老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E03

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 9:51 a.m.

Dad, uh, we need to talk to you
我们现在的问题
about a situation we're having.
一起洗鸳鸯浴
Take a bath together.
我跟你妈妈用这招就很好
That spiced it up for me and your mom.
在脑海挥之不去了
That's gonna stick with me.
不是的爸爸
Uh, n-no, no, Dad.
不是这个问题
That's not the problem,
不过我们可以试试
but we should do that.
我的宝贝泰迪熊
Hey, there's my Teddy Bear.
爷爷
Hey, Grandpa. Huh?
你能不能给这个
You couldn't spare a few dollars
倒霉的可怜人赏几元钱呢
for a guy who's down on his luck, could you?
泰迪想要零花钱
Teddy, you want your allowance,
自己倒垃圾
take out the trash.
不我会让你替我倒
Nah, I'll let you do it.
你看到了吗问题就是这个
You see that right there? That's the problem.
你小时候要是敢这么跟我讲话
If you'd talked to me like that when you were a kid,
我会把你和垃圾一起倒出去
I would've taken the trash out with you in it.
不仅仅是泰迪全都这样
Yeah, well, it's not just Teddy. It's all of them.
有很多方法让孩子按你说的做
There are ways to make kids do what you want.
对但你的方法现在都不合法了爸爸
Yeah, but, Dad, your ways aren't legal anymore.
除此之外方法多如牛毛
That was only one tool in the toolbox.
你们俩有根本问题
You two have a structural problem.
对他们太柔了
You're too soft on them.
总是会问他们感觉如何
Yeah. You-You're always asking them how they feel.
一定要让他们知道不做家务的后果
You have to make them fear the consequences
有多么可怕
of not doing their chores.
就算稍稍毁掉他们的生活也不要紧
You can't be afraid to ruin their lives a little.
记得以前你不叠被的时候
Remember when you wouldn't make your bed?
我是怎么做的吗
What did I do?
没收我的床
You took my bed.
不是吧
You didn't.
绝对是的
I damn well did.
他现在叠被了吧对不对
But he makes his bed now, doesn't he, huh?
对不对不用谢我了
Yeah, huh? You're welcome.
他说得对
He's right, he's right.
我们需要强硬一点
We need to up our game
别让他们过得那么舒服
and make their lives a little less comfortable.
这样他们才能听我们的话
This is how we get the power back.
我不希望他们不开心
I just, I don't want them to be unhappy.
不要担心
Don't worry about that.
孩子怨气十足才说明你这个家长称职
Unhappy children is how you know you're doing a good job.
早上好
Good morning.
我和妈妈意识到在做家务的问题上
Your mother and I have realized that we made a mistake
我们犯了个错误
with this whole chore situation.
我就说吧
Told ya.
对你们太客气了
We've been too soft on you.
觉得你们罢♥工♥这个主意
Yeah, we've been thinking about this, uh, strike of yours
非常不错
and it's actually a great idea.
所以在你们同意开始干活之前
So until you agree to start pulling your weight around here,
我们也罢♥工♥了
we're going on strike.
没错
That's right.
所有的家务我们都不做了
Instead of us doing all the work,
你们来做
you're gonna do it,
我们什么都不做
and we're gonna do nothing.
你们得洗盘子洗衣服
You're gonna do the dishes, the laundry,
清扫厨房♥ 而且而且哦
keep the kitchen clean and, and...
你们一分钱都拿不到
you're gonna do it all for free.
我们信错你了
We trusted you.
本来打算给你们的零花钱
And that allowance money that you're not getting,
我们会用来买♥♥冰淇淋
we're gonna use it to buy ice cream
还要当着你们的面吃
and then eat it in front of you. ?Mm-hmm.
会买♥♥我们讨厌但你们喜欢的奇怪味道
And we're gonna get all those goofy flavors you like and we hate
就是要气你们
just to make it harder for you to watch.
我差点忘了
Oh, and I almost forgot.
