黑色星期一

Black Monday S01E05

Part 1 March 17, 2020, 12:44 p.m.

黑色星期一
第一季第五集
《黑色星期一》前情提要
Previously on Black Monday...
小莱我想我知道老蒙在干吗
You know, Len, I think I know what Mo's up to.
乔治纳好戏
The Georgina play?
我们没有那么多现金
We don't have that kind of cash!
那我去借就得了道恩
I will fucking borrow it, Dawn.
你把这地方叫做詹玛集团
You named the place the Jammer Group,
而且没人知道为什么
and nobody knows why!
你成功地让他俩复合
You did such a great job at getting them back together.
那我们呢
What about us?
距黑色星期一还有293天
距黑色星期一还有243天
各位好我是阿尔文·拉德尼克
Hi, everyone, I'm Alvin Rudnick,
来自斯坦斯丁联合律师事务所
from Steinsteen and Associates.
詹玛集团的法律总顾问
General counsel for the Jammer Group.
毛里斯让我今天来
Maurice asked me to come here today
给大家简单上一课
to give you all a, brief course
关于性骚扰须知事宜
in the do's and try-not-to-do's of sexual harassment.
性...骚扰
Sexual... harassment?
这是个新体♥位♥ 笨蛋对吧拉德尼克
It's a new posish, dumbass. Right, Rudnick?
行了快告诉我
All right, hit me with it.
我一直想提升我的打炮技术
I'm always trying to spruce up my fuck game.
就像这样这样这样
Like, huh! Huh! Huh!
停
Close.
性骚扰是指
Sexual harassment refers to
在工作场所对于女性的不公平对待
unfair treatment of women in the workplace.
针对这方面的法律是不新鲜但现在开始实施了
Now, the laws against it aren't new, but enforcement is.
还不如说是完全没屁用
More like her-ass-meant nothing to me.
罗德尼·丹泽菲奶得一分
Score one for Rodney Dangertits.
罗德尼·丹泽菲尔德著名演员
代表作《鬼马小精灵》等此处把名字女性化
不如说是霍伊·蔓德拉
More like Howie Mandela.
霍伊·曼德尔美国著名主持人此处同为把名字女性化
告诉他们关于
Hit 'em with the part about how you can't
你不能撩或者亲或者跟
put the moves on or kiss or, you know, fall in love
办公室里的任何小妞谈恋爱的规定
with any of the chicks in the office.
这话并不完全正确
That's not entirely accurate.
显然
Now, obviously,
你可以随便跟女性说什么
you can say anything you want to a woman,
但肢体接触这方面的规定就比较严格
but the rules on physical contact are a bit more restricted.
让我们假设一下
So hypothetically, let's say
你们这群花♥花♥公♥子♥中的一个
that one of you tomcats has caught
看上了一个
a case of the fancies
在办公室里
for one of the fine young fillies
举手投足都很迷人的小姑娘
I see trotting their tail feathers around the office.
阿尔又是我
Hey, Al, me again.
我觉得假设的具体一点更有效
I think people work better with specific hypotheticals.
就说那个办公室里的
So let's just say that one of the tomcats
花♥花♥公♥子♥是布莱尔吧
in the office is, I don't know, Blair.
我订婚了这个显然不太说得通
Well, I'm engaged, so that doesn't make a ton of sense.
你会惊讶这到底有多说得通布莱尔
You'd be surprised how much fucking sense it could make, Blair.
然后那个小姑娘
And let's say that, I don't know,
就是道恩吧
one of these fillies is, uh, Dawn,
毕竟她是我们这唯一一个妹子
since she's the only chick we got here.
萝丝玛丽说的有道理
Yeah, Rosemarie has a point.
这些规则适用于她这类老女人吗
Do these rules apply to a woman of her, you know, decrepitude?
性骚扰适用于所有女人...
Sexual harassment applies to all women...
有吸引力的
Who are attractive...
-好吧 -并且在生育年龄的女性
- Okay. - And of childbearing age.
事实上辣妹条款规定
In fact, the smoke show clause stipulates
有11种...
that there are 11 types...
-你到底想干什么 -什么想干什么
- What? - What?
就是问你想干什么
What?
我只想让大家有个安全的工作环境
I just want everybody to have a safe work environment.
所以这跟你
So this has absolutely nothing to do
在曼哈顿选美大赛之后的奇怪表现
with why you've been acting so fucking weird
完全没关系是吗
