑当初你们是怎么在一起的
and you wonder how you even got together in the first place.
你有过这种感觉吗道恩
Haven't you ever felt that, Dawn?
没有
No.
我从来没有过
I've never felt that.
-我们就像是《迈阿密风云》 -没错
- We're like Miami Vice. - Exactly.
-蒂芙道恩 -布莱尔
- Tiff? Dawn? - Blair?
你在哭吗
Are you crying?
你还好吗
Are you okay?
不太好你们在这干什么
I don't think so. What are you doing here?
老天啊今晚真是疯得不能再疯了
Jesus Christ, this night can't get any crazier.
我们差点被♥干♥掉了两次
We almost got killed, okay? Twice.
然后我们随便挑了一个地儿喝酒
And then we come in here randomly to get a drink,
正好你们俩也在这
and then you two are here.
要是这还不能说明这俩货是灵魂伴侣
If this isn't a sign that these two kids are soul mates,
我都不知道什么是了对吧道恩
I don't know what is, right, Dawn?
-对吧道恩 -对没错
- Right, Dawn? - Uh, yeah. Sure.
什么叫"对没错" 你该说"太他妈对了"
Ye--"yeah, sure"? More like "hell, yeah, sure."
服务生听着
Hey, waiter, listen,
来一瓶你们这最好的香槟
a bottle of your finest champagne
都不够喝
will not cut it.
给我们来四瓶
We need four of those motherfuckers
再上几打龙舌兰我们今晚要爽翻天
and then tequila shots, 'cause we're getting crazy tonight.
老天这得多巧啊你能信吗
Oh, man, can you believe this coincidence?
我不信
No.
你不信吗那...
Ok--huh? No? Ah, wha...
自以为了不起的鸡窝头
Ugh, smug Chia Pet motherfucker.
我们肯定漏了什么东西
There's got to be something we missed.
我们只找到了这个
The only other thing we found was this.
他们一直疯狂买♥♥进乔治纳牛仔的股份
They've been buying up Georgina Jeans like crazy.
什么我翻过他们的季度报表
What? When I went through their quarterlies,
乔治纳没占多少份额啊
they weren't holding any major positions.
占了有40%
They were up to 40%.
他们一定知道了消息提前脱手了之类的
They must've gotten spooked and sold it off or something.
又或者他们把股份藏起来了不让其他人
Or they hid it to throw off the Street...
和我们知道
and us.
船长日志
Captain's log.
这里是船长基斯·T·尚克进行述职报告
Captain Keith T. Shanker reporting for duty.
这个星球傻♥逼♥遍布
This planet is full of assholes, a--
-脚从桌上拿开 -再碰我一下试试
- Feet off the table. - Fucking touch me again,
-再碰就告你 -我们知道你对于
- and I'll sue. - So we know you don't care
我们把你小男友的事告诉你儿子无所谓
if we tell your son about your boyfriend,
不过要是我们告诉你儿子
but how would you feel if we told your son
他和你小男友都要坐牢
and your boyfriend that they're going to jail
因为非法接受股份你觉得如何
for illegal share parking?
我猜你儿子的档案里要是有这么一项记录
You know, I think your son's gonna have a really hard time
想去布兰迪斯这种大学怕是难了吧
getting into Brandeis with that on his permanent record.
相信我布拉德想上任何大学都难
Believe me, Brad's gonna have a hard time getting into any college.
我猜你小男友
Well, I bet your boyfriend's gonna have
在监狱里也会挺难熬其实吧他可能还挺享受
a real hard time in prison-- actually, he might like it.
别取笑同性恋了行吗黛布
Can we cool it with the gay panic stuff, Deb?
-我表弟也是个同 -扯淡
- My cousin's a fairy. - Bullshit.
我一点都听不懂你们在说什么
I don't have any idea what you're talking about.
叫你撒谎屁♥股♥烧光
Liar, liar, jeans on fire.
乔治纳牛仔交易报表
厉害啊你看拼得整洁如新呢
Nice. See? That was a good, clean one.
谢谢夸奖你现在感觉如何基斯
Thanks. How do you feel now, Keith?
完蛋
Fuck me.
好吧你们要我做什么
Okay. What do you need me to do?
群星酒店
讲真的老蒙你不知道她们在这吗
Be honest, Mo. You didn't know they were here?
道恩你也没给他们通风报信
And, Dawn, you didn't tip them off
-说我在打退堂鼓吗 -等下
- that I was getting cold feet? - Wait a second.
-你干嘛打退堂鼓 -你打退堂鼓了吗
- Why do you have cold feet? - You're getting cold feet?
-因为你在打退堂鼓 -我只是脑子有点乱
- Because you are! - I'm-I'm just confused.
你不爱我了吗
Don't you love me anymore?
他当然爱你了这有够不可理喻的吧
Yes, he loves you anymore. This is insane, guys.
打退堂鼓很正常非常正常
Cold feet is normal. It's very normal.
-对吧道恩 -很正常
- Right, Dawn? - Cold feet are normal.
-听到没 -但你还是要听从
- See that? - But you got to listen
-你的内心 -我知道
- to your heart. - I know.
-什么玩意 -老蒙闭嘴
- What the fuck? - Mo, shut up!
听好寻找自己的终身伴侣
Listen, find the person you want to be with
要看他们的本质而不是假装的光鲜外表
based on who they are, not who they aren't.
相信我如果选择嫁给泰德
Trust me, if you pick a Ted
只因为你被几个杰克伤透心你此生注定孤独
just because a bunch of Jakes broke your heart, you're gonna be lonely.
等等等等泰德和杰克是谁
W-wait, wait, wait. W-who's Ted and Jake?
-《十六支蜡烛》 -《十六支蜡烛》
- Sixteen Candles. - Sixteen Candles.
那片子烂爆了龙德东是个什么鬼角色
That movie's fucked. Long Duk Dong?
整一个黑人说唱团演出
Talk about a goddamn minstrel show right there.
好吧问题是如果你嫁错了人
All right, the point is, if you marry the wrong person,
你会悔恨终生
you will regret it every day.
仅仅因为道恩当初没嫁给自己的狂野男孩
Well, just 'cause Dawn should've married her bad boy--
这事与你无关
This isn't about you.
与斯宾塞无关而是我的事
This isn't about Spencer. This is about me.
我的翻版蒂芙我
This me. Tiffa-me.
你是把蒂芙妮比作你
Well, you used "me" as a metaphor.
-我没有 -我很确定你有
- No, I didn't. - Uh, I'm pretty sure that you did.
我怎么会是泰德我应该是杰克
How am I a Ted? I am a Jake.
我一直提醒自己做个杰克
I've always reminded myself of a Jake.
你彻头彻尾都是泰德泰德的泰泰德的德
You're Ted tip to tush. T-E-D, Ted.
软萌如泰迪熊
You're a little Teddy bear.
蒂芙和布莱尔是天造地设的一对
Tiff and Blair are perfect for each other.
你说了不算我说了不算
You don't know that, and I don't know that.
只有他们自己说了算
Only they know that.
你们两个这其实简单的要死
Guys, it's really fucking simple.
-你们相爱吗 -相爱啊
- Are you in love? - Yes.
你们相爱吗说话啊
Are you in love? Hmm?
-我 -小婊砸你好啊
- I- - Hey, slut!
你们来啦
You came!
小婊砸们