哈莉·奎茵

听着，我实在是太感谢你让我们住在这里了，塞琳娜。
Listen, I just can't thank you enough for letting us stay here, Selina.
拜托，一点都不麻烦。我约会的那个人拥有一栋豪♥宅♥的整个侧翼
Please, it's no trouble at all. The guy I'm seeing has got this whole wing of a mansion
这几乎是我的了，而我几乎不在家。
that's pretty much mine now, so I'm barely home.
我的意思是，我本来打算花钱请人喂我的猫，但现在不必了。
I mean, I was gonna pay someone to feed my cats, but now I don't have to.
太好了。你知道，我知道我们只是客人，所以我保证我们会尊重你的东西。
Great. And you know, I know we're just guests, so I promise we will respect your stuff.
你觉得这是什么？啊！
What do you think this is? Ahh!
我猜我们永远不会知道了。
And I guess we'll never know.
伦勃朗的《加利利海上的风暴》。
Rembrandt's "The Storm on the Sea of Galilee."
德加的“艺术晚会节目1和2”。
Degas's "Program for the Artistic Soirée 1 and 2."
乖乖！我相信我已经解决了伊莎贝拉·斯图尔特·加德纳劫案。
Dear Lord! I believe I've solved the Isabella Stewart Gardner heist.
满满的高档寿司卷。
It's entirely filled with premium sushi rolls.
那是专供猫的。
That's for the cats only.
他们喜欢生鱼。
They love raw fish.
显然，我到处都有摄像头。
Obviously, I have cameras all over the place.
并且不要打开带有绿色门的房♥间。
and do not open the room with the green door.
公主一直是一只顽皮、顽皮的小猫，她在休息。
Princess has been a naughty, naughty kitty and she's in time out.
- 好的，再见。- 等等！在你走之前，女孩，来吧，你得好好交待。
- All right, bye.
- Wait, wait! Before you go, girl, come on, you gotta dish.
比如，告诉我关于这个人的事。他的屁♥股♥是什么样的？比如，酷吗？
Like, tell me about this guy. What's his butt like? Like, is it cool?
他还……算好。
He's... fine.
是的。不，详细些。我敢打赌你可以做得更好。
Yeah. No, totally. I bet you could do so much better.
嗯嗯。
Mmm-hmm.
我要继续吗？
Shall I continue?
就这样吧。
It's not worth it.
亲爱的，你能给我一个干净的烧杯吗？
Honey, can you hand me one of those clean beakers?
哦，我的阴♥茎♥！
Ow, my penises!
哦，你的意思是一个干净的，干净的。
Oh, you mean a clean, clean one.
亲爱的，我即将完善这款原液。
Sweetie, I am close to perfecting this serum.
我需要做的就是通过调整苦味酸水平来减少氧化摄入量
All I need to do is reduce the combustion intake by adjusting the picric acid level
然后加入少量碳酸氢钠来抵消它。
and then adding a small amount of sodium bicarbonate to counteract it.
- 我会让它少些爆♥炸♥性。- 哦耶。好想法，艾芙。
- I'm gonna make it less explodey.
- Oh yeah. Good thinkin', Ive.
所以，下一步，我得动手了……
So, next step, I gotta get our hands on...
什么？
What?
我在这封电子邮件中找不到该死的退订按钮。它只是让我生气。
I can't find the damn unsubscribe button in this email. It just pisses me off.
所以我们真正要做的……
So what we really have to do--
我找到了按钮，谢天谢地。
I found the button, thank god.
他们给你发了电子邮件
And they sent you the email
- 以确认你已取消订阅。- 不，不，听这个。
- confirming you unsubscribed.
- No, no, listen to this.
“邪恶艺术与科学学院与哥谭外国出版社合作，
"The Academy of Evil Arts and Science, in association with the Gotham Foreign Press,
很荣幸地宣布哈莉·奎茵和毒藤女获得最佳情侣提名
is honored to announce the nomination of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for Best
于第83届年度超级反派奖上！”
Couple at the 83rd Annual Supervillain Awards!"
呃，反派情侣奖？哦，太棒了，又一个为自大狂举办的华丽颁奖典礼。
Ugh, the Villys? Oh, great, another gaudy award show for egomaniacs.
