爱情零距离（2013）

停
Stop!
别说了 天呐
Please stop. Jeez.
而且 一个坐在大轮车上的成年男人
Besides, it's impossible to get offended
冒犯不到我
by a grown man on a big wheel.
未来的电♥话♥
Oh, that's the future calling.
你猜怎么着
Oh, guess what?
我得到了她
I get the girl.
她就在这 伙计
She's right here, man.
所以我才这样说啊
Yeah, that's why I said it.
听好了
Hey, check it out.
我想到个一定能拿下那个办公室的办法
I got a surefire way of getting that open office.
会给曼斯菲尔德留下深刻...[blow有口♥交♥的意思]
I am gonna blow Mansfield...
印象
away.
真怕你不说全这句话
I was so worried you weren't gonna say "away" there.
这是一个新的力量动作
It's a new power move.
让我能进入曼斯菲尔德的办公室
It allows me to enter Mansfield's office
然后坐下
and take a seat
期间一直跟他目光接触
without ever breaking eye contact.
砰
Boom.
是吧 我把它叫做"瑞克坐"
Right? I called it "The Riker".
纪念《星际迷航:下一代》里的
In honor of commander William T. Riker
指挥官威廉·T·瑞克
Of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
你觉得怎么样
What do you think?
我觉得 你一定要试一试
I think... you have to do that.
不敢相信我居然没有想到
Yeah. I honestly can't believe that I didn't think of it.
这是因为
That's because
你花时间跟女孩子调情的时候
while you were wasting time getting busy with girls,
我在认真研究《星际迷航》
I was getting busy with... "Star Trek."
曼斯菲尔德先生 我想跟你谈谈那个空办公室的事
Mr. Mansfield, I wanna talk to you about that open office.
没问题 坐吧
Fair enough. Have a seat.
尝试瑞克坐之前 别忘了检查椅子
Always check your chair before you perform a Riker.
让开 我过来了
Coming through! I'm riding here!
你们以为这大厅是你们的吗
You peds think you own the lobby!
自行车不错
Nice bike.
我朋友芙蓉每周都会
My friend Fleur rides her recumbent
骑她的斜躺自行车去农贸市场
to the farmers' market every weekend.
农贸市场太商业化了
Farmers' markets are so commercial.
我是一个觅食集体的成员
I'm a member of a foraging collective.
这周的食物只有蘑菇和大♥麻♥籽
I've had nothing but mushrooms and hempseed to eat this week.
我好晕
And I'm pretty dizzy.
能带我一程吗
Can I get a ride?
我叫莉莎 草字头的莉
I'm Lyssa, with a "Y."
我是哈佛生 为什么不呢
I'm Harvard, with a "Why not?"
所以你很激动
So you're excited
因为你骗你最好的朋友
because you tricked your best friend
让自己出丑
into making an ass out of himself
只为了让自己能得到那间办公室
just so you that could get an office?
对
Yeah.
你怎么回事 布洛迪 真是对你无语
What the hell, Brody? You know? Ugh.
怎么了 一个私人办公室可不是小事
What? Okay, a private office is a huge deal.
一层楼只有12个
There are only 12 of them on the floor,
其中一个还是用来放曼斯菲尔德的健身器材的
and one of them is for Mansfield's bowflex.
我都不知道为什么那间还要最好的视野
Okay, I don't know why it needs the best view.
还有私人卫生间
Or a private bathroom, for that matter.
你知道吗 这里就不一样
Yeah, well, you know what? It's not like that down here, okay?
我们没有私人办公室 私人卫生间
We don't have private offices or private bathrooms
或者卫生间
or... bathrooms.
我们必须去脊椎按♥摩♥师办公室上厕所
We have to use the one in the chiropractor's office,
要跑到三楼
which is on the third floor,
当你尿急的时候 你就得憋着走好长一段路
and that is a long waddle when you gotta pee.
你根本不知道我那里的工作环境
Okay, you have no idea what it's like where I work.
如果你不跨过最好的朋友往上爬
If you don't step over your best friends to get ahead,
你就只能跟卡尔一样出现在那面墙上 好吗
you wind up on that wall with Carl, okay?
曼斯菲尔德去年开除了七个人
Mansfield fired seven guys last year.
你也不会知道那种压力是什么感觉
And you wouldn't know what that kind pressure is
因为在这里 你根本不可能被开除
because it's impossible to get fired down here.
