老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S04E19
Part 1
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:36 p.m.
You will not believe what happened at laser tag last night.
你们一定不敢相信昨晚真人激光枪那里发生了什么事情
People freaked out because a creepy man in a suit
大家被一个老是缠着孩子不放的
wouldn't leave their kids alone? No.
奇怪西装男吓到了吗 不是
Well, yeah, pretty much.
好吧 也差不多
Come on!
来啊
Ow! My shoulder! Come on.
嗷 我的肩膀 来啊
Stinson, my office! Now!
斯丁森 来我办公室一趟 快点
Crap.
糟了
Disorderly game play,
不遵守游戏规则
three counts of shoving, and now this!
三次推搡记录 现在又来这出
Stinson, you're a liability!
斯丁森 你就是一累赘
I know I don't play by your "Precious rules," McCracken,
我是没有按你的所谓"宝贝规则"玩 麦克拉肯
but damn it, I get results!
但是 去你♥妈♥的♥ 看看我的战绩
Look, you're a good laser tag player,
听着 你作为真人激光枪手来说很出色
maybe the best I've ever seen.
也许是我见过的最出色的一个
But one of these days, you're gonna get someone hurt.
但总有一天 你迟早会伤着谁的
Maybe even yourself.
甚至伤到你自己
You just forget what it's like out there.
你是忘了外面是什么样子了
You've had your fat ass stuck behind that desk for too long.
你的大屁♥股♥已经坐在那张桌子后面太久了
That's it! You're out of here, Stinson!
够了 滚出去 斯丁森
Hand in your gun and your ID badge! With pleasure.
交出你的枪和身份徽章 乐意至极
Please don't do this. This game is all I got.
求求你不要这样 这个游戏是我的全部
And I've almost got enough
而且我已经快要攒够
tickets for the remote-control helicopter.
能换到遥控直升机的票了
Please.
求你了
I can't believe I'm doing this.
真不敢相信我会这样做
But I'm gonna give you one last shot.
我再给你最后一次机会
But so help me, if you so much as step one toe out of line,
但是你给我听好了 如果你再越雷池半步
you're gonna be playing Duck Hunt in your mama's basement
你就立刻给我滚回你♥妈♥的♥地下室里玩打野鸭去
so fast it's gonna make your head spin. Now, get out of here!
快到叫你晕头转向 现在 给我出去
You won't regret this.
你不会后悔的
Whoa.
呼哈
That's it, Stinson. You're banned for life!
够了 斯丁森 终生禁入
No!
不要啊
I can't believe you got
真不敢相信你会被踢出
kicked out of laser tag. What are you gonna do?
真人激光枪了 那你准备怎么办
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
我准备怎么办 我准备怎么办
I'll tell you what Ted and I are gonna do.
我告诉你 我和泰德准备怎么办
We're gonna break in after hours and TP the place.
我们会在哪里打烊之后闯进去然后把厕纸挂得到处都是
Barney, we are too old to cover a place in toilet paper
巴尼 我们不能因为他们不让你玩真人激光枪
just because they won't let you play laser tag.
就弄得那地方挂满厕纸 我们已经过了那个年纪了
And for that matter, we're too old for laser tag.
说到这个 我们也过了玩真人激光枪的年纪了
Ted, laser tag knows no age restrictions.
泰德 真人激光枪没有年龄限制
kind of like stripping in the Midwest.
就像在中西部跳脱衣舞一样
Yeah, whatever. I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh list.
随你便啦 我要把真人激光枪加入莫塔清单了
Oh, jeez, not the Murtaugh list.
天啊 又是莫塔清单
Yeah. What's the Murtaugh list?
嗯 什么是莫塔清单
The Murtaugh list is something that came into being around the time I turned 30.
莫塔清单是我在差不多三十岁时搞出来的
It all started with your uncle Marshall's beer bong.
一切都源于你马修叔叔的啤酒泵
When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party,
在我们二十多岁的时候 每次我们开派对
that beer bong came out.
都会玩啤酒泵
And around the time we turned 30, same thing.
在我们三十岁的时候 依然如此
Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this.
当然 当我们二十多岁的时候 第二天是这个样子的
But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this.
但是当我们三十岁的时候 第二天是这个样子的
Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life,
然后有一天 在我生命里最痛苦的一次宿醉中
I realized there was only
精神恍惚间 我意识到这世界上
one person in the world that I could relate to.
只有一个人能与我产生共鸣
Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover
由丹尼•格洛弗扮演的罗杰•莫塔探长
in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon,
在80年代的经典警♥匪♥电影巨作《致命武器》中
known for his oft-quoted catchphrase...
以经常会说一句经典台词而著名
I'm too old for this...
我已经过了这个
Stuff. He said, "I'm too old for this stuff. "
年纪了 他说 我已经过了这个年纪了
It's sad to admit, but as you get older,
虽然很不愿意承认 但是随着你的年纪越来越大
there's just certain things you can't do anymore.
有一些事情你就再也不能做了
That's why I have this list,
所以我列了这个清单
so I never make the mistake of thinking
所以我从来没有犯过
that I can still pull an all-nighter.
