老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第二季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S02E08
Part 3
April 12, 2020, 9:52 a.m.
So I'm either an absent mom or a dirty one.
也许你两样都有呢 谁说不能同时都有了
Maybe you're both. Who says you can't have it all?
瞧瞧这阵仗
Look at this spread.
虾这么大 腌黄瓜这么小
They got the giant shrimp and tiny pickles.
世界全都反过来了
The whole world's upside down.
你专心点行吗 我们有工作要做的
Will you stay focused? We have a job to do.
他们这的橄榄中间有红色的东西
They got the olives with a red thing in the middle.
怎么做到的
How they do that?
去商店看看吧 这都能买♥♥得到
Go to a grocery store, man. That's just regular stuff.
利用你的惊人高度 找到丽莎
All right, now use your freakish height to find Lisa.
她在那
There she is.
女士们 先生们 获得创新改革奖的是
Ladies and gentlemen, our Innovator Award winner,
丽莎·麦卡菲
Lisa McCaffrey.
她在挠头发
She's scratching her head.
等等
Hold on, hold on.
也许她是想出个办法
Maybe she's just coming up with an idea.
这真是荣幸之至
This is... such an honor.
绞尽脑汁才能想出来的
Must be a real brainstorm.
好的
Okay.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
我们把老板变成了科学怪人的新娘
We just turned our boss into the Bride of Frankenstein.
好的 刚刚我讲到哪了
Now, where was I?
大唐 我们完蛋了
Don, we're screwed.
我们把虱子传给了老板 她刚刚出了大丑
We gave our boss lice, and she just humiliated herself.
她看见我们了
She sees us.
别看她
Just look away.
我做不到 她的头发太好笑了
I can't; her hair's too funny.
-我们该怎么办 -不是要告诉她吗
- What are we gonna do? - I thought we had to tell her.
不行 事情太严重了
No, no, no, it's too big.
记得小时候 我们把穿天猴放到了树林里
Remember when we were kids, we shot that bottle rocket
结果引发了大火那次吗
into the woods and all the trees caught on fire?
我们谁也没说 赶紧逃开了
We didn't tell anyone, we just got the hell out of there.
所有东西都着火了 让我们赶紧逃吧
Everything's on fire, Don! Let's get the hell out of here!
你说得对 我们走
You're right, let's go.
什么破虱子才不上妈妈的脑袋
What kind of frickin' lice don't get on the mother's head?
她生气了 我们中必须有一个人过去
She's upset. One of us is gonna have to go in there.
你去
You go.
你是她的亲戚
You're related to her.
不是血亲 所以这条不算
Not by blood, so let's just take that off the table.
知道这是怎么回事吗
You know what this is?
就是这个社会想打♥压♥工作的母亲
This-this is society trying to keep the working moms down!
我走了
I'm out.
什么 别扔下我
What? Don't leave me.
是你拉的手雷 自己飞扑过去吧
you pulled the pin on the grenade; you jump on it.
保重 亲爱的
Feel better, honey!
我一直在想
So... you know what I was thinking?
之所以你没有虱子
I bet that you don't have lice
是因为你这个妈妈当得太好了
because they just flew off your head
虱子们集体飞离了你的头顶
while you were running around being a great mom.
别费劲了 洛厄尔 我们都清楚
Nice try, Lowell, but I think we both know
我为什么没长虱子
why I don't have the bugs.
还有其他原因
There could be other reasons.
比如 你的头有没有离微波炉太近
Like, did you put your head too close to the microwave?
有没有在水下待了45分钟
Were you underwater for 45 minutes?
你去过太空吗
Have you been in space?
玩得开心吗 洛厄尔
Are you having fun, Lowell?
不开心
No.
我不是说我要走 只是你看到我车钥匙了吗
And not that I'm ready to go, but have you seen my car keys?
等等 这是你的护发喷雾吗
Wait. Is this your hair spray?
不是 我偷来的
No, I stole it.
因为我众多的缺点之一 偷窃癖
Among my many flaws, I'm also a kleptomaniac.
我这是踩到连环雷了
I guess once you light the fuse, all the bombs go off.
我只是说
I'm just saying,
你的护发喷雾里有茶树油
your hair spray has tea tree oil in it.
