浪女大厨（2014）

我教完了愚蠢的动感单车课
Well, I'm back from my stupid Soul Spin job,
现在要去愚蠢的餐厅工作
and I'm about to go to my stupid diner job.
我讨厌这一切 我有最低工资怒
I hate it all, I have minimum wage rage.
你伤心什么 你在做纸杯蛋糕啊
What are you sad about? You're making cupcakes.
你吃了第一批吗
Oh, did you eat the first batch?
没有 艾略特和埃兰的领养女儿今天要来
No! Elliot and Alan's little foster daughter's coming today,
我在给她做纸杯蛋糕
and I'm making her cupcakes,
但说起没妈妈的小姑娘
but all this talk about a little girl without her mom,
就让我想念我妈妈了
it's making me miss mine.
你妈妈的确很贴心[甜]
Yeah, well, your mom was very sweet and...
-温暖 巧克力... -拿一个吧
- warm and chocolatey-- - Take one.
有时候我希望自己能拿起电♥话♥
Sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone
告诉她我爱她
and tell her that I love her.
知道吗 我要给她打电♥话♥
You know what? I am gonna call her.
-给谁 -我妈
- Who? - My mom.
加比 你妈妈五年前就去世了
Gabi... your mom passed away five years ago.
你知道她不会接的
You know she's not gonna pick up.
你说得对
Yeah, you're right.
那我给她发短♥信♥
I'm gonna text her.
加比
Gabi.
我就给她之前的号♥码发一条"我爱你"
I'm just gonna text "I love you" to her old number.
好了 搞定
There, I did it. Done.
你感觉好些了吗
Do you feel better?
如果她能回复 我会好些
Well, I'd feel better if she responded.
-我该看吗 -当然
- Should I look? - Yes!
不 我好害怕
No, I'm scared.
你来看 不 我来看吧
You look. No, no, I'll look. I'm looking.
"我也爱你 不管你是谁"
"I love you too, whoever you are."
-我该说我是谁吗 -说啊
- Should I tell them who I are? - Yes.
好吧 "我是加比 你是谁"
Okay, okay, okay. Um, this is Gabi. Who are you?
彼得·加布·德安杰罗
Peter Gabe D'Angelo,
-彼得·加布·德安杰罗是谁 -我不知道
- Who's Peter Gabe D'Angelo? -I don't know! I don't know!
我们来查查他
Let's look him up.
好吧
Okay...
-你觉得这会是彼得·加布吗 -拜托是啊
- Uh, do you think this could be Peter Gabe D-- - Yes, please!
他是《滚石》和《Spin》杂♥志♥的自♥由♥记者
He freelances for Rolling Stone and Spin!
天啊 索菲亚
Oh my god. Sofia,
你知道这意味着什么吗
do you know what this means?
我妈妈在天堂撮合我和我的真命天子
My mom is setting me up with my soul mate from heaven!
麻烦你发短♥信♥问问她 能不能帮我找到
Okay, can you send her a text and see if she can find me
一份我感兴趣的体面的全职工作
a decent full-time job that I feel passionate about?
好吧 但等你妈妈去世 她可欠我的
Okay, fine, but when your mom dies, she totally owes me.
我真爱今天
I'm loving today.
埃兰和艾略特的领养女儿要来了
Alan and Elliot's foster daughter gets here,
我妈妈撮合了我和我的真命天子
my mom set me up with my soul mate,
我终于有理由刮膝盖以上的毛了
and I finally have a reason to shave above my knees.
小加加 无意冒犯 但在我们的小公主面前
Gabala, no offense but you're gonna have to watch the dirty talk
你得注意点别开黄腔
in front of our new little princess.
她才三岁 加比 才这么大
Yeah, she's only three. Gabi, that's this many!
希望凯莎喜欢公主
I hope Keisha likes princesses.
你最好希望她喜欢女王
You better hope she likes queens.
等等 这意味着我也得注意说话吗
Wait a sec... Does that mean I have to watch my mouth too?
喝酒可以说吗
What about... drinking?
还有偶尔的抽一口烟
And the occasional tokedy-toke of a smokedy-smoke?
放松 我们都是来支持你们和凯莎的
Relax. We're all here to support you and Keisha.
我等不及把她宠坏了 而我漠不关心
I can't wait to spoil her rotten the way my absent,
毫无情感的爸爸从来没宠过我
emotionally shut-down father never did for me.
我没有怀恨在心啦
Not that I'm holding a grudge.
她会喜欢她的教母的
And she's gonna love her godmother!
不 绝对不行
Oh, no! No, no, no!
行 接受吧
Oh, yes! Get on the train.
我们需要能得到的所有帮助 亲爱的
We're gonna need all the help we can get, sweetie.
凯莎是黑人 尤兰达是黑人 黑色是新流行
Keisha's black, Yolanda's black, black is the new orange,
你该高兴我们要领养三岁小孩了
and orange you glad we're getting a three-year-old,
我都惊慌失措了
and I'm freaking out!
