老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E03

Part 2 April 12, 2020, 9:51 a.m.

来回疯跑才风干身体
by running around the house like a dog.
你怎么都闻不到呢
I mean, how can you not smell that?
我闻到了
I smell it.
只是习惯了而已
I'm just used to it.
我挺喜欢的
Got good to me.
嫁不出去我省了婚礼的钱
Well, at least I won't have to pay for a wedding.
听着不是我一个人这样
Look, I'm not the only one doing stuff.
你们知道泰迪怎么处理垃圾的吗
Do you know what Teddy does with his trash?
我们知道
Yes, we do.
- 那艾米的衣柜呢 -都看过；
- How about Emme's closet? - Seen it all.
老爸的啤酒瓶盖
Dad's beer caps?
你逃不掉的凯蒂
You're not getting out of this, Katie.
老爸有招第二季第三集
不是吧
Seriously?
又看育儿书
The parenting book again?
最后一章是不是作者坐在钱堆上
Is the last chapter just a picture of the author
嘲笑我们的照片
sitting on a pile of money, laughing at us?
她是著名的育儿专家
She's a renowned childcare expert.
等一下你听着
?Hey-- wait, wait, listen to this.
作者简介
"About the Author.
南希目前单身
"Nancy is... single,
和她喜爱的长尾小鹦鹉住在缅因州
and lives in Maine with her beloved parakeet."
什么
What?
她没有孩子吗
Wait, she doesn't even have kids?
所以她才不知道婴儿辅食可以在商店买♥♥
That's why she doesn't know you can buy baby food at the store.
因为她我掌握了把三文鱼打成泥的技能
I liquefied a perfectly good salmon thanks to her.
我不敢相信
I can't believe this.
着十四年来我把它奉为
I mean, uh, for 14 years, this has been, like,
我的育儿圣经
my-my parenting bible.
祝福她的鸟被吊扇亲密接触
I hope her bird flies into a ceiling fan.
决定了
You know what?
现在由你负责没错
You're in charge now. Yeah.
我们上演《全金属外壳》
Let's go Full Metal Jacket.
真的吗
Yeah?
这样才带劲嘛
That's what I'm talking about.
亚当炸♥弹♥该出场了
It's time to drop an Adam bomb.
你懂没我叫亚当
Get it? 'Cause my name's Adam?
我懂的
Yeah, no. I got it.
这个哏我等了好久终于用上了
Yeah. Oh, I've been wanting to use that for so long.
走吧
Come on.
好了都听好了
All right. Listen up.
现在要做一些改变
There's gonna be some changes around here.
本来是让你们管好自己的房♥间
Yeah. You're supposed to handle your rooms,
其他的有我们负责
we handle everything else.
这你们也能搞砸现在听好了
But you blew it, so now, you get this.
全交给你了大炸♥弹♥
It's all you, A-Bomb.
好的
All right.
从现在开始不做家务
From now on, if you don't do your chores,
就不给零花钱
you don't get your allowance.
一分都没有
Not one cent.
炸♥弹♥就是这个动静孩子们
That was a bomb noise, kids.
你们就没办法去商场买♥♥悠悠球
Which means you can't go the mall and buy yo-yos
买♥♥不了弹弓和黑光海报了
and slingshots and blacklight posters.
我很久没去过商场了
I haven't been to a mall in a while.
我们要单独讨论一下
We'd like a moment to discuss.
什么说什么什么意思
What? What are you talk-- what do you mean?
没有讨论的余地
There's no discussing.
你们刚刚被炸♥弹♥炸了
You just got flattened by a bomb!
听我的我们什么都不要做
Okay. Here's what we do: nothing.
如果现在投降以后就没有便宜占了
If we give in now, our free ride is over.
他们不会生气吗
But won't they get mad?
你听好
Look, you.
我花了很多年让他们降低标准
I've been lowering their expectations for years.
绝对不能让你给我搞砸
I will not let you mess it up for me.
明不明
Capisce?