-是防虱子的 -是吗
- That repels lice. - It does?
看 学校发的单子里有
Look, it's on the sheet from school.
所以这不是我的错
So it's not my fault?
我是个好妈妈
I am a good mother.
伟大的妈妈
Great mother.
就是女主人的攻击属性有点强
Little bit of an aggressive host.
好了 我要趁你笑的时候赶紧走
Okay, I'm gonna get out of here while you're smiling.
太谢谢你了 洛厄尔
Thanks so much, Lowell.
有事您说话 我再也不想听了
Anytime. But never again.
洛厄尔
Hey, Lowell.
我家的帅哥回来了 怎么样
There's my handsome man. How'd it go?
我不想告诉你
I don't want to tell you
不想破坏你这个看起来不错的心情
because you look like you're in a good mood.
那是现在
She is now.
你们在过山车出口看 当然没事
Thanks for meeting me at the exit of the roller coaster.
等一下
Wait a minute.
就因为你没有虱子 所以觉得自己不是个好妈妈
You thought you were a bad mom because you didn't have lice?
对 我感觉糟糕透了
Yeah, I felt terrible.
所以我用健康的方法 对洛厄尔发泄了
So I did the healthy thing and I took it out on Lowell.
我倒不介意有人代劳
Well, I don't hate that someone else took that shrapnel.
我都想到要辞职不干了
I mean, I actually thought about quitting my job.
没想到你这么为难自己
I can't believe you were beating yourself up like that.
你绝对不能辞职
And there's no way you're quitting.
今晚丽莎演讲完
After Lisa's speech tonight,
我们家可能要指着你挣钱了
you might be the only one of us working.
有那么糟糕吗
Was it really that bad?
有 她身上有一堆虱子
Yeah, yeah. She's got a bundle of lice,
很快就会意识到是被我们传的
and she's gonna realize it was because of us.
在周一之前 我们还有时间想辙
We have until Monday to figure our way out of this.
谁啊
Who is it?
丽莎·麦卡菲
It's Lisa McCaffrey!
大唐 她来我家了 她知道了
Don, she's at my house. She knows!
把灯关了
Turn off the lights.
安迪 你去跟她谈
Andi, you talk to her.
就因为我是女人 就要我跟她谈吗
I have to talk to her because I'm a woman?
对 我要用这招了
Yes! I'm playing the card now.
这招对谁都好用
The card works both ways.
你好 我知道你在家
Hello? I know you're in there.
我觉得这是男人的工作
You know what? This seems like man's work.
我要以彼之道还之彼身
Yeah, I'm reverse playing the card.
丽莎 你好啊
Lisa. Hey, what's up?
今晚我的演讲不是很顺利
So, my speech didn't go very well tonight,
我们需要谈一谈
and we need to talk about it.
我想跟你说 我们非常
look, I just want to say I'm sorry...
我焦虑症发作了
I had an anxiety attack.
你说
Or you go.
我打电♥话♥给我的心理医生 克莱医生
I called my therapist, Dr. Klein,
她跟我解释说
and she explained that the itching was
因为对公开讲话的恐惧 导致生理上的瘙痒
a physical manifestation of my fear of public speaking.
-她说得挺有道理 -她说得对
- That sounds about right. -She nailed it.
我过来是因为我们是合作伙伴
I just came by because we work together,
我觉得有必要跟你们解释一下
and I felt I owed you an explanation.
行 以后别再这样了
Well, just don't let it happen again.
重点是
Bottom line:
今晚讲台上的事件 是我的错
what happened on that stage tonight was my fault.
是我的失败
It was my failure,
我必须想办法面对它
and I have to figure out a way to deal with that.
不行 不可以
No. Don't you do it.
不可以去做对的事
Don't you do the right thing.
丽莎 等等
Lisa! Lisa! Wait, wait.
他做了
Oh, he's doing it.
请进吧
Yeah, c-come on in.
今晚发生的问题 不在你脑袋里
What happened tonight-- the problem's not in your head,
而在你脑袋上
it's on your head.
你在说什么
What are you saying?
你看
Well, you see...
大唐的侄子侄女 传给你了虱子
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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