老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S03E14
Part 3
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:43 p.m.
If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site, forget it.
如果你来这儿是想叫我关掉网站的话 休想
What Web site? TedMosbyIsAJerkdotcom.
什么网站 泰德莫斯比是个混♥蛋♥.com
You're right, I do deserve that.
你做得对 我自作自受
That's all I came here to say.
我来这就是想说这个
You know what?
知道吗
I don't care who knows about it. Excuse me.
我才不管你们是否了解这事的来龙去脉 不好意思
Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby,
打扰一下 我 泰德•莫斯比
am a jerk to women.
对待女人 就是个人♥渣♥
Tell your sisters. Tell your daughters to stay away!
告诉你们的姐♥妹♥们♥ 告诉你们的女儿们 离我这渣滓远点
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
泰德莫斯比是个人♥渣♥.com
And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits.
之后那个小网站一下子就飙到了40万点击
Thanks, Barney.
多谢你啊 巴尼
Which one is this again?
这个又是哪位
Larney! Die!
拉尼 去死吧
Is it her? Die!
是她吗 去死
Smile.
笑一个
You look good. Have you lost weight?
你看上去不错啊 你减肥了吗
We're down to the number one seed.
我们只剩下头号♥种子选手了
I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly.
我就知道是霍莉 就应该是她
Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
天哪 真希望不是她
Barney, did you hear that? Somebody's stealing my truck.
巴尼 你听见没有 有人偷我的卡车
Barney?
巴尼
Barney!
巴尼
That is the worst thing you've ever done.
这是你做过的最惨无人道的事情了
That's the worst thing anyone has ever done.
这是人类能做的最惨无人道的事情了
But in my defense, she was kind of annoying.
我得说一句 她确实有点烦啊
She's gonna kill you.
她一定会杀了你的
Barney. Holly.
巴尼 霍莉
Mark, come over here.
马克 快过来
Barney, this is my fiance Mark.
巴尼 这是我的未婚夫马克
Barney?
巴尼吗
You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
你就是那个把她丢在树林里的巴尼吗
So you're not mad at Barney?
这么说来 你不生巴尼的气吗
Don't you want an apology?
你就不想让他道个歉吗
An admission of guilt?
让他做忏悔呢
Your truck back?
把你的卡车要回来呢
No, whatever happened was in the past.
不用了 事情都过去啦
And Mark is my present and my future.
马克是我的现在和将来
And if you ditching Holly in the woods
再说 如果是因为你把她丢在树林里这件事
made her stop running around with guys like you,
让她不再去找你这种男人的话
then cheers.
敬你一杯
Well then, to the last Fourth of July weekend
好吧 敬七月四日的那个周末
I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
我差点被蚊子给活活咬死
Fourth of July?
七月四日
We started dating in June.
我们六月就在一起了啊
We ruined their lives.
我们毁了他们的幸福
And the worst part of it
最糟糕的是
is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
你竟然没向她们任何一人道歉
No, the worst part is
才不是 最糟糕的是
that we still have no idea who my stalker is.
我们还是没能查出那个纠缠着我不放的人是谁
Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong.
那是因为你们用的方法根本不对啊
I mean, why chase someone who's following you?
我是说 为什么要去追踪一个追你的人呢
All you need to do is go down to the bar,
你只要泡在酒吧里
hit on someone, and wait until she turns up.
找人搭讪 然后等她出现就是了
That's not a bad idea.
这主意不错
I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
我可以假扮成你搭讪的那个人
I don't know. That's a lot
算了吧 这事交给一个
riding on a girl who giggles when she lies.
一说谎就会咯咯傻笑的人可不行
I do not.
我才没有
Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
你有没有吃着排骨睡着过啊
No.
才没有呢
Look, I can do this, okay?
听着 我可以胜任的 好吧
I mean, how else are you going to find out who this girl is.
不然 你还能怎么揪出那个姑娘
I'm in. Okay,
我同意了 好的
here's how it's gonna work. Now Lily,
计划是这样的 莉莉
she knows what you look like,
她已经见过你了
so just hang out at the jukebox,
所以你就呆在点唱机那儿
and don't draw any attention to yourself.
