老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E07

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 9:51 a.m.

What's wrong?
我去了速剪发廊
I went to Jiffy Cuts.
就变成了这样
And this happened.
天啊
Oh, boy.
我的新发型师叫蟋蟀
My new hairdresser, whose name is Cricket,
在给名字叫雪橇的男友发信息
was texting her boyfriend, whose name is Sledge.
这国家完蛋了
This country is doomed.
所以她一分心把漂白剂当成了
She was distracted, so instead of using brown dye,
棕色染发剂
she used bleach.
不过
Oh, but...
好消息是她给我洗头的时候
the good news is that while she was shampooing my hair,
鼻环掉进我嘴里了
her nose ring fell into my mouth.
你这一上午挺忙啊
Sounds like you had a jam-packed morning.
但省钱的感觉不好吗
But didn't it feel good to save money?
拜托
Huh? Come on.
都是为了孩子
It's for the kids.
你说得对没错
Oh, you're right. You're right.
为了凯蒂能有排齐牙这一切都值了
This is, this is all so Katie can have straight teeth.
泰迪戴上新眼镜以后
Yeah, and Teddy, with his new glasses,
能接住我扔的球了
I threw him the ball and he caught it.
不是用脸接哦
And not with his face.
我们做的事非常值得
We're doing great things here.
没错
Yes, we are.
这一切都值了
It's all worth it. u202dYeah.u202c
我们过万圣节也省钱了
And we can save even more money on Halloween.
你还用买♥♥新服装吗
Do you need to buy a costume?
不用你头上戴着呢
No, you're already wearing it on your head.
怎么了
What's going on?
-我们要开批斗大会 -什么
- We're having an intervention. - Wha...?
你让安迪夺走了我们的球赛
You let Andi take away our sports.
你根本没处理好兄弟
You never handled it, man.
都怪我
I blame myself.
要是小时候给你吃点大红肠
Maybe if you'd had a little bologna as a kid,
可能就会强大起来面对老婆
you could stand up to your wife.
听着这对我来说也很困难
Okay, look, this is hard on me, too.
那是我的爱我最爱的东西
That was my thing, my very last thing,
但我告诉安迪我放弃了
but I told Andi I'd give it up.
可她玩阴的
But she played dirty.
她都没把造型师的事告诉你
She didn't even tell you about her hair lady.
这倒是
That's true.
石头剪子布谁赢了
And who won rock, paper, scissors?
我赢了
I did.
我比她聪明
I double outsmarted her.
有吗
Did you?
现在我只能和玛茜一起看美食节目了
But now I'm stuck watching cooking shows with Marcy.
非常凄惨兄弟
I'm real sad, brother.
你听到了吗
You hear that?
采取点行动儿子
Do something, boy.
你把一棵大红杉树气哭了
You just made a mighty redwood cry.
泰迪你的眼镜呢
Teddy, where are your glasses?
我弄丢了
I lost them.
这么快
Already?
我不习惯戴眼镜
I'm not used to having them.
一般不管我去哪脸上的东西
When I go somewhere, everything else on my face
会自动跟我走
just comes with me.
好了去找找
Okay, well, go look for 'em.
你♥爸♥在车♥库♥呢我去帮他忙
Your dad's in the garage. I'll go get him to help.
好了凯蒂带牙套前的最后一餐
Okay, Kate, your last meal before braces,
按你要求的
just like you ordered.
爆米花盐水太妃糖和牛肉干
Popcorn, salt water taffy and beef jerky.
这三样东西会在你的胃里相遇
You know, those three things are gonna meet in your stomach
他们仨绝对不好相处
and they are not gonna be friends.
我根本不想带牙套
I don't even want braces.
这样吧钱给我
How about this: just give me the money
我自己用手把牙推齐这样
and I'll push my teeth together with my fingers. Huh? See.
宝贝我知道很糟心
Honey, I know it stinks, all right?
但你想想我们大家都很糟心
But if it helps, it-it stinks for all of us.
