三代同层（2017）

9JKL S01E02

Part 2 April 30, 2021, 12:48 p.m.

So don't ask any personal questions.
不要寻求共同的爱好
Or look for common interests.
对不要抚摸她的胳膊
Yeah, and don't caress her arm
或者把她头发撩到耳后
or tuck her hair behind her ear
别自以为是地做一些类似的恶心事
or do any of that other yuck that comes so naturally to you.
可是我不想冒犯她
Well, I don't want to insult her.
乔希女人跟男人一样
Josh, women like one-night stands
喜欢一♥夜♥情♥
just as much as men.
你觉得女人想要得更多
And your assumption that every girl wants more
这其实有点性别歧视
is actually a little sexist.
对乔希
Yeah, Josh.
好吧我信你们一次
Okay, okay, I'll give your way a shot.
好的
All right.
那个女孩怎么样
What about that girl?
她穿的是裤子没戏
She's wearing pants... She's not down to pound.
好吧她呢
Okay... what about her?
那是个男的不过照这样发展下去
That's a guy... But the way this is going,
我们一会儿可以考虑一下他
we'll put a pin in him for later.
那个女孩适合你
There's your girl.
没错
Yeah.
我要过去了
I'm going over.
好吧那我转过身去这样她就不会
All right, and I'll turn my back so she doesn't think
觉得她是无奈将就了
she's settling for second place.
- 嗨你好吗 - 挺好的
- Hi. How you doing? - Good.
跟你聊天真有趣要不要换个地方继续
This has been fun. Should we get another?
当然或许我们应该去我家
Sure. Maybe we should get one back at my place.
好啊
Yes, please.
真的吗我是说行啊随便我不在乎
Seriously? I mean, cool. Whatever. I don't care.
我去拿我的外套
Just gonna grab my coat.
拿或者不拿我不在乎
Grab it, don't grab it... Doesn't matter to me.
- 我要拿吗 - 拿吧求之不得
- So should I not... - No, grab it. That would be great.
真的有用她要跟我回家
It worked! She's coming back to my place,
多亏了你严格的规定
and all because of your very mean rules.
你家吗我可能会去衣帽间
Your place? I would have gone coatroom,
出租车小巷里
taxi, in an alley,
垃圾箱旁边这些地方是标配
up against a Dumpster... Those are the classics.
但我理解你正在入门
But I get it... You're easing into this.
这都无所谓
It's not a problem as long as
只要明天早上你要尽快让她
tomorrow morning you get her out of there
- 离开你家 - 没错
- as quickly as possibly. - Right.
我的绝招是
Here is my signature move.
她醒来时给她一个打包的早餐玉米卷
When she wakes up, hand her a breakfast burrito in a bag,
这样她就知道她该走了
so she knows it's time to go.
不要让她无意把东西落在你家
Don't let her accidentally leave anything behind.
你要一直双手插兜
And keep your hands in your pockets at all times
这样就不会交换联♥系♥方式
so there's no danger of exchanging contact info
或者尴尬地拥抱了
or weirdly hugging her.
好的玉米卷不落东西双手插兜
Okay. Burrito, no leave-behinds, hands in pockets.
拥抱真的...
Is cuddling...
- 别说蠢话了 - 好行吧
- Shut your stupid mouth. - Right. Okay, right.
怎么了
What?
你当时就给我了一个打包的玉米卷
You gave me a burrito in a bag.
是吗
Did I?
对我们第一次睡的隔天早上
Yeah. The morning after our first night together.
事实上你刚刚告诉他的那些事
In fact, everything you just told him to do
跟你对我做的事情完全一样
is exactly what you did to me.
我本来是你的一♥夜♥情♥吗
Was I supposed to be a one-night stand?
如果是的话你会生气吗
Would it bother you if you were?
对我觉得我会的
Yeah, I think it would.
那... 不
Then no...
我们不是一♥夜♥情♥
you were not.
你知道今早我为什么
Do you want to know why I don't have
没在燕麦粥里面放香蕉吗
a banana in my oatmeal this morning?
不知道不过反正你要说的
No, but I feel the answer's coming.
