美国重案（2015）

大概一个月前
之后你就再没见过他了吗
这里的人们在各个农场间乱窜 想知道每个人的下落可不容易
还有谁能知道他去哪了
豪尔赫
豪尔赫·厄尔·加里艾诺
所有的光棍都在他那住 提奥要是没走 他一定知道
豪尔赫在哪
在流动工人招待所 晚上他都在那
你孩子不错 他一定还在附近
第一次要死的时候很可怕
The first time you die, it's kind of scary.
真的很可怕
No, it is -- It is scary, you know,
因为你知道正在发生什么
'cause you know what's happening.
在你打♥针♥ 吃药什么的之后
You shoot up, or you take your pills or whatever,
就开始下沉了 知道吗
and -- and you drop down, you know?
每次都是下沉
You drop down, same as always.
你陷在你自己的空间里无法自拔
You go into your -- into your hole, into your space.
然后
And, uh...
当你要死的时候 你就只是在不断下沉
And when you die, you just keep dropping.
你知道你要死了 你不断的抗争
And you know you're dying, and you try and fight it.
你想往上爬 可你做不到
You try and climb back up, but you can't.
然后你开始恐惧
And you're scared.
异常的恐惧
You know, you're scared as hell.
死亡的恐惧是
And, um, dying scared is...
死亡的恐惧到底是什么样的
Well, what's that like? What? Dying scared?
就是对死亡的恐惧 纯粹的恐惧
It's dying scared. That's what it is.
你孤零零一个人
You're -- You're alone,
感受到的只有无尽的恐惧
and -- and you got nothing but fear.
然后医护人员带着鼻喷雾剂来了
And then the paramedics showed up, right, with Narcan...
给你往鼻子里喷一剂
and give you a shot right up the nose.
是吧
Right?
就这么喷一下 我就活过来了
Just like that, I'm all right.
所以我们开始
So what -- what we'd start doing is,
在消防站周围嗑药
we'd start shooting up right around the firehouses, right?
如果你注射过量了 有他们在附近
You O.D.? They're right there.
如果你太兴奋 他们也在附近
Things get hectic, they're right there. Just...
慢慢的这成了我的习惯
It just got to be regular.
我已经
I must have...
我真正死过不下五次了
I must have died at least five times, for real.
不只是注射过量
Not just -- Not just O.D.'d.
而是真正的死亡 足足有五次了
Like, I must have died for real like five times.
天啊
Wow.
你觉得很骄傲吗
You -- You proud of yourself for that?
找到了个把自己搞得一团糟的方法
That you figured a way to get yourself messed up?
只是和你讲讲这件事而已
Just, uh -- Just telling you how it is.
他们在城里救那些瘾君子的时候
When they was running crack in the city,
他们不会带很多鼻喷雾剂的
they didn't have any Narcan.
所以他们任由墨西哥人去死
They let the Mexicans die.
任由黑人去死
They let the blacks die.
海♥洛♥因♥在郊区盛行了
Heroin comes into the suburbs,
他们突然就有了能起死回生的神药
and all of a sudden, they got magic powder.
死亡是有意义的
See, dying means something.
可你却觉得你想活就可以活过来
And you act like you can take it back.
死亡对你而言很轻松
Dying's easy to you.
可它并不轻松
It's not easy.
这就是你为什么一事无成
That's why you ain't never gonna be nothing.
这对我来说并不轻松
What I deal with is not easy.
因为人世最重要的一件事
'Cause the one thing that matters the most...
最重要的一件事
the one thing that matters...
对你已经毫无意义
it means nothing to you.
我每天努力工作让自己重回正轨
I work hard at getting myself right every day.
现在工作已经变成了我的习惯
It's work to be regular.
是工作让我远离毒品
It's work to be clean.
你觉得这很轻松吗
Think that's easy?
你遇到过什么难事吗
What do you deal with that's so hard?
农场里每天都有很多破事
You know, there's a lot of... going on in this farm,
但我没看到你为此做了些什么
and I don't -- I don't see you dealing with any of it.
他很好
He was nice.
比大多数人都要好
Nicer than most.
