工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S01E08
Part 1
June 28, 2021, 1:25 p.m.
哦耶
Yooooh!
Carl把他的烟枪寄到这来了 - 爽
Carl got his vaporizer delivered to the house. - Nice.
咱们现在就来吸一口吧
Let's just get vaped out right now.
好想飘飘欲仙一番哦
I'm looking to get weird.
哇哦 嘿 酷哥
Whoa, hey, cool guy.
费多拉帽兄弟 7-11买♥♥的吧
Fedora brother. 7-11 hat rack.
看样子这帽子很行销嘛
They've got deals.
人们总是忘了费多拉不仅仅只是
People forget that they have more than just,
一种怀旧风 - 噢 不不不
you know, old hot dogs. - No. No, no, no.
拜托 我们中有一个人带这帽子就可以了
Adam, come on, man. One fedora per crew.
不啊 我坚信越多越好
No, I'm pretty sure the more fedoras, the better.
你看 咱们这样就像一个斯卡乐队
'Cause I look like I'm in a ska band right now,
比如Reel Big Fish那样的
like I'm in Reel Big Fish.
Adam 恕我不敢苟同 咱们不是古巴人啊
Adam, I beg to differ. We're not a house full of Cubans, man.
咱们是白人 别太惹眼了
We're white dudes. We gotta be careful.
不然一下就过时了
'Cause we can be very unfashionable very quickly.
Lawler夫人 天快黑了
Mrs. Lawler. It's almost after dark.
你要是还穿成那样就是自找麻烦
If you dress like that, you're asking for it.
嘿 你们这些倒霉孩子能不能别在大街上玩滑板
Hey, why don't you losers try an organized sport for once?
嘿 减速
Hey, slow down!
这不是高速公路
This is not the freeway.
这条街现在被封锁了
This neighborhood is on lockdown.
真累
Honestly.
呃 你好
Yeah, hello.
嗨 呃 我要报♥警♥ 有人正在入室盗窃
Hi, yeah, I wanna report a robbery in progress right now.
我是谁
Who am I?
我是伟大的街坊哨兵
I'm the goddamn neighborhood watch.
噢 不好意思 正经的
Oh, sorry. For legal reasons?
我叫Anders Holmvik
Um, it's Anders Holmvik.
没事了 姑娘们
It's okay, girls.
这里Holmvik警官说了算
Sheriff Holmvik laid down the law in a major way.
来 咱们跟他说再见
Now why don't we say buh-bye to--
喂 我怎么着你了 Ders
Hey, what did I do to you, Ders?
咱们根本就是一路人
You know, we're more alike than you even know, man.
这事儿没完 没完
This is not over. Not over.
他是Blake的朋友 我的大♥麻♥贩子 Karl
Blake's friend and my weed dealer, Karl.
你行 Ders
Great, Ders.
这是我这辈子第二次
This is the second time in my life
这么讨厌你
that I just really don't like you.
现在我上哪买♥♥大♥麻♥呢 啊
Now where am I supposed to buy my weed from, huh?
我可不想再被那个高中生揍一顿
'Cause I'm not gonna get my ass kicked by that high school kid again.
唉 我要跟你说多少次
ugh, how many times do I have to explain this to you?
如果你看到有人试图闯进邻居家
If you see the neighbor's house getting broken into,
那很有可能是Karl 他嗨高了
it's probably just Karl high out of his mind
以为被我们锁在外面了
thinking he's locked out of our house.
我说过了 很抱歉
I said I'm sorry.
得了吧 你根本就没觉得抱歉
Okay, well, you're not sorry
你整个就被这张报纸
because you're popping a straight-up bone cone
搞得性致盎然的
over that damn newspaper.
"警方在目击者Anders Holmvik的帮助下
"The suspect was apprehended after the RCPD
成功缉拿了嫌犯"
was tipped off by eyewitness Anders Holmvik."
"帮助" "目击者"
"Tipped off." "Eyewitness."
我简直就是大侦探飞天德
I'm basically Darkwing Duck.
你就是个蠢蛋
No, you're basically an idiot
家里没有大大
because we blazed the last of our
家里没大♥麻♥了
We blazed the last of our weed,
我不吸两口就没法进食 你知道的
and you know I can't eat unless I've smoked.
Adam熊要吃东西
Adam bear needs to eat.
你知道的
You know that.
我都憔悴了
I'm gaunt right now.
你们这些怂货就是嫉妒我
I think you suckers are just jealous
我上报纸了 而你们只能
that I'm in the newspaper, and you have a picture
浏览某人的鸡鸡照片 老兄
of a dude's dick on your computer, man.
