老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E11

Part 1 April 12, 2020, 9:52 a.m.

大家听好这个是洗碗机懂吗
Guys, this... is a dishwasher. Okay?
而这个不是洗碗机
This is not a dishwasher.
我们知道洗碗机是什么
We know what a dishwasher is.
好那就把你们的盘子放进去吧
Okay. Well, then, show me by putting your dishes in there.
里面全是红酒杯
It's full of wine glasses.
等你们有了孩子就懂了
When you have kids, you'll understand.
你跟你妈玩宾戈游戏怎么样
How was Bingo with your mom?
你觉得能怎么样
How do you think it was?
跟一群老年市民一起
Four hours stuck in a hot room
在闷热的房♥间里待四个小时
with a bunch of senior citizens.
而且每个号♥码都要叫很久
And it took forever to call each number.
-"B9" -"什么"
- B nine. - What?
-"B9" -"什么"
- B nine. - What?
还有一个九十岁的女人抓了我大腿
And then this 90-year-old woman grabbed my thigh.
我说"手松开" 她说"为啥"
And I said 'hey, hands off'. And she said 'why?'
毕竟你一向很受中老年群体欢迎
Well, you've always been catnip for the blue hairs. Yeah.
不过我最后赢了奖品
I did finally win a prize.
一个药盒
A pill organizer.
不过我觉得有人用过
But I think it's used,
因为周五那格里有颗阿司匹林
'cause there's an aspirin in Friday.
我帮你跟上周的收缩袜放在一起
I'll put it with the compression socks you won last week.
自从我妈喜欢上玩宾戈每周都要去
Ever since my mom got on this Bingo kick, it's every week.
我爸不陪她去你也不陪她去
My dad won't take her, you won't take her...
等等你为什么从来不陪她去
Wait. Why don't you ever take her?
因为我跟她说我不喜欢宾戈
Well, I told her I don't like Bingo.
可能还说了你很喜欢
I may have also said that you love it.
所以这一切都怪你
So you did this to me?
宾戈[没错]Bingo.
亲爱的你妈妈整天坐在屋里
Honey, you know, your mom is just sitting around that house
天天对着你♥爸♥
all day with your dad.
她估计都快无聊死了吧
She's probably bored out of her mind.
就是这个原因
That's what it is!
你可真机智
Look at the big brain on you.
为了让她晚上不玩宾戈
To stop Bingo at night,
得想办法让她在白天筋疲力尽
we need to find a way to tire her out during the day.
等等我想到了
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
你家医院不是招义工吗
Don't you have volunteers at the hospital?
有道理你妈妈肯定喜欢
Actually, your mom would love that.
对啊不如就让她去找那些病人吧
Yeah. Why not give her to the sick people?
反正他们已经不开心了
They're already not having fun.
好我去帮她报名
Okay, I'll get her signed up.
太好了赞
Great. Great.
为了表示感谢请接受我的礼物
And as a thank you, please accept this
最新型拇指肿块刮刀
state-of-the-art bunion shaver.
柔软足部
真的吗
Really?
我当时手气太好
I was on a hot streak.
我好紧张啊
Oh, I'm so nervous.
第一天当义工
My first day as a volunteer.
我刚送完孩子们上学
Hey. Dropped the kids off at school.
高能预警泰迪把煮熟的鸡蛋丢在车里了
Uh, fair warning, Teddy lost his hard-boiled egg in your car.
我把座椅往后调准备找
I moved the seat back to try to find it,
不过好像直接压碎了
but I think I may have just crushed it.
你看我儿子
Look at me, sweetie.
开始工作了就像玛丽·泰勒·摩尔[喜剧巨星]I'm a working girl, like Mary Tyler Moore.
我要是有帽子绝对扔起来庆祝
If I had a hat, I'd throw it in the air.
她知道这工作是没钱拿的吧
She knows she's not getting paid, right?
我可是帮你解决问题你别添乱
Hey, I took her off your hands. Don't rock the boat.
好你听我说你让她多忙会
All right, look. Just keep her moving
这样就没力气玩宾戈了
so she's too tired for Bingo.
不如你别告诉她电梯在哪
Maybe don't tell her about the elevators.
我总能解决问题这是我的专职
I solve problems, that's what I do.
