老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）

How I Met Your Mother S03E05

Part 1 Oct. 30, 2020, 3:41 p.m.

Kids, back in the fall of 2007
孩子们 2007年秋天
i was dating this girl named...
我正跟一个女孩约会
Oh, God, what was her name?
天啊她叫什么名字来着
it's been 23 years,
都已经23年了
I can't remember all this stuff.
老爸也有记不住的事情
For the sake of the story, let's call her...
为了讲故事姑且叫她
Everyone, this is Blahblah.
大伙这位是某某女
Please, call me Blah.
大家叫我小某就好
So, Blah, how did you two meet?
小某你俩怎么相识的
Well, I was taking this cooking class,
我当时去上厨艺班
French Fusion, and everyone already had a partner,
法式混搭菜所有人都找好搭档了
but then I looked up and across a crowded room,
我抬起头目光穿过熙攘的人群
I saw Ted.
一眼就看到了泰德
It was magical.
缘分啊
It was so magical.
缘分天注定啊
Except it wasn't.
其实才不是
She's going to tell some bogus story about a cooking class
她会编一个在厨艺班的浪♥漫♥邂♥逅♥
because she's embarrassed we met online.
因为她觉得网恋很难为情
Ai Chihuahua! What?
丢人丢到家啥
What? There's no stigma anymore.
这事一点不丢人
Oh, there's a stigma.
是丢死人了
That's why people always say, "There's no stigma anymore. "
所以人们才会说"这事一点不丢人"
So, she's hot?
那她长的漂亮吗
Oh, she's gorgeous.
美艳惊人
Then she's crazy.
那她肯定是疯婆子
No, she's not.
才不是
Ted, the only hot girls that troll the Internet for dudes
泰德会在网上等人泡的美女只有三种
are crazy, hookers, or dudes.
疯婆子妓♥女♥ 或者根本就是男的
Okay, she's not crazy.
乱说她不疯
She's not a hooker. She's not a dude.
不是妓♥女♥ 更不是男人
There's this guy I pass on my way to work every day who's all three--
我每天上班都经过一个三合一版的男疯妖妓
scares the crap out of me.
我都吓屎了
There is no way she is above the line
她绝对不可能在美艳/疯狂坐标系的
on the Hot/Crazy scale.
基准线之上
She's not even on the Hot/Crazy scale.
她都不该在美艳/疯狂坐标系当中
She's just hot.
她只是美艳
Wait. "Hot/Crazy scale"?
等下什么是美艳/疯狂坐标系
Let me illustrate.
我来讲解一下
A girl is allowed to be crazy
一个女孩可以表现得疯狂
as long as she is equally hot.
前提是她得足够美艳
Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot.
假设她有这么疯她必须有这么美
If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot.
她这么疯的话就必须有这么美
You want a girl to be above this line,
你希望泡到这条线之上的妞
also known as Vickie-Mendoza diagonal
此线也称为维琪•门多萨对角线
this girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line
那是我泡过一个妞她简直在拿这根线当跳绳
She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds.
她剃了光头又瘦了十磅
She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job.
她拿叉子捅了我又去丰了胸
I should give her a call.
我该给她打个电♥话♥
Okay, so please,
总之求你们了
just play along with her fake story.
就配合一下她编的故事
We met in a cooking class.
我们就是在厨艺班邂逅的
I don't know, Ted.
我可不保证哟泰德
I don't know if I can just play along
我不一定能配合得了
with your crazy girlfriend's fake story.
你那个疯女朋友的假故事
Now, if you had said fake breasts...
不过要是你说假胸什么的...
She's not crazy.
她不疯
Okay. We'll see.
好吧咱等着瞧
Long story short, thank goodness I'm such a bad cook,
长话短说感谢上帝我不会做菜
or I never would have met Ted.
否则我就不会认识泰德了
Oh, crazy how cute that is.
这么有爱简直太疯狂了
It's crazy.
太疯狂了