因为这个香蕉噩梦是你的错
It's because you created this banana nightmare,
我才不要管
and I'm not gonna fix it.
你怎么还在想香蕉的事情
Still with the bananas?
香蕉的事情只是冰山一角
The bananas are just the tip of the iceberg.
你没在听我说话哈利
You don't pay attention. Harry?
你不听我说话
You don't pay attention,
让我很苦恼
and it affects me.
好吧那现在我听你说
Well, you've got my attention now.
你半夜上厕所不放马桶盖
You leave the toilet seat up in the middle of the night,
我的屁♥股♥都被弄湿了
my bare tush dips into the water.
你把哈根达斯的空盒子放到冰箱
You put empty Haagen-Dazs containers in the freezer...
我挖一勺就没了我崩溃了
I go for a spoonful, I'm devastated.
你不付自己的停车费
You don't pay your parking tickets,
结果除夕夜的时候车被锁住了
so there's a boot on the car on New Year's Eve,
导致我不能开车找我的好姐姐
and I can't go see my wonderful sister
也看不到她刚做的面部拉皮有多差了
or her terrible new facelift.
可我一直很健忘啊
Well, I've always been forgetful.
你怎么突然就烦躁了
Why all of a sudden does it bother you?
不这五十年来我一直很苦恼
No, it's bothered me for 50 years...
我只是没说出来
I just haven't said anything,
就像所有的家庭一样我事事隐忍♥
because, like in any marriage, I pick my battles.
哪件事你隐忍♥了啊
What battle haven't you picked?
有次你整整冷战了一星期
You once iced me out for an entire week
就因为你不喜欢我的冲锋衣
because you didn't like the whooshing sound
摩擦时的呼呼声
of my windbreaker.
我真的受不了那个声音
I couldn't take it anymore.
我感觉我嫁给了一艘帆船
I felt like I was married to a sailboat.
好吧如果你那么在意的话
Well, if it means that much to you,
我来处理那些香蕉
I'll take care of the bananas.
谢谢你
Thank you.
叮叮
Ring, ring!
找你的
It's for you.
转语♥音♥信箱吧
Take a message.
要吃玉米卷吗
Breakfast burrito?
哇谢谢
Wow, thanks.
我能打包吗
Could I take it to go?
当然
Sure can.
我把你的东西收拾了一下
And I took the liberty of getting your stuff together.
可我不是非要现在走
Well, I don't have to leave yet.
想再做一次吗
Want to go again?
想但我不知道这样对不对
I do, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.
早上好
Morning.
你心情不错啊我还担心
You're in a good mood! I was worried
你还在纠结昨晚的事
you'd still be bummed about last night.
我是你的一♥夜♥情♥那件事吗
You mean about me being a one-night stand?
不我才不难受
No, not at all.
因为我刚刚意识到
'Cause you know what I realized?
我是个伪君子
I was being a hypocrite,
因为我本来也打算一♥夜♥情♥的
as I also intended for you to be a one-night stand.
你笑什么
What's funny?
当时你把毛衣落我家
You left your sweater behind
这样你就有理由再跟我见面了
so you would have a reason to see me again.
我把毛衣落你家是因为
I left my sweater behind
我睡醒之后胳膊看起来肌肉分明
'cause I woke up with my arms looking swole,
我认为如果把这对小家伙
and I thought it would be a crime
关在山羊绒的笼子里实在是罪恶
to keep these puppies locked in a cashmere cage.
你还送了花给我
You also sent me flowers.
是啊这是祝你早日康复的花
Yes. Those were get well flowers,
毕竟我伤了你的心
since I broke your heart
而且很有可能还伤了你的尾骨
and, quite possibly, your tailbone.
你后来还在当天给我发邮件
And you e-mailed me later that same day,
问我什么时候能再见
asking when you could see me again.
是的我发了我只是想要回我的毛衫
Yeah, I did. I wanted to get my sweater back,
因为乔希的胳膊很瘦弱可以给他用
because Josh has wimpy arms and I thought he could use it.
非常美好的一晚谢谢...
Well, thank you for the fun night...
没关系
Doesn't matter.
确实是挺愉快的...