她来了
She's here!
我去开门
I'll get it...
不 你去
No, you get it.
我俩该一起去
We should both get it.
天啊 我这辈子从来没因为
Oh my god. I've never been this excited
见一个女生这么激动过
to meet a girl in my life!
开门呐
Open the door!
你们好 这是凯莎
Hi, guys, this is Keisha.
这地方真大啊
Damn, this place is huge.
进来吧 天使
Come in, angel.
十三岁的天使
Bat Mitzvah-aged angel.
我是埃兰 这是我丈夫艾略特
I'm Alan, and this is my husband, Elliot.
拜托告诉我这俩才是我的领养父母
Please tell me those two are my foster parents,
这俩是我搞笑的基佬叔叔
and these are my funny, gay uncles.
她得回去 她都一百岁了
She has go to back! She's a hundred!
肯定是搞错了
There's obviously been some kind of mistake.
为什么到处都是婴儿用品
Why is there baby stuff everywhere?
我懂了 你们还以为要领养个儿童
Oh, I get it, you thought you were getting a little kid?
-没有 -对
- No-o... - Yes!
希格斯小姐 也许我们该去另一间房♥里聊聊
Miss Higgs, maybe we should talk in the other room.
你饿了吗
So, uh, are you hungry?
加比能为你做你想吃的一切
Yeah, Gabi can make you anything you want,
记住 我付给了她钱
and remember, I pay her,
所以这就像是我在让你心想事成
so it's like I'm making you anything... you want!
你想吃什么早餐 喜欢哪种蛋
So, what do you want for breakfast? How do you like your eggs?
打包带走的蛋 我不会在这里待太久
In a "To go" box? I'm not gonna be here long.
什么意思
What do you mean?
那俩会跟我其他的领养父母一样
Those two are gonna be just like all of my other foster parents.
不然他们为什么要和希格斯小姐在那边聊
Why do you think they're in there talking to Miss Higgs?
也许他们在里面
Well, maybe they're in there
感谢她为他们带来了你
thanking her for bringing them you,
而不是黏糊糊 爱抱怨 带有细菌的三岁小孩
instead of some sticky, whiny, germy three-year-old.
瞧瞧你 乐观向上的白人美妞
Aw, well look at you... all white and cute and hopeful.
加比 也许该让凯莎的教母处理
Gabi, maybe Keisha's godmother should handle this.
小宝贝
Baby girl...
别叫我小宝贝 我可不是你的宝贝
Don't "Baby girl" Me. I'm not your baby.
也许是呢 我在2003年可犯了不少错
You might be. I made a lotta mistakes in 2003.
好了 我来吧 女士们
Okay! All right! I got this. Ladies?
智能手表怎么样 平板呢 或者蓝筹股
How about a smart watch, tablet? How about some blue chip stock?
少取悦我了
Stop trying to impress me.
粉雄救兵和大胖子是不会领养我的
There's no way Queer Eye and the fat guy are gonna keep me.
我们不能领养她
We're not keeping her.
艾略特 我们不能退回她
Elliot, we can't just return her
好像她是店里卖♥♥的丑开衫一样
like she's an ugly cardigan from J. Crew.
我就知道你讨厌那份礼物
I knew you hated that present!
希格斯小姐 我能跟你说实话吗
Look. Miss Higgs, can I be honest with you?
我们要的是三岁小孩
We ordered a three-year-old!
我能跟你们说实话吗
Can I be honest with you?
双种族中年同性恋人
A bi-racial middle-aged gay couple
可不是每个小孩都想要的
is not on every kid's wish list.
也没人找过十三岁的凯莎
And no one's knocking down the door for 13-year-old Keisha.
我觉得你们会一拍即合
I thought this would be a perfect match.
-没人想要凯莎吗 -心别软 埃兰
- Nobody wanted Keisha? - Don't go soft, Alan.
希格斯小姐 麻烦让我们讨论一会儿吧
Miss Higgs, do you mind giving us a moment to discuss?
请你在阳台稍等一下
You can wait right out here on the lovely terrace.
我时间可不多 还得去扫别人家的兴呢
I don't have all day, I have other couples to disappoint.
我们不能留着她
We're not keeping her!
你没听见希格斯小姐刚才说的吗
Did you not hear what Miss Higgs just said?
没人要凯莎
Nobody wants Keisha.
当然了 她年纪那么大还恐同
Of course not! She's old and homophobic.
如果要这样的 还不如领养我奶奶
If we wanted that, we'd take in my grandma.
亲爱的 我明白你接受不了
Sweetie, I understand you're in shock.
这不是我们想要的三岁小孩
We didn't get the three-year-old we wanted.
我连三岁小孩都不想要
I didn't even want the three-year-old!
什么
What?