老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S04E07
Part 2
Oct. 30, 2020, 3:32 p.m.
Probably a lot in that 1950s
那晃晃悠悠像1950年太空头盔的
space helmet of a head he's walking around with.
大脑袋肯定想了不少
Marshall's really excited.
马修可兴奋呢
But I think he only sees what's cute about having a baby,
但我觉得他只看到了有孩子后美好的一面
not what's hard about it.
没有看到养孩子的艰辛
Like the other day, while Marshall was playing with baby Jeremy,
就像那天 当马修逗杰里米玩的时候
I was talking to Jeremy's mom.
我在和杰里米的妈妈聊天
Thanks so much for inviting us over.
太感谢你们请我们来做客了
I have not talked to another adult in, like, weeks.
我大概已经几星期没和另一个成年人说过话了
Well, besides my husband. But "It's your turn to change him"
除了我家那位 但"轮到你换尿布了"
and "Make him shut up" Really doesn't count as conversation.
和"快让他闭嘴"也算不上交流啊
Sorry, I'm rambling. I haven't gotten laid in seven months.
不好意思我又开始唧唧歪歪了 我七个月没过夫妻生活了
Oh! I just did it again! Sleep deprivation!
噢 又来了 睡眠不足的表现
Wait, I'm not crying, am I? I usually am.
等一下 我不是哭了吧 我经常哭
I don't mean to complain. Now I feel bad!
我并不想抱怨 这让我内疚
Oh! There's my little peanut! I love you so much!
噢 我的小宝贝在这儿呢 爱死你了
I'm going to be as strung out as Charlotte. Worse actually.
我会像夏洛特一样崩溃的 或者更糟
At least her husband works from home.
至少她老公在家工作
I mean, he's a pot dealer, but he's a very involved parent.
他虽然是个毒贩子 但很顾家
Marshall will be a great dad. Marshall's always at the office,
马修会是个好父亲 马修一直在办公室
and I'm afraid that if we have a baby now,
我担心如果现在要孩子
all the work will fall on me.
所有事都得我来承担
You're just panicking and focusing on the downside.
你只是太紧张太悲观
I think Lily's just being realistic. See, this is good.
我觉得莉莉只是很理性 看到吗 就是这样
This is why I called you guys both over here.
这就是为什么我把你俩都叫来
Ted, you're pro kids. Robin, you're against.
泰德你赞成养孩子 罗宾你则反对
Counselors, opening statements.
顾问们 开始自♥由♥陈述吧
Okay, I know you're afraid that you're not ready.
好的 我知道你害怕自己没有准备好
But no one ever thinks they're ready.
但事实上没人能完全准备好
You just have to take the leap.
你只要勇敢向前跨出这一步
Parenthood will come naturally.
自然就会适应父母身份的
Well, of course you think it comes naturally.
你当然觉得很自然了
You're basically a dad already. You're a total dad.
你基本就已经是个爹了 你完全就是个爹
What are you talking about? Ted, think about it.
你们说什么呢 泰德 想想看
You tell super corny dad jokes.
你讲老掉牙的父辈笑话
Shredded tweet!
碎叫
Man! Shredded tweet.
啊哈哈哈 碎叫
You lecture us, like when we broke your stupid ship in a bottle.
你会训斥我们 比如打碎你的破船后
I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.
我不生气 我只是对你们很失望
She did it! Shut up!
是她干的 给我闭嘴
And you do that thing all dads do with waitresses.
在服务生面前你也揽了当爹的活
Hi, I'm Lori. I'll be your waitress this evening.
嗨 我是罗莉 今晚我来为你们服务
Hi, Lori, I'm Ted. I'll be your customer this evening.
嗨 罗莉 我是泰德 今晚我来享受你的服务
Hey, Lori, before you go, tell me,
嘿 罗莉 在此之前 先告诉我
what do you get when you cross a canary with a lawn mower?
当你用割草机压过金丝雀会得到什么
No hints. No hints.
不要提醒 不要提醒
She's right. Ted, you may be single and childless,
她说的对 泰德 你也许单身无子
but you're totally a dorky dad.
但你绝对是个呆地
I don't think I like your tone, young lady.
我不喜欢你的口气 小姐
Marshall, Not a Father's Day is a hit!
马修 非父节火了
Laraby and Finklestein are helping me celebrate. Check it.
拉里贝和芬克雷斯特恩在帮我庆祝 来瞧瞧
"World's Greatest Not a Dad" Mugs.
"世界第一非父"马克杯
There's "Who's Not Your Daddy?" T-shirts.
这是"谁不是你爹地"T恤
Both available at NotAFathersDay. Com.
均在非父节网有售
Oh. Check out the greeting cards.
噢 看看这张贺卡
"For everything you do for yourself,
"为了你为自己做的所有点滴
"for all the Scotch upon your shelf.
"为了你酒架上的所有苏格兰威士忌
"Your Porsche Carrera rules the freeway.
"你的保时捷卡雷拉君临高速
"Here's wishing you an all-night three-way.
"在这儿祝您3P达旦"
"Happy Not a Father's Day. " Check out the illustration.
"非父节快乐" 再看看插图
No, no.
不是 这样
Oh.
哦
It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.
