工作狂（2011）
Workaholics S01E07
Part 1
June 28, 2021, 1:24 p.m.
女士们 Waymond
Ladies and...Waymond.
请大家注意看前面
Direct your attention to the front of the room
我们要放一个小视频
for a short video presentation.
*他们发现我身处丛林 因为*
*They found me in the woods, cause I was*
*狼群才是我的母亲 你们想惹我 你们都是猫头鹰*
*raised by wolves. You wanna mess with me, you are owls.*
抱歉
Excuse me.
抱歉
Okay, exscuse me.
请让一下
Just-- can you move, please?
这个要怎么关掉
How does this turn off, man?
你们真无聊
It's not funny.
哈哈哈哈 真是太他妈感谢了
Oh, ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks a ton.
现在你们都知道了 我是个地下说唱歌♥手
Yeah, it's out there. I'm secretly a rap artist.
我是个艺术家 把带子给我
An artist. Gimme the tape.
把带子给我 - 不给
Gimme the tape. - No.
给我
Gimme the tape!
所以说你以前算是在一个说唱组合里吗
So did you like used to be in some sort of crew?
对对 我们那个组合一共有五个人
Yeah, yeah, it was a crew of all--there was five of us.
*下流歌♥手在这儿*
*Mc dirt in your butt?*
天哪 Jillian - 唱的真好 Anders
Jesus Christ, Jillian. - Great rapping, Anders.
你就像冰岛版Raekwon
You're like an Icelandic Raekwon.
噢 - Ders 你怎么了
Oh. - Ders, what's up?
你怎么不给我们
How come you don't bring out the, uh,
再来一段儿啊
the flavor a little more?
我觉得还挺赞的
I thought it was pretty dope.
我们能讨论点别的吗
Could we talk about something different?
明天的年轻业内人员交流会
Are you guys ready to get sloppy
大家都准备好去喝个大醉了吗
at the young professionals wine and cheese thing tomorrow?
是的 当然了 - 是啊
Yes, totally. - Yeah.
耶 好样的
Eh, you are!
你也要去吗
Are you going to that as well?
噢 那是肯定的呀
Oh, heck to the yeah.
我正在寻找真爱
I'm looking for a true love companion
我要和他共度每一天
who I can spend every day of my life with
直到我们一起死去
until we die on the exact same day.
同一口气儿
Same breath--
Montez 你怎么样啊
Montez, how you doing?
我看起来怎么样呢
How does it look like I'm doing?
我现在真是飘飘欲仙
I'm on top of the goddamn world.
对啊 嘿 能把奶油递给我吗
Right! Hey, can I get the creamer?
我今天早晨五点半起的床
I got up at 5:30 in the A.M. This morning.
他妈的五点半啊
5:30 in the goddamn A.M.
你们想知道原因吗 - 想
Y'all wanna know why? - Yeah.
呃 因为你跟你老婆做♥爱♥了
Uh, because you had sex with your wife.
我们铺好防水布
Laid out the tarp,
拿出绝赞的婴儿油 然后我就进去了
got out that good-ass baby oil, and I was in it,
啪 啪 找到绝佳位置
just bah, bah, got in my power stance,
然后我就咔咔咔咔咔
and I was like kah-kah-kah-kah-kah!
在我的卧室里就只有一条规矩
'Cause there's only one rule in my bedroom.
那就是操翻所有规矩
(bleep) all rules.
就好像狂野的大西部
It's like the wild, wild west up in there,
就像阿富汗 伊♥拉♥克♥
like Afghanistan, Iraq,
[哔]<指环王>一样
(bleep)Lord of the rings in there.
你们都知道我卧室的情况了吧
Y'all know about my bedroom.
我们不知道 - 呃
No, we don't. - Uhh!
我现在都还能感觉到那股[哔]
I can feel that (bleep) right now.
真好
Sweet.
你们看 我就是想找那种爱情
Oh, see, that's the kind of love I'm looking for.
所以我们都同意
Okay, so we're all in agreement
不带Jillian去明天的交流会了吧
that Jillian can't come with us to this thing tomorrow.
什么 等会 为什么呢
What--w-why? Why not?
因为如果你把Jillian放在有免费酒的房♥间里
Because when you put Jillian in a room with free wine,
那整个局面会一发不可收拾的
things tend to get punched in the face hard.
是啊 但是她想去结识男人啊
Yeah, but she wants to find a man.
我可不想阻挠别人找到真爱
I'm not about to stand in the way of love.