认为自己还能熬通宵的错误
Oh.
哦
I'm too old for that stuff.
我已经过了那个年纪了
Or eat an entire pizza in one sitting.
或者是一次吃一整个披萨
I'm too old for that stuff.
我已经过了那个年纪了
Or hang posters on your wall without frames.
或者是 不用框架就把海报挂在墙上
Riggs. Riggs!
里格斯 里格斯
I'm too old for that stuff.
我已经过了那个年纪了
By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon?
顺便问一下 《致命武器》有多好看
I don't know. It's kind of a rip-off.
不知道 有点名不副实
Old guy paired up with a young, renegade cop.
老少组合 叛徒警♥察♥
Sound familiar?
在哪儿听说过吧
Mackleroy and LeFleur.
《麦克劳瑞和勒芙尔》
Don't tell me you guys have never seen Mackleroy and LeFleur.
别告诉我你们没看过《麦克劳瑞和勒芙尔》啊
It's the greatest Canadian action movie of all time.
这可是加拿大最著名的动作电影
Mackleroy is a young,
麦克劳瑞是个年轻人
renegade Mountie whose horse was just killed
叛逆的骑警 他的马被邪恶的美国人♥民♥
by evil Americans... Wait.
杀害了 等一下
...while LeFleur, his grouchy, old, African-Canadian partner,
而勒芙尔 他那经常发牢骚的加拿大黑人老搭档
just bought a cozy icefishing shack... Wait.
正好在亚伯达北部买♥♥了... 等等
...in northern Alberta.
一间舒适的冰上小屋
Now... Stop it!
然后... 停
I got to go. Bye, baby. Have fun at practice.
我得走了 亲爱的 拜拜 训练愉快啊
Practice? Is he doing that one-man band thing again?
什么训练 他又在鼓捣那个单人乐队了吗
'Cause that was a bummer.
那实在很无聊啊
Actually, Marshall had just taken over as coach
事实上 马修刚刚接任了莉莉的幼儿园
for Lily's kindergarten basketball team.
篮球队的教练工作
He thought it'd be fun, but Lily saw it as something more.
他觉得这会很有趣 不过莉莉考虑得更多 这不仅是教练训练
Dad practice.
更是父亲训练
Hi. Hey! Oh, my gosh!
嗨 嘿 天哪
Orange slices. That is so sweet. What are you doing here?
你带了切好的橙子来啦 太贴心了 你来这有什么事吗
I couldn't resist.
我迫不及待啊
I wanted to see Coach Marshmallow do his thing.
想看看马甜甜教练是怎么训练的
Oh!
哦
Okay.
好吧
Hey, kids, who wants to knock off early
孩子们 谁想要早点结束
and have some of these here orange slices?
来吃点切好的橙子呢
Yeah? Well, you can't! Because oranges are for winners,
想得美 你们吃不到 因为橙子是给冠军吃的
and you little turds haven't even made a single shot yet!
而你们这群小崽子连一个球都没投进
You're embarrassing yourselves, you're embarrassing Miss Aldrin,
你们在让自己蒙羞 让艾尔德林老师丢脸
and worst of all, you're embarrassing me!
而且最差劲的是 我的脸都被你们丢光了
That's it! Suicides! Baseline! Now!
够了 开始惩罚 现在沿着边线跑
Run.
快跑
Ted, there is not a single
泰德 这里没有一件事
thing on here that you are too old to do.
是因为年龄问题而不能去做的
In fact, if you did everything on the Murtaugh list,
其实呢 如果你把莫塔清单上的每一条都做了
I'd call that a pretty fun weekend.
那称得上是一个非常美好的周末
Barney, you are not 18 anymore.
巴尼 你也不再是十八岁了啊
If you did everything on that list, you would die.
如果那单子上的每一条你都做了 你就小命不保啦
That wasn't a challenge. Challenge accepted.
这不是挑战 接受挑战
In the next 24 hours,
在接下去的24小时内
I'm going to do every single thing on this list.
我会完成这张清单上列举的每一件事
And after I do, you will TP the laser tag place with me.
等我做完了 你就跟我一起去把真人激光枪场地挂满厕纸
And if you can't do it?
如果你完不成呢
I will spend three hours
我会花三个小时
listening to you talk about architecture.
来听你的建筑学大讲堂
You have got yourself a deal. Robin, will you do the honors?
我们就这么说定了 罗宾 能请你做个见证吗
A gentlemen's agreement!
君子一言
Huzzah! Huzzah!
驷马难追 驷马难追
All right, chumps, let's do this. Barney Stinson!
好了 榆木疙瘩 我们走着瞧 巴尼•斯丁森万岁
You really want to make this bet with him? You know how he is.
你真要跟他打赌吗 你还不清楚他是怎样的人么
Robin, there is some pretty tough stuff on that list.
罗宾 那张单子上棘手的事情多了去了
Do you really think Barney's gonna get his ear pierced?
你真觉得巴尼会去穿耳洞吗
"Get ear pierced. " Check.
穿耳洞 搞定
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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