为什么他们会认为我们想加入那个呆瓜圈子？
Why would they think that we wanna attend that circle jerk?
因为我总是赢得那个呆瓜圈子。
Cause I always win that circle jerk.
那么，为什么还要继续犯呆呢？为什么你需要更多的奖项？
Well, why keep jerkin' then? Why do you need more awards?
因为所有这些胜利都是小丑一起。
Cause all those wins were with Joker.
那个小丑把每一个反派情侣奖都留给了自己。
That clown kept every Villy for himself.
甚至不让我上台。
Didn't even let me on stage.
我从来没有发表过大型演讲，而我为大型演讲而活。
I never got to give the big speech and I live for the big speech.
见鬼，有一次他甚至都没带我，只带上了他的一个喽啰。
Hell, one time he didn't even take me, he just took one of his goons.
- 迪恩。- 哦，是迪恩？
- Dean.
- Oh it was Dean?
我想和你一起站在那个台子上，在那个圈呆瓜中间举起我们的反派奖杯。
I wanna be on that stage with you, holding up our Villy right in middle of that circle jerk.
亲爱的，我刚把我的实验室设置好。我对这个计划动力满满。我投入其中！
Honey, I just got my lab setup. I've got momentum on this plan. I'm in the zone!
我的意思是，我什么时候真正使用过“投入其中”这个词？
And I mean like, when have I actually even used the words "in the zone"?
哦，你不能走开其中一晚，
Oh, can't you step out of the zone for one night,
然后再一下回弹到其中？
and then after pop right back into the zone?
请，请……
Please, please...
好吧，好吧，去他的，我们去赢得这个奖项。
Okay, okay, screw it, let's go win this award.
但我要喝三杯长岛冰茶，没有人能阻止我。
But I'm having three Long Island ice teas and no one's stopping me.
- 不加冰。- 他妈的是的！
- No ice.
- Fuck yeah!
明天第一件事，玛莎，我宣布退休并专注于我们的家庭。
First thing tomorrow, Martha, I announce my retirement and focus on our family.
请小布鲁西接电♥话♥，好吗？
Put little Brucie on, will ya.
嘿呀，运动。我知道我并不总是在这里陪你，但我保证那些都过去了。
Heya, 小闹. I know I haven't always been here for you, but I promise that's over now.
告诉妈妈戴上她的珍珠，因为今晚我们要去看电影！
Tell mother to wear her pearls cause tonight we're going to the movies!
还有……切！很好。继续。
And... cut! great take. moving on.
啊，上帝，我的背疼死了
Ugh, God, my back is killing me
来了！
There it is!
威利·罗柏！
Willie Rob!
可能认不出我了。
Might not recognize me.
很多头发和化妆……我扮演椅子。导演椅。
Lotta hair and makeup... I play the chair. The director's chair.
也许你可以，比如说，坐在我身上
Maybe you could, say, sit on me
以换取一对一的表演课？
in exchange for one-on-one acting lessons?
我不坐。
I don't sit.
啊，克里斯托弗·诺兰的表演学院，在片场不落坐。
Ah, the Christopher Nolan school of acting, no sitting on set.
我从来不坐。
I don't ever sit.
我也不。又一个站着的大便！
Me neither. Another standing pooper!
-詹姆士！-吃个丹麦风味。坐着吃味道更好。
- James!
- Eatin' a Danish. Just tastes better on set.
看，这只是伙计，这个，这个对话。我是说。这不该哼歌♥，你知道吗？
Look, it's just buddy, this, this dialogue. I mean. It's not humming, ya know?
嗯，它哼哼。
Ugh, it hums.
嘿，你知道吗？也许我们可以在你家见个面？
Hey, you know what? Maybe we could meet at your place?
- 嗯。- 你知道，做一些晚餐，然后重写一下？
- Mmm.
- You know, cook some dinner, and do a re-write?
就像华纳兄弟告诉我的
It's like what Warner Bros told me
在我写“史酷比”电影的时候。会都是关于编辑的。
while I was writing the "Scooby-Doo" movie. It's all about the edit.
转念一想，忘记我刚才说的一切！让我们今晚见面。
On second thought, forget everything I just said! And let's meet tonight.
