爱情零距离（2013）

It's not me, and if you think it is,
那也许你不大了解我
then maybe you don't know me very well.
就我看来 你很喜欢它啊
Just looks to me like you really love it.
我当然喜欢啦 我只是很讨厌它
Of course I love it! I just hate it!
再说一次 你和她吵架了我很难过 但是
Again, not happy about you and the girl, but...
我很高兴我说对了
very happy to be right!
瞧 你不需要布洛迪的连帽衫
See? You didn't need Brody's hoodie.
-你有狗狗交♥友♥网♥的运动衫呢 -是啊
- You got dogtagd! - Yeah!
我们得谈谈
Okay, we need to talk.
你可以说我很多坏话
You can say a lot of bad things about me.
我工作太努力 用了太多发胶
I work too hard, I use too much hair product--
我真是严于律己啊
Wow, I'm really too self-critical.
但是 你不能说
But... the one thing you cannot say about me
我不是个考虑周全的送礼者
is that I'm not a thoughtful gift giver.
漂亮
Bravo.
留着去和你25美刀一小时的心理医生说去吧
Save that for your $25-an-hour therapist.
心理医生赚的可不止这么点钱
Therapists make way more than that.
真的吗
Seriously?
我怎么不是个心理医生啊 恨死我爹妈了
Why am I not a therapist? I hate my parents.
布洛迪 连帽衫很好看
Brody, the hoodie was beautiful.
你只是没想清楚
You just didn't think it through.
这不是你的错
Yeah, look, man, it's not your fault.
你才认识她几周
You only knew her for a few weeks.
我们都认识她几年了
We've known her for years.
所以你的礼物才逊毙了
That's why your gift sucked ass.
首先 我的礼物才没有逊毙了
First of all, my gift did not suck ass.
其次 我非常了解詹妮
Secondly, I know Jenny very well.
实际上 我敢说我的礼物
In fact, I would argue that my gift
是这里所有人之中考虑得最周到的
was the most thoughtful of anyone's here.
反正你说的可不是我
Oh, no. I know you ain't talkin' to me.
好吧 德里克 就拿你开刀
Okay, Derrick, let's start with you.
你送詹妮的那份礼物
Exactly how much thought did you put
究竟花了多少心思呢
into getting jenny that gift?
花了很多心思啊
I put a ton of thought into it.
那你到底想了什么呢
What thought exactly was that?
我看了看箱子 然后想
I looked in the box and I thought,
这件对我来说太小了
"Hey, it's too small for me."
托丽 你送詹妮的礼物是网络名声
And, Tori, you gave Jenny the gift of Internet fame,
但你甚至都没看
but you hadn't even checked to see
詹妮是不是注册了推特
if Jenny was even on twitter.
容我辩护一句 我连她姓什么都不知道
In my defense, I'm not clear on her last name.
托丽 是米勒 这上面写着呢
Tori, it's Miller. It says it right here.
我还和德里克分担了买♥♥狗粑粑的钱呢
And I also went in on the dog poop with Derrick.
所以你有半点关心[给了一半的屎] 真厉害
So you literally gave half a shit? Impressive.
来说说你的礼物吧 哈佛生
Okay, let's talk about your gift, Harvard.
我没什么好隐瞒的 瞧瞧
I have nothing to hide. I mean, look at it.
我的礼物和詹妮大大有关
My gift is all about Jenny.
你的礼物其实是由你构成的
Your gift is literally made of you.
抗♥议♥ 谣言[拆开即为hear和say]
Objection! Hearsay!
对 我们都听到你说了
Yes! We all heard you say it.
撤销
Withdrawn.
詹妮 自从我们认识以来
Now, Jenny, since we met,
有多少次电影看到一半我们就走了
how many half-movies have we seen?
-我不知道 -我知道 三部
- I don't know. - I do. Three.
我们总是提前离场 因为你觉得冷
We always leave early because you get too cold.
-你什么意思 -我是说 我送给了你
- What's your point? - My point is that I gave you
一件最温暖的衣服
the warmest thing that's ever been on your body.
顺便问一句 那件连帽衫你穿着合身吗
And by the way, how does that hoodie fit?
非常合身 对吗
Fits perfectly, doesn't it?
这是个巧合 还是因为
Is that an accident, or is it because
我一直听你抱怨小码的衣服太紧了
I always hear you complain that a small fits too small
而中号♥的衣服又太大了 所以我找到了唯一一件
and a medium fits too big, so I found the only hoodie
小码加的连帽衫呢
that comes in a small and a half?
詹妮 最后一个问题
And, Jenny, one final question.
