哈莉·奎茵

在哈莉·奎茵上一季，
Last season on Harley Quinn,
我的闺蜜艾薇和这个废物订婚了，
my bestie Ivy was engaged to this lame-o,
但我也爱上了她。
but I was in love with her, too.
小丑得到了第二次酸浴。我踢了神经博士的屁♥股♥。
Joker got a second acid bath. I kicked Psycho's ass.
艰难地摆脱了达克赛德。
Hard passed Darkseid.
从她自己的婚礼中拯救了艾薇，我们在日落中开车离去。
Saved Ivy from her own wedding and we drove off into the sunset.
你认为我们接下来做了什么，嗯？
What do you think we did next, hmm?
现在让我们把那些叶子脱掉。
Now let's shed those leaves.
嗯，是的，我是艾薇，哦，是的……
Uh, yeah, I'm Ivy, ooh, yea...
我才不♥穿♥树叶。
I don't even wear leaves.
不过，你得尊重片商。
Still, ya gotta respect the hustle.
我的意思是，自从神经博士曝光我们的关系后，他们在两周内编写、拍摄和剪辑了这个。
I mean, they wrote, shot, and edited this in two weeks since Psycho blew up our spot.
只是两周前吗？我感觉时间长得多。
Was that only two weeks ago? It feels like so much longer.
我知道，对吧？
I know, right?
- - 标牌上写着“不允许女孩入内”
- The sign says "no girls allowed"
超人死去的爸爸？
Superman's dead dad?
哈莱薇？你们在这里做什么？
Harlivy? What are you doing here?
噢！那是对我们两人组的正式名号♥吗？
Ooh! Is that our official celeb couple name?
呃，我会选择“哈薇”。
Ugh, I would have just gone with "Hivey".
我之前没有公开说过，这样写起来更好看。
I hadn't said it out loud before, it looks better in writing.
现在投降，逃犯！等等，你们是在看一部下流电影吗？
Now surrender, fugitives! Wait, are you watching a dirty movie?
这可是孤独的堡垒！
This is the Fortress of Solitude!
笑死了，一部“下流电影”？
L-O-L a "dirty movie"?
呃，放松一下，我们只是顺便进来避个风头和吃光你的薯条
Uh, relax, we just dropped in to chill for a bit and eat all your chips
因为戈登正在找我们，好吗？
while Gordon's looking for us, okay?
你那又大又笨的儿子说没关系。
Your big, dumb son says it's okay.
哦，他真的吗？
Oh, did he now?
也许我们应该给他打电♥话♥。
Perhaps we should call him.
- 你真的不必那样做。- 是的，不要那样做。
- You really don't have to do that.
- Yeah, don't do that.
女士们，你们的蜜月结束了。
Ladies, your honeymoon is over.
又错了！这才刚刚开始！
Wrong again! It's just beginning!
来吧，哈薇，让我们跳起来。
C'mon, Hivey, let's bounce.
回到这里，面对正义！
- Come back here and face justice!
等等，你注册了 HBO Max 吗？
Wait, did you sign up for HBO Max?
我已经用完了我的免费体验期！
I already used my free trial!
该死，该死，该死，我们停哪里了？
Shit, shit, shit, where'd we park? God!
神奇女侠是如何追踪这架该死的喷气式飞机的？
How does Wonder Woman keep track of this damn jet?
哦！就在那边。耶！
Oh! It's right over there. Yay!
那么，我们现在该怎么办？
So, what do we do now?
让“吃砰杀”之旅开始吧。
Let the "Eat Bang Kill" tour begin.
过来。
Come here.
敬我们，终于在一起了。
To us, together at last.
哈莉和艾薇接管了他妈的世界！
Harley and Ivy take over the fucking world!
- 你好？你好？
- Hello? Hello?
-这是戈登专员。- 哦，他来了！他上场了！你，你！
- This is Commissioner Gordon.
- [whispers] Oh, he's on! He's on! You, you!
这是美国国税局的电♥话♥，先生，
This is the IRS calling, sir,
你的房♥子有 90,000 美元的留置权。
you have a $90,000 lien on your house.
这他妈怎么……这是关于我前妻的吗？
How in the he--is this about my ex-wife?
我们需要确认你的身份。你的信♥用♥卡♥号♥码是多少？
We're gonna need to confirm your identity. What's your credit card number again?
-哦，要命！那么，随便哪张信♥用♥卡♥吗？-给我，给我，给我！
- Oh, life saver! So, any credit card?
- Gimme, gimme, gimme!
上限最高的那个。
The one with the highest limit.
好吧，让我们看看。你准备好记号♥码了吗？四六...
Okay, let's see. You ready for the number? Four-six...
- 记到房♥间的账上。- 戈登夫人和先生。
- Charge it to the room.
- Missus and Missus Gordon.
- 呃。
Ugh.
向您工作的任何糟糕的小报致以我们的问候！
Send our regards to whatever shitty tabloid you work for!
并告诉本·阿弗莱克，我登上了他美妙的苏打水机器！
And tell Ben Affleck I upper-decked his fancy soda stream!
香槟，我的女王？
Champagne, my queen?
小哈，我得告诉你，你为我们计划的这次旅行……
Harls, I gotta tell ya, this trip you have planned for us--
直呼她的名字。
Call her by her name.
好的，“吃砰杀之旅”是如此甜蜜，
Right, the "Eat Bang Kill Tour," is just so sweet,
有趣，然后又放荡……
it's so fun, and then raunchy...
……然后有点吓人。
...and then a little scary.
我知道，这还不算达到顶峰
I know, it's going to be hard to top
虽然打了一群白金汉卫兵的鸡♥巴♥。
punching a bunch of Buckingham guards in the dick though.
哦，哦，告诉我你最喜欢的部分。
Oh, oh, tell me your favorite part.
