老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第二季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S02E15
Part 1
April 12, 2020, 9:53 a.m.
复活节前两周
瑜伽课上得怎么样
How was yoga class?
太棒了 我觉得非常正点
Amazing. I feel very centered,
因为我们翘课去隔壁的红酒吧了
'cause we skipped it and went to the wine bar next door.
在那放松了好几个小时
And then we nama-stayed there for a couple hours.
我太喜欢了
I'm all for it.
你半醉的时候最招人喜欢了
You're never more lovely than when you're half in the bag.
我刚刚跟我爸妈聊完 他们要开车
I talked to my parents, and they're driving in
从弗吉尼亚过来过复活节
from Virginia for Easter.
什么 不不不 我以为你说的
What? No, no, no. I thought you said
弗兰克和爱丽丝不回来了 所以我邀请了我爸妈来
Frank and Alice weren't coming, so I invited my parents.
你以后真的不要再跟我隔着厕所门讲话了
You got to stop telling me stuff through the bathroom door.
这下惨了
Oh, this is not good.
为什么 祖辈满堂
Why not? A house full of grandparents--
不正是节日该有的样子吗
that's what a holiday's supposed to be.
可不是这些祖宗们
Not with these jokers.
他们性格一模一样 也一样讨厌对方
They are exactly the same, but they hate each other.
就像阿♥拉♥巴马州和乔治亚州
Like Alabama and Georgia. Yeah.
一切要追溯到凯特出生的时候
It all goes back to when Katie was born,
这四位老人
'cause both sets of grandparents
都想被称为爷爷奶奶
wanted to be called Grandma and Grandpa.
他们都同意了
So they all agreed that they'd settle it
就去了医院
when they got to the hospital.
对 于是我爸妈说
Yeah. So my parents said
会在去医院的时候 顺路接她爸妈
that they would pick her parents up on the way.
于是弗兰克和爱丽丝就在酒店门口等着
So Frank and Alice are waiting outside their hotel,
结果我爹直接开过他们
my dad just drove straight by
还对着他们比中指
and gave them the finger. u202dYeah.u202c
他的爸妈先到达医院
His parents got to the hospital first,
并宣布只有他们能叫爷爷奶奶
and claimed Grandma and Grandpa for themselves.
对 于是她爸妈就只能被称为阿婆和阿公
Yeah. And her parents got stuck with Nana and Pop Pop.
我们并不觉得好笑
Which we don't think is funny.
他们很不乐意
They didn't take it well.
不 我才不要被叫阿婆
No, I will not be Nana.
我已经穿好了奶奶的衣服 贝弗 我是奶奶
I'm already wearing the Grandma sweatshirt, Bev-- I'm Grandma!
你就是这么跟你的客户说话的吗
Is that how you talk to your clients
在你们算命届里
at your fortune teller business?
我是有资格证的心理咨♥询♥师
I am a licensed therapist.
以我专业的观点来看 你是个疯子
And it is my professional opinion that you are cuckoo!
你们靠作弊先到的
You cheated to get here first.
从我面前开过 还对我敬了个中指礼
You drove by and gave me a crude, one-fingered salute.
我只是很惊讶 终于见到一个海军
I... I was just surprised to finally see a Navy man.
因为我们陆军在被越共们折磨的时候
I sure as hell never saw one
可是一个海军的人都没看到
when my Army platoon was pinned down by Charlie!
我们在船上
We were on a ship.
哦 对了 越战是场激烈的海战
Oh, yes. Vietnam was a great sea war.
这十四年来 一直这样
And it's been 14 years of that. Yeah.
我们的爸妈来之前
You know, our folks should come
应该响起龙♥卷♥风♥警报
with one of those tornado sirens,
好给我们时间关好门窗
so we have time to board up the windows
然后把自己绑到热水器上
and strap ourselves to the water heater.
所以我们每年节日的时候
That's why we have a time share in Lake Placid
-必须去普莱西德湖村过节 -是吗
- that we have to go to every holiday. u202d- You do?u202c
-对 -我喜欢普莱西德湖村
- Yeah. - I love Lake Placid.
不是真的 是他编的
It's not real. He made it up.
为了逃避静脉曲张组的战争编出的借口
It's just an excuse to avoid the battle of the varicose veins.
如果你是个好哥哥
You know, if you were a good brother,
应该留下帮我的
you would stay here and help me.
你要是个聪明的弟弟
Well, if you were a smart brother,
就应该先想到假装去度假的方法
you would have thought of the fake time share first.
我知道 嫉妒死我了
I know. I'm so jealous.
听着 我们没办法把
Listen, we can't have both
两对长辈都请来过节 对吧
sets of grandparents for the holiday, right?
必须取消邀请一对儿
We have to uninvite one of them,
我觉得我爸妈今年值得来过复活节
and I think my parents deserve Easter this year.