我又不是Billy Zane
I'm not Billy Zane, man.
Blake 我知道了 她是你的朋友
Blake, I get it. She's your friend.
嘿 她也是你的朋友 机器人 天哪
Hey, she's your friend too, roboheart. God!
嘿 我要说的是上一次
Look, all I'm saying is last time
我拿到了25张名片和12次领英上的互动
I got 25 business cards and 12 LinkedIn contacts.
这次我打算再翻个倍
I plan on doubling that.
但是我不能让Jillian来搅局
But I can't have Jillian stepping on my game.
哇 Ders
Wow, Ders.
当你一心想着要名片的时候
When you were nerding out on some cards,
我可是在揉胸呢
I was nerding into some Titties
还记得去年的那位女白领吗
Remember that business lady from last year?
我可就是顺势而上了
I was all just droppin' in on it,
整个就是 - 不 你没有
Just, hey, hey. - No, you weren't.
你没有 你没跟她做♥爱♥
No, you didn't. You didn't have sex with her.
是啊 我没跟她做♥爱♥
No, I didn't have sex with her.
她的狗病了所以她必须要回家
She had to go home because her dog was sick.
我们都很担心
We were all worried.
还记得去年那个独腿轮椅男吗
Remember that one-legged wheelchair dude from last year?
噢 - 他也会去
Oh! - He's gonna be there.
那家伙可真的整到你了
Oh, yeah, that dude totally punk'd you.
还记得吗 兄弟
Remember what he did, dude?
还记得他做了什么吗
Remember what he did?
噢 他剪掉了一把你的头发 兄弟
Oh! He cut off a chunk of your hair, dude.
那真是一大把头发呢
That was a big chunk of your hair.
是啊 很多头发 - 我知道
Yeah, it was huge. - I know.
还记得他把头发拿在手里
Remember how he just held it out there
你就站在那哭泣吗
while you stood there just crying?
哈哈哈 Adam - 你在哭
Ha ha! Adam! - You were crying...
我们都记得我在哭
Yes, I think we all remember I was crying.
我就在那儿 - 你在哭 兄弟
Yes, I was there. - You were crying, dude.
呜 吐露真实想法了
Ooh, inside voices. Come on.
你们是对的 Jillian不能去
You guys are right. Jillian can't be there,
因为当我这双手
because when I just get these hands
碰到他可爱的残疾小身躯的时候
around his sweet little wheelchair body,
我会
I'm gonna...
弄死他
Bust him!
噢 - 抱歉
Ooph. - I'm sorry.
我只是不想她看到我暴♥力♥的一面
I just don't want her seeing that side of me.
好的 计划是这样
All right. Here's the plan.
给Jillian找个男人
We'll get Jillian a man
在交流会的时候带她出去
to take her out the same time as the mixer.
第一步 创建一份网络资料
Step one-- create an Internet profile.
那好 兴趣 Jillian喜欢什么
All right, okay. Interests. What's Jillian into?
嗯 - 她喜欢
Mm... - She's...
嗯
Mm...
呃
Um...
她是个女生 所以 Gerard Butler
She's a girl, so... Gerard Butler.
嗯 - 嗯
Yeah. - Yep.
确实 她们确实爱他
Yeah, they do. They love him.
很好 我们再来加点吸引男人的东西
Good, good...And let's put something to attract guys,
比如
like...
比如 "脸朝下 屁♥股♥朝上
Like "Face down, ass up.
我们喜欢这样" - 露营就行了
That's the way we like to--" - Uh, camping works.
那是我们喜欢露营的方式
That's the way we like to camp.
现在我们需要在网上找一张她的照片
Now we just need a picture of her from the Internet.
找到了 这张好
Oh, there we go. That one works.
还有 呃 还有别的照片吗
Is, uh--ahem--is there another photo we could use?
为什么 这张就好像在说我又年轻又有趣
Why? This says I'm young, I'm fun,
而且我还有幽默感
and I've got a sense of humor, that's for sure.
它还说我有一些奇怪的性癖好
It also says I like to do weird stuff in the bedroom,
在网络上
which...In this Internet era...
男人们喜欢这样 - 是啊
Dudes like that. - Yeah.
但是我打给你并不是违法的
But it's not illegal for me to call you,
所以我不会被捕
so I can't get arrested.
这样吧 我明天再打给你
You know what, I'm gonna call you back tomorrow.
噢 有了 - 再见 谢谢
Oh, we got one! - See you. Thank you.
工作狂（2011）
Workaholics
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