老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第二季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S02E12
Part 1
April 12, 2020, 9:52 a.m.
冲冲冲
Go go go!
你看 我们队领先了
You see that? We just took the lead.
爸 你觉得我穿这双靴子能好看吗
Hey, dad. Do you think I can pull off these boots?
宝贝 这场比赛我押了20元呢
Honey, I got 20 bucks right on this game.
中场的时候再帮你脱靴子 乖
I will pull your boots off at halftime, okay?
我对你家浴室新换的颜色表示疑虑
I don't know about that new paint color in your bathroom.
我知道 高兴 实在太黄了
I know, Joy; it's way too yellow.
早上 我以为自己在太阳上尿尿呢
This morning, I thought I was peeing on the sun.
它亮到我从我家卧室都能看到
It's so bright, I could see it from my bedroom window.
所以我才让亚当重刷
Yeah, well, that's why I asked Adam to repaint it.
他调了种红色
He turned a shade of red
我觉得在厕所里应该很好看
that I think would actually look nice in the bathroom.
丈夫就喜欢重做那些
Husbands love redoing
一开始不想做的事
what they didn't want to do in the first place.
我们产生过分歧 然后坐下
Yeah, we disagreed, but then we sat down,
讨论一番 他就决定重刷
had a discussion, and he's repainting.
是的
Yeah.
给他做点玉米片 舒缓情绪
Made him some nachos to ease the blow.
要知道 他脑子里玉米片比生气的比重更大
See, the angry part of his brain is smaller than the nacho part.
行吧 那这样 我可以给你买♥♥靴子
All right, I'll tell you what, I'll buy you the boots
但你要帮我重新给破厕所刷漆
if you help me repaint the stupid bathroom--
哦 玉米片
Ooh, nachos.
你应得的 宝贝
Well, you deserve 'em, honey.
而且奶酪的颜色跟厕所一样
And the cheese is the color of the bathroom,
也能好好提醒你 别忘了
so you won't forget to repaint it.
好啊
Howdy!
我是大裤子 给人带个信儿
I'm Baggy Britches, and I have a message.
你是凯特·伯恩斯吗
Are you Kate Burns?
不 不 说不是 不是
No! No! Say no! Say no!
你老公什么毛病
What is wrong with your husband?
别看他的花 看了就会把你骗走
Don't look at his flower. That's how they get you.
亚当怕小丑
Adam has a fear of clowns.
那不叫怕
It's not a fear, okay?
是让我活到今天的本能反应
It's a natural instinct that's kept me alive thus far.
那你为什么用你女儿当肉盾
Then why are you using your daughter as a human shield?
因为够不到你
Because you're too far away.
杀她 我不认识她
Murder her; I barely know her.
我穿着大裤子被派来
♪ I've been sent over here in my baggy pants ♪
为丹尼·菲利普斯送信来
♪ 'Cause Danny Phillips wants to ask Kate ♪
邀请凯特把春天舞会来参加
♪ To the Spring Formal Dance. ♪
真的吗 春天舞会
Seriously? The Spring Formal?
天啊 妈妈
Oh, my God! Mom!
想不想看魔术
Hey, you want to see some magic?
不想 不想 不想
No, no, no!
出去 出去
Get out! Get out!
滚出去 快滚出去
Get out, get out, get out!
太险了
That was close.
凯特 春天舞会 很重要的
Kate, the Spring Formal. That's huge!
我知道 真不敢相信
I know. I can't believe it.
他还在外面
He's still out there.
我去把洒水器打开
I'm gonna turn the sprinklers on.
把他的妆容都冲掉 就没有超能力了
It'll wash off his makeup, then he'll be powerless.
我太为凯特高兴了
I couldn't be happier for Kate.
没有几个一年级的姑娘
I mean, hardly any freshman girls
能被学长邀请参加高年级舞会的
get asked to the senior dance.
等等 邀请她的男生是个学长
Hold on. The guy that asked her is a senior?
好啦 别用亚当那套来面对
All right, don't get all Adam on this.
我就是亚当
I'm Adam.
我只会这一套
That's the only way I get.
又不代表他们在约会
Look, it doesn't mean they're dating.
一场舞会而已
It's just one dance.
一场舞会就够了
One dance is enough.
舞会就是把躺下做的事站着做了
That's where you do all the laying down things standing up.
对 我记得我们的新婚夜
Yeah, I know. I remember from our wedding night.
你好像长了六只手
It was like you had six hands.
任何邀请一年级姑娘的学长
Andi, any senior that asks out a freshman
都有一些问题
has something wrong with him.
