老爸有招

Man with a Plan S02E12

Part 2 April 12, 2020, 9:52 a.m.

I'm her son, not her husband. I have my own life.
拜托老爸纺织品商店吗
Come on, Pop, the fabric store?
不过妈妈年龄确实越来越大了
Although, Mom is getting older.
好吧我七点去接她
Fine, I'll pick her up at 7:00.
瞧见没学好了
And that's how you do that.
瞧他啊
Wow, look at him.
还在想到底发生了什么
He's still trying to figure out what happened,
像一只飞进了窗户的鸟
like a bird that flew into a window.
亲爱的
Hello, darling.
我准备好了
I'm ready to
坐下好好讨论一下这个
sit down and discuss this whole...
凯特的状况
...Katie situation.
好的我天生擅长讨论
Okay. I was born to discuss.
你要知道我没准备玉米片哦
You should know, I don't have any nacho stuff.
我试试看吧
I'll take my chances.
女士优先
Ladies first.
我是这样想的凯特很成熟
Okay, here's how I see it. Okay, Kate is very mature.
你自己也说过的
I mean, you've said that yourself,
所以你现在是在打自己的脸
so you're kind of arguing against yourself here.
而且学校会有监护人
And... and the school has chaperones
全程监管
watching the entire time,
因此消除了所有潜在的危险
thus removing any potential for danger.
取得完全胜利
Boom. Game, set, match.
洗澡去吧孩子
Hit the showers, kid! Ha!
这是学校准许的活动亚当
It's a school sanctioned event, Adam.
不可能出问题的
I mean, nothing will go wrong.
整晚都是成人在陪着她
She's gonna be surrounded by adults all night.
除了在车里
Except in the car.
男生在车里就会毛手毛脚
Which is where boys get handsy.
她还会跟丹尼的朋友们一起玩
And she's gonna be hanging out with Danny's friends.
大孩子们还会偷偷带酒去学校舞会
And older kids sneak alcohol into dances.
你说得对她不应该参加这种活动
You know what? You're right. She shouldn't go to this thing.
这个主意太糟糕了
It's a bad idea.
我们达成共识了吗
So we've reached an agreement?
好像是的
I guess so, yeah.
谢谢你听我说这么多
Well, thanks for hearing me out.
我听说过有女人会在讨论中输给丈夫
I've heard stories of women losing arguments to their husbands;
只是从来没想过是我认识的人
I just never thought it'd happen to someone I knew.
他到底说了什么有说服力的话
What did he say that was so convincing?
他说的很多都很有道理
Well, he made a lot of good points.
他说
He said...
不对是我说的
No, no, I said that.
不过他说过
But he did say that...
不对还是我自己说的
No, I said that, too.
等等现在想想他什么都没说
Wait, come to think of it, he didn't say anything.
他玩的是沉默术
He played the quiet game.
什么
What?
一个手段
It's a trick.
我就这么订婚的
That's how I got engaged.
鲁迪只想同居然后我就闭嘴
Rudy just wanted to shack up, so I kept my mouth shut
直到他拿着戒指回来找我又换了更好的戒指
until he came back with a ring, and then a better ring.
亚当跟我玩阴的
So Adam played dirty.
我就知道我没错
I knew I wasn't wrong.
凯特应该去舞会
Kate should go to the dance.
首先你从来不会错
First of all, you're never wrong.
就算你错了还是比他对
And even if you're wrong, you're still more right than him.
好的我也可以玩阴的
Yeah, well, I can play dirty, too.
你瞧好了
Oh-ho-ho, just you watch.
我要怎么玩阴的
How do I play dirty?
是他想做这个决定对吧
Well, he wanted to make this decision, right?
你就加码所有决定都交给他
I say pile it on, make him pick everything.
比如厕所的新颜色
Like the new color for the bathroom.
这可不行
I can't let him do that.
他会把范·海伦的标识刷到墙上的
He'll just paint a Van Halen logo on the wall.
他撑不到那个时候男人讨厌做决定
It won't even get that far. Men hate these decisions.
什么颜色要多少织物针数
What color, how many, thread count.
织物针数
Thread count.
他根本不知道那是啥
He doesn't even know what that is.
他会被逼疯
It'll drive him so crazy,
最终放弃所有事的决定权包括凯特