嗯，我真的很喜欢走过女王的玫瑰园。
Um, I really liked walking through the Queen's rose garden.
每一朵玫瑰都绽放出她的全部潜能。
Each rose totally blooming to her full potential.
我想知道这个女人的秘诀是什么...
I'm like what is this woman's secret...
全在于洒水时间表
It's all about the sprinkler schedule.
谁在说话？
Who said that?
伊丽莎白二世？
Queen Elizabeth the second?
- 她是怎么进来的？- 她把我塞进袋子里。
- How did she get in here?
- She shoved me in a bag.
两星期周年快乐！
Happy two-week anniversary!
哦，哇，哇，小哈。
Oh, wow, wow, Harls.
- 你……你不喜欢吗？- 不，我真。我真的。
- What you... You don't like it?
- No, I do. I do.
我喜欢。
I like it.
很高兴见到您，陛下。
It's so pleasurable to meet you, your majesty.
人们不会，比如，寻找她吗？我刚脱了胸罩。
Aren't people going to be, like, looking for her? I just took my bra off.
我明白了，艾芙。我们会尽快解决这个问题！
I gotcha, Ive. We'll wrap this thing up quick!
让我们用紧急照片来纪念。
Let's commemorate with an emergency photo shoot.
在导弹下亲吻以求好运，艾芙！
Kiss under the missile for good luck, Ive!
好吧，好吧，我想我们拍好照了！该丢掉我们的累赘了。
Okay, okay, I think we got the shot! Time to lose our tail.
快乐时光，陛下！回见！
It's been real, your majesty! Later!
当心……哈莉，不！
Watch the-- Harley, no!
是的，她有一个隐形降落伞。
Yeah, she's got an invisible parachute.
我会选择不质疑。
I am gonna choose not to question that.
路坑，污水坑，有毒的水坑，超级松鼠，爆♥炸♥的下水道，
The potholes, the sinkholes, toxic puddles, super squirrels, exploding sewers,
闹鬼的人行横道，我们有孩子驾驶公共汽车，
haunted crosswalks, we've got children driving busses,
每个角落都有怀孕的老鼠，
pregnant rats on every corner,
寄一封信要花 38 美元……就我个人而言，我在高中时就装上了永远的邮票，
it costs $38 to mail a letter--Personally, I loaded up on forever stamps in high school,
但不是每个人都那么聪明。
but not everyone's smart like that.
那是个问题还是？
So is that a question or?
如果你当选市长，你到底要如何纠正所有这些，戈登？
If you're elected mayor, how the hell you gonna fix all this, Gordon?
谢丽尔，你是我的副官！
Cheryl, you're my lieutenant!
我要养活继子，而你却在把我们的税款浪费
I've got step-kids to feed and you're blowing our tax money
在坦克、机器警♥察♥和歌♥谭警局品牌的水瓶上。
on tanks, robocops, and GCPD branded water bottles.
呃，我们用图书馆税支付那个。
Eh, we paid for it with the library tax.
反正大多数人上那里只是为了用浴室。
Most people are only in there to use the bathroom, anyway.
为什么每个人都生我的气？
Why's everybody mad at me?
哥谭最大的生存威胁是像哈莉·奎茵这样的罪犯
The biggest existential threat to Gotham is criminals like Harley Quinn
还有毒藤女，一直在肆虐。
and Poison Ivy, who continue to wreak havoc.
我会尽一切努力将他们绳之以法。
I'll do whatever it takes to bring them to justice.
市长，您有 30 秒的时间做出回应。
Mayor, you have 30 seconds to respond.
你的警♥察♥预算失控了。
Your police budget is out of control.
你是市长！你批准了我的预算！
You're the mayor! You approved my budget!
- 废物！- 嘘你自己吧！
- Lame!
- Boo yourself!
稍等！我毕生致力于保护这片狗屎城市的安全！
Hold on! I've dedicated my life to trying to keep this piece of shit city safe!
- 你好臭！- 呃呃！
- You stink!
- Nuh-uh!
哈莱薇团队是好样的！
Hashtag team Harlivy!
我会把哈莉和艾薇绳之以法，然后你们就会改口了！
I'll bring Harley and Ivy to justice, and then you'll change your tune!
每个人都会向吉米·戈登宝贝吹口哨！
Everyone's gonna be whistlin' Jimmy Gordon baby!
- 去你♥妈♥的♥！- 不，去你♥妈♥的♥！
- Fuck you!
- No, fuck you!
我认为一切顺利。你怎么看？
I think that went pretty well. What do you think?
你能相信我们在一起已经整整16天了吗？
Can you believe it's been 16 whole days since we've been together?
对不起，这架飞机是谁在开？
I'm sorry, who's flying this plane?
它在自动驾驶。哦，妈的，等等，等一下。
It's on autopilot. Oh, shit, wait, hold on.
好啦，现在它在自动驾驶。
Okay, now it's on autopilot.
我知道我一直在用超级周到的礼物给你淋浴到几乎令人筋疲力尽的程度，
I know I've been showering you with super thoughtful gifts to an almost exhausting degree,
但是做好准备，因为接下来这个会吹起你的裙子。
but get ready 'cause this next one's gonna blow your skirt up.
但它也很酷。
But it's also very chill.
我们一直在跟所有这些大坏蛋战斗，你一般也挺享受的
We've been doing all this intense bad guy fighting, which you do often enjoy,
但你还有完全不同的另一面就是喜欢
but there's this whole other side to you which is like,
植物！我也很喜欢。
plants! And I love that, too.
惊喜！
Surprise!
啊! 不！我想我闻到了石器时代的花粉。你为什么带我来这儿？
Ugh! No! I thought I smelled stone-age pollen. Why did you bring me here?