你们的早餐
Here's your breakfast.
享受燕麦的味道吧
Enjoy your oatmeal.
没错我们去泡澡了
That's right. We'll be in the tub.
我们才罢♥工♥三天
We've only been on strike three days
家里就像被人当雪球一样
and it looks like... somebody took our house
摇晃个乱七八糟
and shook it like a snow globe.
都没地方坐了
Yeah, there's no place to sit.
我们最喜欢坐着了
Sitting's our favorite thing.
不过你想想
Yeah, but think about it.
如果我们觉得烦他们也会看着难受的
If it's getting to us, it's got to be getting to them.
他们回来了
Ooh, ooh, here they come.
我们该收割成果了
Okay, let's close this deal.
孩子们
Hey, guys.
坐脏兮兮的校车回家感觉如何
How was riding the nasty old school bus?
我们罢♥工♥呢
Yeah, we're on strike.
不会去接你们的很痛苦吧
We don't pick you up. That's rough.
校车太棒了我旁边坐了个大孩子
The bus is awesome. I sat next to an older kid
给我讲了暗网是什么
who taught me about the dark web.
你们真的能忍♥受这么乱吗
You guys are really okay with this mess?
看这个家
Yeah, I mean, this place
像火人节第二天早上一样一片狼藉
looks like the morning after Burning Man.
你们不介意我们更不介意
Doesn't bother us if it doesn't bother you.
我们不介意
Oh, it doesn't bother us.
完全不
No, no, no.
你们巴不得我们介意呢
You wish it bothered us!
我介意到不行安迪
It bothers me so much, Andi!
我真是受不了了
I-I can't take it anymore.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
这里太恶心了
It's gross in here!
那些午餐盒从金枪鱼日以后就没洗过
Those lunch boxes have not been emptied since tuna fish day.
金枪鱼啊安迪
Tuna fish, Andi!
就放在暖气管道上
Sitting right under the heating vent.
如果里面养出的东西学会开盖子了
If whatever that grows into learns how to open the lid,
都能趁我们睡觉把我们全杀了
it's gonna kill us in our sleep.
等一下等一下
Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute.
是你让我这么做的你不能放弃啊
You got me into this. You can't give up.
为什么不能我从来没放弃过
Why not? I never get to give up.
看起来很有趣我想试试
It looks fun. I want to try it.
我们一起放弃怎么样
How about let's both do it, huh?
你不是总说想和我一起做点什么吗
You're always saying you want to do more stuff together.
你想一想我们放弃过的战争好不好
Come on. Think of all the battles that we've quit on.
睡觉时间之战
All right? The-the bedtime battle,
垃圾食品之战
the-the junk food battle,
冲厕所之战
the flushing the toilet battle.
那天我们两败俱伤
We were all losers that day.
全都因为我们没有坚持下去
And all because we never stick with it.
现在就是我们划清底线的时刻
This is where we draw the line,
就像那条泰迪在墙上画的线
just like that line that Teddy drew on the wall
我们都没有罚过他
that we never punished him for.
我是刷漆盖住了可太阳一照
I painted over it, but I can still see it
我还是能看见它透出来
when the sun hits it right.
老天爷逼死我了
God, it makes me crazy!
很好很好记住这份愤怒
Yes, yes. Use that anger.
拥抱黑暗面吧
Embrace the dark side.
好的我们坚持下去
Okay. Okay, we'll stick it out.
等有成效了我要写本自己的育儿书
And when it works, I'm gonna write my own parenting book
书名就叫《接招吧懒骨头》
and call it Take That, Bonehead!
作者亚当·大炸♥弹♥·伯恩斯
By Adam "A-Bomb" Burns!
坐下歇会儿
I need to sit down.
亚当你听到了吗
Adam, did you hear that?
亚当
Adam?
亚当
Adam!
不是你想的那样
It's not what you think.
我只是在偷♥情♥
I'm, uh, I'm having an affair.
你罢♥工♥失败了
You broke the strike.
你投降了