威尔和格蕾丝

Will & Grace S09E12

Part 1 Jan. 12, 2020, 7:57 p.m.

《威尔和格蕾丝》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
"Will & Grace" Is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
-这样是不是很怪 -不我觉得很萌
- Is this weird? - No, I think it's so sweet
我们每次接吻你都会发出"嗯"的声音
that you go "Mm" every time we kiss.
好像我是「品尝菜单」上的菜品
It's like I'm on a tasting menu.
不我我
No, I--I--
我是说我们住在同一栋楼里
I meant that we live in the same building.
这不是问题对吗
I mean, that's not a problem, right?
这样简直好极了
That part's great.
-晚安 -好
- Good night. - Okay.
-你去哪儿了小姑娘 -老天
- Where have you been, missy? - Oh, God!
你妈和我担心死了
Your mother and I have been worried sick.
格蕾丝·路易斯你要是怀孕了
Grace Louise, if you're in a family way,
就算是男孩我们也会把他当成你妹妹抚养长大的
we'll raise it as your little sister even if it's a boy.
约会怎么样
So how was the date?
好极了
Uhh! So good!
快告诉我一切
Tell me everything!
他叫什么最喜欢的"娇妻"是哪个
What's his name? What's his favorite "Real Housewife"?
《娇妻》系列节目
是男同性恋的最爱之一
在哪跟他认识的
Where did you meet him?
他叫詹姆斯是个直男
James. He's straight.
上周在洗衣房♥
The laundry room, last week.
切我曾在一个洗衣店里和两个男的搞
Big whoop. I fooled around with two guys at a laundry mat.
先脱毛再压倒[除绒毛/叠衣服]First I fluffed them and then I folded them.
当然这是在我和我男友德鲁
Of course, this was before I was in
开始忠贞的关系之前
a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend Drew.
你提到他是你男友时越来越自然了
You are really getting good at saying that.
你不再做那个菊花一紧的表情了
You don't make that pinched anus face anymore.
我一直在练习
I've been practicing.
你妈对此是什么看法
So how's your mom doing with it?
很可惜她不同意
Oh, sadly, Mother's not on board.
她一直梦想着我们能一起退休这下不行了
It gets in way of her dream of us retiring together.
你和同一栋楼里的人交往要怎么维持下去
So how's this gonna work-- you dating a guy in the building?
我可是见过你下身什么都不♥穿♥
'Cause I've seen you get the mail
只敷着面膜穿一件大T恤去拿邮件时的样子
in nothing but a mud mask and that big t-shirt
衣服上面写着"是我我把狗放出去了"
that says, "It was me. I let the dogs out."
詹姆斯和我是成年人了
James and I are adults.
没理由弄得古怪或者复杂
There's no reason why this has to be weird or complicated.
好吧
All right.
好啊詹姆斯
Hi, James.
好的
Okay.
好
Okay.
结束了詹姆斯觉得我们的关系古怪又复杂
It's over. James thinks it's too weird and complicated.
什么他和你分手了
What? He broke up with you?
好吧你懂规矩的
Okay. You know the drill.
我们开瓶红酒我去找糖
We'll open wine, I'll find sugar.
有冷冻馅饼皮
There's frozen pie crust.
要我把它解冻还是直接吃
Do you want me to thaw it or do you just wanna go at it as it is,
你说了算
it's your call.
我来教教你基佬是怎么忘掉男人的
Now, I'm gonna show you how to get over a guy the gay way.
需要做有氧运动吗
Does it involve cardio?
差不多吧
Kind of.
我妈总说忘记一个男人最好的方式
Mother always said the best way to get over one guy
就是再找一个男人玩男上女下后入侧入
is to get under, behind and sideways with another one.
好了
All right.
我要去网球俱乐部了
I am off to the tennis club.
我知道你在想什么
I know what you're thinking,
我早上不是才健身了吗
didn't I already work out this morning?
没错但如果我在下班后能再烧掉一点卡路里
Yes, but if I burn off a few more calories after work,
我就能喝冷压果汁了
I can hit the Pressed Juicery.
我知道里面全是糖
I know, those things are pure sugar.
可我能说什么呢我就是喜欢
But what can I say? I love 'em.
等等等等等等
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
