奥卡菲娜是来自皇后区的诺拉

我邻居是来自波多黎各的保拉·迪恩 我附议
And as the Puerto Rican Paula Deen of my neighborhood, I concur.
查曼·龙牙
Charmaine Dragontooth,
48岁退休男性
48-year-old retired male person.
赵耀威 我是19岁半的男孩
Eric Chao, 19 1/2, and I'm a boy.
是的 其实蒂菲告诉过我
Yeah, actually Tiffie told me
她觉得像苹果派
it reminded her of apple pie.
我非常喜欢
I liked it so much that I would love to bring
所以我想拿一升回我的高中
a whole liter to my high school,
因为我是学生嘛
of which I am a student.
我想和我最好的朋友
And I would love to share it with my bestest
安妮 贤和努娜在KFC分享
Unnies, Hyungs, and Nunas, um, over at the KFC,
也就是韩国基♥督♥教♥徒♥基金会
which stands for the Korean Foundation for Christians.
我刚收养了他
I just adopted him.
很明显 我是通过婚姻成为洛克菲勒家族成员的
Yeah, I became a Rockefeller, um, through marriage, obviously.
是的 你们知道吗
Yeah, and you know what?
作为穿18码的古巴共和党人 我附议
As a size-18 Cuban Republican, I concur.
我们可以带走吧
We can take these with us, right?
你好
Hi, there.
-你好 -你好
- How are ya? - u202dHow are you?
陈洛洛和温妮娜
Lolo Chen and Nina Winn
来参加枕头公主的焦点小组
here for the Pillow Princess focus group.
好
Okay.
失陪一下
Excuse me.
天啊 咱俩组队太牛逼了
God! We are such a good team.
是啊
We are.
天哪 希望这次的产品水分多一点
God, I hop-- I hope they have water on this one
上一家撒盐饼干吃太多了
'cause I ate so many Saltines at that last one...
我的舌头肿得像葡萄干一样
My tongue swelled up to, like, a raisin.
我以为
Oh, I thought that's just, like,
亚洲女孩的舌头就长那样呢
what, like, Asian girls' tongues look like.
不是啊
No.
我哪知道 我又不是奥兹医生
I don't know. What am I, Dr. Oz?
我觉得你就像
I think you're actually
加强版的梅根·马克尔
an enhanced version of Meghan Markle.
真是太棒了 我要写一本回忆录
This is amazing. I'm gonna write a memoir about this.
我也想参与
I'd love to be involved somehow.
你能当我的枪手吗
Could you be my ghostwriter?
好啊
Yeah!
但是别写得太吓人
But, um... don't make it too spooky, you know?
-该死 -别跑
- Oh, shit! - Stay right there!
想得美
u202dOh, hell, no!
-不行 -u202d不
- Oh, no! - u202dNo!
我跑不了
I can't run!
不 不 不 不 好吧
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Fine!
诺拉 你能告诉我们
So, Nora. You wanna tell us
你和玛格丽特合作多久了
how long you've been working with Margaret?
玛格丽特是谁
Who is Margaret?
我认识她 是的
I do know her. Yes, I do.
我认识她
I do know her.
我不知道她的真名
I-I guess I never got her name.
你们两个搭档多久了
How long have the two of you been partners?
搭档[搞基] 就一个吻吧
Partners? I mean... it was like one kiss.
特别快 没伸舌头
Real quick, no tongue.
这是玛格丽特·凯瑟琳·威林科蒂
This is Margaret Katherine Willincotty.
她是专业的骗子
She's a professional scam artist,
正在被联调局以诈骗罪
wanted by the FBI in four states for fraud,
贪污 洗钱通缉
embezzlement, money laundering...
不 不 不
No. No, no, no. No.
她看起来人很好啊
No, I-- she was-- she seemed real nice.
我是在排队买♥♥假身份证时遇到她的 好吗
I met her in line gettin' fake IDs, all right?
