非典型少年（2017）

Well, get your GPS ready, because I'm taking you to Poon City.
那不是个真实的地方
That's not a real place.
是真的 我是市长
Yes, it is. And I'm the mayor.
第一步 要超级迷人
Step one, be hella charming.
茱莉娅 你知道吗
Julia, did you know that,
罗尔德·阿蒙森在南极洲艰苦跋涉的时候
when Roald Amundsen trekked Antarctica,
他会把他孱弱的雪橇犬喂给强壮的吃
he would feed his weaker sled dogs to the stronger ones
好让它们行进的效率更高
so they could travel more efficiently?
他让它们互相残杀
He made them cannibalize each other.
什么
What?
你最喜欢吃什么
What's your favorite meal?
第二步 找出她现任男友的弱点
Step two, find out what sucks about her current boyfriend.
但是要不露声色
But be subtle about it.
茱莉娅 迈尔斯三个最大的缺点是什么
Julia, what are Miles's three biggest weaknesses?
要是多于三个的话 也可以列出来
Feel free to list more than three, if you have them.
第三步 也是最重要的
And step three, the most important thing:
巧克力
chocolate...
脆皮
covered...
草莓
strawberries.
能让姑娘欲♥火♥中烧 这是科学
Makes girls horny as hell, and that's science.
科学是要有实验性证据的
Science requires empirical evidence.
证据就是她把内♥裤♥脱在了我家小厨房♥的地板上
The evidence is her panties on the floor of my kitchenette.
这是传闻和伪科学
That's anecdotal and pseudoscientific.
你买♥♥就对了 哥们
Just get the damn berries, homey.
衣服挺酷 法赛德
Oh, cool shirt. Pharcyde.
1996年的时候我去看过演唱会
I saw those guys in '96.
我是观众里面肤色最白的
I was the whitest guy in the audience.
你到哪儿可能都是最白的
You may be the whitest guy everywhere.
五分钟后我们开张 我再给你倒酒
I'll get you a drink in five when we open.
我来这不是喝酒的 我是来取信♥用♥卡♥的
I'm not here for a drink. I'm here to pick up a credit card.
名字是埃尔莎·加德纳
The name is Elsa Gardner.
哥们 我知道这听上去像是我在挑事
Look, man, this is gonna sound like I'm being a dick,
但是我只能给持卡人本人
but I can only give it to the person whose name is on it.
这是规矩
It's policy.
我明白 你能给破个例吗
No, I get, can you make an exception just one time
看在一大老爷们想要讨好老婆的份上
for a guy trying to score points with his wife?
关于这事我们上周开了个会
We had a meeting about it last week.
-我真办不到 -拜托 哥们
- I really can't. - Come on, man.
我给她打电♥话♥
Look, I'm gonna call her.
你跟她说 确认一下
You could talk to her, just to verify.
我明白
I understand.
亲爱的 怎么了
Hey, hon. What's going on?
宝贝 我在酒吧
Babe, hey, I'm at the bar.
给你拿信♥用♥卡♥ 你能跟他说几句吗
Trying to get your credit card. Can you talk to this guy?
跟她说吧 她会跟你说的
Just talk to her. She'll tell you.
你好 我是尼克
Hello. It's Nick.
没人说话啊
There's no one there.
在吗
Hello?
-你不能帮帮我吗 -抱歉 真不能
- So you won't help me out? - Sorry man. I really can't.
谢谢
Thanks for everything.
你们知道埃文为什么被开除了吗
Do you know why Evan got kicked out of school?
我们不清楚
Well, we don't know for sure.
但有很多流言
But there are a lot of rumors.
我听说他以前卖♥♥毒品给乐队那帮人
I heard he was selling meth to all the band kids,
搞得他们一团糟
and that's why they suck.
我听说他和考特妮的妈妈在通用澡堂做♥爱♥
I heard he had sex with Courtney's mom in the uni sex bathroom,
被考特妮撞见了
and Courtney walked in on them.
我听说他万圣节扮成狼的样子
I heard he dressed as a wolf for Halloween
吃了头生羊
and ate a real live sheep.
这不可能吧
That one's probably not true.
不知道 人真的会吃很恶心的东西
I don't know, Casey. People eat really gross stuff.
被抓让他一定很不爽
It must've been bad for him to get arrested.