我们去卫生间做了他想要我做的所有事
I went to the bathroom and did everything that he wanted.
他很喜欢 我看得出来
He liked it. I could tell.
我们结束后
And then when we were done,
他抓住了我的脖子 差点掐死我
he grabbed me by the throat and started strangling me.
我当时嗨大了还没搞清楚状况
I was so high that I didn't know what was going on.
他还抓着我的头往地上撞 一次又一次
He bashed my head into the tile floor over and over.
我只觉得眼前一黑
And everything just went black.
我第二天醒来的时候就在医院了
When I woke up the next day, I was in the hospital.
有人发现了我 叫来了警♥察♥
Someone had found me and called the cops.
我甚至不敢相信自己还活着
I can't even believe that I'm still alive.
最诡异的是
You know, the weirdest part is,
他还在我口袋里留了钱
he left the cash in my pocket...
就好像是他希望我发现它
like he wanted me to find it.
谢谢你 拉斐
Thank you, Rafi.
你非常非常勇敢
You are incredibly brave.
我很高兴你能安全地来到这
I'm so glad that you're here and that you're safe.
请说
Please.
说吧
Go ahead.
我是雪伊
I'm Shae.
我的经历也一样
You know, my deal's the same.
也不是完全一样 但是
Not the same, but...
有点像
same kind.
在这之前 我和我男人住在一起
Before this, I was living with my guy.
他照顾我
He took care of me,
向我保证我永远不用回家
promised that I'd never have to go back to my home
或者回到我爸爸
or my dad...
以及他的女朋友身边 她逼我流产
...or his girlfriend, who made me have an abortion
因为她觉得我怀孕的唯一原因
'cause she thought the only reason I was having a baby
是想博得关注
was 'cause I wanted the attention.
比利保证他不会让我流落街头 他也做到了
Billy promised he would keep me off the street, and he did.
我知道比利在做的事不太好
I know Billy's done some stuff that's messed up,
但他是唯一一个给过我生活的人
but he's the only one who ever gave me anything.
我很想念那样的生活
I miss that.
我想念他
I miss him.
我又怀孕了
I'm pregnant again.
孩子不是比利的
It's not Billy's.
我并不打算留着孩子
And I'm not gonna keep it.
但想象着如果孩子是他的
But think about if me and him had a baby,
如果他没有被抓
if he wasn't locked up...
我们三个人可以团团圆圆的
the three of us could be together.
可以试着成个家
Try and make a little family or something.
一个温馨的小家庭就好
A little family would be good.
谢谢你的坦诚 雪伊
Thank you, Shae, for your honesty.
我想了一下 和你有一个孩子
I think about it, and I see there's a lot of good
还是有好处的
that comes from having a baby with you.
那现在只需要把你的"小宝贝"放在管子里
Now, you're gonna have to put your stuff in a tube
那是我们会有的最亲密接触了...
because that's the closest we're gonna get to...
不是这样的好处
Some good that comes with it.
但我认真地想过了 基马拉
But I really thought about it, Kimara.
我不能做你的捐精者
I can't be your sperm donor.
丹妮丝不希望你...
Denise doesn't want you to...
不是她的问题 她理解的
No, she's fine. She gets it.
那你为什么要拒绝呢
So, what's holding you back?
我不能和在乎的人生下孩子
I can't have a baby with someone I care about
却无法停留在你或者孩子的生活中
and not be in your life, in his or her life.
你可以的啊 这事可以解决的
Well, then be in our lives. We can work it out.
有什么办法吗
How? How? What -- What --
就像兼♥职♥爸爸吗
What, like a part-time dad?
随便你想以什么方式
However you want to be involved.
我要分配我的时间
I would be splitting my time
分别给我的孩子和你的孩子
between my children and your kid.
杰森他...
Jason is...
他马上要去读大学了
He's on his way off to college.
而且你不必过于牵涉其中的
And you don't have to be involved.
我们可以签合同 免除财务责任
We can sign a contract -- no financial responsibility.
你是说让我抛弃我自己的孩子 我
What, you mean abandon my child? I...