浪女大厨（2014）

their match to agree to an actual date wins.
好 我这就给她打电♥话♥
Deal. I'm gonna call my match right now.
给她一个难忘的夜晚
Make her night.
-通了 -很好
- It's ringing. - Oh, nice.
我也要给我的配对打电♥话♥
Well, I'm gonna call my match, too.
不用了 未知号♥码来电
Oh, no need. It's ringing from an unknown number right now.
你好 我是加比
Hello, this is Gabi.
你好 莫妮卡 我是快速约会上的乔什
Hey! Monica. It's Josh from speed dating.
你好 快速约会上的马特
Ohh! Hi, Matt from speed dating.
你周六晚上有空吗
So I was just, uh, wondering if you're free Saturday night.
周六没问题
Oh, Saturday would be lovely.
很好 就这么定了 一起晚餐怎么样
Sounds great, it's a date. How does dinner sound?
一起晚餐很好 但最让我开心的
Oh, dinner sounds perfect, but you know the real treat,
是和你聊天
will be the conversation.
-周六见 -周六见
- See you saturday! - See you saturday!
我有约会 我赢了 妈的
I got a date! I win! Dammit!
好吧 我们还是平局 现在怎么办
Okay. We're still tied. What do we do?
这样吧
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
我们就以"格子男"和"五分女"的身份去赴约
We're gonna go on our dates as "Plaid" and "Plain",
不借助其他优势 只展现我们的个性
not using our crutches, just our adorable personalities,
还能再次约会的人就算赢
and whoever gets a second date wins.
好主意
Love it.
丑女 你怎么还没走
You still here, ugmo?
行吧
Fine.
你把灯都关了
I'll throw you one if you
坐上来自己动 我就给你个机会
turn out the lights and do all the work.
怎么 你终于买♥♥了个体重称吗
What's wrong? Did you finally buy a scale?
不 是凯莎 我没辙了
No! It's Keisha. Nothing's working.
那个糟糕的游戏夜之后
After that horrible game night,
我买♥♥票让她去看嘎巴宝宝
I got her tickets to Yo Gabba Gabba.
美国一档儿童木偶直播节目
我以为那是个饶舌歌♥手
I thought it was a rapper.
艾略特 你太刻意了
Elliot, you're trying too hard.
做点平常的父女活动就行了
Just do normal father-daughter stuff.
带她去公园玩垒球吧
Just take her to the park and go play softball.
自从遇上埃兰
My days of playing with
我就再也不在公园里玩球[蛋蛋]了
balls in the park were over when I met Alan.
我来告诉你怎么办
I'll tell you what to do.
想抓住黑人姑娘的心 得通过头发
Now, the way to a black girl's heart is through her hair.
我妈妈每天早晨都给我梳头 还一起喝茶
My mom would do my hair every morning, we'd drink tea,
然后我就告诉她我的烦恼
and I'd tell her all my problems.
太棒了 你妈妈可以来给凯莎梳头
Perfect! Your mom can do Keisha's hair!
傻瓜 不是她 是你
Not her, fool, you!
是你想和凯莎变得亲密
You're the one who wants to bond with Keisha.
也对
Right.
我来教你怎么梳头
I'll teach you how to do it.
但我们需要真的头发来练习
But we need real hair to practice on,
而你这假发的钱还没付清呢
and you're still making payments on yours.
无线网密♥码♥是多少
Hey, what's the wifi password?
加比又忘了交网费
Gabi forgot to pay the internet bill again,
我还得去替我老板上交规课
and I have to finish my boss' traffic school,
要不就得每天早上去接她上班
or I'll have to pick her up from work every... single... morning.
你们干啥 干啥摸我的头发
What? What are you doing? Why are you stroking me?
索菲亚 能不能让艾略特给你梳头
Sofia, can Elliot do your hair,
和你喝茶 然后你们谈谈心
drink tea, and you can tell him all your problems?
不行
No!
我给你交网费
I'll pay your internet bill.
随便摸吧
Stroke away.
有人为约会打扮起来了
Ooh, someone's all spiffed up for their date.
是啊 今晚就是我和莫妮卡
Yep. It's gonna be me... Monica...
看一场普通棒球赛
and a modest game of baseball.
在本垒后面的豪华包厢里看吗
In the luxury box behind home plate?
又不是在正后方
It's not directly behind home plate!
知道吗 没关系 既然你搞不定
Know what? It's fine, if you can't hack it,
我这就把房♥租账单拿出来
I will take that rent check now.
我能搞的定
Oh, I can hack it.