那是什么意思
What does that mean?
明白吗
"Understand"?
你不告诉我它是什么意思我怎么明白
How can I understand if you won't tell me what it means?
泰迪按她说得做就行了
Teddy, just do what she says.
我们就你们的提议讨论好了
So, we've discussed your offer.
要么接受要么拒绝
Take it or leave it.
我们决定拒绝
We've decided to leave it.
什么不不能拒绝你们必须接受
What? No, there's no leaving it. You have to take it.
你们很爱我们肯定不忍♥心不给我们钱
Look, we know you love us too much to stop giving us money.
你们是好人
You're good people.
不是
Nuh-uh.
好人会看《绝命毒师》吗
We do-- do good people watch Breaking Bad? Hmm?
没错我们看过一集
Yeah. 'Cause we watched one.
我们决定放手一搏
It's a gamble we're willing to take.
我们决定罢♥工♥
So, we're going on strike.
明不明
Capisce?
他刚刚在问我明不明
Did he just capisce me?
毫无反应
Nothing.
你断了他们的零花钱
You took away their allowance
他们还是不肯做家务
and they still won't do their chores?
对
Yeah.
你猜害谁不得不
So guess who had to make their beds
给他们铺床倒垃圾
and take out their trash?
安迪
Andi.
搞得她心情很不好
And that put her in a bad mood,
连带我的心情也不好
which put me in a bad mood.
看来现在这个时候不适合告诉你
I guess now's not the time to tell you
早上我停车的时候把你的车小小地追尾了
I lightly rear-ended you when I was parking this morning.
对不是时候
No, it's not.
行我们换个时间聊
Okay. We'll put a pin in it.
反正孩子也干不好家务
Kids are terrible at chores anyway.
手太小叠不出我想要的毛巾
Little hands can't fold towels the way I like.
应该是折再折翻过去翻回来
It's fold, fold, flipsy, flopsy.
这是男人的活
That's a man's job.
这是一个大问题的征兆
It's a symptom of a bigger problem.
我们失去了权威性
We've lost our authority.
我小时候听家长的
When we were kids, our parents had the power.
现在我们是家长了还要听孩子的
But now that we're parents, the kids have the power.
从来没人听我们的
We've never had the power.
我觉得这一切是从甜麦片开始的
I think it all started with sugary cereal.
我们以前的早餐都是原味燕麦
All we got for breakfast was plain oatmeal.
这样就给你定位了
You know? That put you in your place.
你比马重要不了多少
You were barely more important than a horse.
没错没错我小时候
Yeah, yeah. You know what we never heard from Dad
爸爸从来不会说
when we were kids?
你感觉怎么样对不对
"How do you feel?" ?Yeah.
我只听他说过这一下感觉如何
I heard, "How does that feel?" Yeah.
以后还有你好受的
And, "You're gonna feel that for a while."
对我还记得
Yeah, yeah. I remember that.
我开始觉得并不是打在儿身痛在爹心了
I'm starting to think it didn't hurt him more than it hurt us.
我不懂要怎么管好这些孩子
I just, I-I don't know how to get through to these kids.
你应该找咱爸聊聊
You should talk to Dad.
他说话别人都听
He's always had the power.
因为他我才不会为自己出头
He's the reason I don't stick up for myself
我很感激他
and I'm grateful for that.
对找老爸
Yes, Dad. ?Yeah.
那个男人就算躺在躺椅上
That man ruled with an iron fist
都可以用铁拳统治
from the comfort of his Barcalounger.
他只需要说一句
All he had to say was,
别逼我站起来我们从来不敢让他站起来
"Don't make me get up," And we never did.
他可以管好那些孩子
He'll get those kids in line.
我被你们激励了
You guys are really getting me fired up.
我也受不了孩子们在家里乱跑
I'm sick of my kids running my house.
我再也不忍♥了
I'm not gonna put up with it anymore.
今晚我就让他们多听听我的话
Tonight, I'm gonna ask them for more power.
爸爸我们要跟你聊一聊