老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S03E08
Part 2
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:42 p.m.
I'm sorry.
对不起
I'm sure the nurses are stealing your medicine, Grandma.
我确信你的药都是被那帮护士偷的 奶奶
Love you, too.
我也爱你
If I have to wait six weeks to find out if I passed,
要是我得等上六周才知道我到底有没有过
I-I'm gonna have a heart attack.
我 我会得心脏病的
Based on that grocery list, I'd say diabetes is a bigger worry.
从那张购物单来看 我觉得糖尿病的可能性比较大
You know what? Laugh all you want.
你知道吗 尽管嘲笑我吧
This affects my whole future, all right?
这关系到我未来的一切 好吗
Okay.
好吧
I probably shouldn't be telling you this.
我可能不该告诉你这些的
I definitely shouldn't be telling you this,
我其实是绝对不该告诉你这些的
but there is a way I can help you with your problem.
但我的确有方法可以帮到你
How?
怎么做
I know a guy at work.
我有个同事
He can get access to software
他能搞到一种软件
designed to penetrate firewalls
这个软件能穿越防火墙
and retrieve passwords through secure servers.
然后从安全服务器取回密♥码♥
I can get into any computer.
我能黑进任何一台电脑
So what do we do?
那我们怎么做
Like, arrange a secret meeting
比如 安排一次秘密接头
in a darkened parking structure?
地点设在某个昏暗停车场
No.
不
Can we?
可以这么做吗
No.
不可以
I have a trench coat.
我有件军大衣
Dude, be cool.
兄弟 淡定点
So, I just got off the phone with Cathy.
所以 我刚刚挂了凯茜的电♥话♥
God, you guys are so right.
天哪 你们说的太对了
I totally hear it now.
我完全听出来了
See it now?
看出来了
Smell it?
闻出来了
What is it?!
到底是什么啊
I left the table for two minutes.
我那天也就中途离开了两分钟
What could she have possibly done in that time...
这么短的时间里她能做出什么
that was so horrible?
特别糟糕的事情啊
Was it...
该不会是...
I'll be back in one second.
我一会就回来
One time, in the tenth grade, as a joke,
有一次 在我上高二的时候 开了个玩笑
I told everyone that my English teacher had sex with me.
我跟所有人说我的英语老师和我上♥床♥了
He's still in jail.
他现在还在牢里呆着呢
Or maybe...
又或是
I'll be back in a second.
我一会就回来
So I volunteer at the pound.
当时我在动物收留所做志愿者
Oh, isn't that nice?
哦 那可真好啊
Yeah.
是啊
You can't imagine
你完全无法想象
the rush you get from killing an unwanted puppy.
杀掉一只没人要的小狗会有多爽
I make bracelets out of the collars.
我用它的项圈做的这个手镯
Or...
又或者...
I'll be back in one second.
我一会就回来
I bet he's going to the urinal.
想必他一定是去小便池了
Yeah.
是啊
I remember when I had a penis.
想当年我的小♥弟♥弟♥还健在的时候
It wasn't anything she did while you were in the bathroom.
不是因为她在你去洗手间的时候做了什么
It's just the way she is.
是她这个人本身的问题
I don't get it.
我不明白
If it's so obvious and you guys all see it,
要是这明显到你们都看出来了
how come I don't?
那为啥我就看不出来呢
'Cause we're not trying to have sex with her.
因为我们没有想要和她上♥床♥啊
Mmm.
正解
Brother, you're driving the "I want to have sex with her" Truck,
兄弟 你正处在想要和她上♥床♥的状态
and it's got a huge blind spot.
所以你有一个巨大的盲点
That's ridiculous.
这太胡说八道了
Is it really?
真的吗
Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady
泰德 让我告诉你一个故事 有一个姑娘
I wanted to have sex with--
我早就垂涎已久
Lucilia.
名为露西利亚
On a white sand beach in Rio de Janeiro,
在里约热内卢的白色沙滩上
we made love for ten straight hours.
