老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第二季
剧集 | 老爸有招 | 导航列表
老爸有招
Man with a Plan S02E04
Part 2
April 12, 2020, 9:51 a.m.
Renee Birnbaum.
她偷走了我的心
She stole my heart.
还有我爸的斯巴鲁车
And my dad's Subaru.
瞧瞧
Oh, well.
如果你们不是濒临失足的少女和她的合法母亲
If it isn't my at-risk youth and her enabling mother.
应该会有兴趣知道 我给泰勒打了电♥话♥
It might interest you both to know that I called Tyler,
让他今天下午来家里聊一聊
and he's coming over here this afternoon for a little talk,
男人跟太空牛仔之间的对话
man to space cowboy.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
要不是我现在已经不跟你说话了
If I wasn't already not speaking to you,
我现在也肯定不会跟你说话了
I would totally start not speaking to you now.
等你不用去管南瓜园的时候
You'll thank me one day
就知道谢谢我了
when you're not running a pumpkin patch!
亚当 你在干嘛
Adam, what are you doing?
走进来对着女儿大吼大叫
Walking in here, hollering at your daughter?
你演《浑身是劲》里的爸爸呢
I mean, you're like the dad from Footloose.
那个人还是有些道理的
Hey, hey, that guy made some good points.
当时影院里只有我支持他
I was the only one in the theater rooting for him.
我只是觉得你有些小题大做了
I just think you're taking this a little too far.
安迪 我们还有两个小的也要到青春期了
Andi, we have two more kids that are gonna be teenagers.
如果凯蒂我们没搞定 另外两个也会一样
If we lose Katie, we will lose them.
到时候他们真的会一股烟就都不见了
They'll be gone in a literal puff of smoke.
我肯定跟你讲过
You know, I'm pretty sure I told you that, um,
我在大学期间 有些小放纵吧
I indulged to a small degree in college.
对
Yeah.
你说你试过了 不喜欢 就不玩了
You said you tried it, didn't like it and moved on.
我是这么说的
Well, that's what I said
因为我知道你肯定不喜欢 但是
because I know how you feel about it, but, um...
其实我还是有点喜欢的
I don't know. I kinda liked it.
真的吗
Oh, really?
你这个喜欢的频率又是多少
And how often did you Kinda like it?
也没多少 一个月一次吧
Oh, not that much. Like, once a month.
好的
Yeah.
还有周末
And weekends.
当时周三没有课 所以还有周三
Oh, and I didn't have class on Wednesday, so Wednesdays.
还有周二晚上
And then Tuesday night
因为第二天不用起床 你懂的
because I didn't have to wake up for the-- you know.
周四早晨再来个以毒解毒
Hair of the dog Thursday morning.
我早应该猜到的
Yeah, I should've known.
这就解释了这件事你为什么不挺我
This totally explains why you're not on my side with this thing.
也解释了你为什么那么会做小卷饼
And why you're so good at making taquitos.
我肯定是不希望凯蒂会去做这些事
Look, obviously I don't want Kate to do it,
但总比她彻夜不归 在外面喝酒
but it's not worse than staying out all night or drinking beer
或者其他事要好一点吧
or any of the other things that we don't want her to do.
我肯定跟你说不明白了
Okay, look, I am clearly not getting through to you.
你的大脑没准正漂在水烟筒里呢
Maybe it's because your brain is floating around in bong water.
所以 我准备让把我管明白的人来跟你谈
So you know what? I'm gonna let the guy who got through to me
我爸爸 零容忍♥先生本人来
get through to you: my dad, Mr. Zero Tolerance himself.
凯蒂的男朋友喜欢来点大♥麻♥卷
So, Katie's boyfriend enjoys a little reefer.
对 这个人居然觉得没什么
Yeah, yeah. And this one's fine with the kids doing it.
还不管孩子出去喝酒 彻夜不归
And drinking beer and staying out all night.
安迪
Oh, Andi.
我从来没说过 是他编的
I never said that. He's making stuff up.
爸爸 使出你那套坚决直接拒绝演讲
So, Dad, hit her with the full Just Say No Hard-assSpeech.
您老慢慢来
And take your time with it.
我去拿点小吃 边吃边看你把她吓明白
I'm gonna enjoy a little snack while you scare her straight.
饼干都哪去了
Hey, what happened to the cookies?
我对大♥麻♥的看法已经改变了
Well, my opinion of marijuana has changed.
事实上 我自己也开始吸了
In fact, I've started to partake a bit myself.
什么
What?
所以饼干才都被吃光了
That's what happened to the cookies.
「吸大♥麻♥以后人会非常饿」
我兄弟杰瑞是海外退伍军人协会的 他有处方
My buddy Jerry down at the VFW has a prescription.
