老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E18

Part 2 April 12, 2020, 9:54 a.m.

也不会说什么
no judgments.
我不要榨你的蛇
I am not blending your snake, okay?
我不要碰那玩意
I am not touching that thing at all.
我也不想碰它
Well, I don't want to touch it either.
那没办法了
Well, then we're stuck.
我这是怎么了
What happened to me?
其实在我结婚以前
You know? I mean, I-I used to take care of
这种爬行动物我都自己处理
all the creepy-crawlies before I got married.
而且我很擅长
And I was good at it.
我觉得有老公之后我变脆弱了
I think having a husband's made me soft.
这可不好
That's not good.
我在网上看了
I read on the Internet that,
十年后世界上就没有男人了
in ten years, there won't be any men left at all.
他们把手♥机♥放在前裤兜里
They carry their phones in their front pocket,
放射导致他们都变成了芭比娃娃
and the radiation is turning them all into a bunch of Ken dolls.
我以前试驾从来没恶心过
I've never gotten sick from a test drive before.
我故意急刹车为了看看刹车是否管用
I do panic stops to make sure the brakes work.
谢谢你安排的早餐
Hey, thanks again for breakfast.
很遗憾你最后全吐了
Sorry you couldn't keep yours down.
胃不好的人不值得信任
I don't trust a guy with a weak stomach.
我们去隔壁看看吧
Let's go to the dealer next door.
听我说他快要不买♥♥了
Okay, listen, you're losing him.
你得加长保修期加大诱惑力
You're gonna have to sweeten the pot with an extended warranty.
好吧我看看能不能安排
Okay. Okay, I'll see what I can do.
好的等你回来的时候
Great, great. And on your way back, don't be afraid
记得给我们倒两杯咖啡
to bring us some of your fancy coffees.
知道了吗他早饭吃太饱容易犯困
All right? He gets sleepy after a big breakfast.
-好 -再给自己来块薄荷糖
- All right. - And maybe get yourself a mint.
太顺利了他对我们予取予求
This is going great. He's agreeing to everything.
太好了接下来是第二阶段
Yeah! And here comes phase two.
-什么第二阶段 -大唐
- Oh, what's phase two? u202d- Donny.
他怎么来了
What's he doing here?
我叫他来收尾
I called in a closer.
收尾爸我也可以收尾的
Closer? Dad, I can be a closer.
我来了目标在哪里
I'm here. Where's the mark?
你能不能别多管闲事
Why don't you mind your own business?
洛厄尔你跟他也是一伙的吗
Lowell, are you part of this?
我只是一直听说伯恩斯套路
I've just heard so much about the Burns system,
就想亲眼看看
I had to see it in person.
你也是来观战的吗
Did you come to watch, too?
不我在参与
No! I'm doing it.
是我先来的
I was here first.
真好你们人增多了
Oh, good, there's more of you.
这是我大儿子特别懂车
This is my older son. He's a real car expert.
没错我从小就开始坐车
That's right. I've been riding in cars since I was a kid.
一开始坐后座
Started in the backseat.
表现太好后来挪到前面了
Did so well, they moved me up front.
刚才不是进展得很顺利吗
I thought we were doing great together.
行了你看他的表现相当厉害
Yeah. Just watch him work. The kid is a star.
我问你个问题
Hey, let me ask you something.
车里有幽灵吗
Are there any ghosts in that car? u202d
什么
What?
这车里有没有幽灵这问题很基础
Is the car ghost-free? It's a basic question, man.
你长得就一副会卖♥♥幽灵车的样子
You seem like the kind of guy that might sell me a ghost car.
他这是跟哪儿学的
Where does he get this stuff?
跟我学的你知道我们经常待在一起
From me. You know how much time we spend together.
好吧
Okay, well,
我打给了动物园还有宠物商店
I called the zoo, I called the pet store.
谁都不要布莱恩
Nobody wants Brian.