值得 这事应该由复活节兔子来决定吧
Deserve? I think that's for the Easter Bunny to decide,
不是你
not you.
可我爸妈只能来过感恩节
Okay, but my parents got stuck with Thanksgiving,
对比你♥爸♥妈能来过的圣诞节
and that's a B-team holiday compared to Christmas,
那已经是委屈的了
which your parents got.
感恩节加上复活节 等于圣诞节
Thanksgiving plus Easter equals Christmas.
这叫数学
That's called math.
没错 我爸妈来过圣诞节 可他们发现了
Yes, my parents got Christmas, but then they found out
我们带你♥爸♥妈去了美特尔海滩
we took your parents to Myrtle Beach.
圣诞节减美特尔海滩 等于复活节
Christmas minus Myrtle Beach equals Easter.
好吗
Okay?
把这个输入你的计算器 再算算
So put that in your calculator and smoke it.
听着
Look,
我只是说你♥爸♥妈都住在这 对吧
all I'm saying is that your parents live here, all right?
他们可以经常来看孩子们
They're with the kids all the time.
我爸妈一年只能来看一两次
My parents only get to see them, like, once or twice a year.
对 但我无法取消邀请我爸妈啊
Yeah, but I can't uninvite mine.
我也一样啊
Well, I can't uninvite mine.
不敢相信 你居然认为
I can't believe you think your parents
你的父母应该来过圣诞节和复活节
should get both Christmas and Easter.
是有理由的
Well, there are reasons.
还记得你妈做的感恩节大餐吗
You remember when your mother cooked Thanksgiving?
那是什么味道 嗯
What's that smell? Hmm?
是烤火鸡的味道吗
Is that a turkey roasting?
不是 是肝
No, it's liver.
家里的味道像住在烧着的牛里一样
Our whole house smelled like the inside of a burning cow.
好吧
Okay.
她会做肝的唯一原因是
The only reason she makes that
我第一次带你回家见父母的时候
is because when I first brought you home to meet them,
你说你喜欢吃
you said you liked it.
我当时是想睡你
I was trying to sleep with you.
又不知道自己会加入吃一辈子肝俱乐部
I didn't know i was joining the Liver for Life Club.
你听听你自己说的什么
Will you listen to yourself?
你保证过 我们永远不会为了父母吵架
You promised we'd never fight about our parents.
一样 我是想睡你
Again, I was trying to sleep with you.
老爸有招 第二季第15集
我有好消息
I got great news.
我也有好消息
I have great news, too.
我的更好
Oh, mine's better.
-我爸妈不来了 -我爸妈不来了
- My parents aren't coming. - My parents aren't coming.
-什么 -什么
- What? - What?
-你♥爸♥妈不来了 -你♥爸♥妈不来了
- Your parents aren't coming? - Your parents aren't coming?
-我们的爸妈不来了 -我们的爸妈不来了
- Our parents aren't coming! - Our parents aren't coming!
对 我爸妈是因为不想见到你♥爸♥妈取消的
Yeah, mine cancelled 'cause they didn't want to see yours.
我爸妈也是
Mine, too.
他们终于达成一致观点了 瞧瞧啊
They finally agree on something. Look at that.
-躲过一劫 -是啊
- Crisis averted, huh? u202d- Yeah.u202c
天啊 我现在应该可以跟你坦白
God, I feel like I can admit to you now
我本来打算假装脚腕扭伤了
that I was gonna fake a sprained ankle
然后躺床上过周末
and spend the weekend in bed.
我准备跟你一样 借口是女性问题
I was gonna do the same thing with lady problems.
-我们太可爱了 -是啊
- We are so cute. - u202dYeah.u202c
冰箱里为什么会有器官
Why are there body parts in our fridge?
那是肝 亲爱的
That's liver, honey.
我买♥♥来让你阿婆做的 现在她不来了
I-I got it for your nana to cook before she cancelled.
对 凯特 麻烦你把它拿出去扔进垃圾桶
Yeah, Katie, will you take that outside and put it in the trash?
我想吃一顿不像验尸的
I want to eat an Easter dinner
复活节大餐
that doesn't look like an autopsy.
等等 把它放回冰箱
Wait, put it back in the fridge.
我现在想一想
You know, now that I think about it,
如果你♥爸♥妈不来的话 我可以重新邀请我爸妈
if your parents aren't coming, I should reinvite mine.
不许给我放回冰箱
Don't you put that back in the fridge.
听着 如果我们要重新邀请
Listen, if we're gonna reinvite anybody,
也应该是邀请我爸妈
it should be my parents.
把它放回冰箱 凯特
Put it back in the fridge, Kate.
为什么是你♥爸♥妈
Why does it get to be your parents?
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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