婚外情事

The Affair S05E11

Part 9 Dec. 1, 2019, 8:01 p.m.

How long have you been back in Montauk?
我最大的女儿结婚后我便搬了回来
I moved back here after my oldest daughter's wedding,
到现在有30年了
which was 30 years ago now.
-我们也是那时候搬走的 -我知道
- That's when we left. - I know.
那天科尔回来这里
And the day Cole came back into town,
他走进门
he walked through that door and...
我们俩都差点吓到心脏病发
...I think both of us nearly had a heart attack.
但不知如何时间总有办法
But time has a habit of making these-these big things
能把大事化小
seem small somehow.
看见你真好琼妮
It's so good to see you, Joanie.
我真的很高兴
It really is so good to see you.
跟我说说你的日子吧
Tell me about your life.
你现在在做什么
What-what do you, uh, what do you do?
我是名海岸工程师
I'm a coastal engineer.
正试图把这个世界从濒死边缘拉回来
I'm trying to save the world from drowning.
真的吗
Really?
你有孩子吗
Do you have any children?
两个
Two.
男孩还是女孩
Boys or girls?
都是女儿西娅和玛德琳
Daughters. Thea and Madeline.
很棒琼妮
That's wonderful, Joanie.
但...
But...
我只有不在她们身边的时候才能爱她们
I can only love them when I'm away from them.
我不在她们身边的时候会非常想念
When I'm away from them, I miss them terribly.
但我在她们身边的时候我做不到
But when I'm with them, I can't...
我甚至都没法抱住她们我不知道为什么
I can't even hold them and I don't know why.
我有一个朋友
I have this friend who's a, uh,
他是个表现遗传学家
he's an epigeneticist.
他有一个理论
And he has a theory
关于创伤遗传的
about trauma being passed down.
他叫什么
What's his name?
埃迪他算是...
Uh, Eddie. He's like a,
算是我的侄子吧
he's kind of like a-a nephew of mine.
真好
Fascinating.
-继续 -他说创伤...
- Go on. - Well, he says that trauma
可以一代一代遗传下去
can be passed from one generation to another.
它可以改变DNA
That it actually changes the DNA.
他说有一种研究是
And he says there are studies where, uh,
有些老鼠
where there are rats who...
每次闻到樱花的味道后
...who are shocked
会表现得震惊
every time they, uh, smell cherry blossom.
然后他们让这些老鼠繁殖
And then they breed the rats
而它们的后代也会惧怕樱花的味道
and their babies are afraid of cherry blossom.
太震惊了
Wow. Amazing.
总之我想说的是
Anyway, my point is that your parents
你父母都经历过重大的创伤
went through a lot of trauma.
他们失去过一个孩子
They, I mean, they lost a child.
所以你害怕失去
So it would make sense that you, too,
这样也讲得通
were afraid of loss.
也许甚至它会使你♥麻♥痹♥
And maybe even a bit paralyzed by it.
不我也知道一些那个理论
Yeah, no, I know a bit about that theory.
有一个问题是创伤幸存者的后代
There's a question about whether the children
是否也继承了他们的复原能力
of trauma survivors also inherit their resilience.
这我就不知道了
Oh, I didn't know that.
那很好啊
That's wonderful.
也许你也继承了她的复原能力
So maybe you inherited her resilience as well.
你说的是我爸吧
You mean his resilience.
不我说的是你妈
No, no, no, I mean hers.
不我不是要说科尔坏话但他一直都没变
No. No offense to Cole, but he-he never changed.
你妈总是说
I mean, your mother always said
科尔过去常常逃避自己的问题
that Cole used to run away from his problems.
但艾莉森她总是勇敢面对
But Alison, she was always working on herself.
她知道自己在做什么
She was a work in progress and she knew it.
她非常的真实
She was so present.
深深地感受一切
Feeling everything so deeply and...
她让自己保持清醒但当她看到...
She made herself stay awake and was so disappointed
其他人在他们的生活里如此麻痹
when other people seem
她很失望
so asleep in their lives.
诺亚我四岁的时候
Noah, when I was four years old,
她把我丢在科尔和路易莎门口自己跑了
she dumped me on Cole and Luisa's doorstep and took off.
她是去寻求帮助
To get help.
六个月后她回来了
And then, six months later, she came back
她在法庭上跟你♥爸♥争你的抚养权
and she fought your father in court.
她没有
No, she didn't.
你不知道吗
You-you don't know this?
我想他们把我判给她
I thought they just let her have me back
因为他们同情她
because they felt sorry for her.
不琼妮不是这样的
No, Joanie, no, no.
科尔和路易莎想让你远离她
Cole and Luisa tried to keep you from her.
她得承受各种难堪屈辱
She had to humiliate herself.
是很令人绝望的你... 他们从没告诉过你吗
It was devastating. You... they never told you this?
天啊
Oh, Jesus Christ.
琼妮你必须要知道
Joanie, it's very important you know this:
你就是她的命
you were her whole life.
她做的一切都是为了你
Everything she did, she did for you.
她想寻求帮助这样她就能陪在你身边
She tried to get help so that she could be there for you.
她想让你拥有比她更好的生活
She was trying to give you a better life than she had,
她成功了
and she was succeeding.
她是我这辈子见过的
You know, she's... she's one of the only people
唯一真正
I've ever met in my whole life
改变了的人
who, who actually managed to change.
在我见到她的时候她缩在自己的壳里
When I met her, she was this shell of a person,
在她死之前她从事了
and by the time she died, she had a job
帮助和她经历过同样伤痛的人
helping other people
走出伤痛的工作...
heal from the same trauma that she had and...
你知道那有多难吗
Do you know how difficult that is?
很少有能人做到
How few people actually achieve that?
她还是和已婚男人约会
She was still dating married men.
她不知道他结婚了
Oh, she didn't know he was married.
她不知道本的事
What-what happened with Ben, that...
那不是她的错
that was not her fault.
对她有什么好处
Well, what good did it do her?
那些改变
All those changes?
-他杀了她 -琼妮
- He killed her anyway. - Joanie,
如果你从你妈妈身上得到的教训
if the lesson you're taking away
是不要努力尝试的话
from your mother's death is not to try,
那真是太悲哀了
then that's a great, great tragedy.
改变是很难的
Change is hard.
要用很长时间
It takes a long time.
有的时候一辈子的时间都不够
Sometimes m-more than a lifetime.
那是什么意思
What the fuck does that mean?
有的时候我们只能开始旅程
Sometimes we can only start journeys
由我们的孩子为我们结束旅程
that our children have to finish for us.
现在听到这些太晚了
It's too late to hear those things.
-永远都不晚 -晚了
- It's not too late. - Yes, it is.
我已经把一切都搞砸了
I've already screwed it all up.
我不能和新认识的人私奔
I can't go off with someone new.
我不能回家
And I can't go home.
所以我被困在这里
So, instead, I'm fucking stuck here
困在这个海鲜炼狱里...
in some sort of seafood purgatory...
和你聊天
...talking to you.
你为什么不能回家
Why can't you go home?
你说呢诺亚你看起来知道的挺多的
Why don't you tell me, Noah? You seem to know a lot.
为什么我不能回家
Why... why can't I go home?
也许因为很难
Well, maybe 'cause it's hard.
回家很难
Going home is hard.
和某个人待在一起
Staying with someone,
无条件爱他们
loving them no matter what,
是很难的
that's hard.
找到新人...
It's so easy to...
很简单