工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S01E04
Part 1
June 28, 2021, 1:24 p.m.
啊
Aah!
早啊 冠军
Morning, Champ.
好搞笑的健身(结局)
Funny how things... Work out.
面粉(花儿)的力量 老兄
flower power, dude
Anders 为什么你搞得一团糟
Anders, why are you messing around?
我们上班会迟到的
We're gonna be late for work.
怎么回事 为什么你俩要这么做
What is going on? Why are you guys doing this?
为什么我这么爱我妈
Why do I love my mom so much?
为什么小孩子阅读水平不一样
Why do kids start at different reading levels?
为什么姑娘们如花似玉
Why are girls pretty?
为什么我"爱抚"自己以后会有困意
Why do I get sleepy after I touch myself?
不准再搞恶作剧了 行吗
No more pranks, okay?
我们不是大学生了
We're not in college anymore.
我们是成年人 拿出点样子来
We're grown-ups! So act like it.
有一点点成人的样子 行不
Just--just act like grown-ups, please, okay?
谢谢你全家
Thank you.
啊噢
Ow!
嗷 这一点都没意思
Oh, this is not even funny!
怎么着 你还打算<贯穿到另一边>吗
Oh, what, are you gonna break on through to the other side?
装吉姆莫里森啊 玩"大门"啊
Jim morrison? The doors?
因为那个 有个门框
'Cause of the... There's a door frame.
而且 因为你
And the... 'Cause if y--
嘿 小兄弟
Hey, buddy.
你能搞到你♥爸♥的信♥用♥卡♥吗
Hey, can you get your dad's credit card out?
干得漂亮 少年
Yeah, there you go. Chief.
卡♥号♥♥是四开头的吗 - 同志们
Does it start with a four? - Guys.
老天爷啊
Jesus.
我待会儿再回过去行吗 他们挂了
Can I call you back? They hung up.
谢谢您了 Jillian 每次都这样
Thanks, Jillian. Every time.
我真的很抱歉
I'm really sorry, you guys.
自从迈克尔杰克逊死于械斗后
I just--I haven't really been the same
我就不再是从前的我了
since Michael Jackson died in that knife fight.
那是媒体愚弄大众的
Mm, that's what big media wants you to think.
他其实在海滩上跟Brad Renfro和Heath Ledger
He's on a beach with Brad Renfro and heath ledger
喝啤酒的 - 你就编吧
drinking beers. - This guy.
不信你去查啊
Look it up.
哦 对了 我无意间听到Alice说
Oh, in other news, I overheard Alice say
她想升职一个人做高级销♥售♥员
that she's gonna create a senior sales position.
不仅涨工资 还加入医保
It's a pay raise, it's health insurance,
还能拿到"高管独厕"的钥匙
and a key to the executive bathroom.
也就是说 工资涨涨 拉屎爽爽
Basically a pay bump and a comfy dump.
哇哦 恶心死了 你干嘛告诉我们这些
Wow. Gross. Why are you telling us this?
因为我觉得你们中一定有人能胜任
'Cause I think one of you guys could totally get it.
真的吗
Really?
对啊 你们在这儿已经
Yeah, you guys have been here
无数年了 而且你们又不是Waymond那样的傻瓜
for, like, forever, and you're not Waymond.
你搞什么呢
Can I help you?
加薪啊
A pay raise.
听起来有人终于
Sounds like someone's finally
要开始搞定401K了
gonna get that 401k started.
哦 - 401K是啥
Oh. - What's a 401k?
我正要说呢
I'm glad you asked.
本质上就是一个退休计划 你可以
Basically, it's a retirement plan so you can...
算了 没兴趣
Oh, no. Never mind.
我以为是什么激光型号♥
Totally thought it was a laser.
行了 轮到我说了
Okay, can I talk now?
如果我升职加薪的话
Because with my pay raise,
我就买♥♥一套飞鼠套装去极限跳伞
I get a flying squirrel suit to go base jumping with,
正好配上医保
and that health insurance?
呜 爽死了
Ooh, boy!
我倒是想在"高管独厕"里干一炮
I wouldn't mind taking a growler in that executive bathroom,
不过我不想升职加薪
but, uh, not the promotion thing.
你懂的 票子越多 麻烦越多
You know, mo' money, mo' problems.
我们直接打开天窗说亮话吧
Why don't we all just be honest with each other?