我们整整做了十个小时的爱
When we were done,
当我们结束时
she applauded
她鼓起掌来
and told me I was far, far better
而且告诉我 我比她能想象的
than the best lover she could possibly imagine,
最佳情人还要好得多得多
and that I had restored her faith in God.
而且 因为我 她还重拾了对上帝的信仰
What does this have to do with Cathy?
这事和凯茜有什么关系
Who's Cathy?
凯茜是谁啊
Just tell me what the hell is wrong with her already.
你们就告诉我她到底那里不好嘛
Okay.
好吧
You want to know?
你是真想知道是吧
Yes.
是的
You want to shatter
你想要亲手打碎
this beautiful illusion you've created for yourself?
自己建立起的美好幻影吗
Fine. Here it is.
好吧 是这样的
Cathy talks...
凯茜说的话
a lot.
真是太多了
Oh, come on.
哦 拜托
That's not true.
才不是这样的
Ted. Really, really think
泰德 认认真真地 好好回想一下
about that dinner we all just had together.
我们之前一起吃的那顿饭
And I did.
然后我就照做了
So, what's everyone getting?
好 大家都想些什么呀
Well, I can't decide.
这个 好难决定啊
Which sounds better, chicken or lasagna?
哪种更好一点啊 鸡肉还是千层面
I like chicken. I like lasagna. I like them both,
我喜欢鸡肉 我喜欢千层面 两个我都喜欢
but I really like pork.
其实我真的好喜欢猪肉啊
A lot of people don't eat pork,
据说很多人不吃猪肉
and maybe it's because of that movie Babe or something.
也许是因为那部电影《小猪宝贝》什么的
But that was funny.
那部电影可有趣了
He was a talking pig and he was like "Bah, Ram, Ewe!"
主角是一只会说话的猪一直喊着 叭 啷 哞
What-what if there was a sorority, "Bah, Ram, Ewe?"
如果有一个叫"叭 啷 哞"的姐妹会
I'd totally rush it.
我会立马去参加的
... And so I named him Dr. Seuss!
...这就是我为什么喊他苏斯博士
Lorax is a funny word.
老雷斯这词很有意思
Lasagna! Just get the lasagna!
千层面 就点千层面
Oh, you guys just got a new place.
对了 你们俩刚买♥♥了套新房♥子
How many bedrooms is it?
里边几间卧室啊
I would love to have an extra bedroom,
我倒是喜欢有一间多余的卧室
because I would put a Stairmaster in there.
因为我想放台登山机进去
But you guys should get a convertible sofa.
不过你们真的得要买♥♥一个折叠沙发
Or a futon. Futons are great.
或者沙发床 沙发床也很不错呢
Or what about one of those Murphy beds?
或者买♥♥张墨菲床怎么样啊
Who invented the Murphy bed?
是谁发明了墨菲床啊
Was it a guy named Murphy?
是一个叫墨菲的人吗
Oh, my God.
哦我的天
Do you guys remember that show Murphy Brown?
你们还记得那部剧 《风云女郎》 吗
That was a funny show.
那部剧很有趣呢
She had a new assistant every episode.
她每集都会换一个新助理
... and it was like half an hour before I realized...
大概过了半个小时之后我才意识到
he wasn't even on the phone anymore!
他早就已经挂电♥话♥了
Isn't that hysterical?
这难道不是很滑稽吗
Two! It's two bedrooms!
两间 就两间卧室
Hey, do you guys like cannolis?
对了 你们大家喜欢吃甜甜卷吗
Because I know this place and it's in the South Bronx
因为我知道在南布朗克斯区有一家店
and you wouldn't expect it,
你们无论如何也想不到
but they have the best cannolis in town.
那儿的甜甜卷是全市最最好吃的
And just like that, the illusion was shattered.
然后就像这样 幻影被打碎了
Wow.
哇哦
She just never shuts up, does she?
她真的就从来不闭嘴 是吧
She didn't stop to swallow her food.
她甚至连咽食物的时候还在一直说呢
I was scared for her.
我有点为她害怕呢
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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