哇哦 真的诶
Whoa, yeah, you do.
你这个变♥态♥
You are perverted.
好吧 不是你们想的那样
Okay, this is not what it looks like, okay?
嗯 - 我说真的
Okay. - No, I'm serious.
我加入了一个库卡蒙加牧场市的
I'm part of the Rancho Cucamonga
贾斯汀比伯粉丝论♥坛♥
Justin Bieber fan club.
我知道他 这家伙挺红的
That I get. The guy's infectious.
对啊 他有 呃 很棒的烟枪
Yeah, he has, like, crazy pipes.
是啊 但是这个叫bieberhole69的家伙
Yeah, but this guy, bieberhole69,
一直给我发他的鸡鸡照片
keeps sending me pictures of his dong because he--
呃 他以为我是个小男孩
well, he thinks I'm a little boy.
他为什么这样想
Why does he think that?
我说我11岁
Well, I tell them that I'm 11
这样大家才不会觉得我是个又老又诡异的家伙
so that people don't think that I'm, like, old and weird.
你这样做就很诡异 - 好吧
That's weird, though. - Well.
这个主意真棒 - 嗨 小伙伴们
That's a good idea. - Hey, guys.
嘿 Jillian
Jillian, hey.
呃 那个叫bieberhole69的有没有给你发
Did, uh, bieberhole69 send you one of--
天啊 他给我发了
Oh, my God, that guy sends me
极具性暗示的照片
the most suggestive photos.
他想干嘛
What is he suggesting?
像那种比鸡鸡之类的情趣游戏
Like little ding dong competitions.
恶 - 我知道
Ugh... - I know.
我整个就是 "我才不和你玩 我都没有小鸡鸡"
I'm like, "I'm not in, I don't have one."
我说我只有11岁
I say that I'm 11
这样大家就不会认为我是个老奇葩
so that people don't think I'm old and weird.
我们刚讨论过了
We just talked about that.
我只是不想孩子们被迫逃避
I just don't want children to have to be
一堆成年人的鸡鸡
dodging full grown male penises.
有道理
That makes sense to me.
孩子们应该沐浴在比伯的阳光形象下
Well, they should be basking in the glory
吸收正能量
that is "J" To the Bieber.
是啊 - 他还很会跳舞
Yeah. - And he's got moves.
他的动作水一般流畅 就像水床一样
He moves like water, like a water bed.
确实
He does.
他是乐界80年代的金属乐队之后刘海最有型的人
He's got the best bangs in music since '80s metallica.
刘海特别有型 - 噢 天啊
Great bangs. - Oh, my God.
他就这样随便抖两下
He just does this. Fft.
他就这样 - 他是个好孩子
He just does swish. - He's a good kid.
这孩子太他妈有才了
The kid is a hell of a talent.
所以我们要打倒bieberhole69啊
And that is why we're bringing down bieberhole69.
耶 非常乐意加入
Yes, I am so down.
耶 - 比伯小分队
Yes. - Team Bieber.
等等 我们要对付这个家伙吗
Wait. We have to bust this dude?
是啊 Ders 加入我们吧
Yes, Ders. I mean, come on.
想象一下这样一条新闻标题
Imagine this little headline:
英勇男子智擒变♥态♥狂 嫌犯或将面临终身监禁
Dude (bleep) Throws pervert in prison forever.
然后在这儿配上你的照片
Little picture of you right there.
哇 真酷 我也加入
Okay, that's kind of cool. I'm down with that.
Adam 你呢
Adam, what do you say?
耶 算我一个
Yeah, count me in.
我要把这家伙的心挖出来
I wanna just kind of rip this guy's heart out, right?
然后拿着他的心脏 吸一口血
And just take the heart and suck on a cockle.
虽然有点怪怪的 但我要做的
That came out weird, but I'm gonna do that.
我现在都流汗了
I'm sweating right now.
我怎么流这么多汗
Why am I sweating so badly?
我们必须给你来点大♥麻♥
We gotta get you some weed.
真的 你要冷静一下
Seriously, you gotta just chill out.
让我们来为民除害吧
Let's bust this butthole surfer.
好了 我现在去回复
Okay, so I'm just gonna
bieberhole69的帖子
reply to bieberhole69's post, okay?
你应该回 "嘿 我今年10岁
Oh, dude, you should say, "Hey, I'm ten years old,
但看起来只有8岁
"But I'm built like an eight-year-old,
来上我吧"
so come and get it."
不 别那样写
No, don't write that.
然后"来上我"加粗
And then capitalize "Come get it."
别那样写
Don't write that. Listen.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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