酷。
Cool.
我们正从哥谭市可爱的犯罪小巷说反派周末快乐。
And we say happy Villy Sunday from Gotham City's lovely Crime Alley.
哦，谜语人，时钟王。恭喜获得最佳情侣奖。
Ooh, Riddler, Clock King. congrats on the nom for Best Couple.
谢谢，陶妮，这是一个很大的奖项。
Thanks, Tawny, It's a big category.
今年有很多很棒的情侣。
Lotta great couples this year.
现在你们两个是哥谭市第一批公开出柜的恶棍。
Now you two were some of Gotham's first openly gay villains.
一定不容易。
Must not have been easy.
你可能会说我解过的最难的谜题是我自己的性取向。
You might say the hardest riddle I ever solved was my own sexuality.
幸运的是，我及时发现了它。
Luckily, I figured it out just in time.
- 哦，上帝，你转动我的齿轮。- 过来。
- Oh god, you turn my gears.
- Come here.
- 哦，好吧，现在不要倚靠，没关系。- 哦，哎呀，进去吧！
- Oh, okay, now don't lean, that's okay.
- Oh, oops, get in there!
啊噢
Aw.
时钟王，你能告诉我们你正穿着哪个牌子吗？
And Clock King, can you tell us who you're wearing?
当然，陶妮，我今晚的时钟是由百达翡丽大♥师♥制♥作♥的，它是一个精密计时器……
Of course, Tawny my clock tonight is by the master, Patek Philippe, it's a chronometer...
- 你没有告诉我我们必须走红地毯。- 但你喜欢走路！
- You didn't tell me we had to walk the red carpet.
- But you love walking!
不要忘记在他们宣布你的名字之前重新涂抹口红。
Don't forget to re-apply lipstick before they announce your name.
要让那个鲜明的嘴唇突出在镜头上。
Need that bold lip pop on camera.
这是另一个充满活力的二人组：哈莉·奎茵和毒藤女！
It's the other dynamic duo: Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!
我无法告诉你们为另一个反派情侣奖来到这里的感觉有多棒，
I can't tell ya how great it feels to be here for another Villy,
和我的挚爱共度一生。
and with time with the love of my life.
好吧，女孩，这是你第一次在没有小丑的情况下运作。
Well, girl, this is the first time you're running minus the Joker.
觉得你没有他也能做到？
Think you can do it without him?
当我们登上那个舞台时，每个人都会忘记小丑先生。
When we're up on that stage everyone will forget about Mr. J.
都只知道我甜蜜的爱，毒藤女。
It's all about my sweet love Poison Ivy.
好吧，好吧，艾薇，每个人都在吵着要看到那些爪子。
Okay, well, Ivy, everybody's clamoring to see those claws.
你今晚的指甲有主题吗？
Is there a theme to your nails tonight?
呃……社交焦虑，我猜？
Uh... social anxiety, I guess?
哦...
Oh...
天哪，他们这么快就吃完了那些小乳蛋饼，对吧，艾芙？
God, they run out of those little quiches so fast, huh, Ive?
如果我站在这里，没有人可以问我穿的是啥牌子。
If I stand here no one can ask me who I'm wearing.
好吧，我知道这儿人多，但你做得很好。
Okay, I know it's a lot, but you're doing great.
我保证，节目本身的戏剧性相当低。
Promise, the show itself is pretty low drama.
呃，嘿，对不起，你能把水递给我吗？
Uh, hey, excuse me, can you pass me the water?
你……好。
Hell... o.
从犯罪巷的君主剧院现场直播，
Live from Crime Alley's Monarch Theatre,
这是第 83 届年度反派奖。
it's the 83rd Annual Villy Awards.
这是你们的东道主：无赖王牌，
Here's your host: the ace of knaves,
犯罪的小丑王子……小丑！
the clown prince of crime... Joker!
啊糟糕。
Ah shit.
我八点钟要迟到了。我有一个节目要主持。
I'm late for my eight o'clock. I've got a show to host.
今晚是那晚，我们庆祝坏蛋，我们奋战
♪ Tonight's the night We celebrate the bad guys We fight it out ♪
每天为真正的战利品。奖金正是为他们这些恶棍