看上去像亚洲妓♥女♥
Yes. Because on Not a Father's Day,
对啊 因为非父节那天
you get a Thai you'd actually wear. Wordplay five!
你会得到一条可以戴的领带 双关语击掌
She's really kicking your ass here, Mosby.
她真的完爆你啊 莫斯比
Your only hope is to go negative. Okay.
你只能采取消极策略了 好吧
I'll tell you why my opponent is saying all this.
我来告诉你为什么我的对手这么反对
Three words, scared of babies. What? That is crazy.
三个字 恐婴症 什么 这太不靠谱了
I am not. Yeah?
我才没有 真的吗
Remember that time you met my cousin and her kid?
记得你见到我表姐还有她宝宝那次吗
Oh, she is so cute.
哇 她好可爱啊
Aw!
嗷呜
Oh. Do you want to hold her?
你想抱抱她吗
Aw.
嗷呜
Or the baby shower Lily threw for her friend Erika?
还有在莉莉为她好友艾瑞卡举办的新生儿派对上
Are you letting that baby sniff you?
你在让宝宝闻你的手吗
I don't want to get bitten.
我可不想被咬到
And don't forget about...
还有别忘了那次...
Talking baby commercial? Talking baby commercial.
是说话宝宝的广♥告♥吗 是的
But you're not like that, Lily.
但你不同 莉莉
You love kids and they love you.
你喜欢小孩子 小孩子们也喜欢你
Yes, I'm loveable, pretty and wise, but is it enough?
没错 我讨人喜欢 漂亮又聪明 但光这些就够了吗
Look, it all comes down to one word. You.
瞧 所有一切都指向一个人 你自己
Are you ready to put your own dreams on the back burner?
你做好把你的理想搁置一边的准备了吗
Grad school, teaching art at the college level?
去上研究生 教大学级别的美术 这些都不重要了吗
Look, you need to focus on Project Lily
听着 在开启宝贝计划之前
before you can start Project Baby.
你要把精力集中在莉莉计划上
If you don't, you'll always regret it.
否则你会后悔终生的
And that wouldn't be fair to you or the baby.
那样对你或者宝宝都是不公平的
What's that? It's Jeremy's sock.
这是什么 这是杰里米的小袜子
I'm having a baby.
我要生孩子
But what about all the things I just said?
那我刚刚说过的那些呢
But... But sock.
但是...但是这袜子
But what about Marshall working all the time?
那要是马修得成天工作呢
But sock.
但是袜子诶
But Project Lily! Little fishies on it.
那莉莉计划怎么办 上面绣了小鱼诶
We made all of these arguments,
我们两个争论了半天
and a sock is what makes your decision for you?
而一只袜子就让你做好了决定吗
I guess that was the sock-out punch, huh, Robin?
我想这就是致"袜"一击 对吧 罗宾
Shut up, Dad. You shut up, baby hater.
闭嘴 老爹 你才闭嘴 厌娃女
Babies are scary, okay? They have giant eyes.
宝宝们很可怕的好吗 他们的眼睛超级大
And then, come on, the soft spot?
还有 拜托 软软的脑袋
If there's gonna be a self-destruct button,
如果宝宝身上非要有个自爆按钮
at least hide it somewhere it won't accidentally get pressed.
好歹也别放在一不小心就会按到的地方
Where's Lily?
莉莉去哪儿了
Hey, did you drink any of this?
嘿 这酒你喝了吗
Not a drop. Me, neither.
一滴也没喝 我也没喝
Eriksen, meeting in five minutes.
艾瑞克森 五分钟后开会
And you'd better bring your A-game for Mr. Li.
你最好给李先生拿出你的最佳状态
That guy haunts my nightmares.
那家伙真让我噩梦缠身
Anyway, have fun out there, kid.
总之 好好干吧 孩子
Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready.
为我播种吧 马修 我准备好了
Lily. Lily, what are you doing here?
莉莉 你到这里来干什么
I'm ready, Marshall. Tonight's the night.
我准备好了 马修 就是今晚了
Put your melon-headed spawn in my belly.
把你的西瓜头小蝌蚪塞进我肚子里吧
What? Yeah. Come on, right now.
什么 来吧 就现在
Baby me. I am ready.
让我生孩子吧 时刻准备着
Hey, look. The guys in the next building are waving at me.
嘿 快看 对面楼的人在朝我挥手呢
Hello, gentlemen! We're gonna make a baby!
先生们 你们好 我们要准备生孩子啦
I can't believe we lost her.
真不敢相信我们把她弄丢了
See, this is exactly why I'm never having kids.
看到了吧 这就是我不想要孩子的原因
You can't let them out of your sight for even a second.
你一刻也不能让他们离开视线
I can't find my file. I pulled out A through G.
我找不着我的文件了 我把A到G都抽出来了
They just sit there with their stupid bottles.
他们就会坐那抱着个破奶瓶
They cry.
动不动就哭
They spit up.
到处乱吐
And that's why kids suck.
这就是孩子讨人厌的原因
Wow, it is a good thing we broke up.
哇哦 看来我们分手这决定是对的
I forgot how totally psycho you are on the kids thing.
我都忘了你在"孩子"这个话题上有多神经质
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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