不 你说得不对 还有声音小点
No, that is not true. And lower your voice
你都要把托丽吵醒了
'cause you're gonna wake up Tori.
相信我
Trust me.
如果你们有要竞争的东西 你也会这么做的
If you guys had something to compete over, you'd do the same.
或许我们就是比你们有道德
Or maybe we're just better people than you are.
是吗
Oh. Yeah? Really?
那我们来看看
Okay, let's find out.
-伙计们 -我醒了
- Hey, guys! - I'm up!
我在想卡尔的悼词呢
Man, I'm working on Carl's eulogy.
最好是重要的事
This better be important.
很重要
It is.
我准备给你们一个值得争取的东西
I'm giving you all something worth fighting for--
停车场的通行卡
an access card to the parking garage.
我是步行上班的 所以我用不上
I walk to work, so I don't need it.
我愿意给你口♥交♥
I will blow you.
你是说让我印象深刻吗
Uh, blow me away?
詹妮 你来决定把它给谁
Jenny, you get to be in charge of who gets it.
好吧 你在做什么
Okay, what are you doing?
我在给你们一样需要竞争的东西
I'm giving you all something to compete over.
我要把底楼变得跟顶楼一样
I'm turning the ground floor into the top floor.
这些家伙会感受到我的处境
These guys get to see what it's like to be me,
而你就做曼斯菲尔德 宝贝
and you get to be Mansfield, baby.
讲完那段话亲你 感觉好奇怪
Felt weird to kiss you after saying that.
-我不喜欢 -没错 好奇怪
- I didn't like it. - Yeah, so weird.
早上好 先生 你看起来很...
Good morning, sir. You look very...
听我说 莫耶先生
Let me tell you something, Mr. Moyer.
有一天
Someday...
我希望你有一天体验到有女儿的快乐
someday I hope you experience the joy of having a daughter,
这样当她在每场排球赛
so you can see the smile on her face
学校话剧和钢琴独奏会的
when she spots you up in the stands
观众席上看见你时
of every single volleyball game,
你就能看到她露出微笑了
school play, and piano recital.
然后我希望你足够幸运
Then I hope you're fortunate enough to drop dead...
能在她大到
before she is old enough
用一条短♥信♥"抱歉 太忙"
to cancel dinner plans at the last minute
再加上两个皱眉表情和一个眨眼皱眉表情
with a text that reads, "Sorry. Busy."
取消晚餐计划之前死掉
Frowny-face, frowny-face, winking frowny-face.
天啊
Dear god,
有时候我觉得
sometimes I think it's-- it's easier...
儿子比女儿更容易对付
having a son than a daughter.
-什么 -什么
- What? - What?
有人
Occupied.
我敢肯定那只是个阶段
I'm sure it's just a phase.
每对父女都得经历
Every father and daughter has to go through it.
不过大多数父亲接受这个新现实
Except most fathers accept this new reality,
这可是个错误
which is a mistake.
关键是坚守阵地 直到这个阶段过去
The key is to hold your ground until it passes.
这样才能赢
That's how you win.
为人父母还论输赢吗
Can you really win at parenting?
你就一点没从我这里学到点什么吗
Have I taught you nothing?
生活是一系列竞赛 你都能赢
Life is a series of contests. You can win 'em all.
昨天 我赢了吃午饭
Yesterday, I won at lunch.
-你吃了什么 -什么也没吃
- What did you have? - Nothing.
又来了一条短♥信♥ 什么...
Oh, here's another text. What...
她骑着一辆什么自行车啊
Now what the hell kind of bike is she riding?
一个男人的三轮车 他马上就要皱眉了
The tricycle of a man who's gonna have a frowny-face.
天啊
Oh, my god.
布洛迪刚给我发了短♥信♥
Brody just texted me.
你知道丽莎的爸爸是谁吗
Do you know who Lisa's father is?
是曼斯菲尔德
It's Mansfield.
-什么 -是啊
- What? - Yeah.
太疯狂了 居然还要我付午餐钱
That's crazy. I paid for lunch.
哈佛生 谁来给你的葬礼付钱啊
Well, Harvard, who's gonna pay for your funeral?
你居然勾搭曼斯菲尔德的女儿
You are messing with Mansfield's daughter.