since the Manhattan Pageant?
我不觉得我哪里奇怪啊
I don't think I've been acting weird.
奇怪的是你吧
I think you've been acting weird
因为我没去雪松酒馆里
'cause I didn't show up at Cedar Tavern.
我也没去啊
Well, I didn't show up either.
我都不知道你去没去
So why would I be pissed that I have no idea
我为什么要生气
whether you showed up or not?
这我就不知道了
I don't know.
-好吧 -好吧
- Okay. - Okay.
视觉助手
A visual aid.
-这是小假假 -我们要看你的奶♥子♥
- This is Dum-Dum. - Show us your tits!
所以我们意见一致
So we agree.
没人去了雪松酒馆
Nobody showed up at Cedar Tavern,
所以也没人表现奇怪
so nobody's acting weird.
开这个会也只是为了尊重问题
And this seminar is just about respect.
是啊韦恩真的很尊重那个娃娃
Yes, and Wayne is really respecting the fuck out of that doll.
小阿尔犹太教允许这样吗
Yo, Alvy, is this kosher?
很明显各位这是绝对不允许的
Obviously, everyone, that was right on the line.
-速速瘦代餐奶昔 -是的
- SlimFast? - Oh, yeah.
但这个减肥速度对蒂芙来说还不够快
But not fast enough for Tiff.
她给我安排了非常严格的婚前减肥食谱
She's kept me on a strict wedding diet of,
麦芽糊糖精角叉菜胶还有磷酸盐
maltodextrin, carrageenan, and phosphates.
-美味 -这就是科学
- Yum. - Mmm, science.
只有我这么觉得还是那个会议真的很怪
Hey, was it just me, or was that meeting really odd?
我也觉得对吧真是糟糕
I know, right? It sucks.
过不了多久我们都不能相互调情了
I mean, soon, we're not even gonna be able to flirt.
不是指你我我是说在工作场合
Not you and me. I mean in the workplace.
是啊不是指我们
Yeah, no, not with-- not us.
-不 -当然不
- No. - No.
不过我刚刚说的是老莫
Um, no, but I was talking about Mo.
他知道我们在雪松酒馆的事吗
Does he know about us at the Cedar Tavern?
当然不有什么好知道的
No. No, I mean, what is there to know?
只不过是酒后的一时冲动对吧
I mean, it was just a drunken accident, right?
-是啊 -没错
- Yeah. - Yeah.
只是酒后的一时冲动
Yeah, it was just a-a drunken accident.
就像我弟弟一样
Like my little brother.
你连你弟也亲过
You kissed your brother too?
不我父母以为他们已经不想要孩子了
Uh, no, no, my--my parents thought they were done having kids,
然后他们用了安全期避孕法后来...
and then they were using the rhythm method and...
-有人脱靶了 -是的
- Somebody got off beat. - Exactly.
没错
Yeah.
我要去把这个吃了
Well, I'm gonna go eat this.
真不错
Nice.
你就是毛里斯·蒙罗
You Maurice Monroe?
-这是什么 -你会知道的
- What the hell is this? - You'll see.
不错是新的传真机吗
Nice! Is that a new fax machine?
这台的传输速率超级快
The Baud rates on these are insane.
不是
No.
洛杉矶的号♥码
LA number?
老天 "由于法律原因不是迈克尔·米尔肯
Holy shit. "For legal reasons, this is not Michael Milken
诚恳地不邀请你和一位客人到洛杉矶
cordially not inviting you and a guest to Los Angeles
第七届年度非收♥购♥舞会"
for the seventh annual not-Predator's Ball."
这和我想的是一样的吗
Is that what I think it is?
我是认真问的
I'm legitimately asking that question
因为我不是很懂这封邀请函
because I-I did not understand the invitation.
是的这是一封"非"邀请函不过没错
Y-yeah, it's a not-invitation, but yeah!
-就是邀请函 -太棒了
- That's what it is! - Oh, yes!
我得走了
I gotta go.
-太棒了 -爽爆了对吧
- Yes! - Whoo! Right?
你们这群娘们叽歪个啥呢
What are you chicks squealing about?
我们刚刚没有被邀请参加收♥购♥舞会
Well, we were just not invited to the Predator's Ball.
-什么这太扯了 -对吧
- What? This is crazy! - Right?
太刺♥激♥了
This is exciting.
我知道不过韦恩不知道什么是收♥购♥舞会
I know, but Wayne doesn't know. What's the Predator's Ball?
这是唯一为精英中的精英打造的社交活动
Well, it's only the only networking event for the crime de la crime,
不是由迈克尔·"百分之二"·米尔肯举办
not hosted by Michael "2 percent" Milken!
我的老天爷