不要引起别人的注意
And the guys will be in the booth,
男人们就坐在卡座那儿
just pretending to have a normal conversation.
就假装跟平时一样在聊天
Talking, we should be talking. Words. Here are words.
聊天啊 我们得聊点什么 说啥呢 我们聊天呢
Why is this so hard?
咋就这么难呢
Laughter!
我们笑了
And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell.
之后我就走进来 美丽到不行的那种
Wow, you are gorgeous.
哇 你真的好美
God, I know that's awful. I... Shh, go away.
天哪 我知道很不好意思 我只是 嘘 走开
But come back later.
不过一会儿记得回来哦
And then Barney will make his move.
然后巴尼就开始行动了
Hey, there, how are you doing?
嘿 你好吗
Fine, Barney. I mean, um, fine, stranger.
很好 巴尼 我是说 好啊 陌生人
Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you?
哇 你还真不会演戏啊你
Get your hand off my thigh, Barney.
把你手从我腿上拿开 巴尼
It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin.
这样才更像我们勾搭上了啊 罗宾
You know I'm curious.
你知道吗 我很好奇
What do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you?
你到底说了什么 能让那些女孩跟你一起回家
Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear.
通常我只是俯身到她们耳边轻轻地说一件事
You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?
你现在是不是有点性趣盎然了
No.
才没有
Look, somebody's watching us. Make your move to the bathroom.
嘿 有人在看我们了 你现在假装去洗手间
I'm going to go to the bathroom now,
我要去一下洗手间
but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex.
但是 等我回来我们就去我家 然后做♥爱♥吧
Dude, dude, dude, look.
伙计 伙计 伙计 快看
Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now.
有个金发女郎正朝罗宾走去
We are go.
我们要成功了
I don't know what to do with my hands.
我不知道我的手应该放哪
What do I normally do with my hands?
平时我的手都摆在哪儿啊
Barney, I brought a copy of the bracket. Which one is she?
巴尼 我带了一份对战图的缩小版 她是哪个
I don't recognize her. She's not on the Top 6♥4♥.
我认不出来 她不在6♥4♥强里面
Not even on the bracket.
压根不在对战图上啊
Wow, Cinderella Story
哇 灰姑娘的故事啊
comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing.
无名小卒杀出来赢得了最后的冠军
That'll warm your heart.
这真是有爱啊
Are you okay?
你没事吧
I don't even recognize her.
我根本就不认识她
I don't remember you.
我不记得你了
I've spent the last two days trying to remember
我花了过去两天的时间绞尽脑汁试图想起
every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things
每一个和我睡过的女人还有我对她们做过的
that I have done to them.
所有可恶的事情
And I have done some horrible things. I mean,
我也确实做过一些很可恶的事 我是说
at one point, I'm pretty sure I sold a woman.
从某个角度来看 我确实卖♥♥了一个女人
I didn't speak the language, but,
我不会说那种语言 但是
I shook a guy's hand,
我和一个男的握手之后
he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there.
他给了我一辆奔驰的钥匙 然后我就丢下她自己走了
I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook
我是那种会把所有和我睡过的女人
of all of the women I have slept with,
的艳照做成剪贴簿的人
but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl
但我从未想过我会是那种和一个女的睡过
and not even remember her.
却根本不记得她的人
So from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you,
所以 发自内心地 无论我对你做过什么
I apologize.
我都要说声对不起
Oh, Barney! Oh, I'm so proud of you.
噢 巴尼 我真为你骄傲
That's not her.
不过不是她
I'm so sorry. What? What?
真不好意思 什么 有没有搞错
Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work.
巴尼 对不起 那是我的同事萨莉
We just ran into each other.
我们刚才只是碰巧遇见
So I apologized for nothing?
所以我是在为一个子虚乌有的事道歉吗
Yes, but it was a great apology.
是的 但是你的道歉真的太好了
And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.
这会成为我剪贴簿的一个完美结局
I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption. "
我要把这张照片叫做"巴尼的救赎"
Could you stop giving me the finger?
你能不能别对我竖中指啊
*One shining moment You reached for the sky
* 闪耀的一刻 你触摸蓝天
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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