你现在叫起来还是像个女孩子儿子
You still scream like a little girl, son.
你怎么来了
What are you doing here?
我不想一个人坐在空落落的家里
I don't want to sit alone in an empty house,
于是就来找你了
so I'm with you now.
什么可妈妈每天都要去医院当义工
Wha... Mom's going to be volunteering at the hospital every day.
那我就每天来找你
Then I'll be with you every day.
但我得上班啊
But I have to go to work.
好啊那我们去上班
Great, we'll go to work.
不过得先去帮我买♥♥清晨的胡椒博士
We just need to stop off and get me my morning Dr. Pepper.
冰箱里有一罐
There's a can in the fridge.
不不必须是现做的
Oh, no, no. It's gotta be draft,
搭配可嚼冰装在塑料杯里
with chewable ice, in a foam cup,
这才是上帝想看到的样子
the way the good Lord intended.
我知道去哪里可以买♥♥
I know where we can get it.
机场附近就有一家店
There's a place out by the airport.
很好太好了
Oh, great. Yeah.
我刚才还在想 "真想"去机场溜一圈
I was just thinking how much I want to drive to the airport.
好
All right.
等买♥♥完机场饮料
After we get your airport soda,
还得去一趟木料场
we need to run by the lumberyard.
那早餐怎么办
What about breakfast?
你怎么没在家里做点
Why didn't you make yourself something in the house?
我从来不自己做饭
I don't cook my own food.
有人替我做
Somebody does it for me.
这是爷爷的特权
I'm grandfathered into that.
什么意思
What does that mean?
意思就是我冒着生命危险抗击共♥党♥分子
It means I risked my life fighting commies,
为了有人给我做饭
so somebody else makes my chow.
听见了吗
You hear that? Hmm?
听得到吗
You hear?
你知道这声音什么意思吗
You know what that sound is? Huh?
意思是让你系上安全带
That means put your seat belt on.
我不用系安全带这也是爷爷的特权
I don't have to do that, I'm grandfathered into that, too.
我就安全地从挡风玻璃飞出去就好
I'll just fly safely through the windshield.
《老爸有招》
第二季第十一集
这饮料怎么样老唐
How 'bout this soda, Donny? Oh...
干得漂亮老爸
Great job, Pop.
非常好喝
It's delicious...
而且亚当似乎被搞得很生气
and it looks like it made Adam really mad.
我听不见你说话
I can't hear you.
我只能听到"叮叮叮"的声音
All I can hear is bong bong bong.
亚当绝缘材料的人打来电♥话♥
Oh, Adam, the insulation guys called.
说可以明天早上九点见面
They can meet you at 9:00 tomorrow.
好
Okay, great.
不那可不行
Oh, no, no, no. That's not going to work.
九点你得带我去买♥♥乐透
We need to buy my lottery tickets at 9:00.
那是我的幸运时间
That's my lucky time.
你一次都没中奖怎么能算幸运
How is it lucky if you've never won?
每次没中的时候都是在累积运气
Every time I don't win, I'm building up my luck.
就是这样的
That's how it works.
-爸 -怎么
- Hey, Dad. - What?
你想不想开着叉车到处撵人
Want to chase the crew around with the forklift?
鸭子的屁♥股♥防水吗
Is a duck's ass watertight?
听我说老唐
Listen, Don.
你得帮我把老爸接走
You have got to take Dad off my hands.
不行他总是乱跑
No way, he wanders off.
之前在塔吉特百货他就丢了
I lost him in Target once.
还害得我用红色电♥话♥找人
I had to use that red phone and everything.
我很喜欢父子时间
I love father and son time.
我和我爸每年都会去狩猎大脚怪
Once a year, my father and I go hunting for Bigfoot.
我这人懂得知足
I take what I can get.
你就告诉爸你有事要忙让他自己玩
Just tell Dad you have stuff to do and he needs to entertain himself.
怎么能这样对他
I can't do that to the old guy.
我还是忍♥着吧
I'll just suck it up.
能有多糟糕
How bad can it be?
周三
这些人在干什么
What are these guys doing?
已经绿灯了
The light's green.
你干什么不能乱按别人喇叭
What are you doing? You can't honk another man's horn.
我可以这是爷爷的特权
Yes, I can, I'm grandfathered in.