你枕头上那个小小的深蓝色的
What is that tiny, dirty blue square of soft fabric
-方形柔软织物是什么 -我的小毯毯吗
- That lives on your pillow? - My baba?
对不起 你能再说一次 让在场的人都听到吗
I'm sorry, could you say that one more time for the room?
-可以 我的小毯毯 -你的小毯毯
- Sure. My baba. - Your baba!
从你是个婴儿开始 你就用这块小毛毯了
The blanket that you've had since you were a baby,
这是你摸到过的最柔软的东西
And the softest thing your skin has ever touched.
直到那件连帽衫出现了
Until that hoodie.
你可以说那件礼物太贵重了
Now you can tell me that gift was too expensive,
但你不能说我没有经过仔细考虑
but you cannot say that it was thoughtless,
因为我向你保证 没有人比我更用心
because I promise you, no one has ever put more thought
为你挑选礼物了
into getting a gift than I did for you.
我的话讲完了
I rest my case.
曼斯菲尔德先生 我只想告诉你
Mr. Mansfield, I, uh, just want you to know
我明白我为什么拿不到奖金
I understand why I'm not getting a bonus.
这还真能活跃气氛
Well, that's a hell of an icebreaker.
进来坐下吧 我想听听
Come on in. Sit down. I want to hear this.
好吧 我现在意识到 我仅仅满足于
Okay. Well, uh, I realize now that I was content
达到目标 而不是超过目标
to hit my targets rather than exceed them.
有些周末 我没做日经指数报告
Uh, some weekends, I simply skim the nikkei reports.
我经常用办公室电脑
And quite often, I use the office computers
搜索卡戴珊露乳照
to search for Kardashian nip slips.
很好 温先生
Well done, Mr. Wen.
这是你加入我们以来
That's the first time you've been self-critical
第一次自省 我很乐意
since you've been with us, so it pleases me
给你 奖金
to give you... your bonus.
谢谢你 先生
Thank you, sir.
你真是对自己做了不错的工作
You've done some real nice work on yourself.
因为卡尔·荣格[瑞士心理学家]曾经说过
'Cause as Carl Jung once said,
向内看的人 清醒
"He who looks inside, awakes."
我觉得这一切是从我父母告诉我
I think it all started when my parents told me
我不配拥有金鱼开始的
I was not good enough for a goldfish.
把你的臭脚
Get your feet...
从我的沙发上拿下来 下班以后
the hell off my furniture, and take care
再处理那些私人情绪吧
of all of that personal crap on your owntime.
出去
Go on, get out of here.
-莫耶先生 -先生
- Mr. Moyer? - Sir?
进来吧
Come on in.
这是你的奖金 孩子 请别在这里打开
Here's your bonus, son. Please don't open it in here.
我对你有个好印象 可不想听你
I have a certain image of you, and I don't want it ruined
笑得像个艺妓似的毁了它
by seeing you giggle like a geisha.
我不明白
I don't understand.
艺妓是日本舞♥女♥ 她们笑的时候
It's a Japanese hostess. When they laugh,
会捂住嘴巴 这样做
they cover their mouth, and they do this thing...
不 我明白你指的什么 只不过我打赌输了
No, I get the reference. I-I just--I lost the bet.
拜托 孩子 我可不会把你辛辛苦苦赚来的钱夺走
Oh, come on, son, I'm not gonna take hard-earned money
就因为你打了一个愚蠢的赌
away from you just because you made a-a silly bet.
我是个商人 也是个成年人
I'm a--I'm a businessman and I'm a grownup.
但是 你会在支票的备忘部分
You will, however, notice in the memo section
看到我写的"啦啦啦啦啦"
of that check, I wrote, "Naa naa, na na na."
提醒我自己 我说得对
Just to remind myself I was right.
谢谢你 先生
Thank you, sir.
詹妮 有什么能帮你的
Jenny. Can I help you?
你好 曼斯菲尔德先生
Hi, Mr. Mansfield, sir. Um...
我只是带给布洛迪一些他要的
I was just bringing Brody something work-related
和工作有关的东西
that he asked for.
卫生棉条和五分镍币
Uh... A tampon and a nickel.
真诡异
That's awkward.
你在楼下说的话
Um... what you did down there
真的太棒了
was really awesome.
也许我是有点仇富
And maybe I am a reverse snob.
我只是 我从没拥有过像那件连帽衫
I just... I have never had anything as nice...
那样好的东西
as that hoodie before.
但是 我也没和像你这样的男人约过会
But then again, I've never dated a guy like you before.
能把我的连帽衫还给我吗
Now can I please have my hoodie back?
这是唯一一个比我的洞
It's the only thing I've ever gotten
更好的东西
that's better than my hole.
天啊 那个故事我说了20年