-被抓 -是啊
- Arrested? - Yeah.
你从没听说过吗
You really never heard any of this?
-凯西还在读高一呢 -我忘了
- Casey's just a sophomore. - Yeah. I forget.
大明星还只是个小朋友
Superstar's still just a baby.
小朋友
Little baby.
科学上 探索过程中观察很重要
In science, observable evidence plays a key role in discovery.
哥们
Yo, brotha.
但要真正理解
But to really understand it,
你得提问
you have to ask questions.
打扰一下 贝利
Excuse me. Bailey?
我妹打过你
I'm the boy whose sister punched you.
我注意到你昨天和亨利接吻
I noticed yesterday you were kissing Henry
今天你却和阿洛接吻
and today, you're kissing Arlo.
我在思考 他怎么向你求爱的
And I was wondering, how did he woo you?
请说详细一点
And, please, be specific.
搞什么啊 老兄
Dude, what the hell?
我在调查如何横刀夺爱
I'm doing research on how to steal a woman,
贝利是完美的调查对象因为她是个贱♥人♥
and Bailey is the perfect test subject, because she's a skank.
你在调查怎么横刀夺爱吗 真棒
So you're doing research on how to steal a woman? Awesome!
阿洛 别太过分
Arlo, be nice.
-你想要上♥床♥吗 -你要交尾吗
- You tryin' to get laid? - You gonna tap some ass?
没这个想法 那是干嘛的
I don't think so. What does that do?
他在说阴♥道♥[猫] 老兄
No. He means pussy, bro.
我不喜欢猫
I'm not a fan of cats.
我想猫咪也行
I mean, I guess cats are okay.
比起猫科动物我更喜欢鸟类
I'm more into birds than felines
特别是不会飞的鸟太酷了
and, especially, I'll say flightless birds are cool.
你想找什么样的妞啊
What kind of girl you lookin' for?
还是想操不会飞的鸟啊
Or do you wanna bang a flightless bird?
当然不是
Of course not.
人 女人
A human! A fe-- a human female!
闹够了
That's enough, guys.
他们以为捉弄我时我不知情 但我知道
People think I don't know when I'm being picked on, but I do.
我只是不知道为什么
I just don't always know why, which,
这样可能更糟糕
in some ways, is worse.
读出来
No, just read it out.
我们会保守秘密的 对吧
We'll keep it a secret between us, right? Guys.
他能搞定贝利那样的女生吗
Can he handle a girl like Bailey?
你信我吧
You trust me, right?
告诉我们她是谁 我们不会告诉别人的
Tell us who she is. We'll keep it a secret. Just between us.
说嘛
Come on.
-没事的 -这个幸运女孩是谁啊
- It's all good. - Who's the lucky girl?
-说嘛 -天啊 你们走开
- Come on. - Oh, my-- Guys, leave him alone!
他有点不正常
He's not all there!
帽带 帝王 巴布亚 阿德利企鹅
Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo. Adelie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.
阿德利 帽带 帝王 巴布亚企鹅
Adelie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo.
亲爱的
Honey?
-一切还好吗 -不 不好
- Is everything all right? - No, it's not right.
发生了点意外 我刚去学校接他
I had to pick him up at school. There was an incident.
他一言不发 也不跟我说话
He's been silent. He won't talk to me.
一个人关在房♥间里 不知道出什么事了
He's locked in his room. I don't know what's going on.
一切都会没事的
Everything's gonna be okay.
山姆 我可以进来吗
Sam, can I come in?
山姆 亲爱的 你还好吗
Sam, honey, thank God. Are you okay?
我想跟爸爸说说话
I want to talk to Dad.
真的吗
Really?
好
Right.
当然可以 亲爱的
Sure. Of course, honey.
我们最近处得不错
We've been getting along lately.
这是你希望的 对吗
It's what you wanted, right?
对啊 挺好的
Yeah. It's great.
挺好的 真好
It's really good. Really good.
那我应该...
So I should just...
去酒吧把你的信♥用♥卡♥拿回来
Go to the bar and get your credit card.
好吗 你一回来我们要么都没事了
Okay? And, by the time you get back, we'll either be better,
要么急需你的帮助
or we'll really need your help.
需要我就给我打电♥话♥
Call if you need me.
没人需要你 妈妈
Nobody needs you, Mom.
学校出什么事了吗