奥卡菲娜是来自皇后区的诺拉

Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens S01E07

Part 2 March 30, 2020, 8:46 a.m.

但我就是这样啊
But that is all I do.
先来点面粉
Okay, to start off, you take a little flour
撒在桌子上
and we spritz it around the table.
然后拿起饺子皮
And now we take the skin.
瞧
See?
我爱我奶奶
#饺子
够了
Oh, that's enough.
天啊埃德蒙快来
Oh, my God, Edmund! Come quick!
奶奶出事了
Something's happened to Grandma
-情况很糟糕 -什么
- and it's really bad! - What?
她摔了一跤
I think she took a nasty spill.
-天哪 -直接来车♥库♥
- Oh, my God! - Come straight to the garage.
别给任何人打电♥话♥ 直接来车♥库♥
Don't call anybody. Just come straight to the garage!
我马上就来
Okay, I'll be right--
天啊我讨厌跑步
Oh, God, I hate running.
奶奶呢她没事吧
Where's Grandma? Is she okay?
她很好
She's fine.
但我不好
But I'm not.
什么
Oh, what?
你到底想跟我奶奶怎么样贱♥人♥
What's your endgame with my grandma, bitch?
什么
What?
你在说什么神经病
What are you talking about, you psycho?
她也是我奶奶
She's my grandma, too.
你为什么不去奶奶商店
Well, why don't you go to the grandma store
自己买♥♥个奶奶呢
and get your own grandma?
我姥姥死了
My other grandma's dead,
我只剩一个奶奶了
so Grandma's the only grandma I have.
我妈也死了所以奶奶不仅是我妈妈
Yeah, my mom's dead so Grandma's not only my mom,
还是我的姥姥姥爷
she's my grandma and my grandpa.
我要离开这里我
Okay, now I'm walking away from this. I'm--
你干什么
What are you...?
不要干什么
Don't-- What is this?
住手你在走方形步吗
Stop. You're box-stepping?
我不让开
I'm not movin'...
直到你给我答案
until you give me some answers.
天啊什么答案
Jesus, answers to what?
为什么你要和奶奶混在一起
To why you're hanging out with Grandma
你怎么不去开♥发♥你的绝密应用
when you should be working on your top-secret app.
好吧但你离我远点
All right, fine, but I need you to back off.
请坐
Have a seat.
干什么
Oh, what now?
说吧埃德蒙
Start talking, Edmund.
我本来想开♥发♥一个应用的
I was gonna come up with an app,
但是我没有
but then I didn't.
现在还是没有
And I still haven't and...
我好难
it's bad.
所以你偷了1500万
So you stole $15 million?
不这叫投资
No, it's called an investment.
叫什么来着庞氏骗局
What's it called, Ponzi scheme?
不这是投资
No, an investment!
这周我得给投资者提出一个概念
Look, I have to come up with an idea for the investors this week.
如果我还没想到那
And if I still don't have anything, then...
我就完蛋了
I'm screwed.
那你怎么不去开♥发♥应用
So why don't you go work on the app
却和奶奶混在一起
instead of hanging out with Grandma
还想偷我的饺子皮
and trying to steal my skin?
因为我压力太大了
Because it's stressful
她可以让我不那么焦虑
and she makes me feel less anxious.
你不是想把奶奶从我身边偷走吗
So you're not trying to steal my Grandma away from me?
-不当然不是 -很好很好
- No, absolutely not. - Good. Good.
埃德蒙我本来想杀了你的
Edmund, I was gonna kill you.
-什么 -但我现在不想了
- What? - But I'm not, I'm not now.
这些工具可以退
You know, and the supplies are refundable.
我有五金店会员卡
So I have a-- I have an Ace Hardware card.
我都忘了这些衣服
Oh, yeah, forgot about all this stuff.
太好了
Yeah!
妈妈
Hey, Mom, Ma.
你看到我的燕尾服的裤子了吗
Have you seen my tuxedo pants?
你在你姐妹吉米的婚礼上
Yeah. You sat on a brownie
坐在布朗尼上了
at your cousin Jimmy's wedding.
只能扔了记得吗
We had to throw it away, remember?
嗯大家都以为我拉裤子了
Yeah, everyone thought I shit myself.
你在这里干什么
What are you doing in here anyway?
整理一下而已
I'm just tidying up.
我就是看看穿哪件衣服能开心点
I'm just, you know, deciding which sparks joy.
你猜什么能让我开心
Guess what sparks my joy.
不是麻理惠
Not Marie Kondo.
去他妈的麻理惠
Fuck Marie Kondo.
你拿这个糊弄投资者
You got investors off of this?
就这个垃圾股票模板
This shitty PowerPoint stock template?
是的这是行业标准
Yeah, it's sort of industry standard.
天哪硅谷太垃圾了
God, Silicon Valley's such bullshit.
难听了啊诺拉
Ooh, very hot take, Nora.
他们是因为相信我才投资的
Really, they're investing in my reputation.
但现在没什么好的应用创意了
But there are no good app ideas anymore.
该有的都有了
Everything's already been done.
才不是呢
That's not true.
狗狗看的网飞
Netflix for Dogs.
便便表情
Uh, a poop emoji.
但是要用自己的便便
But it's like pictures of your own poop,
然后上面加个眼睛
and you put eyes on it.
或者拍一个地方
What about an app that takes a picture of a place,
就知道以前的样子呢
and you can find out what-- what used to be there?
不知道有没有人开♥发♥过
I don't know if anyone's done that already,
但是创意还真不错
but that's actually good.
又比如阴♥道♥的倒模
What about like a flesh mold of a vagina,
便携的那种
right, but it's portable?
可以叫它口袋阴♥道♥
And we call it a pocket pussy.
看来要听一会了但是继续
Okay, this might take a while, but keep going.
评价美丑的应用
An app that tells you if you're ugly or not.
像照镜子一样看阴♥道♥的应用
An app that you could look at your vagina like in a mirror.
还有呢
What else?
显示你尸体腐烂后
An app that shows you what you would look like
是什么样子的应用这个很顶
as a decaying corpse, that's tight, that's a good one.
-不行 -告诉你
- No! - An app that tells you
-鬼魂友不友好的应用 -什么
- if a ghost is friendly or not. - What?
可以找到失散多年朋友的应用
An app that finds your long-lost friends.
可以轻微刺♥激♥屁♥眼♥的应用
An app that lightly stimulates your butthole.
可以轻微刺♥激♥朋友屁♥眼♥的应用
An app that lightly stimulates your friends'.
召唤松鼠的应用
An app that beckons squirrels.
为鹦鹉打造的交友应用
An app that-- it's like Tinder but for parakeets.
不要停
I need more!
我要拉屎
But I have to poop.
多拉点创意吧
You should be pooping ideas!
沃利教授
你看上去像《重返荣耀》的角色
我真的很喜欢那部电影
"I really liked that movie."
拍点绅士照
没问题
我们想了很多好主意
We have so many good ideas.
但是还没有中意的
We just haven't found the one yet!
我要走了
I gotta get outta here.
我好久没晒太阳了
I haven't seen any daylight.
刚才在角落拉的屎
I took a poop in the corner.
为什么
Eww, why?
不等等孵化需要时间好吗
No, wait, incubation takes time, okay?
我们会成功的不能半途而废
We'll get there. We just need to keep going.
你♥爸♥在图享网♥关♥注了我
Your dad followed me on Instagram.
-我♥操♥ -怎么了
- Holy shit! - What?
看
Look.
所以呢
So?
阴♥茎♥伯伯阴♥茎♥伯伯
Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!