he'll eventually fold on everything, including Kate.
然后我就大获全胜
And victory will be mine.
不对这样凯特就能得到最好的结果
I mean, you know, we'll be doing the right thing for Kate,
这个最重要
and that's what's important.
太美了老唐我一言不发她直接坍塌
It was beautiful, Don. I said nothing and she caved.
真希望我当时随身携带相机
I wish I was wearing a body cam,
这个视频我肯定每年生日都看一遍
'cause that's a movie I would watch every year on my birthday.
为了庆祝这场胜利
We should celebrate this win
我们这周末去钓鱼吧
by going fishing this weekend.
先别着急
Ah, not so fast.
静默商讨这个手段属于巫术
That silent negotiation, that's bad voodoo.
我跟妈在那家纺织品商店逛了很久
I spent hours with Mom at that fabric store.
你知道灯芯绒有多少种吗
Do you know how many kinds of corduroy there are?
有粗条纹细棱条引线细条绒
There's wide wale, pinwale, pincord, needlecord.
对我造成了毁灭性伤害
I'm never gonna be the same.
凯特来了凯特
Oh, here comes Katie. Hey, Katie.
不让我去舞会的人还跟我打招呼
So, the man who won't let me go to the dance says hey.
老唐伯伯好陌生人好
Hi, Uncle Don, and nobody else.
凯特好
Hi, Katie.
你的细条绒裤子很好看
I like your needlecord pants.
谢谢唐伯伯还有陌生人
Thanks, Uncle Don, and nobody else.
你看见她有多生气了吗
You see how mad she is?
这就说明我赢了
That's how you know I won.
现在还没结束
Oh, it's not over yet.
如果挑战大自然的威力
When you mess with Mother Nature,
总会承担相应的后果
there's always unintended consequences.
这就像《侏罗纪公园》一样
This is Jurassic Park stuff you're screwing around with.
你只是不理解胜利的感觉
You just don't understand winning.
对你来说太陌生了所以你害怕
It's so unfamiliar, it scares you.
宝贝是这样
Hey, babe. Listen, uh,
我和老唐打算周末去钓鱼
Don and I were thinking about going fishing this weekend.
其实我想让你去一趟油漆店
Actually, I was hoping that you'd go to the paint store
选一下厕所要刷的新颜色
and choose a new color for the bathroom.
什么为什么我来选
What? Why me?
你也知道毕竟凯特的事你说得很对
Well, you know, you were so right about Kate,
我觉得家里的事应该多让你做主
I realized you should be making more decisions around here.
不应该为什么
No, I shouldn't. What?
霸王龙跑出来了
T. Rex is out of the pen.
另外你再看一下这些宣传册
Also, um, look through these brochures
给孩子们选一个夏令营吧
and choose a summer camp for the kids.
但我打算看电视的这些是你的事啊
But I was gonna watch TV. This stuff is your thing.
那我去看电视吧这是我新找的事
Well, now I'm gonna watch TV. It's my new thing.
差点忘了
I almost forgot.
顺便再帮忙选个床裙吧谢谢啦
Can you pick us out a new bed skirt? Great, thanks.
床裙
A bed skirt?
床裙是个什么东西
What the hell is a bed skirt?
我们现在知道家里谁穿床裙了
I think we know who wears the bed skirt in this family.
你看看我得选油漆颜色夏令营
Look at all this. I got to choose paint colors, summer camps,
还得选什么鬼床裙
some made up thing called a bed skirt.
到底发生了什么
What the hell happened?
你挑战了大自然
You messed with nature.
现在你的岛上全是恐龙
Now you got dinosaurs running all over the island.
是啊我打破了我们婚姻的平衡
Yeah, I screwed up the whole balance of our marriage.
在这之前她独自做了那么多决定
Before this, she made a billion decisions without me.
我也很开心因为我不用插手
And I was happy because I didn't have to chime in,
她也很开心因为可以自己决定
and she was happy because she got to decide stuff
不必被笨蛋插手
without some chump chiming in.
说得好兄弟
Amen, brother.
自从1989年起我就没再插手了
I haven't chimed in since 1989.
当时我买♥♥了伞裤吸取了教训
I bought parachute pants. Learned my lesson.
是啊比如我每次周六都会起来
Yeah, like I get up early on Saturdays
把窗帘拉上我们才能睡个懒觉