我问的大多数人
And most of the people I talked to
都想让我买♥♥他们的蛇
tried to get me to take their snakes.
那只能留蛇在这里你搬走了
I guess we leave the snake here and you just move.
这里是布莱恩的家了
It's Brian's house now.
不行我要送它去宠物商店
No, he's going to the pet store, okay?
把它从盒子里拿出来偷偷送进去
We'll just take him out of the box and we'll sneak him in.
可我们都不想碰它要怎么把它
How are we gonna get the snake from here to the store
从这里送到商店去
if neither one of us wants to touch it?
我想到了可以放进我的一个包里
I know. We'll sneak him in there in my other purse.
是蛇皮的
It's snakeskin.
它会觉得宾至如归
He'll feel right at home.
好吧来了
Okay. All right. So...
好了布莱恩跳吧
Okay, Brian, jump on in.
快
Come on.
快点你可以的
Come on. You can do it, boy!
快
Come on.
跳啊
Come on! u202d
我觉得没有长笛蛇不会听话的
Yeah, I don't think snakes follow directions without a flute.
好吧
Okay. Well, uh...
你拿着包
you hold the purse.
准备好了吗
All right, ready? u202d
尽力而为吧
Here goes nothing.
我们做到了
We did it!
太好了
Yeah.
好的
All right.
干得漂亮
u202dGood job, us.
里面还有一根扭纹糖
There's an old Twizzler in there.
也许它们可以谈个恋爱
Oh, maybe he'll fall in love.
好了爸只需要在虚线处签字即可
All right. All Dad has to do is sign on the dotted line.
你回头谢我就行
You can thank me later.
随你便本来没你也挺好的
Whatever. We were doing fine without you.
你们给老爸买♥♥了一辆好车
Hey, you got your dad a great car.
难道兄弟帮了忙会影响这一点吗
Does it diminish it just because your brother helped?
当然
Yes!
你难道不知道家人相处之道吗
Don't you know how family works?
算了
Forget it.
我不签了
I'm not signing this.
怎么了
What happened?
关你蓝牙屁事破链子
None of your Bluetooth business, fobbo.
这也是套路之一吗
Is that part of the system?
谁知道呢从来没人告诉我
Who knows? Nobody tells me anything.
这绝对是新情况
This is definitely new.
我要走了
I'm leaving.
-什么 -是啊
- What? u202d- Yeah.
那车怎么办
What about the car?
我不需要车
I don't need a car.
可是爸我也很喜欢那辆车
I don't know, Dad. I liked that car, too.
谁问你了
Who asked you?
爸是我大唐
Dad, this is me, Donny.
你跟亚当才会用这种语气
That's the voice you use for Adam.
行了大家先冷静
Okay, I think we should all just settle down.
你想被我骂吗
You want a piece of this?
不先生
No, sir.
我去那边站着就不会被您骂了
How can I have a piece of it when I'm all the way over there?
告诉我怎么回事
Just tell me what happened.
我不用什么事都告诉你
I don't have to tell you anything.
怎么你在等我走吗
What, are you waiting for me to leave
好告诉你最爱的儿子
so you can tell your number one son?
他可真矫情我就该让他在车里等
He's too emotional. I should have left him in the car.
算了不必多说我走了
Okay, you know what? I'm leaving.
我浪费了周六一天时间
I wasted my whole Saturday
就为了跟你联络感情
because I wanted to get closer to you.
但我不想再尝试了
But I'm through trying.
也许你们可以再去一次六旗游乐园
Maybe you two can go to Six Flags together again, huh?
我知道你带他去了
Which I know you took him to,
虽然你说要带他去看医生
even though you said you were going to the doctor.
没人会检查完身体还捧着棉花糖回来
Nobody comes home from a checkup with cotton candy.
我让你把棉花糖扔了
I told you to ditch the cotton candy,
你非得炫耀
but you had to be a show-off.
那天是我半年生日
It was my half-birthday.
你带我回家吧大唐
Just take me home, Donny.