我们都想升职
We all want the promotion.
不 我真的不想
No, I really don't.
我想 - 但是只有一个人能成功
I do. - But only one of us can get it,
我们能互相扶持一起前进吧
so let's make a supportive thing happen here.
当然了 我可以 我们都可以做到
Sure, I can-- we can do that,
因为我们是绝世好基友啊
'cause we are kings of friendship.
没错 - 友谊最高
Exactly. - Friendship titans.
我唯一感兴趣的升职
Yeah, I think the only promotion I'm interested in
就是让你们升职做我的兄弟连上将
is promoting you guys to generals in my friendship army.
是的 长官 说得好
Yes, sir. Well said.
Alice的消息绝对不会
'Cause in no way is that, Alice,
影响到我们这里
gonna affect this.
因为此间的好兄弟们
'Cause this right here, bros,
是我热爱工作应酬的原因
is why I love coming to work, hanging out with my partners.
兄弟们 终身挚友们
My chiefs. Best friends for life.
要是背叛彼此就真是节操碎一地了
You'd have to be a real scumbag to mess that up.
大家讨厌Anders的原因
The thing everyone hates about Anders
就是他不尊重女性
is his disrespect for women, you know?
他把小妞们当做二等公民
He treats chicks like second-grade citizens.
但她们并不是
And they're not.
娜塔莉波特曼就上过哈佛
Natalie Portman went to Harvard,
她真♥他♥妈♥的聪明
and she's smart as *. She's super smart.
你怎么进来的
How did you get in here?
我要是Anders的话
If I were Anders,
你这么问就该吃我一拳了
I'd punch you in the face for asking something like that.
但我不是他
But I'm not.
谢天谢地 我是Adam 性别男爱好女
Thank God I'm Adam and I love women.
所有女性 无论身材体重
All women. All shapes and sizes.
我就是爱她们 真爱
I just love 'em. Love 'em.
Blake前几天问我"二"怎么写
Blake asked me the other day how to spell "If."
你放心把价值上千的公♥司♥
Gonna trust that level of smartness
交给那种智商的人吗
with a multi-thousand-dollar corp?
Adam 你可以走了
Adam, I think we're done.
哦 Alice 那个
Oh, and, Alice, it's...
上面一个一 下面一个一
I-f.
"万一"你不会写的"一"
"I," If you didn't know.
人生如此艰难
I hate my life.
嘿 Alice 你有时间吗
Hey, Alice, do you have a second?
你的事吗 那就没时间
For you? No.
我会很快结束的
Okay, I'll be really quick.
我整理了一份新销♥售♥技巧的汇总文件
Uh, I put together a binder of new sales techniques
都是我做电♥话♥销♥售♥用到的技巧
that I've been using on my calls,
非常有用
and they've turned out to be super fruitful.
我不喜欢手下自作主张
You know I don't like people going off my script.
Alice Benson先生找你
Alice, Mr. Benson's on the line.
我只是想锦上添花
I just think we could do better.
请你看一眼我的汇总
Please take a look at my binder.
我非常确定这些数据错得没谱了
All right, I'm pretty sure these numbers are wildly inaccurate.
但你还是做个幻灯片吧 我会看一下的
But put together a powerpoint, and I'll look at it or whatever.
好的 我午饭时间就搞出来
Okay. I'll work on it over lunch.
你不会失望的
You're not gonna be disappointed.
你是想让门是关上还是开着
Did you want this, uh, open or closed?
你好 Benson先生 - 门开着还是
Hi, Mr. Benson. - Did you want this open, or--?
哦 半开半关着
Oh, halfway.
你拿到数据了吗
Uh, yeah, did you get those numbers?
对 看着不错吧
Right. They look good, huh?
哦
Oh!
再想象一下"小妹妹"疯狂地长满了"野草"
Yeah, but imagine it way, way hairier.
天呐 那是病啊
Oh, man. That--that's a problem.
就是说嘛 - 我得亲自去见识一下
Right? - Got to see that in person.
哇哦 哎呦喂
Oh, well, well, well.
瞧瞧这是咋了
Look what we got here.
Blake在拍马屁拉关系啊
Blake schmoozing with the help.
想一步登天呢 老兄
Think your way to the top's through the bottom, buddy?
我真是看走眼了
I vote wrong.
Adam 我不想要什么狗屁升职
Adam, I don't want that stupid promotion.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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