他就是那种会沦落到穿着小丑装
Okay, he's the kind of guy who ends up dressed as a clown,
吓唬市民的人
terrorizing honest citizens.
刚才那个人 也许就是他
For all we know, that was him.
天啊 在游乐宫里走丢一次 害了你一辈子
Boy, you get lost in one fun house, it ruins your life.
游乐宫
Fun house.
这地方的名字错得不能更离谱了
Never has a place been more incorrectly named.
她不许去参加那个舞会 对话结束
She is not going to that dance, and that's the end of it.
那么 我们坐下好好讨论一下
Okay, well, let's sit down and discuss it.
之后 我们可以吃玉米片
And after, we can have nachos.
不行 不行
No, no, no, no, no.
我才不要跟你坐下
No. I'm not going to the chairs with you.
每次坐下谈 我都输
Every time we sit down and discuss, I lose.
我不懂你在说什么 但我想了解
I don't know what you're talking about, but I'd like to.
我们坐下
Hey, let's have a seat,
好好谈谈吧
talk it out.
这次不行 我的阳光
Not this time, sunshine.
这一次 我要做斗争准备
This time, I'm gonna prep.
我去找黑板 画出点圈圈叉叉
I'm going to the blackboard, drawing some X's and O's,
准备好几套战术
and getting some plays ready.
好的 也有道理
Yeah, well, that makes sense. Yeah.
你那些战术用不用我帮你看看
You want to run any of these plays by me?
首先 凯特的... 你可真厉害
Well, for starters, Katie's-- Oh, you're good.
我现在盯上你了
I'm onto you now, though.
我再也不会坐在这儿了
I'm never sitting down in here again.
老爸有招 第二季第十二集
我只是觉得凯特不应该跟学长约会
I just don't think Katie should date a senior.
可每次和安迪坐下讨论的时候
But I'm oh for a thousand with Andi
我最后都会同意她的观点
when we sit down and have these discussions.
我就像在哈林篮球队里打球的人
I'm like that team that plays the Harlem Globetrotters.
我想得分
I'm trying to make a point,
而她围着我绕圈圈 把球在我头上扔来扔去
and she's running circles around me, bouncing balls off my head.
我们的问题是 老婆们比我们有毅力
Our problem is wives have more stamina than us.
我们宁愿输掉 也不想再听了
We'd rather lose than listen.
就算你得分了 她们还会继续找你麻烦
And even if you win a point, they keep coming at you,
像海浪拍上沙滩
like waves at the beach.
废话 废话 废话
Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
我们的婚姻里 大部分时间很平等
Mostly my marriage is fifty-fifty,
但只要产生异议 我就输了
but when we have a difference of opinion, I lose
因为我用意气 安迪用的是逻辑
because I go with my gut and Andi goes with logic.
她可以把任何烂主意讲出花来
She can make a good argument for any bad idea.
如果你真的很想赢 我倒知道一个古老的手段
If you really want to win, I know a trick from the old days.
叫作 静默商讨
It's called silent negotiation.
我听说过
I've heard of that.
你先让她说 然后你一言不发
You let her talk first, but then you don't say a word.
盯着她 等她先忍♥不住
You just stare at her and wait her out.
她就会说罗圈话 开始怀疑自己
She'll start talking in circles, doubting herself.
最后 她会像山寨劳力士一样分崩离析
Eventually she'll break down like a Chinese Rolex.
跟你送我的圣诞礼物一样
Like the one you gave me for Christmas?
我刚想看现在几点了
I went to see what time it was,
结果所有数字都掉下去了
and all the numbers just fell to the bottom.
我说过 不能让太阳照
I told you not to let the sun hit it!
我不想让凯特参加舞会
I don't want Katie to go to the dance,
但这个静默商讨 肯定没用的
but this silent negotiation, that's never gonna work.
这件事准没错
I'm right about this.
我爷爷只说过 我愿意
My grandfather said "I do,"
在接下来的四十年中 一言不发
then he didn't speak to his wife again for 40 years.
他过得随心所欲
He got everything he wanted.
看着 我对大唐用这招
Here, I'll do it on Don.
大伙儿好啊
Hey, fellas. u202dHey.u202c
小唐
Hey, Donny,
我需要你今晚带着你妈去纺织品商店
I need you to take your mother to the fabric store tonight.
抱歉 老爸 我们谈过这件事了
Sorry, Pop, but we've been over this.
带老妈在城里转悠 不是我的责任
It's not my responsibility to run Mom around town.
我是她儿子 不是她丈夫 我有自己的生活
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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