我的天我没想到这会是个关于果汁的故事
Oh, my God. I didn't know this was gonna be a story about juice.
这样吧往回倒一点从头开始
You know what? Back it up, start from the beginning
拖得长一点好吗
and really drag it out this time. Okay?
你知道我们现在一起共事
You know what's great about us working together
整天待在一起有什么好处吗
and being around each other all day now?
我反正是不知道
'Cause I don't.
会计部的女人都觉得你很无趣
All the hens in the accounting department think you're a drip.
我就是会计部
I am the accounting department.
那你很清楚咯
Then you know.
再见
Good-bye.
-你在看什么 -我的故事
- What are you watching? - M'story.
名字叫做《我的仆人》
It's called "M'Servants,"
是在我的厨房♥里实时拍摄的
filmed live from m'kitchen.
-你竟然监视你的员工 -不止呢
- You spy on your staff? - More than that.
我在这手♥机♥上控制家里发生的一切
I control everything that happens in the manse from this phone.
警报温度音乐
Alarms, temperature, music,
何时躲避移♥民♥规划局
when it's time for the INS duck and cover.
就像是互动式的肥皂剧
It's like an interactive telenovela.
快看
Check it.
玛格特最怕的就是告诉女主人
Margot's greatest fear is having to tell the missus
她又打碎了一盘子的玻璃杯
that she broke yet another tray of glasses.
那些是沃特福德牌的她要工作好多年才能还得上
They're Waterford. It'll take her years to pay me back.
这是我见过的最具侵略性
This is--this is the most invasive,
最道德败坏的...
morally bankrupt thing I--
天啊那些男人好性感
Jeez Louise, those guys are hot.
不性感的话就不会上电视了
Yeah, well, they wouldn't be on TV if they weren't.
这又不是BBC
It's not the BBC.
那是厨师和糕点师
That's Cook and that's Pastry Chef.
我猜他们在争一个女孩
My theory is they're fighting over a girl.
但很难确定因为他们在用密语交流
But it's hard to be sure because they speak in their secret code.
你是指西班牙语吗
You mean Spanish?
你看到那个含情脉脉的眼神没
Whoa, did you see that smoldering look?
他们好像相爱了
I think they're in love.
那是性吸引力
That's sexual tension.
林赛·格雷姆看约翰·麦凯恩也是这样的表情
It's the same look Lindsey Graham gives John McCain.
美国共和党政客
-他们竟然是同性恋 -嗯
- They're gay? - Mm-hmm.
长得不像啊
They don't look alike.
凯伦我们不该这样看
Karen, we shouldn't be watching them like this.
到我办公桌来我这边屏幕更大
Come to my desk. I have a bigger screen.
他怎么样
What about him?
他看上去像直男你现在喜欢直男对吧
He looks straight. You're into that now, right?
和陌生人约那不是我的风格
Hooking up with a stranger-- it's not me.
因为你是老古板
Because you're a prude.
我不是老古板
I'm not a prude.
我在电梯里做过爱
I've had sex in an elevator.
用大美女仙妮亚·唐恩的一首歌♥来回答你
In the words of the horse-loving beauty Shania Twain...
我丝毫不觉得这有什么厉害的
that don't impress me much.
是我妈打来的
Oh, it's my mother.
她受不了我不接电♥话♥
She can't stand it when I don't pick up.
挂断
And decline.
天呐你好
Oh, my God. Hello.
原来她喜欢的是老古董啊
So she wants to drive a Silverado.
格蕾丝·艾德勒
Grace Adler.
真是惊喜啊
Well, what a surprise.
杰克杰克
Oh, Jack, Jack, um--
这是杰瑞·韦斯
this is Jerry Wise,
-我的大学文学教授 -你好
- my college lit professor. - Hello.
韦斯教授是个传奇
Professor Wise is a legend.
特别鼓舞人心
I mean, so inspirational.
他过去常说我宁愿做一条成功的鱼
He used to say, I would rather be a success as a fish
也不愿做一条失败的
than a failure as a fish
想当鸟的鱼
trying to be a bird.
我没懂
I don't get that.
我希望你还是一条鱼
Well, I hope that you're still being a fish.
拜托我怎么可能是鸟
Oh, please. Me a bird?
整个对话狗屁不通对吧
None of this means anything, right?
格蕾丝很高兴再次见到你
Grace, it's very nice seeing you again.
拜拜
Bye.