它对我的关节炎很有帮助
It's dynamite for my arthritis,
其他方面也是帮助不小哦
and it's not bad for everything else, too.
不敢相信你居然会说这话
Well, I can't believe I'm hearing this.
说好的零容忍♥呢
Wh-What happened to zero tolerance?
我已经是人到暮年了 儿子 要感受夕阳无限好啊
I'm in my golden years, son. I want them to be groovy.
这真是天助我也
This could not have turned out any better for me.
妈 你也同意了
Mom, you're okay with this?
我完全支持 他现在真的无限好
I'm all for it. He is groovier now.
上周他还带我去跳舞了
Last week, he took me dancing.
回家以后 我们的舞蹈也没停
And then we came home and we did some more dancing.
对吧
Yeah.
这画面恐怕要变成噩梦了
Yeah, that's probably gonna creep into a dream.
别担心 毒虫脑子
Well, don't worry your little jelly head.
你明天就都不记得了
I'm sure you'll forget all about it tomorrow.
你是我爸 我管不了你的生活方式
Hey, look, you're my dad, so I'm not gonna tell you
你想抽多少就抽多少
how to live your life. You smoke whatever you want.
但我们家 一定要保持无毒状态
Okay, but my side of the family is staying clean and sober.
为了表示我的不赞成
And to register my disapproval,
我要把你剩的最后两块小熊糖吃掉
I'm eating your last two bear candies.
安迪 我去车里等你
Andi... I'll be in the car
等你跟鲍勃·马利和他的哭泣者们聊完就过来
when you're done with Bob Marley and the Wailers over there.
好的 我也该走了
Okay, well, I should get going.
燃烧余热啊
Keep on trucking, man. Yeah.
有趣的是 这年头大家都不用抽的了
Funny thing is nobody smokes pot anymore.
改用吃的了
They eat it.
放到类似小熊糖什么的里面
In things like little bear candies.
等等
Wait.
那些小熊糖
Those bear candies?
通常我只吃半只熊
I usually go with half a bear,
但亚当想吃俩 没问题啊
but if Adam wants to go with two, that's cool.
感觉他没事啊
Well, he seems fine.
我们必须告诉他 对吧
But we have to tell him, right?
不要
Don't do that.
他那么爱扫兴的人 我不想挨训
He's such a buzz kill. I don't need the static.
安迪 我看过某些文章上说
No, Andi, I've read up on this,
有些人对大♥麻♥没有反应
and there are some people it just doesn't affect.
好吧 那我们什么时候知道他有没有反应啊
Okay, well, when will we know if it's affecting him?
大伙儿
Guys!
我刚刚把所有的薯片和糖果都放进一个碗里了
I just put all of our chips and candy into the same bowl.
现在 我们现在就知道了
Now. I think now is when we know.
我终于找到正确的比例了
I finally got the ratio right.
原来薯片和糖的比例是二比一
Turns out you need twice as many chips as candy.
没错 刚开始我以为是反过来的
Yeah. At first, I thought it was the other way around,
不是的 我算过了
but-but it isn't. No, I did the math.
只是写了无数遍我们家的电♥话♥号♥码
That's just our phone number over and over again.
宝贝 有些事我要
Look, honey, there's something that...
葡萄干 葡萄干
Raisins! Raisins!
我很期待看他能把葡萄干玩出什么花样
I'm excited to see what he does with the raisins.
老爸给我发信息了 亚当在哪
Dad texted me. Where's Adam?
飞了吗
Is he flying?
大伙儿
Guys!
老婆 这是我的哥哥大唐和我的洛厄尔
Look, honey, it's my brother Don and my Lowell.
你好高啊
You're so tall.
你身上一股香草味
You smell like vanilla.
我最近在混搭香水
I've been kind of messing around with some body spray.
你知道我在想什么吗
You know what I was thinking?
为什么牛仔 总想骑公牛
Why do cowboys always try to ride bulls?
公牛讨厌这样 他们好生气的
The bulls don't like it. They get so mad.
让我用一个问题回答你的问题
Let me answer your question with a question. Yeah.
为什么叫他们牛仔 他们只骑公牛来的
Why do they call them cowboys? If they ride bulls?
我去冲个饮料
I'm gonna make Kool-Aid.
好喜欢看我的两个儿子其乐融融的
I love watching my two boys get along.
不管是不是因为毒品
I don't care if it's drug-induced.
都让我觉得心里暖暖的
It warms my heart.
天啊 会是谁
Oh, God, who's that?
要是警♥察♥来了 千万别说是我的
If it's the cops, he didn't get that stuff from me.
天呐 跟你一起生活可真刺♥激♥
My goodness, life with you has gotten so exciting.
不管是谁 都得赶紧送走
Okay, well, whoever it is, I'll get rid of them.
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
剧集 | 老爸有招 | 导航列表