老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第二季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S02E07
Part 1
April 12, 2020, 9:51 a.m.
甜甜圈怎么了
What happened to donuts?
这玩意几乎全是洞
This thing is mostly hole.
我觉得他们把洞加大了
I think they're making the middle bigger.
我买♥♥了十二个甜甜圈 十二个洞
I bought a dozen donuts and a dozen donut holes.
结果对不上 肯定有人在中饱私囊
They don't match up. Somebody's getting rich.
你们回来了
Hey, there they are.
看医生一切顺利吧
How'd the, uh, doctors appointments go?
泰迪近视了 而且度数很高
Turns out Teddy needs glasses, like, a lot.
医生还挺瞧不起人的
The doctor was pretty judgmental.
我拿到了六根棒棒糖
I got, like, six lollipops.
我什么都没有 因为太完美了
I got nothing because I'm perfect.
别担心 宝贝
Well, don't worry about it, buddy.
我们来处理 去吃零食吧
We'll get it handled. Go get a snack.
他近视了
He needs glasses.
我忽然想通了很多事
That explains so much.
还有 凯蒂要戴牙套
Also, Katie needs braces.
到时候肯定看起来蠢爆了
Ugh, I'm gonna look so dorky.
我能不能戴透明塑料的那种
Can I please get the plastic invisible ones?
为什么不行
I don't see why not.
要花六千块
They're $6,000.
我知道为什么不行了
I see exactly why not.
好吧 以后我就满嘴金属了
Great. Well, I'll have metal mouth.
以后啤酒盖都可以用我的嘴来开
Guess you can use my face to open your beers.
这主意不错
That's the spirit.
-牙套和眼镜 -是啊
- Braces and glasses. - u202dYeah.u202c
-你可得赶紧发一笔横财了 -是啊
- You're gonna need some quick cash. u202d- Yeah.u202c
我有个办法
Well, I've got an idea.
你想不想去商场扶梯上
How would you feel about taking a tumble
摔一跤滚下去
down the escalator at the mall?
我认识一个人 可以推你
I know a guy. He can push you.
你甚至都不用鼓起勇气
You don't even need the courage.
算了
We'll be fine.
我们有医保
We have insurance.
但是你这个扶梯的点子来得挺快啊
But you came up with that escalator thing pretty quick.
下次我们去逛商场 你要走前面
Next time we go to the mall, you're walking in front.
你看
Look at this.
泰迪的眼镜 医保只给三十美金
Our insurance only gives us $30 for Teddy's glasses.
我们要去哪里买♥♥
Where are we supposed to buy them?
不然去药店的柜台买♥♥
The spinny thing at the drugstore?
药店的东西确实不错
Well, the drugstore has good stuff.
我的性感运动裤都在那儿买♥♥的 你很喜欢
That's where I get my sexy sweatpants you like.
你看这个
And check this out.
凯蒂的牙套免赔额
The deductible for Katie's braces
甚至比实际要花的总额还高
is more than the cost of the actual braces.
这毕竟还包括腿部支架
Well, they do cover leg braces.
如果这个免费送的话 不要白不要
Might as well get her those if they're giving them away.
这些我们肯定买♥♥不起
Ugh, we can't afford all this.
那个口腔矫正医生有理财工具
u202dWell, the orthodontist has financing.u202c
他还给了我张传♥单♥
He gave me a brochure,
但我没拿住 当时泰迪撞到鱼缸上去了
but I dropped it when Teddy walked into the fish tank.
他真的看不清
He really can't see.
我们应该以此为耻
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
伯恩斯家的男人从不理财
The Burns men don't do financing.
最后肯定要花三倍的钱
You end up paying triple.
还不如直接送凯蒂去英国
Be cheaper to just send Katie to England
跟其他牙齿畸形的人一起生活
to live with the rest of the snaggle-toothers.
我们得想其他办法赚钱
Well, we have to find the money somewhere.
不然我们去商场里聊一聊吧
Maybe we should go to the mall and talk about it.
我不要从扶梯上滚下去 安迪
I'm not falling down an escalator, Andi.
为什么不行 你总是摔倒
Why not? You fall off stuff all the time.
不如借此赚点钱
Let's start making some money.
美女
Hey, pretty lady.
我穿着性感药店运动裤哦
I'm wearing my drugstore sweats.
要不要玩一玩
Let's get crazy.
还玩一玩 咱们的预算都快"玩"完了
You know what's crazy is how tight our budget already is.
