爱情零距离（2013）

Well, I do declare.
你完蛋了
You are so screwed.
我能跟你聊一会儿吗
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
好的 是巴黎的事吗
Yeah. I-is it about the Paris thing?
其实不是 我想对你说句话
Uh, not exactly. Uh, I want to say something to you,
-但我不想让你惊慌 -我的天啊
- but I don't want you to freak out. - Oh, my god.
-天啊 天啊 -不
- Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! - No, no, no!
我刚说过不要惊慌
I just said I don't want you to freak out.
别说你不想让我惊慌
Well, don't say that you don't want me to freak out,
因为你一说这话 我就慌了
because right when you say that, I start to freak out!
是你脖子上的那颗怪痣 对吗
It's the weird mole on your neck, isn't it?
什么 我脖子上有颗怪痣
What? I have a weird mole on my neck?
是的宝贝 所以我让你涂防晒霜
Yes, baby, that's why I tell you to wear sunscreen!
但我没去过户外啊 上帝啊
But I'm never outside! Oh, my god!
真不敢相信这种事会发生在我身上
I can't believe this is happening to me!
天啊 等等
Oh, my god! Oh, wait a minute.
不 这只是巧克力
No, it's just chocolate.
松了一大口气 我们没事了吧
What a relief. So, um, we're good?
-是的 谢天谢地 -好的
- Yes, thank god. - Okay.
不 不是为这事
No, no, that's not-- it's--no.
我想说的根本不是这个
That's not what I wanted to say at all.
听着 我想对你说句话 宝贝
Um, look, I want to say something to you, babe,
说这话很难选好时机
and there's never a really good time to say it,
我觉得既然要说
so I feel like if I just say it right now,
我就直说了
then I'll just say it.
我爱你 詹妮
I love you, Jenny!
我理解了我的梦的含义
I realized that's what my dreams have meant.
华盛顿纪念碑 喷涌的油井
The Washington Monument, the gushing oil derricks,
吃热狗比赛
the hot dog eating contests...
这些都是我爱的东西
Those are all things that I love.
就像我爱你一样
Just like I love you.
谢谢你 哈佛生 我也爱你
Well, thank you, Harvard, and, hey, I love you, too.
-干什么呢 -詹妮刚说她爱我
- Hey, what's going on? - Jenny just said she loves me.
就像我爱你一样 德里克
Uh, uh, just like I love you, Derrick.
-我也爱你 -我爱你 詹妮
- I love you, too. - I love you, Jenny.
我也爱你 托丽
I love you, too, Tori.
开什么玩笑
Are you frickin' kidding me?
我爱你们 抱团
I love all y'all! Group hug!
我爱你
I love you!
还等着呢
还等着呢
所有人都赶在我前面说了爱詹妮
Well, everyone told Jenny they loved her before I could.
他们毁了我示爱的机会 兄弟
They frickin' love-blocked me, man.
你知道中国人会怎样应对这种情况吗
Well, do you know how a Chinese person would respond to that?
不知道 怎样
No. How?
不 我是在问你 我不会说中文
No, I'm asking you. I don't speak Chinese.
听着 如果你不能在一天内学会完全陌生的外语
Look, unless you can learn an entire foreign language in a day,
我强烈建议你向曼斯菲尔德坦白
I really suggest you tell Mansfield.
-你想让我向曼斯菲尔德承认简历造假 -对
- You want me to tell Mansfield that I lied on my resume? - Yeah.
好啊 我♥干♥脆告诉他
Yeah, I might as well tell him
我没有八分之一切罗基族血统算了
I'm not one-eighth cherokee.
你的父母不是菲律宾人吗
Aren't both your parents from the Philippines?
我只知道每一年 我都会收到
All I know is that once a year
一张从康涅狄格州的赌场寄来的支票
I get a check from a casino in Connecticut,
我从来不多过问
and I don't ask any questions.
先生们 温先生
Gentlemen, Mr. Wen,
我需要为明天的重要会面
are there any Chinese phrases I should know
学什么中文短语吗
for my big meeting tomorrow?
我是说 显然我不可能
I mean, I'm obviously not gonna learn
在一天之内学会一种新语言 对吧
an entire new language in a day, right?
是的 实际上中文这种语言
Yeah, you know, uh, Chinese is really a language
含有很多意味深长的停顿和手势
of meaningful pauses and gestures.
不说话被视为一种气势的象征
It's considered a sign of power to not talk.
沉默的时间很长 你懂吗
For--for--for long periods, you know?