那你呢
But what about you?
你的假发和那超丑的运动服呢
Where's your wig and that... Hideous tracksuit?
在我的... 算了
Oh, it's in... my-- okay, fine!
很明显 咱俩都不太可靠
Obviously, neither one of us can be trusted,
我们就赴约吧 并且要随时盯着对方
We'll just have to go on our dates and watch each other.
好 我们去同一家餐厅
Fine. We'll go to the same place.
没问题 但得是便宜餐厅
All right, but it has to be cheap,
因为你不是个百万富翁
Because you are not a millionaire.
但光线一定要好
And it has to have really good lighting,
这样才能看到你穿着运动服的光彩
so we can see you in all of your tracksuit glory.
-我去补个妆 马上回来 -好的
- I'm gonna go freshen up, I'll be right back. - All right.
我去结账
I'm gonna go pay the check.
这个赌我赢定了
I am so winning this bet.
我才赢定了 他觉得我很可爱
No, I'm winning it, he thinks I'm adorable,
尽管看起来像《超人总动员》的衣夫人
despite looking like Edna from the Incredibles.
不 我会有第二次约会
No, no, no... I'm getting the second date.
-不 我会有第二次约会 -你不行
- No, I'm getting the second date! - You don't--
-你才不会赢 -你们俩认识吗
- You're not gonna win that bet! - Do you two know each other?
怎么回事
What's going on?
我觉得我们的约会对象勾搭上了
I think our dates are hitting on each other.
不 我们没有
No. No... we're not.
我们认识
We... know each other.
没错 我们都是...奥马哈人
Yes, that's right. We're both from... Omaha.
我们是...
And we met there when we...
兄妹
Were made into brother and sister.
你们怎么都在这儿约会
But why are you both here on a date?
我大哥保护欲很强 而咱俩才刚认识
Big bro's really protective, and you know, you and I just met,
所以他来帮我把把关
So... he was just kinda lookin' out for me.
真贴心
Aw, that's so sweet.
是啊 我就是这样
Yep... that's me.
贴心 有保护欲 濒临破产的大哥哥
Sweet, protective, bordering on broke, older brother.
天啊 这么看你俩长得真像
Oh my god, now I see the family resemblance.
你在开玩笑吧
You're kidding.
马特 你已经见过我家人了
Listen, Matt, you've already met my family,
但我们还没有第二次约会呢
and we haven't even had a second date yet,
我们应该约一下
we should have one of those.
对 我们应该更先约一下 怎么样
Yeah, we should have one of those first, what do you think?
谁说第一次约会结束了
Well, uh, who's to say the first date's over?
对啊 说得好
Yeah, good point.
或许我们应该去你家继续
Perhaps we should continue this at your place?
我家吗 我不确定允不允许
My place? Um, I'm not sure if that's allowed?
不允许 因为那不是你家 那是我们家
No, I-I-it's not, because it's not your place, it's our place.
是我们在教会区只有一张床的小公♥寓♥
It's our little one-bedroom apartment in the mission,
我们都住那 以便继续互相照应
where we both live, and can continue to watch each other.
对 我们住一间公♥寓♥
Yeah, we share an apartment.
正如我们共享一个子♥宫♥
Like we shared a womb.
对 我们是宫友
Yes, we're womb-mates.
那么 你们谁睡卧室呢
So... which one of you sleeps in the bedroom?
-我睡 -我睡
- Oh, I do. - Oh, I do.
-不同时 -因为我们是兄妹
- Not at the same time. - 'Cause we're brother and sister.
这是谁
Who's this?
这是我们的...另一个室友
Oh, uh... this is our... third roommate.
是啊...开拖车真的不赚钱
Yeah, it's... been a slow year for tow truckin'.
拖车吗
Tow trucking?
马特 莫妮卡 你们两个不妨
Okay, Matt, Monica, why don't you guys,
去消防梯那看看
uh, check out the fire escape,
看看...披萨送餐员到了没
See if the... pizza delivery guy's out there.
我们什么时候订了披萨
When did we order pizza?
马特 这真是个好主意
Oh, you know, Matt, that is a great idea,
你不妨出去的时候订点披萨吧
why don't you order some pizza while you're out there?
好吧 搞什么鬼
Okay, what the hell is going on?
好了 乔什跟我是兄妹
Okay, Josh and I are brother and sister,
这是我天生的头发 记住了
and this is my natural hair. Go with it.
什么
What?
我们打了个赌 他想证明即使不说有钱
We made a bet, he wanted to prove he could still get dates