你♥爸♥放弃了球赛
I mean, your dad gave up his sports
而我现在像要谋杀101忠狗的恶女人
and I look like I'm trying to murder 101 Dalmatians.
希望安迪不会发现你在网上买♥♥了
I hope Andi doesn't find out you bought the sports package
体育台的套餐
on the Internet!
你要是不嘶声力竭喊出来
It would help if you didn't scream it
就算帮忙了
at the top of your lungs.
我错了
My bad!
克罗斯比偷到球了加油
Crosby stole the puck. Come on.
加油上上
Come on. Go, go.
瞧谁来了
Look who's here.
怎么回事
What's going on?
不是你想的那样
Uh, okay, it's not what you think.
我们在看成人片
We were, um, watching an adult movie.
真的吗
Really? u202dMm.u202c
你们刚刚都在击掌
'Cause there was a lot of high-fiving.
非常振奋人心的画面
It was very inspirational.
听着我如约取消了所有体育台
Okay, look, I canceled all the cable sports like I promised,
可多亏了科技奇迹
but due to the miracle of technology,
我在网上找到了所有的比赛
I found all the games on the Internet.
免费的
For free?
你免费知道这个消息了
Free of you knowing about it.
所以你准备把这高昂的费用藏进网费里
So you were just gonna hide the expense in the Internet bill?
好吧
Well...
这是谁的主意
Whose idea was this?
我的且我并不愧疚
It was mine and I'm not sorry.
就算你是老婆
You might be the wife,
我还是他的冰球伙伴呢我也有发言权
but I'm the hockey buddy; I have a voice here.
真要这样吗
Really, Lowell?
你真想跟老婆比吗
You really want to go up against the wife?
说实话我泄气了
To be honest, I'm losing steam.
这怎么可能瞒得过我呢
How was this even supposed to work?
我就在隔壁
I was ten feet away.
我们本来有计划的
Well, we had a plan.
我爸应该去放风的
My dad was supposed to be a lookout.
对了你老婆来了
Oh, yeah. Your wife's coming.
不敢相信你又买♥♥了体育套餐
I can't believe you bought the sports packages again.
我知道看起来有点过分但你知道吗
Okay, I admit, it looks bad, but you know what?
我的石头剪刀布赢得光明正大
I won rock, paper, scissors fair and square.
操场的规矩不许反悔
Okay, that's school yard rules, no backsies.
这就是你的解释
That's your argument?
其实是大唐的说法
Well, originally it was Don's argument,
所以根本站不住脚
which explains why it isn't working.
其实是真的
Actually, it's true.
是吗对是的
It is? I mean, it is.
我跟你说
Look, I'll tell you what.
我已经放弃了约瑟芬你继续看你的球赛
I already gave up Josephine, you have your sports back.
一切都解决了
Everything works out.
而且我的速剪发廊会员卡再集齐四个点
Plus, four more punches on my Jiffy Cuts card
就会给我个免费啤酒保温套
and I get a free beer koozie.
我背着你干了点事你就放过了
So I do something sneaky and you just give up?
不可能的
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我后背的汗毛都竖起来了
The hairs on the back of my neck are standing up.
后招在哪呢
What's the catch?
没有后招我很乐意的
There's no catch. I'm happy to do it.
多年以后
You know, and years from now,
等孩子们得奖了
when the kids are accepting some award,
他们也许会感谢我这个牺牲自己的英雄
they'll probably thank me for being such a hero
或者之类的吧
or, I don't know, something like that.
等等你说什么
Wait, wait, wait, what'd you say?
我说我很乐意
I said I'm happy to do it.
不之后的话你说你会当英雄
No, after that. You said you'd be the hero?
-不用说的事 -那你为什么说
- Well, that goes without saying. u202d- Then why'd you say it?u202c
-因为我要当英雄了 -可我喜欢当英雄
- Because I'd be the hero. - But I like being the hero.
不做牺牲是不能当英雄的