我当时排队在买♥♥假身份证
I was in line to get fake IDs
然后她说
and she was all like,
"你12岁还是47岁"
"I can't tell if you're 12 or 47."
我觉得这是在夸我
And I took that as a compliment.
所以你4月23日不在田纳西州纳什维尔吗
So, you weren't in Nashville, Tennessee on April 23rd?
不在 我没有离开过三州区
No, no. I've never left the Tri-State area.
我相信
I can believe that.
我只是
I just, um...
我只是想赚点钱
I just wanted to make some money.
我想把我的车赎出来
Wanted to bail my car out of car jail
带我奶奶去吃晚饭
and take my grandma to dinner.
我现在真的很想给她打电♥话♥
I really want to call her right now.
她不是罪犯 她就是个路人
She's no criminal. She's nobody.
我听到了
I heard that.
太无语了
Okay. This is depressing.
真有趣
It's really interesting.
那个独臂妓♥女♥
That prostitute with one hand,
还好没有毁了她的生计
I'm glad it didn't ruin her career.
嗯
Yeah.
奶奶 对不起
Grandma, I'm sorry.
我就像一个悲伤的无名小卒
u202dJust like a sad nobody.
什么 才不是 这边 坐下
What?! No, no. Over here, sit down.
只是
You know, it's just--
我有很多事都不懂
there are all these things that I don't know about,
我不想落在别人后面
and, um... I-I don't want to get left behind.
宝宝
Oh, bow-bow.
你是猴年出生的
You were born the Year of the Monkey.
猴子很固执
The monkey is stubborn.
如果猴子寻求帮助
If the monkey had asked for help,
她会知道社保卡在我这里
she would have known that I have your social security card.
我的社保卡在你那里吗
You have my social security card?
是的 我放在商务箱了
Oh, yes! I keep it in my business box.
我也有一个商务箱
I also have a business box, too.
我知道 但是我的更好
Yes, I know but, uh, mine is better.
里面有实际用途的文件
It has documents of actual purpose inside.
奶奶 很抱歉我们不能去
Grandma, I'm sorry that we weren't able to go
爵士乐俱乐部嫖了
to jazz club rough trade.
没关系
Oh, that's okay.
天哪 你一定很失望
God, you must be so disappointed.
没有 宝宝
No, bow-bow.
你不会让我失望的
You could never disappoint me.
你是"万智牌"冠军啊
You are the "Magic: The Gathering" Champion.
那场比赛宛如昨日啊
Oh, I remember that game like it was yesterday.
永岩之主 我的对手说
Lord of Eiganjo. My opponent was like,
"不 我有闪牙"
"Ooh, ooh no. Got a Glitterfang."
什么 不
A what? Nope!
我的急叫神特别好用
Because my-- my Gibbering Kami as like do-do-do-do-doo.
大杀四方
We brought the whole house down.
他吓的都拉裤子了
Man, he shit his pants.
你好
Hello.
记得我吗
u202dRemember me?
我想重开银行帐户 谢谢
I would like to reopen my bank account, please.
这是我的出生证明
As you will find here, I have my birth certificate.
是的 我出生了
Yes, I was born.
-太好了 -u202d社保卡 对吧
- Great. - u202dSocial security card, right?
-给你 -嗯
- There ya go. All right. - u202dYeah.
我小学的学生证
Me in elementary school as a baby.
我小时候上过学
I went to school when I was a baby.
u202d是的
u202dYeah.
其实身份证就可以了
Actually, we're good with the IDs.
还有 这张支票
And, uh, this check here,
我想在重新开户以后兑现一下
that I would love to cash after I reopen my account.
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
我是这里的贵客
I'm a very important customer here.
别惹我 我认识人
Don't mess with me. I know people.
我马上处理 林女士
I'll-- I'll get that taken care of right away, Mrs. Lin.
好的
Yeah. u202d
奶奶 你好凶
Whoa, Grandma, that was-- you're intense.
林女士
Uh, Miss Lin.
你的帐户已经重新激活
Your account has been reactivated