所以如果在这次会面中
So--so don't be surprised if this meeting is filled
大家鸦雀无声 茫然凝视也不要惊讶
with what seems like silence and blank stares.
好的 让我练习一下
Okay. Let me, uh, let me give it a try.
我刚说了什么
What did I just say?
我最好别搞砸了
That I better not screw this up?
你真厉害 孩子 你太厉害了
Oh, you're very good, kid! You're very good!
我会讲两种语言了 你喜欢吗
I'm bilingual. Do you love it?
嗨 宝贝
Hey, babe.
开始吧
Here we go.
我们还没说话你就走了
You left before we had a chance to talk.
是的 我现在很想跟你谈谈
Yes. Uh, and I want to talk to you so badly right now.
听着 这句话实在是不好说
Look... there's really no good way of saying this,
我从没想过会在这里对你说
and I really didn't imagine doing it here,
-但我想说... -喂 你们俩
- but I might as well just say-- - Hey--hey, gang,
你们介意去别的地方
you mind having this conversation, like,
交谈吗
anywhere else?
我要在18小时内熟练掌握普通话
I have 18 hours to become fluent in Mandarin,
但我连网都上不去 所以
and I can't even get on the website, so...
三连冠 托丽能讲流利的普通话
Threepeat, you know who's fluent in Mandarin is Tori.
你是认真的吗 你能给她放一天假
Are you serious? Can you spare her for a day
-让她来教我吗 -给她放假
- so she can teach me? - Spare her?
我们都不知道她干过什么
We don't even know what she does.
你能帮我问问她吗
Can--can you ask her for me?
-好 我搞定 -天啊 詹妮 我太爱你了
- Yeah, I'll make it happen. - Oh, my god! Jenny, I love you so much!
谢谢 我也爱你
Oh! Thanks. I love you, too.
难以置信
Unbelievable.
我不能让她带他去巴黎
I can't let her take him to Paris!
继续睡吧 亲爱的
Go back to sleep, sweetie.
你只是做了一个噩梦
You're just having a bad dream.
好的 谢谢
Okay, thanks.
给你 先生
Here you go, sir.
这是你要的那个什么的数据
Got you the numbers for the, uh, thing.
就在这什么的后面
It's in the back of the... whatever.
你...
Ah. What's, uh...
你怎么了
What's the matter with you, son?
怎么搞得好像有人偷了你的饼干
You look like someone stole your cookies.
不是的 先生 只是...
No, sir, it's... it's just that, um...
这是我的饼干吗
Are those my cookies?
你留在桌子上的所有东西都是我的
Anything you leave on your desk is mine.
坐 坐下说话
Uh, have a seat. Have a seat.
我想告诉詹妮我爱她
I'm trying to tell Jenny that I love her.
她还不知道吗
She doesn't know already?
除了她全世界都知道了
Hell, the rest of the world does.
所以我们才召开人事会议
It's why we had that annoying H.R. meeting.
显然她不知道
Well, apparently she doesn't know.
她准备去巴黎玩
She's planning a trip to Paris,
却从没想过邀请我一起去
and it never even occurred to her to invite me.
巴黎 我最喜欢的城市
Paris. It's my favorite city in the whole planet.
你看过《忘情巴黎》吗
Did you ever see "Forget Paris"?
最近电视上播过这个吗 每个人都在说这个片子
Was that on cable recently? Everyone is talking about it.
谁会想在电视上看
Well, you don't want to watch that on TV.
这类电影要在大屏幕上看才合适
You want to see a film like that on the big screen.
12米的比利·克里斯特尔[主演]
Billy Crystal 40 feet high?
没有比这更爽的了
Doesn't get any better than that.
总之由于我没说出口
Anyway, uh, now that I haven't said it,
现在的每分每秒
every minute that goes by
都让我对这件事非常有压力
makes me more and more stressed about it.
我跟你说过
Son, have I ever told you
恋爱时应该怎么做吗
what to do in your relationship?
在每一次关键时刻都说过
At every single turn.
那你肯定也不会意外
Then it--it should come as no surprise to you then
我对你说 现在不是
when you hear me say, now is not the time
跟那姑娘说你爱她的好时机
to tell that girl that you love her.
我不明白 我以为你挺喜欢詹妮呢
I don't understand. I thought you liked Jenny.
是啊 我爱她
I do. I love her.
她不知道吗 要我去告诉她吗
Does she not know? Should--should I go tell her?
不 别人不需要跟她表白
No. No one else needs to tell her they love her.
听着