所以不跟我玩了吗
So fooling around is out?
好吧 那聊钱的事吧
Okay, let's talk money.
咱们的应急资金里有多少钱
What's in our rainy day fund?
175 没错
$175. Yeah.
你想用这笔钱
Which one of Kate's teeth
矫正凯蒂的哪颗牙
would you like to straighten with that?
咱们不是说好 卧室里不这么说话吗
I thought we agreed to keep that tone out of the bedroom.
好吧 我把预算打印出来了
Okay, well, I printed out our budget.
这一页是必要支出
And, uh, this page is our necessities.
房♥贷 日用品 等等
You know, mortgage, groceries, stuff like that.
这一页是额外支出
And this page is our extras.
你的电视体育节目套餐
And, um, your cable sports packages
似乎是最大的额外支出
seem to be our biggest extra.
等等 不能滚床单 还不能看球赛
Hold on. No sex, no sports?
我就不该走进来
I'm sorry I even came in here.
我绝对不要放弃球赛套餐
I'm not giving up my sports packages.
亚当 你买♥♥了八个套餐
Adam, you bought, like, eight of them.
你的体育频道不应该比孩子还多吧
I mean, you shouldn't have more sports channels than children.
那就多生几个孩子
Then let's have more children.
算了 当我没说
No. Forget I said that.
听我说 安迪 这些体育套餐
Look, Andi, these sports packages
是唯一能够让我快乐的东西了
are the only thing I have left that makes me happy.
当然除了你还有孩子们什么的
Well, besides you and the kids. Blah, blah, blah.
我知道你很爱它们
Look, I know you love them,
但它们必须离开
but I-I-I think they have to go.
你是说孩子们吗 好
The kids? Okay.
等等 你的额外支出了
But wait a minute, hold on. What about your extras?
要不也去掉一个
Maybe we can get rid of one of those.
我没有额外支出
No, I don't have any extras.
为了这个家 我已经全部放弃
I already gave them all up for the family.
这话我肯定没办法反驳了
Then I guess there's no coming back from that.
好吧 我会取消体育节目订阅
Fine, okay. I'll cancel my sports packages.
我知道你很难过 但你做的是对的
I know it hurts, honey, but you're doing the right thing.
如果有用的话 你这样做是个英雄
If it helps, you're kind of being a hero.
英雄是吗
A hero, huh?
这样说挺有用的
That does help.
英雄 你是说...
Hero. As in...
我希望能将诺贝尔奖颁发给我的父亲
I'd like to dedicate this Nobel Prize to my father,
亚当•伯恩斯 真正的英雄
Adam Burns, the real hero.
你想怎么想就怎么想吧 宝贝
Whatever gets you there, babe.
我比较头疼的是
Ugh, the only thing is
该怎么跟他们说
I don't know how I'm gonna tell the guys.
他们可喜欢过来跟我看球赛了
They love coming over here to watch the games.
我们家简直是匹兹堡的游乐圣地
Our house is where Pittsburgh comes to play.
我知道 亲爱的 但是从今往后
I know, honey, but I guess from now on,
匹兹堡只能自己玩了
Pittsburgh's just gonna have to play with itself.
我知道匹兹堡的感觉
I know how Pittsburgh feels.
《老爸有招》第二季第七集
我知道今天是最后一次看球赛了
Okay, I know this is your last sports package game,
不过看好的一面 我做了迷你披萨
but on the upside, I made mini pizzas.
我好生气 我恨你抢走了我们的比赛
I'm torn. I'm mad at you for taking away our sports,
但这些迷你腊肉肠好厉害
but I'm impressed by these tiny pepperonis.
你是怎么做到的 用压孔机吗
What did you use, a hole punch?
没有 都是我啃出来的
I just nibbled them down to size.
真够糟心的
Man, this stinks.
要是不能来这里看球 我只能回家
If I'm not here watching the game, I have to go home.
我老婆就在家里
That's where my wife lives.
我们的快乐时光被安迪抢走了
This is our time and Andi took it.
我抗争得很辛苦才来到这里
I fought hard to get in here.
我不能因为你跟酒吧里认识的妞发了婚誓
I'm not gonna lose it just because you took a vow
就放弃这一切
with some hussy you met in a bar.
我知道你心里不好受
Look, I know it's tough,
但有些时候需要英雄
but some situations call for a hero,
需要一个勇于挺身而出
a man who's willing to step up
为家庭做出贡献的人
and do what's right for his family.
你能不能叫那个人
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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