You know who else has a really cute story of how they met?
你知道还有谁的初次邂逅很有爱吗
Marshal and Lily.
马修和莉莉
You guys should tell that story, right now.
讲讲这故事快讲
All right. But spoiler alert.
好的不过剧透一下
It ends with everyone saying, "Aw!"
结局时大家都会感慨地说"哦"
Aw.
哦
Starts with it, too.
开始时也会说
When you've been a couple as long as Marshal and Lily,
当你们成为情侣有马修和莉莉那么久时
telling the how-we-met story becomes a choreographed dance.
讲述初次相遇的故事就如同跳一支精心编排的舞蹈
It was late August, 1996.
那是1996年的深秋
Lily and I were both freshman moving into...
莉莉和我都是新生刚搬到
Hewitt Hall. Hewitt Hall.
休威特宿舍休威特宿舍
And she needed some help setting up her stereo.
她要找人帮她装音响
For some unknown reason, I felt drawn to room 110.
冥冥之中 110室吸引着我
As if she knew
仿佛她早已知道
that someone very special was behind that door.
在那扇门后会有个很特别的人在等她
And as fate would have it that someone was Marshall.
而命中注定那个人就是马修
It was love at first sight. It was love at first sight.
那就是一见钟情那就是一见钟情
Hi. Hi.
嗨嗨
Aw...
哦
I know, right?
我知道是吧
Now, they perfected that story over hundreds of tellings.
这故事讲了几百遍他们雕琢得极为完美
The first time Marshall told it to me,
但马修第一次跟我讲的时候
it was a little different.
情形不太一样
Dude, this black-haired Goth chick stopped by today.
哥们今天有个黑发哥特妞来过
Want to tap it.
哥要出手了
You guys are so lucky.
你俩好幸运哦
You know, when Ted and I were cooking
跟你们说我和泰德烹饪的时候
and our hands touched for the first time,
我们的手第一次接触
I knew right then that after class he would take me up on the roof,
我就预感下课后他一定会带我去屋顶
kiss me and give me a rose.
深深地吻我然后送我一支玫瑰
Which he did!
他真的这样做了
Say, "Aw."
说"哦"
Aw. Aw.
哦哦
I know, right?
是吧
I'll get the next round, okay, guys?
下一轮酒我请
Anybody would be stressed out meeting new people.
谁见到新朋友都会紧张的
She's not crazy.
她不疯
Crazy-generous maybe, buying us drinks.
疯也是疯狂的慷慨请我们喝酒呢
Shut up.
你闭嘴
So we know how Marshall and Lily met
我们知道马修和莉莉初遇的故事了
Robin, how did you and Barney meet?
罗宾你和巴尼是怎么认识的
No...
不
No, no, no, no.
不不不不
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
不不不不不不不
No. No. Barney and I are not together. No. No.
不不我和巴尼才不是一对不不是
Really? 16 no's? Really?
真的吗 16个不有必要吗
So you're... single? Yeah.
那你是单身啊是啊
Oh. So, pretty and single and friends with Ted.
哦泰德身边单身又美丽的女性朋友
Great.
好极了
You know who else is friends with Ted?
你知道还有谁是泰德的朋友吗
Marshall.
马修
How did we meet?
我们怎么认识的呢
It was a good story.
这个故事精彩之极
I'm going to tell it, right now.
我现在就告诉你们
Uh, it was the first day of college.
呃那是大学第一天
Kids, to understand this story, you need to know
孩子们为了便于理解你们需要知道
that your Uncle Marshall was doing something
你们马修叔叔当时正在
that lots of college kids do.
做很多大学生会做的事情
How do I say this?
怎么说呢
He was, uh... let's say, eating a sandwich.
他正在... 呃这么说吧吃三明治
Dude, I heard the dean is coming.
老兄听说院长过来了
Put out your sandwich.
快灭掉你的三明治
Hey.
嘿
Good afternoon, sir.
下午好先生
I'm Marshall Erickson.
我叫马修•艾瑞克森
"Sir"? No, please, just call me Ted.
"先生" 不用了吧叫我泰德就行
Okay, Dean Ted.
好的院长泰德
Whoa...
哇哦